SimmerTariphe-OLD

You stare up at them.

Art by @checanty (Jana Heidersdorf), illustrating a poem by W.B. Yeats.

Good evening, friends, let me tell you some Secrets on how to argue like (and with) assholes. I’m writing this because I keep running into a particular asshole, and I need to stop engaging with them, and so this is an instruction sheet for myself as well as you guys. 

First, try to avoid assholes; they don’t deserve your time and energy. But, if an Argument is unavoidable, here are a few tips on how to emerge unscathed. 

Let go of the idea that you’re going to win. 

You’re not gonna win. Nobody wins in an argument with an asshole. But, on the other hand, you can make them lose. You can deprive them of their entertainment and their triumph. 

How??? 

Do not present your side of this debate. 

This is so counter-intuitive for most of us who believe in things like, oh, science, or real facts, or the idea that real facts can be determined by science. Here’s a cool terrible thing about humans: certainty has nothing to do with facts. And when people are certain, that is when they become assholes. 

When someone’s only goal is to win an argument, any real evidence or facts you give them is just ammunition for them to turn against you. 

You will not convince them. So what should you be doing? 

Destroy their arguments.

This is a thing of joy, because it’s what assholes are used to doing. They are, at heart, morons who don’t know how to construct, only how to destroy. 

I used to be super emotional about arguments like this. I couldn’t think of anything to say while the other person ranted on about their horrifying bigotry. Now I’m a lawyer, and I’ve learned to weaponize my essentially nitpicky nature. For money. 

So here are some easy tactics you can remember and deploy: 

- Make them define the words they use. Nitpick the definitions. 

- Turn questions back on them. If they ask you “why do you believe x”, ask them why they believe y. If they pull some “I asked first” shit, ask them why they’re afraid to defend their beliefs. 

- Call them emotional.  If possible, pick out specific emotions. This is especially devastating when you’re debating a man, as he will get more emotional as a result. 

- “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.” Making people explain mean jokes can be a delight; they just wilt the more you question them about the underlying assumptions. 

- Laugh at any especially dumb shit. Like they use some slogan or catchphrase that’s obviously untrue, due to science, or essentially ridiculous, like “we’ve made America great again,” and you just blurt out laughing. If they get mad, tell them – oh, so sorry, I’ll shut up, I’m giving you the floor to talk about your beliefs. I’m respecting you. This is a goddamn power move. It gives you the high ground, and also the implied control over the situation. The floor belongs to you, but you are yielding it to someone because you can. 

- If they make an awkward exit, let them. Especially if they call the discussion “political.” It means they’re feeling attacked. Graciously allow them to retreat with their tail between their legs. If they storm off, allow them to do that too. Congratulations; you’ve ended the argument and you don’t have to deal with it anymore. 

Basically: hand the asshole a shovel, and let ‘em dig. Relieve yourself of the burden to convince them they are wrong, and just sour their fun instead. 

–

Additionally, these are the tactics that assholes use, consciously or subconsciously, all the time. Recognize them. Once you know what they are, you can become immune to the intimidation and belittling tactics. 

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

So to reiterate:

All the time but ESPECIALLY in a heat wave: The best source of hydration is whatever you will reliably drink a lot of.

A heat wave is not the time to go on a health kick. A heat wave is the time to put fluids in your fucking body in a way that is sustainable and in which you KNOW you will continue to do. No “but”s, no concessions, no “it’s fine to sometimes drink something other than water”. 

Anything but alcohol. Do you enjoy the taste? Is it a liquid? Will you reliably drink plenty of it throughout the day? That is what you stock up on for a heat wave. I don’t care if it’s soda--yes, caffeine is a diuretic, but there is not enough caffeine in that soda to counteract the benefits of putting liquid in your fucking body. You go with the juice or sports mix or lemonade or what the fuck ever that you know you like and will thus continue to drink a lot of even when the heat suppresses your appetite, which it will. Do not fuck around with this.

Also:

I was born with a special “gift”, it allows me to see many things: the future, the past, needs and desires. I can even see beyond the realm of the living. Yes, my dears. It is with great pleasure that I release her with the massively marvelous help of the darling crispsandkerosene. It’s Miss Lucille from The Sims Unleashed. Her domains are The Gothic Quarter and Old Town Quarter, I believe, where she offers her palm reading and dezombiefying services. Now, you can have her in your TS2 game and you can do what you want with her.  On a side note, if you are a mesher/texturer/modder or any other kind of simmer that is capable of creating goodies and is interested in recreating TS1 stuff, please contact me and/or crispsandkerosene. I couldn’t have done this AT ALL without crispsandkerosene’s skills (I am only capable of the drive for the idea, some sim sculpting, and some lame texturing) and I’m guessing we’d all like to stroll down Sim Lane and recreate TS1 characters. So if you’d like to see more stuff like this, you CAN help! Ideas, questions, and recommendations are cool :D Those lovely candles? Get them here. They’re the raison d'être for this post, after all! 

I see freezer bunnies, llamas, flamingos, and garden gnomes running amok in your future!

Hm, yes, menacing shot. 

Note the exquisite details on her hat and her deliciously shabby yellow dress, perfect for your Nanas and your ladies of the summer.