One Nice Bug Per Day
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Claire Keane
if i look back, i am lost
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@silverfaxg
Goodbye
I'm not sure if this will be a forever goodbye but for right now it is.
I'm leaving tumblr. Thank you to everyone who has made Kadia a happy place for me, I just don't have the time for threads anymore. I'll be on discord at 'Lunaesharks' if you want to write with me but I'll be there for the foreseeable future.
My life is being taken up with work, health issues, and my cosplay content taking over my life in any free time I have.
Thank you, Violet
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A feline jumps through the window into the classroom. His fur like soot. Eyes similar to the pale green in sea foam. In his mouth a sunflower he drops at Kadia’s feet. A trick Shikamaru has taught him. Now he does it on his own will at least once a week. Always made sure to pick out the best sunflowers too.
@xshadowrising
The papers she had been marking were left on the desk as she heard the cat come back. "More flowers for me?" Kadia crouched down in front of him with a smile. She had caught on to who would teach a cat this, after all, there weren't many people who knew how much she loved sunflowers.
"Would you like a treat?" She ended up keeping cat treats in the desk. It had taken her a while to get used to the idea of cats but she warmed up rather quickly.
I'm alive.
I've been really sick but trying to come back. I won't be on Kadia tonight but I will be on @hiddenhelianthus and interacting with my muse; Kiku.
If you want to talk to a sand sibling cutie head over there!
"I know… I…just wanted to keep you safe from all of this. This scenario was exactly the thing I wanted to avoid, and it ended up being worse than I imagined. I almost hurt you… I hurt many others, something I swore not to do, and for what? Because I let my feelings of uselessness and isolation get the better of me."
He knew that she was telling the truth. She put her life in danger, even after he told her to run, which spoke volumes than anything. He did his best to try and keep her out of the mayhem his misfortune causes or whatever tasks the Ratatoskr Org. had him do, knowing that she was at risk for whatever danger headed his way. He would try to protect her of course, but that one thought of "What if I messed up?" haunted him.
The symbiote took advantage of all of his inner weaknesses and turned him into a monster. But it was thanks to Kadia that he was able to break free. He didn't want to think what would happen if he hadn't encountered her here today.
"You aren't useless…. you saved me just now, didn't you? If you weren't here, I'd still be a giant sludge monster." Even now he dryly chuckled. "You're right though… I should've been more open with you. There's a lot of things, even beyond what happened just now, that I've gone through and experienced. I didn't want to just dump it all on you."
"I knew you were keeping things from me" It was a matter of fact for her. Kadia never pried though, she assumed he had a reason to keep so much of him away from her even when it felt like he wasn't trusting her. She was stuck in a different world to him. So...why did he care about her so much?
She sighed at his response before wrapping her arms around him tightly, not caring how much weight pushed down on her small body. "Shido. I want you to feel safe with me. Please, don't keep it all bottled up anymore. Share your world with me, I know I might not be that helpful or really understand much of it but at least I could just hear your worries. Be there for you when you need to talk about your feelings. I was willing to die for you, I'm not going anywhere any time soon"
“Halt.” Karma spoke in a more direct manner, moving away from Marry and going to the Princess’s side where she would stop her “If you plan on sneaking off again you would be mistaken.” She sighed, hating having to be like this around her. “I implore you to reconsider, maybe we can just… Draw.” Well, that was something she didn’t think would leave her mouth ever. But what did royalty do? What did normal people do? Karma was bound to get job, her waking hours was given to work all the way to when she slept.
Marry on the other hand shook her head, Karma was hopeless and lost. Retiring to being a maid was the right choice after all. “As long as the Princess’s studies are finished, Knight Karma.” With that, she turned to retrieve the dirty dress and made way to the laundry room.
The knight turned to Kadia with a raised brow, now able to breath fresh air since they were alone. “Studies? Are you finished?”
"Draw?"
It took all that was in her not to laugh. "I'm not going to sit down and draw like a child" Sometimes she thought this knight was treating her like she was just a spoilt child, especially in front of others.
Now alone with Karma she sighed. "Oh, yes. I've finished my ridiculous studies on how to keep a prince happy, how to eat like a lady." She rolled her eyes at just the notion that all the work she did have was only to help whatever man she would be pushed upon shortly. There was only so much she could do to stop it from happening. "I was being serious, I'm not being stuck in this room all evening, my Knight. I don't want to....draw"
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@bxd-kxrma {x}
"No"
It was a quick answer. Despite the fluttering feelings in her chest when Karma touched her, she was still as stubborn as ever over where she was going off to. The princess had warned her guard from the start about not being about to stop her from going where she wanted.
It was hard enough for Kadia to deny the feelings she had for the other to herself knowing that it was forbidden. She was to be pushed off a prince sooner or later and they would never be together. It was a harsh reality of her position in the kingdom and made her wish she was just a common girl in a small town. "What's the point of being a truant princess if I tell you where I am"
She stepped away to look at Mary with a soft smile. "Thank you, it's best if my father doesn't see me like this" Both the dress and her love for another woman, especially her Knight.
Karma grinned at Kadia’s comeback, taking a step away from the woman she only spoke “As you wish, princess.”
Marry gave Karma a knowing look before grabbing out a new dress for Kadia and laying it out for the girl. “Take your time to dress, miss. We will be right outside.”
Karma looked to Marry, a bit surprised “We?”
“Yes we. It is not proper for a knight to be in the same room as a woman getting dressed. Come now.” Marry had pulled the reluctant knight out the door and once the door had shut, she scowled at the knight.
“Have you lost your mind? Do you understand the game you are playing with that girl? Do you wish to lose your head so quick?” Marry talked at a low tone as to not allow Kadia to hear.
The knight would almost growl as a response “Don’t paint me for something I am not, maid.” Karma put her hand on the grip of her knife held on her hip.
Marry would respond by immediately pulling the knife out of Karma’s sheath while putting a arm across Karma’s upper body with almost blinding speed pointing the blade at the knight. “Karma, do not forget whose spot it is you currently have. I chose you to take my place because of your head. Don’t make me regret it.”
Karma was still until the blade was given back to her, putting it back in its sheath. “I am aware. I have everything under control.”
"Thank you so much"
It had never crossed her mind that Karma maybe playing with her heart. Kadia was too innocent, the only bad thing she ever did was sneak away to the garden or library. All she wanted was to feel like a normal girl.
It took her some time to get dressed, in her own little world as usual before she came out to meet both of them. Completely unaware of what was really going on. Despite her eagerness to disappear, her head was in the clouds.
"Now, if I don't have anything on my schedule for the rest of the day. I'm just...going to..erm-" She took a few steps back. Of course she was onto her shenanigans already. "Go....somewhere-"
"I love you too. You're my world"
More than she could express. Her actions spoke louder than words, willing for her life to end if it meant he would be safe. Every action she had taken since knowing him had been for his sake, not her own. She cared so much about him that she would do anything.
Kadia didn't understand any of what was happening, this world was so different from the one she was used to. All of her troubles had been the normal effects of the world. Worrying about rent or food. Not monsters. Was this the world he had been keeping from her?
Not understanding what was happening she held onto him tightly, hating to hear him in pain. Once it was all over and she fell backward with him on top of her she let out a wince of pain. It didn't matter to her how hurt she was he seemed worse off. But he was safe with her."D-don't scare me like that ever again"
"I…I'm sorry."
It took him a few seconds to regain himself, but he could tell that the symbiote was gone. It had left his body and fled into the streets. It still posed a threat but that wasn't on Shido's mind right now.
Right now, he realized the full weight of what he had been doing. The harm he caused, the damage he created. The level of guilt and shame he started to feel was indescribable. Even more so that he almost came close to hurting the one he cared about more than anything else.
"I…I lost control. I got caught up in my own dark feelings, I let that thing drive me further into my own misery… I never wanted any of this to happen. I…"
"Shhh-" Kadia reached up to hold his head before her hands, gazing up at him. Her own discomfort in that moment meant nothing to her. "I'm not sure what was happening, you kept so much from me, didn't you? It's ok, I see you just want to protect me but....I wasn't lying. I'd do anything for you, Shido." She was willing to die for him.
"You need to let me in so I can help you. I know I'm pretty useless but we're a team" she brought him closer to her on the floor, hiding her face away some couldn't see her tears. "I was so scared I'd lose you."
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"K…Kadia… I…."
Shido felt sick for letting his emotions run wild like this. He felt ashamed for everything he did while under the influence of the symbiote. It whispered lies into his head, led him astray and made him commit some terrible acts.
It was a miracle no one died in his rampages, but he knew it was only a matter of time before that changed. Which is why he was using everything he had to resist-no, to reject the symbiote entirely. This was not him. Everything that happened was because of that alien creature…. and he was going to set things right.
"I love you…."
The cross on his right hand would shine a white color, signifying the activation of Phantasmal Breaker. He dug deep within himself to call upon a sealed power that would help him remove the creature from his body once and for all. Activating , he dug his right hand into his shoulder and sent a jolt of white energy into his own body.
The symbiote screeched and wailed as it spawned multiple black tendrils that waved around. The voltage would increase, causing the symbiote more pain, but also Shido more pain as well. The symbiote would start to come apart and retract off his body, feeling from it like the plague.
And at last…. it was seemingly over. Shido's features returned to their normal state and he would collapse onto Kadia who had been holding onto him.
"I love you too. You're my world"
More than she could express. Her actions spoke louder than words, willing for her life to end if it meant he would be safe. Every action she had taken since knowing him had been for his sake, not her own. She cared so much about him that she would do anything.
Kadia didn't understand any of what was happening, this world was so different from the one she was used to. All of her troubles had been the normal effects of the world. Worrying about rent or food. Not monsters. Was this the world he had been keeping from her?
Not understanding what was happening she held onto him tightly, hating to hear him in pain. Once it was all over and she fell backward with him on top of her she let out a wince of pain. It didn't matter to her how hurt she was he seemed worse off. But he was safe with her."D-don't scare me like that ever again"
She didn’t sound too sure. Because this is her happiness and a trip for a few days is ripping that away from her. It wasn’t his intention to inconvenience her. “Take a day or two to think about it. My offer is on the table until the day I leave.”
“I wouldn’t use the term wrong.” She does have a point though. It’s going great through her perspective. But he feels as if she’s keeping him at bay. “I-“ It’s hard to come up with words when there’s a mix of emotions. “Is my love too much for you?” His insecurities slip. “I mean… I feel like you keep me at arms length away.”
Hearing him falter she changed her answer. "I'll take time off. I will." Part of her felt if he went off alone he might find someone better who wasn't emotionally damaged like she was.
Hearing him she froze. Was that how he thought about it? Kadia felt so guilty as if she had been such an awful person to him. "No! Of course not, Shika, I-" But it was hard for her to explain it as well. "I love you so much. I just....struggle" She closed her eyes for a moment so she didn't just start crying. "I guess I'm just afraid that if one day you'll leave me like most people do. I know it's my own issue and I shouldn't make you feel bad just because I can't process change easily. I'm sorry"
@bxd-kxrma {x}
"No"
It was a quick answer. Despite the fluttering feelings in her chest when Karma touched her, she was still as stubborn as ever over where she was going off to. The princess had warned her guard from the start about not being about to stop her from going where she wanted.
It was hard enough for Kadia to deny the feelings she had for the other to herself knowing that it was forbidden. She was to be pushed off a prince sooner or later and they would never be together. It was a harsh reality of her position in the kingdom and made her wish she was just a common girl in a small town. "What's the point of being a truant princess if I tell you where I am"
She stepped away to look at Mary with a soft smile. "Thank you, it's best if my father doesn't see me like this" Both the dress and her love for another woman, especially her Knight.
"Please.... I don't know how much longer... I can hold it back.... you have to... run.... I don't... I don't want you to get hurt because of me..!"
He was trying his best to fight the symbiote with sheer will power, to keep it from fully consuming him. The last thing he ever wanted was to drag Kadia into this insanity or have her hurt in anyway. Seeing her upset had been enough to gain back enough control to hold back Poison.
"Why do you resist? We gave you everything you needed to be the best person you wanted to be! This girl wants to use you!"
"Sh…Shut up! Everything else we did was one thing… but hurting Kadia is crossing the line! I'm not… letting this… continue… anymore!"
He could feel the symbiote slowly taking back control.
Shido wouldn't let it though. Even if he had to end himself to accomplish this, he will make sure that the Symbiote didn't hurt her or anyone else ever again.
If only…
If only there were some way to weaken it and remove it, he thought.
"I....I don't care! You're the reason for me to keep living. I know my love isn't enough" She had never been enough for anyone in this world but couldn't just watch him go. Not like this. "Even if you tell me you never loved me, that it was all fake I could never leave you like this!"
She pushed through her fears for him. If it meant dying so be it. "Y-you understand, don't you? I never used you. Is that...what you think too? I...I only wanted to give you everything. I-I just wanted to make you happy. To have everything you wanted even if that wasn't with me"
Kadia pushed through with what strength she had and got her hands around him. "If loving you is my last act then I'll die for it"
"Kill you....?"
As much a Poison denied the old Shido still living, the truth was, Shido was very much there. The Symbiote was bonded to him as its host - without him, Poison would not exist. They were two beings sharing the same body, but they were overlapping with one another.
The symbiote took advantage of Shido's hidden feelings and emotions and weaponized them, influencing him to act on those feelings and amplified them with its general aggression.
But Shido was still in there. Seeing Kadia was enough to stop the Symbiote from completely hogging the driver's seat, allowing him to try to regain his senses.
"No....No I can't.... I can't kill you.... Kadia, this suit.... it's..."
Shido would collapse to his knees, grabbing his head as he yelled in what seemed to be agony. Poison was taking back control, and Shido now aware of everything was trying to hold it back.
She wasn't a hero of any sort. Kadia was just a terrified girl who had lost so much. She had thought she finally found something that was real, someone that wouldn't leave her alone in the world.
Despite never being a very strong or brave person it was as if she acted without thinking. Seeing the person who saved her from the agony of life being ripped apart she stumbled onto her feet and rushed forward to grab onto him. "Shido!!!"
If she was going to die she might as well die knowing she tried to get her love back. Nothing else matters. She always put him first above her own life.
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@archivisim || {X}
It was worse seeing his face like this. So much so that she closed her eyes tight to not have to see the guy she loved with all her heart in such a way. "Shido had given her a reason to keep going despite the hurt in her past. Kadia had been thinking they would stay together for the rest of their lives, get married even. That all seemed like wishful thinking now.
As if she'd be allowed a happy life.
It felt foolish to think she could be allowed that kind of happiness. However, hearing him talk as if she had mistreated him was even worse. She had loved him with every part of her, willing to do anything to make him happy. She would have given up her life for him if it had come to it.
The tears streamed down her face from a mixture of feat and agony of losing the last person who had given her a chance a what life could be. "J-just kill me! I...I can't live without you...him"
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