Innkeeper

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS JUST MY OPINION DON'T STONE ME TO DEATH THANK YOU

First of all, I haven't played the game (the remaster I mean and I am not sure I would buy it tbh).

I own nothing that could run it without exploding so my opinion is solely based on a few character screenshots I saw here and there and my undying love for the original game (in case you didn't know oblivion is my favorite game ever).

NOW, I need to vent about a few character designs.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I am not here to say 'why didn't they make all the characters hot and f@ckable', that's a big nono, however, there are some redesigns that kind of missed the point imho, they missed the vibe of the original characters, so to speak. Some other designs are instead peak.

Let's talk about peaks first with a few good examples.

Uriel is simply perfect. He is old, has wrinkles, he feels real like I could meet this man in the grocery store, he is not supposed to be hot, he is supposed to look kind of good, ok, but also tired and marked by years of ruling and the weird shit that happened to him (looking at you tes arena plot). He look both regal, kind and tired, like with the remake they managed to make you feel sad for this man after you leave the sewers because he gives off this 'kind old man energy' that is very on point, I think. 10/10.

Jauffre is peak. He is literally an old monk you can find in a random monastery here in Italy lol and he gives off cool grandpa vibes. I love him, he is the best Jauffre he could ever be, I look at him and say I trust this man (even if he is dumb, because he is) (plus he lowkey reminds me of Cardinal Zuppi which is a plus in my book). 10/10

Baurus is exceptionally good! He is like the cool kid who wants to help and be your friend. I really like how they managed to maintain the goofiness and at the same time make him look badass. Like I genuinely want to be his friend in the game too bad he always dies in all my playthroughs... 10/10

Hassildor is holy shit. They managed to make him even hotter that the og game. how.on.earth.do.you.even.do.that??? AHEM But he is the perfect example of 'I am making this character hot for 2025 standards WHILE MAINTAINING his original vibe'. Hear me out: they managed to keep the 'there's something off with this character but I can't really tell what' mood, which is a big accomplishment, they kept his facial structure intact, with the correct proportions!! (looking at you remaster haskill..), they made him look sick (like in ill) without spoiling too much AND they didn't butcher his impeccable hair (again looking at you remaster haskill..). 10+/10 lethal redesign.

Lucien. wow. wow. wow... he is EXACTLY what I saw on my screen when I played the original for the first time: he looks cool, he looks mysterious (the stubble looks so good on him!), he looks badass, he looks dangerous. He is perfect!! And the face card is the same!! One little pet peeve of mine tho, but it is just me and my personal preference.. I would have wanted him to be a bit more dark skinned?? Maybe it is just the lighting in the screenshots.. but he looks a tiny bit too white. But that's just me. 11/10 would let him murder me.

THE ADORING FAN LOOKS LIKE A SILLY ALIEN I LOVE HIM TO PIECES I WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND PROTECT YOU MY SILLY BOY/10 ..that's it..

These are top notch redesigns I saw and they are very well done, they enhanced the overall vibe of the characters.

But not everybody got the same treatment, in terms of maintaining their spirit 20 years later (although some of them are just butchered redesigns for some reason).

But let's talk about the elephant in the room because I need to scream.

Who the heck is that??? Who is he??? Why does he look like that???

You know who I am talking about. Haskill I am going to scream

What happened to my man??? Is it just me or is his face structure completely messed up?? Here me out, while I was looking for screenshots of Uriel I ended up on his uesp page and there's this screenshot of the actor who played Uriel in the live action opening cinematics for Daggerfall.. and he is Haskill, peak face card and all, like helloo?? The proportions are perfect?? He IS irl haskill wtf (grab a screenshot of og Haskill, one of this dude and put them on top of the other. That level of perfect). Now look at my man in the remaster. The goddamn bones changed!! Who is that??? *inhales*

But let's put the bone structure aside for a second, why does he have curly hair?? Why did he go full Selkirk Rex??? (google selkirk rex and you will see what I mean, don't worry it's a kitty).

My man is sleek, high maintenance, peak design, depressed Alfred.. why.. *inhales²* ok fine.. let's put also the hairstyle aside.. why does he have a stubble like he lost his job, he is losing the house and is currently living on the couch of a shady pub while messaging his attorney every 5 minutes to make sure that he can at least keep the cat at the end of his divorce process??? *inhales³*. why does he look like arcane s2 post breakup jayce??????

And by the nine why does he have emotions???? Hello????? Haskill has a killer poker face 25/7, my man wakes up everyday against his will and everyday decides to make it everyone's problem by roasting the living hell out of everybody everyday.

It is a specific kind of emotion, ok? It's spite mixed with apathy with a sprinkle of depression on top, all dressed with a round of if I could murder you all right now I swear.. Whatever we have in the remaster looks.. wrong, at least in every screenshot I saw, he looks in pain for some reason?? But what we need is a different kind of pain, it's a mental state.

HOWEVER and this is very important.

His 3d model in general is phenomenal, it is polished, detailed, the different textures of skin are well done, the curly hair look very well done as well (3d hair in general is a pretty tricky thing to ace), the outfit is glorious, the folds of the fabric in his puffy sleeves look real, the fabric itself looks real, it has volume (and speaking as the daughter of two retired fashion stylist who had their own fashion brand.. that's a little something I always check in any game and it's *chef kiss*, although Oblivion fashion has always been peak fashion to me, but that's preference).

This is to say that the artist who made his model did a great job, if I were one of those people who played the game now for the first time I would really like the character, like 'I-want-to-make-fanart-of-this-guy' kind of appreciation, and I would understand their hype.. but as an og fan.... eeeehh... interesting AU Haskill I suppose??? Who is this man/10

Now let's talk about another elephant in the room.. Martin.

*inhales⁴* Now, I am the kind of person who would keep a Martin charm in her wallet if I had a spine, because he is kind, caring, adorable, goofy, cutie patootie and looks like videogame Sean Bean. Ok? Good.

Why on earth does this guy look like James McAvoy playing long haired Charles Xavier in x-men First Class??? Exhibiting signs of raging alcholism, just like Xavier partying in the beginning of the movie.

There's something so wrong in his face proportions!!!! again And where the hell are his eyebrows?? His beautiful thicc eyebrows?

Also this may sound unreal to many of you but.. his eyes are not kind? They lack the kindness that should still be there even after the stress and horror of being a priest in Kab Kvatch plus the fak is that nose dude You could have just taken freaking Boromir, changed his clothes, shave him properly, lengthen the hair and give him a more tanned look and voilà. Martin! Or just ask carlos diehz for a selfie idk.

But something is clearly off about some of the faces.. I am not saying that some of them look like AI reinterpretations of low poly characters but.. something.is.off.. like they put the slider values of the original game into an UE5 editor and just rolled with it??? This is not my emperor/10

I HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF SEEING ONE SCREENSHOT OF REMASTERED VICENTE VALTIERI AND IDK WHY THE DEVELOPERS HAD TO PUT HIS FACE IN A WASP NEST AND LET HIM THERE TO DIE (AGAIN) BUT I HUMBLY REQUEST THE MODDERS OF THIS COMMUNITY TO MAKE AN 'ANTIHISTAMINES FOR VICENTE' MOD ASAP. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. THEY DID MY SEXY ITALIAN VAMPIRE DIRTY/10

NOW.. I haven't seen any Sheo screenshot but I hope with all of my heart that the devs just asked Wes Johnson for a selfie and remodeled Sheo out of that.. because if that is not the case I may scream and cry (probably not in this order..). I mean.. there would be chaos all over the internet if they butchered Sheo so maybe he is kind of ok?? Maybe there's hope?? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW I AM TOO SCARED.

As a side note.... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY BABY DYUS LOOKS LIKE IN THE REMASTER EITHER, THANK YOU. I could never survive lol, like Haskill first and Dyus next? I just kms I can't. Like no. Don't. Let me live in my blissful ignorance (on a slightly serious note, Dyus 3d model is just a de saturated Martin with all the sliders set to 'cadaveric skinny wet sock that gets lost in the washing machine and is found one month later, with a severe lack of vitamins and nutrients'.. and knowing what they did to my boy Martin.. I can't.. I am terrified). Like I know he is supposed to be ugly, but ugly ≠ wrong..

So yeah, I think I said all I had to say about the few screenshot I saw. I haven't seen any woman, which is interesting..? But yeah, the argonians look good so, maybe Dar-Ma is still a cutie patootie?? I hope so, because if they also butchered my lady, I'll burn down something (same thing for mommy Ocheeva). Last but not least.. if they ALSO destroyed my queens Relmyna and Syl I will go to a murder spree I don't care anymore) #Iamterrified

I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

how do you do?

I am alive! I am impressed myself lol