Borrowed Time

Alright, this is your sign to step away from this discussion entirely for your own sake and for the sake of everyone in the trans community.

Do you know why people keep saying this is a fed psyop and that there are FBI agents starting these arguments? It’s not because they’re denying every single case of a trans woman or transfem genuinely hating trans men and transmascs. (At least I’d hope they don’t, because that’s leaning too hard into the idea that trans women and transfems are incapable of harming other trans people, which I think is dehumanizing to transfems and trans women. We do have to accept the idea that some of these are real trans women and transfems being openly hateful online because they’re people with a wide array of beliefs just like every other group of people).

It’s because this argument is a goldmine for anyone looking to engage in the divide and conquer strategy. When we decide we hate each other, we make it easier for people with power and desire to eradicate us from existence to hurt us. And we do this by making ourselves weaker while they maintain the same amount of power. By hating all transfems over the actions of a few, you are falling for it. And you’re doing so at a time when we cannot afford to weaken ourselves like this.

Besides that, look at what you’re doing. Do you really think hating trans men and transmascs is inherent to being transfem because of the toxic views held by some of them? Does that actually seem rational to you? If you’re going by your own experience in trans spaces, I encourage you to find new ones. I get it if you don’t want to because you feel now you’ve been burned. But trust me on this. Because there are transfems and trans women out there who love and support us. I’ve met plenty of them. And that’s why I can be so certain that toxic assholes claiming to support transfems while doing nothing but harming everyone in the community don’t represent all transfems and trans women at all.

like people would tear someone apart for saying it but its right there. Emi's Manifesto is far better, even without the initial Postscript, at tackling transfeminism and the question of male privilege and gender essentialism than most "transfeminists" on here and she still thought she didn't do enough in 2001 when it was published (& i agree).

and then seven years later she felt that what she had written was "a version of white feminism modified just enough to include trans women." & that's exactly what so much "transfeminism" right now looks and acts exactly like!!!!!!!!!! its what we have literally been saying

& then the fact that Emi reflected on how much of that was born out of her own lack of self-confidence in feminist spaces, dominated by cis white women, and her fear that anything too transgressive would be seen as opening the doors of feminism to MRAs and she would be blamed for cheapening the work.

earlier in this essay she talked about her experience with a Women's Studies course that unfortunately very much mirrors my own

It was during my second year of college I was first introduced to the writings of Audre in a Women’s Studies course. Throughout the academic term, students read several articles each week, discussed them in the class, and wrote journal entries that reflect on the week’s readings. Week after week, most of the assigned materials were those written by white, middle-class, straight (or sometimes “political lesbian”) women, and I was having difficulty relating to much of what was being discussed. I kept writing in my journal how I didn’t relate to the reading, but I did not realize it had anything to do with the selection of the materials. I felt bad about being so “negative” about feminism and feminists.

& i think that for a lot of trans people, particularly trans men&mascs and nonbinary people, this is a very common experience. being unable to relate to feminist courses and discussions which never engage with any of your experiences, and then feeling bad and/or being made to feel bad for being so "negative" about feminism.

Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.

(character interactions are now 200% more fun to write)

Before:

“Bluh, I don’t wanna go to school” Sarah grumbled, “I’m too tired.”

And now, when neither Sarah nor the narration are allowed to directly say that she’s tired or doesn’t want to go to school:

1: are new too writing

2: struggle to remember all this stuff WHILE they’re writing, and/or

3: feel like their writing is lacking even when they know this stuff

THIS IS A TIP BEST SAVED FOR REVISION!! A lot of stuff like this is! When you’re writing a first draft, the only thing you should be worried about is getting the message on the paper. My “first draft” usually looks more like a rough outline and jumps around between eloquent prose, emojis, sincere dialogue, and sometimes things like “blinking white guy dot gif”. Because that gif has a very specific emotion, right? But it’s hard to put into words, it’s time consuming, and when I’m just trying to get my thought out before it slips away from me, I don’t want to stop and ponder how best to go about it.

In your first or second pass, it’s okay and normal to say “I don’t want to skip school. I’m tired.” As long as the improved/revised version makes it to the final product, you’re a-okay. 👍

It's unhealthy and if something is unhealthy it's also can't be beautiful. It's just how attractivness works lol.

I don't support any kind of eating disorders, but as a part of society you should be productive to it and not a burden to health-care.

I'm not trying to offend anyone and if I did I'm sorry. Its just a really interesting topic for me and I want to discuss it

Women used to wear lead-based cosmetics to make themselves appear paler.

Women used to use belladonna to cover up redness and dilate their eyes.

Some people take up smoking with the express purpose of losing weight so that they'll be "more attractive."

The desired level of extreme skinnyness in the 90s and 00s was called "heroin chic" because women were expected to look like addicts wasting away.

Young men are taking hammers to their jaws to "looksmaxx."

This image is funny, I'll give you that, but maybe part of the reason no one ever knows when conservatives are talking about trans men is because its never taken seriously.

"Haha, they're talking about men being pregnant, isn't that funny. Anyway, its like conservatives always forget that trans men exist. Wonder why that is?"

It feels dysphoria inducing, not super strongly but definitely and clearly.

I was assigned male at birth. I grew up a truly genderless child.

I only started performing femininity when I subconsciously understood that my masculinity was always seen as equal to being a man which I never wanted.

I became an effeminate teenager, while ridiculously dysphoric because what I truly wanted felt impossible to attain.

I wanted masculinity not manhood. I wanted to be viewed as something other than a man without performing societally normative femininity.

I felt myself tearing apart under the pressure of thinking I had to choose the exhausting and yet dysphoria inducing performative femininity that I never felt truly comfortable with or the dysphoria of being seen as a man and ultimately I began my outward transition journey by trying to conform and perform femininity.

I jumped through all the hoops. I referred to myself as a trans woman. I started taking estrogen and then progesterone and truly all of that has been a beautiful thing for me.

But I only found comfort and peace with myself when I’d reached a level of base and non-performative gendered perception that I started to feel comfortable with slowly but surely embracing my butch identity and masculinity.

I am not a man.

Butch is my gender.

My experience is trans masculine. I found euphoria in embracing my masculinity.

The plot was lost long ago, when we stopped thinking in terms of nuance and started thinking of bigots as one dimensional beings, but we can claw it back. We need to move towards compassion. See everyone as humans. And in doing so, learn how to spot the bigots and counter them effectively.

You know what makes it not fun?

Not being allowed to identify as my true, whole self in the world.

Being forced to put myself in one of several boxes that don't actually apply to me, because forms never have options beyond "trans man", "trans woman", and "non-binary" (there is no way to be a non-binary trans man or non-binary trans woman or a non-binary trans man who is also a woman or a non-binary trans woman who is also a man or if you're xenogender in any way or).

Being forced to use only one set of pronouns that don't actually fit at all times, because my pronoun situation is too complex of an option (I use they/them exclusively, unless the person knows what pronouns I like in that moment).

There are no options for a non-binary trans manwoman/womanman whose pronouns change at any given moment. When I do see doctors, I am forced to identify exclusively as non-binary, because the only thing worse than erasing the "man" and "woman" parts of my identity, is being exclusively put in the "man" box or the "woman" box, so being put in the "neither" box is LITERALLY the "most comfortable option" I'm forced to identify myself as outwardly in the world in spaces that are trans-accepting (or barely "trans-accepting").

I can't even make friends with most other trans people BECAUSE my very identity isn't accepted by the community at large. And if the Queer community can't even understand the concept of a lesbian man, of a manwoman/womanman, you think someone outside of the Queer community will? Very unlikely! Some people, regardless of whether they're Queer or not, are absolutely willing to be open to the idea, but for the most part, not really, and it takes having to explain a billion things that are frankly fucking exhausting - MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS HAVING TO EXPLAIN AND EXPLAIN AND EXPLAIN AND EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE what my gender is, my sexuality, and justify why I'm allowed to call myself these things.

But, yeah, sure.

I'm just a "transtrender" identifying this way "for fun".

Trans activist Jamison Green's passport photos before and after HRT. Left he's age 32 (1980) Right age 41 (1989) after being on testosterone for one year (x)