• john ruth: cracker barrel. he orders the old timer’s breakfast and black coffee exclusively. he eats there once a week (thursdays).

• marquis warren: in-n-out. style, panache, and a hint of irony. the interior matches his coat. orders a burger animal style of course.

• daisy domergue: waffle house. she admires its uncanny energy and the fact that, like her, it doesn’t know when to fucking quit. she orders hashbrowns all the way during a category 2 hurricane.

• chris mannix: chick-fil-a like a good southern fag in denial. he orders nuggets with honey mustard dip and (extra) sweet tea.

• marco: olive garden because he loves his evil family and wants to share enormous plates of lukewarm pasta with them <3

• grouch douglas: golden corral. orders a steak well done and a blueberry muffin and sulks in a booth for hours with his notebook writing a western novel in which he’s the protagonist. he’s eventually asked to leave.

• pete hicox: starbucks. appreciates the finer things in life like a vanilla foam triple shot oatmilk grande iced latte with 1/2 ice and a splash of lavender syrup under dingy lighting.

• sandy smithers: cracker barrel where he has to go on opposite nights from john ruth (tuesdays) so they don’t pull guns on each other in the christmas section again. eats only eggs.