sincsitia

Let's go self-introduction >.< !!

Welcome to my blog! You can call me Sin for short ^.^

I usually post ideas on X/Twitter as they usually comes suddenly but since Twitter sucks, I will occassionally move the prompts that grew into drabble into here.

I ship Tsukasa with almost everyone (actually everyone, yes even NPCs) because I want everyone to love this man!! He is everyone's Star!!

But the pairing I tend to write is: 🌟🥞(TsukaAki),🌟🎈(TsukaRui),🌟☕(TsukaToya),🌟🍨(TsukaKaito)

Also Wansho poly!! 🌟 <- 🎪

For straight pairings, I rather love TsukaMafu and TsukaKana. Sometime can be cp, sometime is just platonic. Though I probably won't write beyond kissing for straight pairings.

‼️I also ship questionable dynamics such as age gap, underage, incest, and various dark elements. Please be aware of this.‼️

Tsukasa must be the top/seme in the relationships. But I will sometime put him as bottom for various plot reasons, not ship reasons (self-indulgence).

Will write angst, dark and disturbing elements. Filled with self-indulgence and self-satisfaction writings.

AO3: Sincsitia

"Idol's shine should never die down. Even if it shines again, there's no guarantee it'll continue to shine."

A [Star] has to keep shining and make people shine. Every stage means everything, all the audience in every stage have to leave with a smile.

That kind of mindset, I think Tsukasa has it without him noticing. That's why he has to become a star all the time. Regarding this, unexpectedly, there's a connection between Tsukasa and MMJ in this kind of very important matter...

Since it seems that MMJ, or at least Haruka just noticed this, they would have a semblance of admiration toward Tsukasa, just like Minori.

I really love the idea of the VS getting protective of Tsukasa and got angry at everyone they hoped to be able to help Tsukasa but made it worse instead. Moreover when they are the reason Tsukasa's situation escalated in a bad way.

But more than that, they're angry at themselves for unable to help their master.

So toward WxS, it's more of an dissapointment. Because they trusted them, the friends who Tsukasa let enter his heart. Just like how Tsukasa trust them. So when they break it, they have every right to be angry and kick them out of the Sekai, out of Tsukasa's feelings they hurt.

He gave you his heart in silver platter and you took it for granted. Now it's destroyed into pieces you want to mend them as attonement?

Ultimately, even if Tsukasa didn't show it. To the WxS, it was Tsukasa who lay himself the barest with his Sekai. He never say anything, never relies on them or share his problems, but on their hand, was his heart.

Additionally, I think the way VS wrap themselves around Tsukasa, is like the manifestation of Tsukasa wrapping himself, desperately holding into his own fading feelings in attempt to protect himself. It's like a child coddling himself. I think that anything that VS did, is manifestation from something deep inside Tsukasa.

It's similar to, "Deep down, we all know what to do or what decision to make." And the VS is a manifestation of the muffled, burried deep sound, and voice it outloud. It's like communicating with yourself, with your own feelings, something that's always recommended by psychologists.

Personally, I would really like to see a med student Tsukasa classmate with Mafuyu, also a med student. It'll be very fun to see their conflict over Mafuyu who excels as a med student but didn't enjoy it at all, and Tsukasa who is struggling the whole time but is genuinely enjoying it.

Additionally, I think that although Tsukasa and Mafuyu seemed to get along well, but on a personal level, they clash and dislike each other's gut at instinctive level. And when Mafuyu finally crash down during their intern year and speak about her problem to Tsukasa in an exploding way. Tsukasa calmly took Mafuyu's anger and simply answer after she's done.

"Then quit. Quit the internship and reroll as nurse. It's very possible. Well, it'll take you another 4 years but if it's you, you can do it quicker. On the brighter side, you don't need to spend time as a resident that might take up to 7 years."

"How could you say that so easily-!"

"It is easy. Asahina, it's your life. Do whatever you want, or you'll come to regret it your whole life. There's nothing such as being too late. If you're worried about the wasted time, just think of it as a foundation to be a better nurse."

"Such selfish..."

"Is it selfish to desire to feel joy while saving people? Every human deserves to feel happy and healthy, which is why I wanted become a doctor and I will keep holding on to it no matter what."

"Asahina, why would you throw your dream away? Yourself away?"

"Throw... I didn't want to throw it away-!"

"Then take it back."

"...!"

> I want to see that kind of story 🥺

An ending where a month later, Tsukasa heard Mafuyu quit. Then 3 years later, Mafuyu stood in front of him and introduced herself, as the new intern nurse.

"You look brighter now. And less irritable."

"Yes. You've also become a great resident. How was it?"

"Haha, I was thoroughly crushed. But, it's worth it. You as well, how was it?"

"I fought with my mom and ran away from home. Now I'm staying alone and my father visits me occasionally. It's been fine."

"I see, I see. Well, take care of me from now on, new nurse."

"Likewise, please take care of me, senior."

A spy traitor 🌟 and a detective 🎈 that had fallen into a forbidden, tragic love. Even betrayed, 🎈 couldn't help but still love 🌟 and when he heard of 🌟 reasoning to become a criminal, he couldn't help but tried to reason, "even so, 🌟 is still a good person"

And so 🎈 begged 🌟, "please turn yourself in and serve your time. I will keep waiting for you until you're released. Then we'll start a new life together."

But 🌟 is very determined, "I can't let all those years go waste. Even if I had to die, I wanted to see through the end."

🌟 laughed and mocked 🎈, "are you that stupid that you even think I could redeem myself? I was simply using you all this time. You were a very convenient tool."

🎈still insisted, "Maybe. Maybe I am the stupid one, blind in love. But I still think I know you." 🌟, "You pushed me away once. What changed your mind?" 🎈, "I think through it. No matter what, those years of us being together. Are all of those lies? And I reached my conclusion. Tsukasa-kun, I don't think they're all lies." 🌟, "… How convenient. Rui, do you know how long and how much has I Endured to reach here? What makes you think I can just let them go?" 🎈, "Because I love you. And you love me. Other than that, I know that I have no place to say, but Tsukasa-kun, will your sister truly be happy to see you ruin yourself like this?" 🌟, "…I can't even laugh, Rui. Do you want me to kill you?" 🎈, "I don't. I want to save you." 🌟, "The conversation won't continue, how many times do you want to preach to me like this? Was the shot on your stomach last time not enough?" 🎈, "Haha, that's plenty enough. I couldn't move for a week." 🌟, "…why don't I offer you a new offer, Rui? Won't you come with me? We would appreciate your skills." 🥞, "Rui-san, you idiot!" 🎀, "Ahaha! Another flirting in the battlefield? Tsukasa-senpai~ how naughty~" 🎈, "Tsk! Next time, Tsukasa-kun-" 🌟, "Very funny." He mutters then takes a quick sprint- stabs 🎀, "aren't you're too ruthless, Tsukasa-senpai?" 🌟, "Just get going." 🥞, "Rui-san! This complete idiot- An, we need medics! This idiot got stabbed on his chest!" 🎈, "It's fine… He missed the vital point." 🥞, "Noncombatant stay silent!"

This goes on for a few times, maybe three times until the time is pressing near when the climax of the criminal's operation has come close. Both sides, criminals and government grew more agitated with the tension heightened.

🎈, "Tsukasa-kun. We meet again." 🌟 smiles, "Rui, did you miss me? If everything had gone well, today should be the day we tie our marriage-" 🎈, "Your offer. I thought about it." 🌟, "Haha, Rui. What are you talking about? The timing couldn't be worse. No matter your answer, everything has set on stone and sailed. The ending is approaching." 🎈, "No, it's still not too late. Tsukasa-kun, I know that you intended to die at the end of this." 🌟, "…" 🎈, "I give you a new offer. I'll let you finish your objective. No, I'll help you with your revenge. And, after that, please survive. Please stay alive and let me catch you. Serve your time, atone, then we'll start a new life together without regret. Will you do that for me?"

🎈 take out his silver ring. Their engagement rings. He raised his hand, offering it to Tsukasa.

🎈, "This is the last time. Will you put the engagement ring on my finger? If not, please shoot me through my heart instead. If you want to die, I'll go with you."

🌟 was silent for a while, the darkness makes 🎈 hard to see his expression. A while later, 🌟 burst out laughing.

🌟, "Ahh, what a madman. It seems that I've completely make you hopelessly fell in love with me." 🎈, "That's right, Tsukasa-kun. I've hopelessly fall in love you. And if you reject any of my offer, this time, I will blow everything up. Including your headquarters, the office where your revenge target is in…and where they store your siblings body. You can assume this is my way of payback. " 🌟, "You're crazy. You're completely insane. Are you really ready to be a criminal, Rui? You, who prioritize justice more than anything?" 🎈, "what use of justice when I failed to protect the person I treasure the most two times?" 🌟, "Rui… Rui, why must you be like this? Couldn't you just hate me that you'll put a bullet through my chest? Why aim that to your own instead?" 🎈, "This is just who I am. Crazy. Insane. From the beginning, the only thing that makes me normal, that makes me function normally, is you, Tsukasa-kun. Only you. Without you, I've long died in some alleyway, blindly chasing criminals. Or I might even go crazy and blow every building up, not just these chosen buildings." 🎈, "Then, what do you choose, Tsukasa-kun?"

🌟 smiles. He steps in closer and takes the ring. His smile then morphed into a cruel, mocking smile as he raised his gun.

🌟, "goodbye, Rui. I've loved you."

The sound of a gunshot echoed through the empty room.

-

The sound of birds chirping in the middle of evening sounded surreal to him. But still, he took in a breath, enjoying the fresh air he had after a long time.

Looking straight, he saw a man, standing afar close enough he's able to see his figure. The man, hold up a bag and smile brightly. In the bright daylight, his golden eyes shone brightly, almost seemingly twinkling.

'How bright… '

He thought.

This bright man, is the person who had waited for 10 years just for him. He doesn't know what kind of expression he had on his face.

But surely, it must've been a smile. A proper smile. As the man walks toward him with a brighter smile. Then it turned into a run.

The man slams his body into him, pulling him into a crushing hug.

"I missed you."

Under the bright sun light, he laughed. It was very sweet laughter.

Wrapping his own arms around the man, he let out a small but firm whisper as well.

"I missed you as well. So bad."

He then pulls away, wiping away the tears that had formed on the corner of the man's eyes.

"Rui, this time. Properly and truly, will you marry me?"

"Yes!"

Rui nods frantically, holding up his hand to cover his mouth to maintain his own overflowing feelings.

Tenderly take his hand, Tsukasa slips the silver ring, his only possession he held on for 10 years when he was in prison, into Rui's ring finger.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

End.

"We still believe in Wonders"

And at the middle part:

"You still deny Wonder"

Seemed to be contradicting each other. I wonder what that part of the lyrics actually means...

There's a lot of Jester 🌟 being the toxic one that try to bring Tsukasa down but what if it's the opposite of it?

Tsukasa who keep doing things that hurt himself and Jesterkasa who appears at certain time when Tsukasa went too far and gently stops him.

Jesterkasa is himself that was formed containing his feelings to fool himself and continue to go on no matter what. For that, what jesterkasa wish the most, being born out of those feelings, is for Tsukasa able to keep going. And one day, for Tsukasa to be able to freely do the things he loves.

"I will make everyone smile."

"Then I'll make you smile."

It's a twisted kind of loving himself because Tsukasa is starting to lose his ability to love himself.

Jester outstretched his hands then wrapped them around Tsukasa's hunched figure from behind.

"It's late. Let's sleep."

Tsukasa paid him no heed and continues to mumbles his line with his bloodshot eyes continue to stare at the script on his hand.

"Tsukasa."

Jester rubs his own cheek on Tsukasa's cheek, then plants a kiss on it.

"Jester. You're here again."

"I am always here. Tsukasa, let's go to sleep."

"It's good. Since you're here, help me with this part-"

Jester grasps Tsukasa's hand, wrapping his fingers around them.

"Tsukasa. You've been going on the script for 4 hours. I've seen them, you were perfect."

"..."

He leans down to kiss the hand, well-maintained from his daily care. Precious hands that he hopes Tsukasa will never stop caring for them.

"It's good, Tsukasa. Now let's sleep.

You still have your morning run tomorrow."

"Hm, yes. My morning routine, then running. I'm also on breakfast duty, I also have to clean the house. There's also morning practice and school-"

"Yes, there's a lot. You can't function well if you keep staying up any longer."

Tsukasa finally let go of the script. His fingers twitched as he brought them up-

Jester immediately catch them, clasping his own hands around them firmly.

"Tsukasa. You're tired. Here, let me get you to bed."

Tsukasa stares at Jester blankly. He listlessly let himself guided by Jester toward the bed and laid down.

"Ah," Tsukasa let out an unconscious gasp when Jester let go of his hands and walked away.

"It's fine. I'm just closing the lights."

Jester took the scripts and placed them neatly on the table before closing the lights then walks back to the bed, settling beside Tsukasa.

The moonlight is bright enough for its light to pierce slightly through the window curtain, casting a slight glow over Jester to lay with his back against the window. His pupil that seemed more crimson than amber shone in the darkness.

But in contrast to the eerie view, Jester's eyes are filled with deep, kind fondness as he tuck Tsukasa in the bed, caressing his hair.

Slowly, Tsukasa closes his eyes.

End.

-

By the way, if you ask who's the top, I'll say it's Tsukasa even though it seemed that Jester is the dominant one.

Hmm, in certain bad days, Tsukasa turned rather violent toward Jester. It's his form of self hatred that he threw at Jester, who look just like him, and is a form of himself, his own ugly feelings of failures and incompetence. In a way, Tsukasa sometimes saw Jester as evidence formed out of his own weakness.

And Jester, who understand that feelings very well, let's Tsukasa does anything he wants then turned to comfort Tsukasa when Tsukasa broke down after his violent streak, hoping to ease his self-loath more.

... Jester can enter Sekai at will. Miku love Jester but she always show a sad expression everytime she saw him. Kaito is kind to Jester but they often have a dispute, because Jester, ultimately is still the same self-sacrifice Tsukasa. The stuffed toys absolutely adore Jester and will sometimes treat Jester as if he's going to disappear anytime.

For some reason, everyone in Sekai avoid Jester if there's Tsukasa.

Do you think Tsukasa searched for all sort of information for Saki when she writes her bucket list so he can help her to achieve them that's why he knew the trends...? Or did he actually knew them from the beginning? Since like... He doesn't seem to hang around friends much in middle school nor high school? Besides, it's not that common for boys to know what's trending for high school girls...

This is totally inspired by a fanart of Bloomfes Tsukasa and middle school Rui together.

Their relationship is very complicated yet simple. It just happened like that, the tired adult stumble upon the unstable teenager.

"Kid. Are you okay?"

There was no ounce of care in his voice, unlike the words he utters. The child, in response, had stared back into his eyes.

Letting out a sigh, he pulls out his phone.

"No offense here kid but it's too late for you to be alone here. I'm calling the police."

Something flickers on his eyes at the mention of police as he widens his eyes.

"Please don't call the police!"

The kid, probably middle schooler? Sprung up from his seat and grabbed the sleeve of his hand that was holding the phone.

"Anything but the police! Please, I'm fine… Don't call the police…"

Tsukasa sighs again, going through his hair in frustration.

"Look here kid. I'm too tired to deal with this cr- with whatever that's going on but I can't just leave you here. It's 2 am in the morning."

"No. I'm really fine so just leave me alone."

Tsukasa looks up toward the dark sky then closes his eyes, gathering his last ounce of care as the member of society.

"… Screw it. If you don't want to call the police, you're coming with me."

"Huh?"

Not caring for any response, Tsukasa grabs the kid's arm and drags him along toward his apartment.

With his right hand still gripping the kid's arm, he rummages through his pocket roughly and pulls out the keys then opens the door.

Closing the door, Tsukasa released the kid and took off his coat, practically throwing it into the hanger.

Turning on the lights, Tsukasa talks without looking at the kid he just brought home but settled down his bag. This might be considered as kidnapping but he'll deal with that after he gets his sleep.

"Do whatever you want here. There's a spare futon on the top drawer, or somewhere around there. Use the bathroom, kitchen, rummage the fridge, whatever. I'm going to get a quick shower then sleep. If you want to go home in the morning, just leave. The door has an auto lock function. Since you didn't fight on the way here, I'm assuming you agree to spend the night here. You can take the clothes from the drawer as well. Oh, right. Just don't touch the beer in the fridge."

Tsukasa turn to look at the kid for a moment to see the kid still staring at him with a slightly surprised look creating a rather dumb looking look on his face.

Tsukasa might regret this the next morning, or whatever time he manage to wake up. But for now at least he won't feel guilty if he woke up to the news saying a middle schooler is missing or killed.

With that, he took a quick shower then collapsed into his bed.

On the way, he thinks he saw the kid still standing exactly in the same position as before but he can't bring himself to care anymore.

-

After this, the middle schooler kid, introduced himself as Kamishiro Rui. He actually stayed until the next afternoon, when Tsukasa woke up.

Then, for some reason, after that day, he kept coming back, waiting for Tsukasa in the front door to come back.

Since Tsukasa's time to get home always varies and often very late, he reluctantly make a duplicate to his key and gave it to Rui.

"It's starting to get colder. Don't wait outside for a long time. Just go inside."

When the kid lets out a soft, happy smile, looking exactly like a puppy, Tsukasa sighs inwardly as he pats Rui's head.