Gone

There are multiple reasons why I no longer post to this blog. One reason is that I want to get away from the old things that I’m not into that much anymore such as Supernatural or Doctor Who. Another is that there are many posts that I regret making. They weren’t problematic, more so they were cringe worthy and I hate seeing them every so often. But the main reason why I’m leaving is I was in a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in. I will not name names but this person either intentionally or unintentionally (probably the latter) treated me in such a way that I’m now terrified to speak my mind or even tell people who care about my feelings and what is giving me anxiety.

I won’t go into details but my anxiety is terrible to the point where there is not one aching moment where I feel don’t feel scared, so communication is vital with family members and this relationship has crushed that. There are many other things this person has done such as devalue my opinions, my fears, my passions, so on and so forth. My family, friends and counselor have told me time and time again to leave this person to better my mental and physical health. So I left tumblr, or at least this blog. I’m too scared to call this person out and say they are the reason I’m leaving from them of white knighting me, so I’m going to queue this long after I’m gone. I have at this point, made a new tumblr and moved on with my life only for the better.

Don’t try looking for me. There is only one and I mean one person who’s url I’ve told it to, and they are one of the most precious people to me. They have put up with my struggle for years and I trust them with my life. If you are the person that I was in that relationship with, I’m sorry things couldn’t be different and that we couldn’t remain as friends, but you gave me so much anxiety that it was becoming even more hard to deal with. I’m not sorry for being me, having my fears, my likes and dislikes, that disgusted you so much that you much, that you needed to denounce them and make me feel worthless, weather that was your intention or not. I hope in the future when we’ve both gotten older that maybe we can talk things out, but in a way where we have a mutual understanding of what we were both dealing with and when we part ways, that we come back better understanding each other but remain estranged.