Nu-Metal Lover With A Guitar

ok SO

to me albus is a trans woman largely because of her relationship with gender and how she views her body. from what ive personally interpreted, albus largely sees value in her body as something to get what she needs. whether it be strength, intimidation, or sleeping with somebody. her image is also deeply rooted in a kind of toxic masculinity thats almost difficult for me to describe. its like she loves women; loves them and sees them as people, but at the same time being a woman is the worst thing she could possibly be. its so different from everything she grew up with; from the men who probably devalued anything feminine and probably only saw ladies as a source of pleasure. albus is so stuck in her ways that itd take a big sign saying "CONGRATS ON BEING A WOMAN" fucking hitting her head for her to actually realize it

i also think that albus is someone who is terrified of change. sure she can roll with the punches, especially when it benefits her in combat, but when something shakes up her perceived reality and identity, its horrifying to her. in a way she actually reminds me of myself. i had a hard time accepting that i was a trans man, and because i wanted to be so certain and sure in my gender and sexuality, i started forcibly feminizing myself. wearing skirts, pink clothing, getting into fem things for the sole purpose of convincing myself that i was a girl (or girl adjacent). then i actually started seeing fem and androgynous trans men, and finally accepted myself. i think that albus experiences something similar where she wants so badly to convince herself that shes a man, both because shes afraid of change and how she internally views femininity. i also believe that albus would be afraid of how people would treat her; treat her body. Everyone whos born afab knows very well how patriarchal societies treat women. how they treat their bodies. the way a man treats the chest of another man is nothing like how he treats a woman's. i think albus is all too aware of how some feel entitled to have whats hers, and how some will see her as weak for simply being herself. and albus hates being weak.

but i think the second albus meets a butch woman with a cigar and actually has a conversation with her that would immediately crack the egg