fall in love with words.

Speechless. Complete and utter speechless.

I picked this book up on a whim. I had a giftcard expiring and figured I'd get a bunch of books; picked the ones with nice covers and an 'good enough' bio, because I do judge a book by its cover.

Safe to say, the cover could not have prepared me for the ride I've been on. I felt like I stepped into a dreamlike state, almost a fairytale. It had some twists and turns that lead it down a darker, more grim path, but I still felt that way.

The world building is exceptional, the characters are layered, flawed, and even at their worst, you have sympathy for them. It deals with different issues, such as consent. I don't want to give anything away, so I'll stop there.

"All Fours" is a novel by Miranda July, the first book of hers I've ever read. What intrigued me was the title, first of all. This is my first attempt to read an erotic novel (I have read books with sexual content, as well as fanfiction, but never have I chosen a book solely because it's been tagged "erotic").

We follow a woman in her mid-forties, living with her husband and child, and her life seems to just float on by. There's no excitement or passion, and she's accepted this fate, until eventually she doesn't.

She sets out on a road trip to find herself, and in the process we follow her through excitement, sexual self-discovery, heartbreak, obsessive behavior, basically the ups and downs of life.

It touches on menopause, and while I'm (hopefully) many years away from experiencing it myself, I find the discovery and grief process interesting and relatable. Seeing a part of yourself possibly drifting away, possibly dying, and the effects that has on a person.

Without spoiling too much, there's relationships I wish had ended differently, but I'm also happy that it ends the way it does. Bittersweet is probably the best word for it.

Miranda's way of building the world and the characters feel real, relatable and raw. Some of them I like, some I find annoying and some are downright awful. Several times throughout the book, I found myself relating to the protagonist's feelings, reactive patterns and thoughts. Which is why I think I also ended up having a love-hate relationship with her. Oftentimes, the things people say or do that annoy me the most are also things I would say or do — often it's qualities I wish I didn't have.