nothing poetic about it

Kyungsoo had been looking at the knots in the wood of the table they’d been stationed at, too shy to stare into Minsoo’s dark pools like he wanted to—at least when they were out in public. A little white square came into view suddenly, sliding into his plane of view until there was an irrepressible smile adorning his face. Kyungsoo took the pen out of Minsoo’s hand and carefully drew something similar in the corner of the napkin. Soon, he was reaching back across the table again, reaching for the bigger hand that wasn’t occupied with the heat of a coffee cup to lace their fingers. “Minsoo…” It was all he could mutter, smiling too big to allow for other things through the tight pull of his plush lips.

"Y-yeah, this is my lunch, so don’t worry about me being late or something like that." He was fairly certain that Minsoo would have written him a pass to his next class if he had to. Because, honestly, he was content to stand right here, cradling his things and looking on as Minsoo’s hands struggled with the idea that they didn’t really have to be doing anything. Then again, if he didn’t have his own fingers occupied, they’d most likely be fiddling with his uniform right now.

"Your essays are really the only ones I can read without cringing," Minsoo admitted with a small smile that he masked with a short cough. His eyes trailed down to Kyungsoo's lips once the boy licked them and his thumb unconsciously rubbed against the newly empty spot on his ring finger. He didn't even realize that he did it until a few moments later and he quickly used the hand to rub his face roughly. He didn't want that kind of connection on his conscious. He couldn't handle those feelings on top of his divorce. Kyungsoo was far too innocent and so far away from his problems that Minsoo hated that he wanted to drag him in. Like things could get better if he could only see him smile again.

It also isn’t about   how many months or years   that you’ve been together.

If the thought of Kyungsoo could keep him out of the bar after work, he’d stick around. And the only time he wanted them man in his head for too long was when he was dreaming of him. Maybe that made him selfish, he thought. And maybe it did, but his heart couldn’t help what it felt—not tonight. Especially not when Minsoo was being so open with him when he was usually so closed off and reserved.

It was like a little flower was blooming in place of his heart and it made him cup the sides of Minsoo’s face in the same way he remembered the man doing to him once. Big eyes looked into tired ones, the small boy suddenly feeling more sure of himself than he had in a long time. “And I want all of that because it’s part of who you are. I’m willing to try if you will, too. Just let me be there for you.”

Rather than offer a verbal answer, he nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to Kyungsoo's forehead. It felt like being saved, every touch he got to press against Kyungsoo. Like a religion. Minsoo felt like he was believing in something again and even though it wasn't in himself he still felt like he was gaining some strength from the smaller man. It's probably why he couldn't keep his hands to himself, he thought as they snuck under Kyungsoo's shirt and trailed along his back before settling on the other's stomach. Minsoo didn't understand relationships or love, but he knew what it was to want. Normally all he wanted was numbness, this was a new feeling but it was just as strong.

"I don't know if it's even possible," Minsoo admitted, eyes flickering between the other's lips, wrists and eyes. "If anyone could do it though, it'd be you," he eased at the gentle touch against his face and his eyes fluttered shut. It was the truth. The mandatory sessions with a therapist left him feeling angrier and the drinks at the bar left him feeling hollow. Safety was so unfamiliar but he tried to welcome it without feeling nervous. He wanted to protect Kyungsoo too. Except from himself, it seemed.

The way Minsoo’s lips kissed him so softly, the way his heart sped and slowed, beat and died down all at once, and the way he wanted nothing more than to know that he belonged to Minsoo—their relationship had definitely pegged past the level of friendship and now they were even one past the attraction he’d recognized. What was it called?

Love? Was this love? Did anyone really know that bit of information, though?

Kyungsoo’s two hands came up to cover just one of Minsoo’s, to hold it over the spot it rested so he could feel just how much the boy wanted him to stay there, right where he was. Minsoo kept saying that he was difficult, but Kyungsoo didn’t see it. Couldn’t see it. Not past all the goodness that shoved whatever problems the detective had with himself right to the back of the queue. They were out staged easily in the younger’s big eyes.

He just never felt like he would be impacted by another person again since his divorce. He was growing content with the idea of being alone. There was no way of knowing that a normal trip to the library would change his life. Why did he invite the quiet boy out that night anyways?

His thumb swiped against Kyungsoo's skin when he felt hands cover his own and he leaned forward to kiss under the other's ear. And then chased Kyungsoo's lips when the younger man kissed him. "I wouldn't mind being completely yours," he admitted with a sigh. There would be no one else. But still, he felt like something was holding him back. Someone like him came with a lot of baggage. It almost felt unfair to let Kyungsoo deal with it but he couldn't get himself to leave the other or break this off entirely right here. Minsoo rarely wanted anything in his life nowadays. Not until now. "There are times where I am in my head for too long and it would be difficult to get me out," he began to confess. When he was in his head he turned to meaningless sex and alcohol. Now all he wanted was the man on his lap.

It wasn’t possessiveness that had it ricocheting around in his skull. It was more like him testing the sound of it while still being too afraid to say it aloud. Because if he said it, it made it too real. This still felt like some sort of crazy fantasy to have a man’s hands on his hips and lips on him. He was seated in Minsoo’s lap, for god’s sake. Their bodies were touching in a way that was more intimate than he’d ever been before. It didn’t even matter that they were both fully clothed or the most they’d done was kiss. Those were two giant steps toward something he still couldn’t decipher, something that most people took for granted. His comfort zone had been obliterated over the period of time Minsoo had been in his life. Such a short time, too. And he had such a profound effect.

He hadn’t noticed before now, but he’d been barreling toward the unknown and his next words, perpetually unbeknownst to him, were one of the final leaps. “I think about how weird it is that I don’t mind the feeling of your eyes on me like I do other people’s. And the way that I actually want them on me…and only me. I think about how much I miss you at three o’clock in the morning when I’ve been trying to sleep but I can’t because my heart feels like it’s heavier than the rest of me.”

“I don’t mind being the only one who looks at you,” Minsoo began, his hand trailing from Kyungsoo’s hip to slip under his shirt once more.  He pressed his palm to the younger man’s stomach for a moment before trailing up to rest over his heart.  Kyungsoo was so warm under his touch and he could feel the small beats against his hand.  It steadied him more than he thought he was even capable of being steadied.  “Because you’re mine too.”  It’s probably not the healthiest way to go about things for a man like Minsoo, but he didn’t know any other way.

His body stilled with the exception of his chest, which still rose and fell more heavily than normal. Their moment of breath-catching gave Kyungsoo another moment to think to himself. He still thought about Minsoo, but there was still so much more that he needed to figure out between them. There was obviously attraction because situations like these wouldn’t happen otherwise. But was there something more that helped to rile the swarm of butterflies, rise the heat in his cheeks, and stir the late night thoughts?

He pressed a kiss to Kyungsoo's clothed shoulder at the young man's words. All he wanted was Minsoo and Minsoo knew that he wasn't enough, but he was going to try to be for once. Normally he never bothered with the impossible, it felt like a waste of time. He just needed Kyungsoo in his life though. He just needed to see him every day and feel his warmth, it was the only non-destructive need in his life now. "I'm yours," he mumbled against his shirt. His eyes slowly closed at the admittance, it felt like giving a terrible gift. He felt like he was giving Kyungsoo a burden.

"Whatever I want? I don’t know what I want." The callouses on the detective’s hands gave added sensation to flesh that had never been touched with intentions similar to Minsoo’s. He wanted to tense up because he didn’t want Minsoo to feel how skinny he was or how some of his ribs made a bumpy texture on his torso. It was his first instinct but then there was a mouth on his ear that told him things he wanted to hear and he couldn’t do it. That natural reaction had his own mouth finding that one and emitting a needy noise as big hands crept ever higher.

His hands rested on Kyungsoo's back for a moment before he dragged his nails along the skin lightly. Minsoo knew exactly what he wants to do with Kyungsoo, he caught himself having those sorts of drifting thoughts more often than not nowadays. At first he felt terrible and ignored them, but then he accepted that it was apart of his nature and just allowed himself to live in his head. It's why he didn't go to the bars as much. It's why he didn't bring anyone back home with him since he first pressed his lips to the other's. It wasn't even a matter of exclusivity, Kyungsoo was the only person he wanted and for that he would try to wait.

"Minsoo," he breathed out, a simple exhale of the other’s name that tasted so sweet rolling off his tongue. "I-I like when you kiss me… and I like to be able to kiss you." He could go on and on about all the things the press of their lips did to him, but he kept all that inside. Maybe it would make more sense another day. Right now he just liked the feeling of the detective’s solidity and security as they sat together, the boy in his lap looking like nothing more than a child. He felt like one when Minsoo was concerned, but it didn’t seem to bother the other, so he didn’t bring it up.

Yet he couldn't help but fall into old patterns. There was a warm body on his lap and it was difficult to keep his hands still. They rested on Kyungsoo's hips as he nipped on his earlobe gently. Every touch felt new to him, every reaction was different. And he mentally cataloged it and saved the bit of information for further use. His hands snuck under the other's shirt and trailed up along Kyungsoo's sides. The younger man would always feel so much warmer and softer than him. Minsoo felt like his hands would always be too rough to touch him.