i have no idea what im doing she says

also: “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” vs “I’ll sleep until I die”

The catholic church has a secret menu just ask for the body of Christ monkey style and they’ll give you a wafer with peanut butter on it

instead of a brain there is a mini haunted house in my head

jesus christ this is spy kids I thought this was some shakespearian story

Shakespeare wishes he had what spy kids has

There is literally an entire Amanda Bynes movie about this

“I knew something was up when she scraped the shit out of her knees and just, like, kept playing. I mean, she didn’t even fake a scream or anything.”

Fair point

hello 911? hi yeah omg sorry i know it’s late and this is probably so annoying like i hell don’t wanna bother you haha, like i know you’re probs mad at me, are you mad at me? actually don’t answer that it’s okay haha. omg this is so stupid like i sound like such a crybaby right now, like for real i’m listening to myself talk and i’m like “aaahh you’re so embarrassing!!” haha like … omg haha i’m so… anyway. what was i saying? oh right. so i was just stabbed in the chest and