CrazyShyArtistGirl

I usually don’t do this kinda stuff, but let’s talk about that last steven universe episode because I need to vent. Steven has PTSD. When a person experiences trauma, the supporting relationships this person has will be one of the most determinating factors when it comes to developing PTSD. Until Future, Steven had a really great support net, but then everyone started drifting away. Steven lost his support net, and his trauma started manifesting as c-PTSD. The gems had been really absent this season, and chapter after chapter we saw how he felt. How Connie went from a supporting relationship to a trigger. And in these last two, we saw two irreversible turns. First, he has stopped trusting Greg with his issues. Greg was a loving father but didn’t give Steven discipline, structure. And steven is missing this so much right now. After the van crash, Greg, instead of apologizing (validating Steven’s feelings) just… said he was proud of him. After he crashed a van. And this makes him feel like he can’t rely on him anymore. Because whatever he does, Greg won’t give him any kind of structure. He’s just like mom. Then, in the next chapter, the gems instead of being patient, demand an answer from him, telling him how “somebody could’ve been hurt”… when steven was on the floor, hurting. Again, steven doesn’t feel like he can trust them, so he runs to the only place he feels he can be with someone where he can be himself. Jasper. But Jasper isn’t the kind of gem who likes talking about feelings. She likes fighting, so she tells him to unleash all his feelings in the form of violence. Now, this can be a good strategy when it’s controlled, but she wants the opposite. She wants steven to use all his strength. So he does. He stops restraining himself, stops caring about hurting, and enjoys fighting. And when he does, he shatters her. Now, this is the breaking point. The guilt steven must’ve felt must’ve been unbearable. He enjoyed fighting, he enjoyed letting out his anger, and he shattered her. Something he despised his mom for. And now he is just like her. And when miraculously Jasper survives, he hopes her to be mad, to scream at him. He’s apologizing over and over again because he’s drowning in guilt. But it is THEN when jasper bows at him. Claiming him as a superior. They are no longer equals, steven can no longer rely on her because they are at a different level. He’s at a different level than everyone else when what he needs most is someone to be at his same level. His last support net on earth just shattered. So now he’s going the only people who can be on the same level as him. The diamonds. He’s desperately searching for someone who can be his support net, give him structure, purpose, but… Something tells me he’s not gonna find it.