IMRE ANTONYI. Figures, oil on canvas, signed Antonyi.

plurality in real life:

friend: is something wrong

I don't experience possessive fronts or blackouts, but I realized with time and much paying attention that I do experience dissociative amnesia in some forms, while not in others. There are multiple forms of dissociative amnesia, I've made other posts about it, but while textbook systems experience continuous and generalized amnesia, not all systems do. Not remembering the past, having black or empty spaces in past memories, feeling the past week or year is blurry, not being able to remember childhood or specific events in life, those all count as dissociative amnesia. Our brains will often fill in the gaps of memories, making us feel like we do remember well, when we actually don't. I recommend writing a journal and before you look back at last week's journal entry, try to remember what you wrote in there, see if there's anything you remember, and then actually look back. It's surprising how much we forget and don't even realize it.

Trauma that causes these disorders are not inherently severe. It's actually prolonged or repeated trauma that causes DID and OSDD-1. So little t trauma counts, such as bullying, moving around a lot, divorce, emotional neglect (this is a very common cause actually), or it could be multiple things. It doesn't have to be severe or intense or seem out of the blue. It's that and an inconsistent/disorganized attachment to the primary caregiver. So if you felt in your child brain that you couldn't rely on your parent, or person who took care of you, then you would have likely developed dissociative coping mechanisms that led to being a system.

DPDR exists within and as a part of DID/OSDD-1, it's like a pyramid of symptoms, and at the top has the most symptoms, and down at the bottom has the least symptoms. DID has the most, so DPDR and C-PTSD exist within DID, along with dissociative amnesia and other prominent symptoms. It's more that the symptoms are chronic and constant, more than anything else. So if you catch yourself dissociating everyday, depersonalizing everytime you look in the mirror, feeling detached from friends and loved ones that you felt like you knew, and now you don't. Those are all common within systemhood and this disorder.

And yeah, the fact that things feel jarring or inconsistent are a major part of this disorder itself. I would often catch myself sobering up quite quickly after bawling my eyes out, for no reason at all. It would just end up that way. You don't gradually change because you repress those aspects of yourself, aka dissociate away from them after they front. It can feel stressful because it is. And then you dissociate from that stress. That's pretty normal with this disorder. So there is no need to be afraid of it.

the bar for "passing" as a woman as a brown or black person is much higher, black and brown people are consistently expected to modify their bodies in "unnatural" ways to a much greater degree to emphasize their femininity, whether it's straightening their hair, silicone pads, wearing more makeup, more revealing clothing, undergoing cosmetic surgeries to shift fat around their body, etc

similarly, most of the practices and procedures decried as "mocking" and "misogynistic", as "defiling" womanhood, in so many posts by white transfeminists on this website are the same fucking practices used by women, cis and trans, who are not white, trying to make their womanhood more legible in societies that associate femininity with whiteness

when you decry the prevalence of "obviously fake tits and thighs and garish makeup" in drag, often paired with the assertion that the intent is simply to ridicule womanhood and no one could genuinely derive gendered actualization from it, it echoes much of the criticism levied at travestis and the prevalence of silicone injections among predominantly black transfeminine people in Brazil, who wished to emphasize a particular standard of beauty that may not be considered "natural" to white cis women in America.

this, the travesti's beautification practices being contrasted negatively with the emerging field of transsexuality, the push by medical institutions to make existing embodiments of what we now call transfemininity conform to the transsexual patient's more "natural" and "dignified" womanhood, which more closely resembles the eurocentric beauty standards set by American sexologists and captured by the Brazilian clinic, is intrinsically tied to the travesti's greater marginalization from cis society