Sin Sear

“Join Gibson Grand, Guy New York, and Jack Stratton, along with Natasha Gornik, Marissa Quenqua, Piper Hill, and Balthazar for a reading of erotic and transgressive short stories. The event will be hosted by the lovely Dorothy Darker!”

©2012 The Dirty Gentleman (#466)

Tumblr often shows two sides: fake Dom(me)s and perfect Dom(me)s. The reality is much more nuanced and that perfection is a fallacy. During my early days, I wish someone had told me that and had assured me that the following six things didn’t make me a bad dominant.

1. Having limits It may be obviously, but Dom(me)s’ limits, be they soft, hard or fleeting, are as important and valid as those of a sub. You don’t have to be into everything.

2. Needing practice Some people say you’re born as a Dom(me) or a sub. I don’t necessarily agree with this, but what is undeniable is you’re not born with the full dominant skills set. It’s okay to need time to learn how to give commands, tie a rope, swing a flogger, or even control your own stamina. Learning is part of the joy and it’s okay to be a student in dominance until you die; it’s much better that than being ignorant about your skills set (or lack there of).

3. Requiring equal effort A lot of “bad Dom(me)s” are lazy as all hell, barking commands and then not following through. But there are a lot of equally “bad subs” who don’t put an ounce of effort into the dynamic and are simply looking for someone to tie them up and provide orgasms. If you’re putting your all into a lifestyle, you have the right to expect equal commitment.

4. Not always being “on” We all have libidos that come and go. There’s a sense that a Dom(me) is good to go at any time of the day. It is completely normal to sometimes not feel like sex or not feel particularly dominant.

5. Having a drop Subs often drop after a scene, but so too can Dom(me)s. Dropping is completely normal and it’s okay to need your own kind of aftercare.

6. Not being a Dom(me) Great Dom(me)s aren’t always dominant. Many are switched, having the marvellous gift of enjoying both sides of a power dynamic. Enjoying submission makes you no less of a gifted and devoted dominant.

Tumblr provides a meticulously curated snapshot of people’s lives. Even those particularly legendary dominants started off from nothing and have their weaknesses; they’re brilliant because of their flaws, not despite them.

Don’t believe the myths made by others and measure yourself by your own potential.

Yours,

Me:  I took the most amazing photo of you and @piper-doll on Saturday. It’s like… 30% boobs, 30% sadism and 40% hilarity.

“Hey Brain, what do you want to do tonight?” “Same thing we do every night….”