For the last 8 years I’ve been pursuing my dreams, living the life I want to live. But for some reason the life I chose to live is so irritating to people, family specifically. I don’t ask for much at all because I’m a self made man and have learned and taught myself everything I know. And the few times I ask for help or support I get met with resentment and opposition. Don’t get mad at me for the bad investments you made in the past. You chose the life you live just like I chose mine. How is it fair for me to constantly feel like I have to dim myself down around you just because I trigger your insecurities. That’s not fucking fair! I don’t ask for much from people at all except love, acceptance and truth. You know what... fuck that. I don’t need your love... Acceptance, sure. Truth? That’s too much to ask from y’all. You can’t hide behind a mask anymore. I can smell your bitterness and resentment from the other room. And when I ask why, all you do is gas-light. All I want is for you to be proud of me and to support me. But that seems too be too much to ask. Then you wonder why I don’t want to be around you... smiling in my face with a knife behind your back. What’s in the dark always gets revealed. I don’t know if i’ll ever know the full truth. Besides how you lied on, stole from and plotted on me. I don’t get it... What have I ever done to you to get treated like this? A mystery, I’ll never get an answer because you’ll never speak your mind. Why should I care now? I should expect nothing less... because you weren’t really there, It was always just me. I never really knew how you felt until I came back. Now it’s sealed, stamped, certified. You’ll never really be in my life. Just some shadow figures from the past. I don’t care if you put me on your will or not, I never needed anything from you from the start. Especially after seeing how you acted towards me, you’re simply dead to me. It’s funny how the “nicest” most liked, (people pleasers) are the shittiest people when no one’s watching. It’s sad, but I have no tears. I should have stayed in NY. I’d rather be homeless there than be surrounded by fake love. It’s so frustrating how blatantly deceptive people can be. You lost your way. You turned your backs to God. Don’t forget where you came from. I will forgive but I won’t forget.

I’m sick of this. I’m not meant for the reality I’m currently in...I’m meant to do great things. The position i’m in isn’t fulfilling my highest purpose. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to be here. I’m destined for more... Like what is this even. No one around me can match my energy.

Just when I thought I had a support system, I come to realize my biggest haters are my own family. It doesn’t surprise me. It’s sad, realizing your own parents are deranged. I need to get out of here

Nothing ever really surprises me anymore

I like having Howls Moving Castle on in the background when i’m alone. It gives me a comforting feeling, especially when I’m feeling down. Not even paying attention to the story, just the energy of the piece itself gives such a youth/purity/light/vivid/rich/fulfilling feeling