Vitamin E

I’ve always been a passionate learner. When it came to high school applications, and decisions, I made my decision very clear; a private school would be best for my learning, and for my college choices somewhere down the line. I then had to face the hard truth that even though I had great friends, and was on great sport teams, my school may not be the best for me academically.

So I said goodbye to some of the best friends I have ever made, and started a new journey at a new High School, where I was optimistic that I would have all that I have ever wanted.

That optimism hit a wall on the first day of school. A girl that I went to school with for my freshman year also ended up transferring. In 9th grade, we were friends in the beginning of the year, but by second semester our lives just ended up going in different directions. I knew she did not like me at all at the end of freshman year, but what did it matter? I was going to be in a new school in a couple of months. Little did I know that she was also transferring, and was a main reason I was going to have such a horrendous experience at Sequoia. I’m new to the entire public school system. I have been in a close knit community since I was five years old. I went to a school from kindergarten to eighth grade, and then to an all girls high school, where a good ⅓ of females in my grade also attended. I was the girl who people went to for advice, and I was known as the girl who was not afraid to try anything.

With all of this confidence, I decided I would take the leap of faith and go into a school where I did not know anybody, because if what my long term friends said was true, it wouldn’t be hard to make friends. I was always willing to do whatever it took to make a new friend.

So, August 17th rolled around, and on the first day of school, I could tell something was wrong. I was lost, and turned around and asked the two girls behind me where my next class was. “Oh, just follow us! We have that class as well.” and so, relieved, I followed them. They smiled, and asked what my name was. I told them, and their smiles instantly dropped. “Oh, yeah. We’ve heard about you.” I shook it off, it was the first day, nothing was wrong. I went into class, got my binder out, and looked up when I saw her. We instantly made eye contact, she rolled her eyes, walked to the back of the classroom, and talked to the two girls who led me to class.That was when I had my first panic attack. I held back the tears, and just focused on getting out of class. When the next class I had also was the same class she had. It was like a nightmare. In every class we had together, not one person would look my direction, not even the person sitting next to me. We had to present ourselves to the class in French, and I messed up. She and her group of friends started to laugh, and I started to shake. What was a bad day, turned into a bad week, which has now turned into a bad month and a half. There has not been one day where I have been excited to go to school. I was originally going to do water polo, but once found out she was also on the team, had such a major panic attack I had to have the thought leave my mind completely.

Sometimes I want to stop pushing so hard. To just accept what’s in front of me.I have it better than most young women, so why complain? 

I’m the type of person who needs everything to be the way I see it in my head. I sometimes get reality and imagination intertwined, and then get upset when my friends don’t deliver compared to their imagination halves. I shut out my best guy friend, Mail, because I just couldn’t understand why he wasn’t like the guy in my head. I transferred high schools, and ended up in a far worse position than I was last year. And yet, here I am, comparing what little I have to what I have in this alternate reality where I’m gorgeous, get the guy, and have an amazing high school experience. But, here I am, fighting my school system everyday to let me into another high school, that is far more accepting, and where my tormenter can’t get to me. It’s emotionally draining, which is why I have to think about if I’m pushing too hard for something that might not ever happen. 

I vow that when I graduate, I will work my hardest to become one of the biggest advocates against bullying there is. Not one person deserves to feel outcasted in such a significant way. I can’t even believe people get pleasure out of their peer’s misery. I think it should be an immediate point on your record. No exceptions. Kindness is a free trait, and every needs to have it. 

If you’re fighting for something too, let’s not give up. Together we are a stronger team, so message me if you need anything, whether it's to run ideas past, or to just full on rant.  It breaks my heart to think someone out there is so isolated because of a bully that they have to result to suicide.