single but spoken for

It’s no coincidence that “Do Not Worry” is written in the Bible 365 times. 

Honestly, nothing is ever really coincidence when you step into the realization that there is a God who is always working everything for good (Romans 8:28). But how many times as single, Christian women do we find ourselves stepping into that fear, anxiety, or worry about our future hubby? We say we know that God’s in control, but then constantly have that radar going.

“Where’s my hubby?” “Could that be him?” “Oh he’s cute. Is he single?”

Exhausting. 

I spoke before about how we don’t need to find our identity in our relationships. 

Still true, but another thought on that was brought to my attention by one of my very best friends. 

As Christian women we want to marry a Christian man. Right? 

The Bible tells us that men are to be leaders. I know this is going to step on some toes, but hear me out. We’re being raised in a female empowerment generation. I’m all for women. I love women. It’s my entire heart. Women are literally my calling. God put women on my heart intentionally. I love seeing the “Aha moments” in a woman’s eyes when she understands God’s purpose for her life and understands God is so very in love with her. When a woman understands that she doesn’t need a man to fulfill her life because she’s full in who God says she is (Completely Complete) it makes my whole day. Heck, it makes my life!

But we’re missing it.

This whole “I am woman, hear me roar. I don’t need no man” vibe is completely missing it.

We shouldn’t need a man to make us feel fulfilled. Absolutely agreed. We should understand that God made us intentionally perfect in HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Completely Complete. 

But what does God say about “needing a man?”

Genesis 2:18

The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Bahaha holy humbling. 

This doesn’t mean that women are supposed to passively sit back, be quiet, and “know their place in the kitchen.” Ew. No. If you know me at all you know I'm too strong willed a woman to be put into that box. Also, I'm no cook.. if you find me in the kitchen (at this point in my life) it’s to use the microwave. 

I’m all for women in leadership. But God’s intention is that we are not only designed to be with a man, but are designed to partner with him and support him. IN GOD’S PERFECT TIMING. 

Men are supposed to be the leader in relationships. Men are supposed to pursue. It’s God’s design. I believe that fully. This doesn’t mean we should want an arrogant douche.. But as a Christian woman we should want that strength and GODfidence that God wants for all of us. We not only want to be swept off our feet, but that’s God’s design. God wants strong Christian men to pursue a beautifully strong Christian woman who is so secure in who she is because she knows who God says she is. 

This doesn't mean women should passively sit by in their homes praying their hubby shows up at their door (although I do believe God’s that powerful). This means we should be an active part of our community so that a man has the potential to sweep you off your feet! It’s so silly to me how many of my girlfriends will sit on their couch complaining about not having a man and not show their face outside of their job. Just show up and watch God move!

This being said, if we are a ‘Christian woman seeking a Christian man’ then what are you doing, sis? Why the heck have we taken it upon ourselves to pursue so hard? We do all the heavy lifting in dating and then wonder why our man isn’t stepping up in any other aspect of the relationship? We ask guys out. We plan the dates. We text first. We drop everything just to make ourselves available for that one guy. We DTR for them. We make the first moves.. And then complain that our boyfriend doesn’t try. We complain that they aren’t motivated or romantic or they don’t make us feel loved.. How can they when you’ve put the whole relationship on your back since day one?!

STOP PURSUING. 

I’m so serious. Y’all going to think I'm crazy. (You’re right.. she crazy)

STOP PURSUING. Stop leading and be lead! Not in a passive way! But in a way that reminds you of your own ding dang worth, sis! God loves us that much! God wants a man to come in and remind you how much GOD loves you by loving you the exact same way! By actively pursuing your heart just like our God does every single day. 

We’ve made normal that instant gratification to a point where we won’t wait to be pursued. We swipe to find someone who will tell us we’re pretty and then get confused when he doesn’t want to have a real conversation. We let guys use us and then are curious why they aren’t thinking marriage. We plan every single part of the relationship from picking him out in a line up to when we want that perfect wedding and then wonder why our dude doesn’t feel like a man. 

This isn’t God’s design. God wants you to be with someone who is a constant reminder of how precious you are. God wants you to be with someone who loves you no matter what. God wants us to be with someone who will never make you question your importance. God wants you to be with someone who will pursue your heart and soul, not your body. God wants you to be with someone who reminds you exactly who He says you. 

You already are so loved. You already are so taken care of. You are so appreciated. You’re smart. You’re so perfect. You are an incredible wife. Already. You are worthy of God’s Unconditional Love!

So why do we worry so freaking much where our hubby is? Why do we question when he’ll show up or question our worth because he isn’t around yet? Why are we walking around with radars on our head constantly checking if his last name works with your first the second you meet him?

What if instead of that being our first thought, we just lived life knowing, first, that God loves us SO MUCH (Unconditionally) that He has such cooler plans for your marriage than you even do? Then secondly, when we meet guys it’s just an opportunity to love other people just like He does. Friendships are awesome. What if that was our intent? God’s plan. 

What if that was our heart? God’s Kingdom.

What if we just lean back and know that God’s got it? 

I’ve been wrestling with the idea of ‘singleness’ as God calls me to navigate the Christian way of going throughout this season. Even calling it that, a “season”, is exactly why I’m so excited to have received the revelation I did this morning. Our world has created such a stigma around being single. Our world continuously points to marriage as some kind of thing we all should long for. The culture we live in idolizes it. Let’s just be real about it!! So many of us (myself included) get lost in this hope and dream of our lives “once we’re married.” As if we don’t have anything else to live for.. As if that’s the only reason we’re put on earth.. 

I don’t know about y’all.. but I think that’s EXHAUSTING.

Constantly waking up everyday in the headspace that you aren’t complete until that glorious day of marriage... or even the glorious day where you'll find that someone who “completes” you. 

YUCK FAM. 

Why is this a lifestyle we lean into? Why is this something we live by?

One of the most beautiful revelations of freedom God has shown me just this week is how totally and completely COMPLETE I am because I get to live in His Will. Not tomorrow, not someday, not once I meet hubby, but RIGHT NOW. I am totally complete because God says I am. RIGHT NOW.

This totally wipes out the pressure of NEEDING to find someone by a certain age in your life. HECK this totally wipes out the pressure of ever needing to find someone!! I know, I sound crazy. And I know that so many people want to tune out now because that's such a hope and dream of so many! I get it!! It’s one of mine too! And I’m not saying that’s not a hope and dream of mine! I totally believe that’s God’s promise to me! And YOU! But there’s SO MUCH FREEDOM in knowing that’s NOT YOUR IDENTITY. 

You are not made complete by who you end up marrying. You are made complete, right now, because Jesus died on the cross for your COMPLETE and TOTAL transformation. God loves you RIGHT NOW. Not when you find your hubby or wifey. God loves you 100% right now! 

Your identity is God’s UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for you. There is nothing you can do to separate God’s love from you. He will never love you any less or any more. He won’t love you more once you find your dude.. He loves you completely, RIGHT NOW. He isn’t going to think more of you once you marry that perfect wifey. It’s not by works, guys! 

For so long I’ve been surrendered to the ‘fact’ that I would forever be subject to a life of sin. That no matter what, at the end of the day, I’m ‘human’ and there’s nothing that I could do about it. Nothing that was going to change that. I would read ‘sinner’ in the Bible and lump myself into that category. 

Sound familiar?

This year has been the absolute best year of my life. I don’t say that to brag. I don’t say that to hype myself up or bring glory to the single life. I don’t even say that to boast on my incredible family bonds or the amazing friendships I've made that I know will last an eternity. I say this because this is the year that God’s Goodness finally started CLICKING. The freedom that comes from knowing that Abba Father loves us UNCONDITIONALLY has forever changed my life. The chain of ups and downs in trusting God’s Plan is BROKEN in the knowledge that God is unfailing. He is so FAITHFUL. He loves us no matter what. And He makes all things NEW. 

Ephesians 4:21-24

God calls us to put on a NEW self! This means we get to be HOLY, BLAMELESS, AND PURE. This means we no longer have to walk in sin, but we GET TO walk in righteousness! We are no longer defined by sin! We no longer are ‘sinners!’ We are made pure and clean and set apart by Jesus Christ Who came to take away all our impurities. Thank You, Jesus! 

You are God’s Chilld. YOU are CHOSEN. You are PERFECT. He loves you exactly how you are. You are a new creation once you surrender your life to Him, acknowledging that He loves you SO MUCH that He sent His Son, Jesus to die for you!

YOU ARE TO DIE FOR. 

You no longer are subject to a life of sin. You get to live in God’s Goodness and Grace! This means IF you sin (not when) that you have God’s Grace. This means IF you have a setback, your comeback gets to be SO MUCH GREATER. Because YOUR GOD IS. Because you chose to partner with THE GREATEST. This means IF you sin God STILL loves you SO SO MUCH. 

THIS IS UNCONDITIONAL.

Thank You, Jesus for showing me that I am literally to die for.

My worth is found in no one else but Who God says I am. 

I get to live sold out for Him, according to His Purpose. 

I am chosen.

I am made new every single day as I step into faith.

I am whole. I lack nothing so long as I am with Him. 

I need nothing. God is my provider and my provision.

Not even for a moment was I forsaken.

He is my help. He is my comfort. He is my song.

He is my safety. 

He loves us so much.

UNCONDITIONALLY.

There is nothing we can do to separate us from His Love.

I tried, and I failed.

Realstagram moment here,

Your girl has been all up in her emotions lately.

And sometimes it’s cute..

But sometimes it’s really really not.

The devil has definitely been trying to get to me through my feels lately.

He’s been trying to make me believe my feelings, instead of the WISDOM God has given me. The WISDOM that I pray for literally every single morning.

Your feelings are not sin. Feelings are real. Thoughts are real. But your feelings are not TRUTH. What we do with those thoughts and feelings are where the danger lies. If those thoughts manifest and if we sit in them and let them control our lives then that’s where satan wins. 

BUT

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the man God has planned for me.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. A lot of people think about their future wifey or hubby on the regular. It’s natural. God even says in Genesis 2:18

“It is not good for man to be alone.”

I believe that completely. 

But He also says in 1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

And also 365 times when He talks about not worrying. 365 reminders for every single day of your life to remind you that He’s got you. 

Thinking and day dreaming about future husband isn’t the issue. It’s WORRYING about it. It’s not trusting that God has your intended for you. It’s not trusting God’s perfect timing. It’s looking at the guy that’s convenient right in front of you and thinking “that’ll work” knowing full well He isn’t God honoring or loyal, or whatever it is that you know God has promised for you in your future spouse. 

MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT.

God loves us so much that He parted seas, he raised people from the dead, he fed people with food that came from no where..

On what planet do you think that He isn’t going to come through with His perfect promise for you?

2 Corinthians 1:20 

‘For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.’

God will give you your person. But something so so cool is the realization that we don’t need that person to be complete.

How many times do we find ourselves looking for other half?

sis.... c’mon..

God made us exactly how He wanted us right from the start. Whole with HIM from the beginning.

He didn’t make us in half. He loves us entirely in our entirety. He doesn’t love us more once we find our person, so why the heck do we act like our worth comes from another person? Nah fam. You’re it. Exactly as you are. 

Psalm 139:14

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.”

God made us wonderfully. He crafted us. He knit us together exactly right. Not to say that we shouldn’t work on being our best self in life. Absolutely we should. We just shouldn’t work on ourselves with the goal being to honor our future husband, but to honor Abba Father and praise Him for all He is for us, all He’s done for us, and all He will do for us.

*psttttt that means your future hubby*

As my fellow single, Jesus loving girlfriend @abbyhillmer said, 

“I’m so in love with my husband already.”

Because heck yes! God’s got someone so incredible for us in store! We just get to kick life’s booty with our bridesmaids in the meanwhile! (But that’s a blogpost for another time.. )

wow.

just wow.

Does that hit anybody else really hard?

The subject of self worth has come up so many times for me just this morning.

How many times do we question God’s love for us because of something we did wrong? How many times do we fear coming to God or even just our Christian friends with something because we messed up “too bad” this time.

God didn’t send His son for us because we’re perfect. And newsflash, God already knows! He knows that you messed up. He knew you were going to mess up. So He loved you enough to give you an out. He literally saved us from ourselves.

And He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY.

He doesn’t give you a piece of His Heart every time you read the Bible, or pray, or meditate on a song that draws you closer to Him.

Unconditionally means “without condition.”

Romans 8:38-39

It means literally nothing can take away God’s love for us.

And it means He gave you His entire heart all at once.

He will never love you any more or any less.

He is sure of you.

He has no doubts in you.

He knows all of your weaknesses.

And not only loves you anyway,

But He loves you because of them.

Our weaknesses, if we let them, are what brings us back to our knees.