No. 💋

I cannot give anyone my whole heart after you - because I have no whole heart after you.

And I go out on dates with others, pretending I am going out on a date with you, 

And I dress up in all your favorite colors, pretending I am going to see you,

And I paint my lips red, getting ready to leave the marks of my lips on you,

And the doorbell rings -

And it is not you. 

And I go inside his car dressed in all your favorite colors, 

And I try to avoid eye contact with him -

Because he is not you. 

Perhaps if I look down I can pretend that you are the one beside me. 

And I hate it when he tells me to look at him,

Because I am forced to face the truth that those are not the eyes of you.

And he speaks to me meaningless words with a voice that is not your voice,

And they are poison to my ears because the only sound I want to hear,

Is the sound of you.

And with every kiss he gives me I feel suffocated because I know,

Those are not your lips.

And with the touch of his hand I feel dead inside because, 

Those are not your fingertips.

And when he calls and the phone rings,

I still hope it’s you on the other line - 

But I answer and it’s him, 

And his voice sends bullets down my spine,

Because no matter how much older I get, 

• this father is showing up as a pillar of safety; he’s told his son he acknowledges and believes in the boy’s strength.

• the father is completely present and accepting of his son’s story and helps him tell it. When the son recognizes that his father was fully present and heard the story of his experience of pain, the boy calms completely.

me: