(written very badly and in niigo kaito’s pov with time intervals)
<3--------<<
I don’t know why I even think about her so much. That’s absolutely stupid. I’m stupid.
…I do know why. I know she’s everything I’m not. Everything the girls love.
She’s kind. She’s calm. She won’t rush in right away. She’s gentle. She’s everything I’m not. She’s everything.
I wish she would see me the same way I see her. I know she won’t. I know it. It fills me with rage. Rage isn’t the right word, but what am I supposed to feel about her? What is this burning feeling in my chest supposed to be? It’s so frustrating, the way she makes me feel. The piercing warmth.
I still can’t tell what this feeling is. It’s getting stronger. It feels weird. Too warm. I’m not used to it. If it’s not a burning rage, what is it?
I can’t ask anyone about this. Which is annoying. Very.
That makes me mad. Which I guess is better than that other feeling. I keep circling back to that feeling. That feeling. I still can’t tell what it is if it isn’t anger. It’s weird.
Well, I do know why. I wanted her to change already. It hurts to watch her hold back that information.
The guilt is eating at me. I can’t handle how Meiko looks at me anymore. Like I did something awful.
I swear I didn’t try to. I wanted to help. I never end up helping. It hurts, I think. Everything hurts.
That feeling when I see Meiko hurts the most.
It’s awfully warm. It was always warm. Her calm look felt warm. It’s strange when I constantly feel cold.
Now, it’s even warmer. It burns. It hurts so much. I guess.
One day, I’ll figure out why that feeling is.
She’s everything that I’m not.
She actually helped the girls. She did the thing I always try to do. The thing I was made for.
I finally learned what the feeling was, though. Even if it burns even more than it did before.
It’s love. Which is weird. I’m not made to love. Why did I fall in love with her?
I know why. It makes a lot of sense why. But I wish I didn’t love her. Because I hate feeling anything but rage.
Rage is comforting to me. It’s what I know, what is familiar. Anything else is strange and painful. Yet, my rage hurt the people around me.
Why does she still act so kindly to me? I’ve done nothing but hurt the people we care about over and over.
Why does she still care, I’m an awful person.
Why can’t I help them at all?
I love her so much. I care about the others more than I realize, Luka tells me. Maybe she’s right.
Meiko is warm. Kind. Calm.
I guess that’s all. Maybe.
<3--------<<
+constructive criticism is okay !!+
+made by me !!+
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