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Hal thinks it's creepy, but then again, what isn't creepy about the Batman? there's always something with him, and it can always be worse.
maybe he's just staring at the Lantern ring and thinking about another contingency plan, for all he cares
meanwhile, it is irrevocably clear to everyone and their mother that Bruce just has unbridled lust for Hal's hands
Clark sits beside him during meetings and sees that he has written down observations on their size and theories on their texture
Diana has watched Bruce lick his lips when Hal flexes his fingers or dances them along control panels... twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern, four and above of that is Bruce Thomas Wayne, remove your gaze at ONCE you whore!! now what would your butler-dad say about this???
there was one time where Hal and Bruce were fighting and Hal snaps his fingers in front of his face like "Look at me when I'm talking to you, you little bitch" and Bruce actually held back a whimper. a fucking whimper. Hal is none the wiser and goes back to shouting at him
Oliver saw it, looked at everyone in disbelief, and they all just nodded solemnly
Damian: I've recieved my two complementary parent tickets for my recital
Bruce: That's nice, little love. Would I be getting one?
Damian: Naturally. The other one is for Jordan, of course, with the aisle seat as he has a propensity to extend his languid arms
Bruce: Why Hal?
Damian, who got his hair brushed by Hal earlier that day and got packed lunch made by Hal: It is for parents, Father. My mother and I have a complicated relationship, and your partner has pack bonded with me as of late. What is not to get?
Bruce, wearing Hal's sunglasses and eating a sandwhich that Hal forced into his hand before he left the manor to pick Damian up (there is still a hickey on his neck): I don't get it.
.
.
Hal, upon recieving his ticket: Aww, you think of me as a parent, Damian? 🥹
Damian: I think of you as my father's wife, more like
Hal:
Hal, currently wearing Bruce's clothes, eating in the Wayne manor dining room, and touching Wayne Enterprise aeraunatical engineering rnd blueprints on a private family server-connected tablet: ...How dare you?
Damian:
Damian: Truly, how dare I.
.
.
Hal, currently piloting the multi-million dollar military-grade plane that Bruce got for him: Hey, Damian said something weird the other day.
Bruce over comms, sitting in Hal's apartment and sleeping in his bed: As he always does. When do we go shopping for clothes to Damian's recital eve?
Hal: When I get back and once you bring out the dishes from the dishwasher like I asked you to
Bruce, who already put out the dishes, but would love to argue with Hal: No ❤️
.
.
[over call]
Damian, angrily: ...and then they playfully argue as a way or romancing each other! A blimp with a blinking advertisement would be way less obvious! Could you imagine being less blatant than that!?
Jon, who has been getting clocked for having a crush on Damian since they were 10 by everyone except Damian: Hahahah... imagine that...!
The angst out of the idea that Bruce only ever made his JL Contingencies because of Hal turning into Parallax.
Like imagine being Bruce, you've only begun to trust people again... to not leave you, to not hurt you, to keep wanting you despite your frays and fractures
He finds the oddest company in a group of people who are also not used to trusting others; their abilities, responsibilities, and pasts do not leave room for much faith
So he tries to trust them. It is admittedly disconcerting that Bruce, the only human, should trust so many powerful beings with respecting his authority and being careful with his life (he has a son, a home; his life isn't his to throw away anymore)
Then there's Hal Jordan.
Bruce isn't impressed by the whole Space Diplomat and Test Pilot gig, much to Hal's dismay. Everyone can tell, and Hal maybe exaggerates the reasons because of pure insecurity.
It is only until Bruce reveals his identity in that first seige against Darkseid that Hal comes to understand.
It's not about being in awe of titles and feats.
It's about the way Hal snorts before he laughs, how his auburn hair burns even in the moonlight. It's about how Hal finds beauty and value in all life, however different it is from his own.
It's about how Hal is... Hal. Devastatingly human Hal. Ridiculously boyish Hal.
They're the only two people in that room who walk among gods and beasts by their sheer will and stubborness alone
They find comfort in the fact that they are equals who can argue for hours, representing sides of a house full of people who ought to know better.
Soon that turned into friendship, because Bruce's kids seem to think that Space Diplomat and Test Pilot are the coolest things a person can ever be, and Hal is actually very stimulating to be around when it concerns aircraft engineering, and Bruce is good to talk to about just about anything (especially about dinosaurs)
Somewhere along there, Bruce and Hal kiss.
They do it again.
And again.
And again.
They like kissing each other. Second only to waking up together on the same bed, showering together, or sharing breakfast as they talk about who is taking Jason to school and who is driving up to Blud to do a weekly wellness check on Dick.
Bruce tells Hal about his relationship with fear and all the ghosts that have ever haunted him. Hal tells Bruce about the welts on his back from childhood and disgusted glares he gets in every room he excels in.
They forgive each other for being so painfully human, then they kiss each other to thank them for being human.
.
Then Coast City gets destroyed. Bruce would watch helplessly as the man he loved became overtaken by power.
The same hands that cradled his bare skin became drenched in red and green light.
The same lips that whispered sweet nothings to his ear had tore open to declare shrill promises of galactic devastation.
They had to kill him first, Oliver lodging that arrow that saw his end. Next, they had to send him to the sun, for the hope that the world might see the light again.
Bruce's life had never felt darker.
When the dust settled, Bruce began writing contingency plans.
Just in case Diana and Clark, his dearest friends, almost siblings, also succumb to madness. Just in case Barry and Arthur forget their human roots too. Just in case. Just in case. Just in fucking case.
Just in case I have to lose you too, at least it won't be for good.
It's half-grief and half-rationality. He's a little appalled of himself that it took him this long to come up with such plans.
What was he thinking, trusting people who would not understand how fragile a life can be?
(Bruce thinks about the engagement ring tucked in his bedside table. He thinks about the pictures in the manor that were taken down after Hal first disappeared. He thinks about a stupid dinosaur plushie that sat in his bedroom.)
(What a fragile life indeed.)
.
When Hal came back, Bruce is stumped. He felt cheated; spending years mourning and trying to replace the solace he found in having someone he trusts.
Hal is back and Bruce is too angry to acknowledge the way his kisses are still burned into his skin. Hal's reactions, claiming he's being unfair to him, break Bruce's heart every time.
The betrayal was not that Hal became a vessel to beings more powerful than him, questionably willingly so.
The betrayal was that Hal had let Bruce think about killing him.
.
Bruce thought about writing a contingency plan for him specifically, separate from all the other Green Lanterns.
He tries to type "Bruce Wayne" as a plausible weakness, leverage to get Hal to settle down and stay earthed to his body, to his heroism, to his humanity that was the whole reason why Bruce had loved him in the first place.
Then immediately backspaced.
Hal Jordan had never belonged to anyone. Not even Bruce's desires to help him, to save him, to make him stay will be enough.
"Hal doesn't want to be saved by anyone," Oliver told Bruce.
Bruce laughed, bitterly, because of course I know.
Hal was a stubborn, prideful, audacious person; and oh how lovely he was. How lovely he is.
"Then why didn't he save himself and come back to me...?" Bruce asked instead, "Doesn't he want to kiss me again?"
Imagining the day that gay marriage got legalized in the states, and Hal makes an off-hand joke about marrying Spooky so that he becomes his husband and so he can (a) leech off of him, and (b) legally boss him around
Bruce overhears him and says "ight bet" and makes up a marriage license for both of them. Clark and Diana catch him in the act and give him a deadpan look, and his reason is "Hal needs a cover for your Earthside life when he's off-planet and Ferris can only make so many excuses. Being my spouse would make him responsible for a lot of my business and foundation works. He also has a terrible credit score and is one missed payment to his apartment away from being homeless every other Spectrum crisis and— Diana, why are you laughing, this is serious. Clark don't join her? This is League business!"
Hal sees it and humors him because it feels like a joke. It's not like Bruce cares about him or anything. And yeah it's kinda funny when you think about it but it all makes sense. Hal needs a cover for his long disappearances from the planet. Also, Spooky literally has too many rooms on his own and his butler is probably having it too easy also the kids are fun to be around. Now I can pay back my bar tab with Ollie, and buy Helen that dollhouse she wanted. Barry, don't look at me like that, it makes sense-!
So some staged marriage photos and a license later, Hal "lives with Bruce" occasionally when he's off-planet, and Bruce has excuses to leave his galas because "my husband is calling me"
But then Hal DOES start going to the manor for the sake of it, and he swears it's because the kitchen is nice and the kids like playing videogames with him, and totally not because Bruce gives the nicest back rubs and is a good lab partner when doing engine repairs and has a funny laugh and is really warm to sleep on after such a long time spent in space
When Barry points out that Hal now has nicer clothes and has a healthier diet, Hal shamelessly says "perks of being a billionaire's pet" and Barry is just ".......buddy boy do we hear ourselves rn 🧍"
And Bruce does start leaving galas because his husband is calling him..... except Hal didn't tell him shit. He just gets texted by Alfred that Hal is home from a mission and he dips from social events to "hang out" with him (ergo tucking Hal into bed and then promptly getting pinned down because he's just a warm flesh pillow to a very space lagged Hal)
Dinah and Oliver see this happen in a gala once and give Bruce the most unimpressed look when he swears up and down that Hal needs me he just got back in orbit and I need to nurse him as a concerned colleague
Basically, Hal and Bruce are legally married for what is essentially the superhero translation for Tax Purposes™
No one is amused. Well, Diana is. She can see through their shit. She thinks their emotional constipation is the funniest thing since the moon blowing up.
Barry looks like he's having the mid-speed force crisis of a lifetime. Dinah starts a bet pool on when they fall in love while Oliver is giving her a lecture about allyship.
Clark won because he already knew they were in love, just in horrible denial about it
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Kyle sends a meme to Hal about ship dynamics because he's a Gen Z freak. Specifically about "the most ethereal creature to ever exist x some guy™" and Kyle captions it with "this is you and Batman btw"
And Hal shows it to Bruce, all pissy and pouty because "I am NOT just some guy 😠😠😠 I am the Greatest Green Lantern to Ever Live! A bagillion years later and I'll STILL be the Greatest Green Lantern to Ever Live 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬"
And Bruce is very confused because Kyle knows that. Everyone knows that. Fuck, he knows that.
Until he realizes that Hal automatically thought that Bruce was the ethereal creature. Which is sweet. And kinda silly.
So enter Bruce trying to calm Hal down to make him laugh at a meme that should really not be making him tweak this much.
---
Bruce: Hal. My light. My cherished. Please sit down and shut up.
Hal: I will not shut up 😠 I am not just some guy!!! 😤😤😤
Bruce: No dear, but I am
Hal: ...?
Bruce, deadpan and meme literate: I am a billionaire. On Earth. There's many of those. There's only one Greatest Green Lantern to Ever Live across time and space. This isn't up for debate. You are the most ethereal creature to ever exist, in this case, my dear. I am just some guy.
Hal:
Hal, now angry about something else: Why can't we both be ethereal creatures? You are not just SOME GUY, Bruce 😤😠 You're literally BATMAN. These kids and their damn memes don't know anything about us 🤬 Don't you take any of this seriously, Bruce 😠 And how dare they assume I would settle for just "some guy" like HELLO- 🙄😤😠😠😠
Bruce, fondly: Oh my god, I married a fucking moron
Bruce is at that age where he demanded answers for what appeared to be such non-issues to most people.
Today, the subject was his mother's wardrobe. Bruce had spent all his little life watching his mama get dolled up from the vanity, or sorting through her dress choices. Occasionally, she'd dust some blush on his face and call him "perfect" in a way that carved into him.
Here, Bruce understood that presentation mattered on the physical end as much as it did on the social. He learned it was called "branding"
"Mama?"
"Yes, my little love?"
"Why do you have a lot of green and maroon in your dresses?"
Martha regarded her son from his reflection in her vanity, not missing a beat with her make-up ritual, "Hmm, what do you think?"
Bruce lit up. Martha and Thomas loved doing this, asking Bruce what the answer was, then reconciling it with the truth. It made their boy feel important, heard, wanted.
"I think... it's your favorite color?"
Martha giggled, plucking her accessories from the jewelry drawer. Pearls. The Martha Wayne staple. "Well, it's the color of something that is my favorite," she nodded, "Do you think Daddy's favorite color is blue?"
"No. Daddy wears a lot of blue, but he says his favorite color is green!"
Like Martha's eyes. Like the grass around the home they were raising their son in. Like the hues of Gotham at its calmest.
"Blue is the Wayne family color," Martha told him, "Blue and yellow, more like. A navy blue with a gold yellow. The family's been associated with it a lot, from the hospitals we build to the gold accents of our office buildings. The Waynes are known reformists and pacifists. You know what pacifists are, right baby?"
"Mhmm! They're people who don't like killing other people, right?"
"Correct! That's my smart boy," Martha blew him a kiss, making Bruce giggle sweetly.
"So..." Bruce thought out loud, in the way 9-year-olds processed information, "Is green your family colors?"
Martha nodded, smile tightening for a split second. Green. The color of sickness. The color of Arkham and madness and poison.
"I may be a Wayne now, but I'll always be a Kane," Martha said, turning around and beaming at Bruce, "But naturally, I will always be your mom. No matter the colors I wear."
Bruce nodded, seemingly satisfied with that particular train of thought. He followed it with another, as Martha was finishing up the last touches of her look for the night.
"Mama?"
"Yes, my darling?"
"When I get married, do I have to find someone who wears green too?"
"Why do you think that, little love?"
"Because Daddy wears blue, and you wear green, and you both look nice and happy together," Bruce said like it was a fact, and maybe it was, for a 9 year old whose entire world was made up of Mother and Father and colors and fun and dress up.
"Well, first of all," Martha smirked, "Don't let your dear old dad hear you talking about marriage. You know how he gets."
Bruce squealed into his palm and nodded. Thomas would have a meltdown. He's been inconsolable the first time Bruce wore bis kinder prep school uniform; what more if Bruce were finally wearing white?
"And second, it's not about the colors that drew your father and I together," she said, as-a-matter-of-factly, "It's the fact that we genuinely love and understand each other."
She winked at her son as she was dabbing on the last of her rouge.
"Although," Martha added, "Between you and me, I wouldn't mind you getting with someone who looks wonderful in green. I'd give them all my dresses and pearls."
Bruce nodded. There and then, he made a mental note: marry someone who looks good in green so his mom's clothes will be passed on to someone who will like them.
Martha stood up from her vanity and spun around, her olive green dress flying around her knees. "Dinner and movies, a classy family date deserves a classy get-up. Isn't that right, baby boy?"
"Yes!" Bruce cheered, jumping up and down the settee of the master walk-in closet.
Martha smiled warmly, beckoning him over, "Alright. Now let's go see your dad. Zorro awaits."
.
.
.
.
An alleyway, two bullets, and a little over 30 years later.
Bruce was sat in the settee of the same walk-in closet. But the clothes inside the cabinets were different, the jewelry boxes in far more disarray than they ought to be, and the make up station is more of a suggestion than a base.
Hal is sat behind the vanity, chuckling to himself about "showing off to those pompous gits at the gala who they're messing with" and "homophobia isn't a fear of gay people you're just a bitch" and "you better not develop an oedipus complex, Spooky"
He was wearing a dress from Martha's collection, one of the few times he feels like it.
Hal grows back into his skin, reconciling with death in a way Thomas and Martha Wayne can't. Small miracles, Bruce had told himself, necessary compromises. He's proud of his love and what hard earned comforts they've achieved throughout the decades of being amongst the world's finests.
But nothing quite beats seeing Hal in one of his mother's dresses, her silver and black jewelry, and her make up kit that withstood time.
Something fond washes over Bruce; not once, but several times, every few seconds when the warm light of the vanity shines just right on Hal to make his tan skin and brunette hair glow. Like a wave to a shore. Like a second to an hour.
His mother's shades of green were always more muted, calmer. Not the striking shine of a Green Lantern uniform, but complementing Hal's figure and features all the same.
Green like the sunset bordering the forests are. Green like earth, like hope, like fertility — like the promise of life continuing in spite of everything because it is beautiful, important.
"You look good in green," Bruce commented
Hal snorted, giving his husband a dry but proud look. "Obviously. I'm not the greatest green lantern for nothing, Spooky."
batlantern/batfamily conflict because BruHal have not tied the knot yet despite 17 years of knowing and loving each other, and the kids Do Not like that
Unfortunately, their kids are romantics (Jason has written every foundational piece of romantic literature ever) (Damian is Arab, who are known to be insane about marriage and passion), divas (Dick and Cass WANT to be flower girls so badly), and manipulators (Tim "but imagine if I had two parents again B 🥺" Drake)
So if sending them cheesy wedding tiktoks in the family tiktok gc (w/ parents) isn't gonna work, then the kids have all decided to take matters into their own hands
Tim has tried to send both of them to a Bridal fair, about to marriage trap them by social convention — Jason and Damian fuck up the plan because "WHAT ARE YOU DOING. OUR PARENTS DESERVE A WEDDING PLANNED WITH PERSONALITY AND CARE"
Dick has bribed Bruce's secretary to try to get him to accidentally sign a marriage license among the thousands of stacks of paperwork that he trusts to have been pooled through already by his secure corporate entourage — Lucius makes Hal ground Dick for this ("Grounded!? I am a grown man with my own house and taxable job!" Dick said under his blanket in the room he's not allowed to leave for a week)
Cass straight up proposed to Hal on Bruce's behalf... she's confused but she's got the spirit of it
Jason and Damian stage a situation where marriage is all that will resolve the issue, maybe a mission or a case where the kids' lives are in peril. They paid the Gotham Sirens to arrange this..... unfortunately, Bruce can just pay them a higher sum to come clean
Eventually, Bruce and Hal have enough of this and sit the kids down, demanding that they behave themselves
"But you've known each other for 17 gosh darn years, been dating for half of that too!" Dick whined, pouting like a petulant child and not a fraudualist, "You're the one who keeps telling us to know our worth! Why don't you two get married too!?"
Hal frowned, "What are you talking about? We are married."
The kids, their (dead) parents, the JLA, JLD, JSA, all adjacent hero teams, Darkseid himself: YOU ARE!?
Bruce: We are?
Hal, even more confused: ??? MY RING ANSWERED TO YOU AND KEPT YOU ALIVE DURING A DARKSEID ATTACK, BRUCE!
Bruce: That was a wedding ring!?
Hal: IT WAS LITERALLY FORGED FROM A PIECE OF MY SOUL AND WILLPOWER
Hal: THE UNIVERSE HAS DECIDED WE ARE MARRIED NOW
Bruce:
Bruce, pouting: Didn't even see you in wedding attire? ☹️
Hal, fond and so very tired: Oh my fucking god...
.
.
So... space married batlantern shenanigans except this time Hal is the aware one, and the entire family full of the world's best detectives are not
When Hal and Bruce start dating, it is noticeable by everyone and their mother that Hal has gone quiet overtime, especially when he and Bruce are in the same room
They still bicker - gosh, it's like they never left - but the silences about the arguments are thick with acceptance and reassurance that I still love you even if we disagree (Hal) and I love you because we can still disagree (Bruce)
When Hal goes quiet, they see him staring at Bruce, his eyes comitting every shade and curve to memory like it's a sacred view
Just don't make the mistake of asking why is he looking at Bruce
There's a 50% chance that you may not like the answer
.
.
Clark, seeing Hal glare hard at Bruce from across the room: Hey ik you guys had a bit of a spat but what's got you glaring like you suddenly hate him
Hal, off handedly: I'm going to ride him into the sun
Clark, a good midwestern boy: .....WHAT?
.
.
Meanwhile, Bruce had seem to take after his partner's talkativeness
Before Hal, Bruce's personal life is guarded. Every piece of information was a vulnerability he cannot risk, not when there were lives at stake (there always is, with Batman)
But since getting hitched to one of the most powerful people in the universe, who is just a little bit overprotective as he is, Bruce has begun to speak about his life like it was precious and worth sharing — because it was, with Hal around
.
.
[Barry and Bruce in monitor duty, tense]
Barry, awkwardly: So...... how was your weekend?
Bruce, buzzing with post-weekend fuzz: Hal and I had an IKEA date
Barry, having to grasp the idea of Batman standing in an IKEA aisle: O-Oh?
Bruce: We made my son a drawing desk because he's gotten taller for his last one. I have pictures. Would you like to see?
Barry: ...you know what? This might as well happen. Sure.
(only slightly) crack NSFW Batlantern wherein Hal gets Bruce pregnant by sheer willpower alone
Variation of this post because an anon asked for it...
It's longer this time, perverts
.
.
They weren't really trying in the first place.
In part that neither of them had the sack to achieve what their dirty talk is trying to imitate, and also because Hal tended to forget that his willpower always acted against his better judgment.
And Bruce had been so bold when they got back from a particularly tense meeting, leaving Hal suspended in silence until they had to come to bed.
That's when Bruce promptly pushed Hal down and straddled his lap, already smelling and swelling anticipation, dressed in nothing but a loose robe and a pair of panties that he had made a point to take off slowly, making sure a string of pre-cum would stick from his cock to the cloth.
"I do believe someone said that I cannot possibly tell them what to do, that I had no right," Bruce told Hal as he sunk down on his cock, "Let's change that, shall we?"
Bruce's hot, damp cunt is squeezing his soul from his body, this Hal could swear. His laugh became breathy, taunts just at the tip of his tongue.
Then Bruce shoved his panties in Hal's mouth. He could only groan as the taste of cum and lube overtook his senses, and Bruce's frantic riding fried his every nerve.
"You like that, don't you, Jordan? Don't you enjoy feeling like a man, having your cock taken by the one cunt that will give it the time of day? Imagine if I stopped right now, left your balls blue and just jacked off, cumming all over you? I could, you know, just not let you cum. After all, far be it off me to tell you what to do."
Hal whined and shook his head, muffled pleas of "Don't" and "Please let me" coming out between needy whines
"Maybe if I let you breed me, got full with your bastards, you'd listen to me. You're an honorable man first before a pervert, and I know you'd deserve every consequence. You want to dump your cum in me, boy? You want to not listen to me but still want my cunt? Alright, Jordan. I'll give it to you. And I'll give you your fucking consequences, you disgusting whore."
That does it. Hal spills into Bruce with a scream, thrusting upwards and rolling his hips, lodging in a knot that isn't there like the animal he's being treated like.
Bruce barely lets him rest before he turned around and sunk back on his cock, making sure Hal would get all the view he'd let him have.
.
.
And later, when sadistic pleasure fizzes out into the truth it's tethered to, and they are softly looking and holding each other, they talk about the fight that led them there.
"I know you hate taking orders. I understand, Hal, but it's not about control."
"I know."
"Do you?" Bruce asked, rhetorically. They both knew that acknowledgment is different from acceptance.
Bruce held Hal's hand and pressed it to his heart, in that space of his chest that Hal shared with a many great deal of others.
"My strategy isn't about control. It's about efficiency, minimizing damage. It's about making sure everyone goes home, that you and I do."
Bruce lowered Hal's hand over his belly, skin raw with kisses and playful slaps from earlier, relaxing from the stretch. It's hot and heavy, and full of sick from the argument that led to this.
"We have kids, Hal," Bruce said, "When you and I got together, they became yours. Your life stopped being yours to gamble with when you agreed to be loved by people who can't lose you, who won't survive it."
Hal is bitter, but not at Bruce. God, never him. Not when they were talking about children who had Bruce's face and had since began picking up Hal's little habits.
"I know," was all he said, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
.
.
A few weeks later, Bruce passes out in the cave. Randomly, by the way, during a stretch of time where Gotham was relatively tame. Hal finished his mission in a heartbeat and was on his way home at the next.
Everyone was in the manor, huddled around the bedroom where Leslie and Alfred were doing the best they can to understand.
When they come out, they are surprised at opposite ends of feeling.
"Well, as far as research goes, I can't pretend to not be happy just at the principle thereof," Leslie laughed, patting a very confused Hal at the back.
Meanwhile, Alfred took a different turn by punching Hal.
"You," he growled, "Of all the insolence, the irresponsibility, the utter DISRESPECT-!"
The kids all nervously herd a murderous Alfred away from Hal and ask him to check on Bruce.
Hal does and Bruce is there, absolutely glowing.
"I'm pregnant," he explained simply.
Hal blinked" What?"
"If Leslie's tests are accurate, it happened during our copulation after the last League mission."
"...What?"
"She has theories, mostly related to your Willpower. She's headed to the cave to check."
"What?"
"I'm keeping it."
"Oh," Hal paused, "What do you want me to do?"
And never has Hal asked that so earnestly, to ask Bruce what he would like things done. Always acting first before asking. Always leading with will than foresight.
It warmed Bruce just a little, how raw with concern Hal had asked.
"Well first," he chuckled, "I would like you to come here and hug me and tell me if you're happy."
Hal does as he commanded, but in the wrong order: he says he's happy first, before coming close to share his first embrace with his husband and child.
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Hal, sitting on the desk chair for the Batcomputer: Whoa, your chair's duty heavy times a million! This chair can take the impact of crashing against an F-16
Bruce: Made it myself.
Hal, smirking: You wouldn't happen to have brought this out for.... specific purposes, no? 😏
Bruce: My kids.
Hal: ...what?
Bruce: My kids sit on it.
[Bruce rolls a video feed on the Batcomputer of him sitting on the same chair some few hours ago. One by one, the kids file into the Batcave rambling on about something, then ending up draped on Bruce. Damian takes his left lap and Jason on his right. Dick perches on one of the arm rests. Cass balances on the back of the chair. Tim is on Bruce's shoulders. The chair neither creaks nor wobbles, even as Bruce starts spinning around the Batcave to make the kids laugh]
Hal:
Bruce: :))
Hal: Spooky, this chair could theoretically carry 7 Hal Jordans
Bruce: 7 Hal Jordans and 5 Barbara Gordons with the wheelchair, to be precise
Batlantern omegaverse where the Justice League finds out they're dating because Hal has started to begin smelling more... expensive
Oliver calls it out first because of course he does, he knows 2 of the most important things here: (a) what does Hal smell like, and (b) what a wealthy alpha would smell like, as one himself
Hal's alphan phermones are more often noted with the scent of roots and spices, with a hint of the burn of grass under supersonic wings.
Since when the fuck did Hal started smelling like Armani-weave nests?
.
.
Oliver, sagging up to Hal: So whose nest have you been falling into lately, Jordan? Gotta tell you, you're a little too old for you to be nest hopping on the late nights.
Hal, previously poking at Watchtower engineering and now is very much bothered: What are you talking about?
Oliver: Oh please 🙄 you don't think I can smell Hermès on a man from miles away? I know they pay test pilots well, but not THAT well 🤨 like boy, where have you been to get scented up in Hermés and vintage San Laurent?
Hal, sputtering: I can be expensive if I want! So what if I would want to splurge in my rut nest?
Oliver: Yeah? Spell Hermés then?
Hal: 🙄 H-E-
Oliver, smirking: One of the e's is accented, which one?
Hal: ☝️😦...... ✊😔
Oliver: Just drop the name of whatever fine omega you've gotten wrapped up with and I'll let this go
Hal: We're still figuring out the kinks-
Oliver, smelling Hal closer: Oh I bet you are. What is that, Alexander McQueen? These brands are distinct because they stick to omegas and pronounce scents that scream RICH. But it's A.M. and the only one in our circle who wears it often enough to stick to their phermones is-
Batman: [walks past them]
Oliver:
Hal:
Oliver:
Oliver: Ain't no fucking way-
Hal: Shut up, Ollie, no- GET BACK HERE!
.
.
Green Arrow is seen running across the Watchtower screaming: "LANTERN'S BANGING BATS. I REPEAT: THE BETTING POOL IS CLOSED. PAY UP, BITCHES!" — "ARROW, I WILL COOK YOUR ASS!"
Clark and Diana overhear it from the bridge and look at each other, then to Bruce who is very much unphased, but now that they realize it, his scent has also gotten... simpler
The scent of wealth and vintage was buried under the sweet whiffs of orange and sunlight, like a normal west coast afternoon under clear skies. He also noticeably looks a little softer. Not really shrunk, but the tension on his shoulders is loosened and his jaw is not as firmly taut
.
.
Clark: So... Hal, huh? Since when?
Bruce, surprisingly unguarded: Since he returned from his mission. We've been... speaking thoroughly since.
Diana: Well, I'm very happy for you both!
Bruce: Thank y-
Clark: Then why was your Watchtower quarters smelling like sweet grass even before Hal left for his last mission?
Bruce:
Diana:
Clark:
Clark: Well, I mean-
Bruce (embarrassed omega) and Diana (very protective of the jl's omegas' honors): You smelled nothing.
Allen stares at the Trinity Bruce without his cowl , remembering a young man with blue eyes trying to run a company and be a doctor at the same time. Who puts a hand on his shoulder while whispering in his ear, "Let's get out of here, Scott."
Allen: …Thomas Wayne.
Kyle: Batman's DAD?!
ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS
Can we, like, imagine a story that goes something like....
Reluctant high society member Alan Scott crossing paths with the idealist darling Thomas Wayne in Gotham's social sphere and hitting it off, but Alan's duty is to the world while Thomas will always be to Gotham first, and so they part ways amicably because Thomas cannot handle the waiting with hand over heart for someone who cannot and will not give within proportion.
By the time Alan retires and decides to give it another try, he finds Thomas already moved on, madly in love with Martha Kane, and having her son — a boy with the same eyes that Alan had first fallen in love with, with the bone structures and laugh of a person who could give to Thomas what Alan never could: commitment, proportional assurance that every bastardization and every scandal will be worth it.
Alan moves on, if for anything else, then because out of respect for himself and for Thomas. He finds love with someone who can understand the nature of this duty. He exists in spite of the bitterness of all that could've been. The thoughts get quieter.
Then somewhere, some time later, Hal Jordan and Bruce Wayne get together.
Publicly. In both cape and without.
Alan smiles when Hal talks to him about Bruce ("-you know Bruce, right? Waynes being city royalty, your city royalty") and sees a little bit of himself and Thomas in them. Just a little.
Bruce could give to Hal what Thomas couldn't give Alan, what Alan could never ask of Thomas. It was a different time, a different climate, but the bravery needed on both parties would've been the same: the bravery to stay and the bravery to ask to be stayed for.
So Alan smiles politely, says he's happy for them, and says he hopes they will be good and true to each other.
(If Bruce should find new flowers by his father's grave and know, then that's no one's business but the dead)
.
.
Or, yknow, we just—
.
.
Bruce, buzzing with excitement: Mr. Scott, it's an honor and a pleasure to meet you in kinder lights
Alan Scott, a little exasperated, but fails to be firm with the Lanterns' most hostile JL ally because Bruce is of Gotham and genuinely looks so happy to meet him: Oh please, Mr. Scott makes me sound so old and formal. Call me Alan, I insist! From one Gothamite to another.
Bruce: I must tell you, my father and I were great fans of you for your earthside work.
Alan: Ah, yes, Thomas. We've met.
Bruce, excited: Really? How come?
Alan:
Alan:
Alan, remembering a wild night where young Dr. Wayne gave him a very thorough physical examination: ......how open minded are you?
Bruce:
Bruce, narrows his eyes: It depends. Was it before or after he met my mother?
Alan, having been romanced by a younger, spry Thomas Wayne: .....I think that's not the part you ought to be concerned with.
Jason gets mad at Bruce for reason #327889 and it gets out of proportion in a way that started out as a silly squabble
And Jason says "You know what, old man? I'll make you regret this! I'll make you face the most terrifying thing your image can be used for! See how that feels!"
Bruce thinks it's whatever and proceeds to move on with his day. Nothing really bad happens since then....
....until he gets to the Watchtower for work and no one can look him in the eye. Everyone is whispering when he comes and goes from rooms.
Especially Hal, who is a little too giggly and averse to him, blushing a little too much. Bruce thinks it's only cute for a reasonable amount of time until it gets concerning, so he corners Diana and Clark and begs them to just tell him what's going on.
Clark is so red in a face, laughing and looking for an escape. There never is. Not in front of Batman. "So... Jason is a very creative kid!"
Diana is nodding more than she's speaking and she's trying too hard to appear normal. "Yes, yes, we ought to preface this by saying you are doing an excellent job at nurturing such a free spirit in your children, reflective of your appreciation for the arts-"
Bruce is clearly not having it. They just rip out the band aid all at once.
"Jason wrote a smutfic of the Spectre, Parallax, and Green Lantern in a g/ngb/ng with Batman, then posted the ao3 link on his twitter."
"..."
"It was very well written."
"..."
"There were two chapters where you were on top and one where you were at the bottom."
"...and everyone read it?"
"It was very well written."
"...?"
"The characterization was so finely made that we thought your identities might be leaked."
I have this fic idea I thumb through in my head where Bruce is a stoic academic (I love to think he teaches units in political science and social work) whose students are convinced are devoid of any whimsy and joy in his heart... until NASA launches a new space mission ft. mission specialist Hal Jordan
Suddenly Prof. Bruce Wayne overhauls all units about non-state actors' role in statecrafting, and dedicates the weeks leading up to the start and end of the mission talking about the politics of space, the romance of the stars, the importance of the people chosen for the mission. He cancels classes (so unknown to him) on the day the mission launches and the ship lands
People just think Wayne has a fascination for astronomy and knows enough to probably be an aeronautical engineer in another life, which honestly, good for him, the man needs hobbies
The hobby only stopped being a hobby when one day, for some unknown reason, the university manages to snag the space mission's crew as guest speakers for some symposium or another
It was one thing to find Prof. Wayne to arrive in the same care, arm-in-arm with the handsome flyboy astronaut that the planet has been thirsting over for the better part of a month
But a whole other thing for them to have been caught kissing at some point
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Batlantern/Batfamily/GLC idea of mine but I think, when they get serious enough and talk about "meeting the family", Hal chooses to introduce to Bruce to the Lanterns of Earth (and some)
Because what is there of the Jordans are a graveyard kept cold by unsaid words and breathless farewells, and the other half had always preferred to keep out of "that" business (whether it's the gay part or the cape part, Hal's not sure, nor does he want to know)
Bruce takes this in stride. Despite knowing everyone Hal considered "family" already, he treats them as he would impressing them as much as he could, when he met them in Hal's small apartment for a family dinner.
John and Jo are just glad it's not worse (/j). Jessica and Simon are respectful, and know Bruce well enough to be confident. Kyle chooses to stfu because Batman doesn't know he's banging his son and he'd like to keep it that way (Bruce already knows). Guy is, well, Guy.
But none of them really have anything bad to say after the initial shock of learning that the poster children for office beef have gotten together. After all, Bruce is rich, good with kids, responsible, and most importantly of all, he makes Hal quiet - smiling, calm, and safe. That's all that matters
However
It has come to their attention that becoming the (un)official Mrs Wayne meant that Hal was now charged with the custody of 5 (?) stepchildren, who are all as mysterious and insane as their dad
The first to make an encounter with the Batfamily after Batlantern's publicity is Guy, for all the best and worse reasons
Who does he meet first?
Cassandra Wayne
.
.
[gearing up in the Watchtower, Hal and Guy are going]
Guy being Guy: Damn you playing nanny for the big Bat now? thought you couldn't handle allat. good luck with his batshit crazy kids though!
Cass: 😠
Guy, jumping: Jesus- FUCK where did YOU come from!?
Hal: Cass. Batgirl. She's coming with us on this mission to learn about off-planet JL protocol. You got a problem with that?
Cass: 🫡
Guy: No but... damn, she's tiny. How old is she? She looks like she's just 6 apples tall,or whatever tf Kyle says these days. Is the Bats feeding her?
Cass: Seven
Guy: What?
Cass: My brothers say I'm 7 apples tall
Guy: Almost thought she couldn't speak there, what do you know.
Hal: Cass is selectively mute. Half trauma response, half preference. She's deaf on one ear so don't blast her there, will you?
Guy:
Guy, former special ed teacher, known to be more understanding with young heroes, new recruits, and anyone he determines to be a kid:
Guy: I would die for you, Cass
Cass: [reads his body language for a second]
Cass: Oh okay! 😊 Yay!! 😁 [unlatches from Hal and hooks her arm on Guy's]
Guy, tearing up: This is the greatest honor of my life 🥹
Hal: ...Bruce is gonna fucking kill us both
.
.
.
[returning to the Batcave]
Bruce: Welcome back, what's- [takes a step back after seeing Cass perched on Guy Gardner's shoulders]
Cass, holding pretty space rocks, a large alien smoothie, and a shirt that says "I came to the Far Sector and all I got was this shirt": Dad, this big orange meanie is now my favorite uncle on Hal's side
Bruce: [gives Hal a look]
Hal, trying not to laugh/cry: It was this or Kilowog, and we can't exactly bring Kilowog to Cass' dance recitals, can we?
After Hal Jordan successfully scores a sugar daddy in bruce wayne. All of the earth Lanterns use Wayne Manor as a motel.
John is first luckily, given he is an architect. Bruce gives him some ground rules, guest wingg only, no drastic edits to the floor plan. And no stupid charges on his card (the last one lasts for 1 second until John and Hal buy an inflatable car dealership guy.
His room is basically invincible, just so he doesnt damage any other rooms while disecting weapons. Including bombs to "adequately see what he may need to construct"
Bruce: Hey Joh- why do you have a missile?
John: Hal said i dont need anything past a Machine gun that shoots not lethals, but i still like to check
Bruce: *Slowly closes door made of a material not found on earth but John found it.
Guys doesnt have too many changes, he did completely remove any traces of personality. Save for one funky rug he designed based on all the rings he wore. It is very male living space, bed, beige wall, couch, gaming stuff, computer, and giant tv. But did have to be soundproof (he gets too "excited"(angry) with the bachelor
Hal, pre soundproofing: Hey not agreeing just repeating, could we tone it do-
Guy, sobbing into a pillow: How could Arie do that??????
Hal: Im just gonna go
Kyle decided he was too good for a room, and instead chose the attic and replaced some if the roof with windows (John did it but Kyle was the visionary) his room Is directly across from Damians studio. Which adds to their slight competitiveness.
Guy, who got lost (its been 6 months in space): Kyle, wheres the kitchen?
Kyle: Stressfully painting a giant canvas
Guy: Whats going on?
Kyle: *Points without looking away from canvas*
Guy: *Uses ring to construct binoculars*
Damian, across the mansion: *Painting an equally large canvas calmly*
Simon took a room that faces Mecca, because sometimes you are in soace and dont know where to face. And then you go home and still dont remember. He bonds with Damian, and decorates like an arab grandma. Soundproofed aswell so no one hears him during his visions
Kyle: Why do you have Damis teapot in here?
Simon: *Faces the horrors he cannot stop* Tea
Kyle: Okay. He wants it back
Simon: if he does we all die...
Simon: Kidding, go ahead. And tell Bruce i lovs him.
Jessicas is a GAD heaven, or hell depending on what you view it as. She has collections of every possible cure for her anxiety and agoraphobia in there. But all it does is stresses her out.
John: Can i borrow your ring charger?
Jessica: *Under two weighted blankets, 75 lavender candles around her room lit* Im so relaxed, im so relaxed.
Jo only recently agreed to move in, and her room is just balls to the walls covered in memorabilia, posters, a ginat screen she projects her ao3 on. She binds fanfictions for personal use (hate her all you want, she cant get wifi in space)
Jo: *Bruce x Bat Smut projected onto her wall*
Anyone who walks in, immediately walks out.
Except Guy, its basically the Bachelor, except not at all.
It's like when one of your girl friends marry rich so you ALL start living well, unless her mans wants you guys to start gatekeeping her
Also the kids absolutely adore having "extended family" (Yes, B, extended family) visiting between missions or for when Hal hosts small gatherings for Earth's lanterns
Simon and Damian bonding over art and reminding each other to pray on time. Cass appearing in Jo's room to just vibe, usually sitting on her table while she explains shit like what a yumeship is. Tim and Jessica trading weighted blankets. Dick and Jason ransacking Kyle's attic, for completely different reasons. John and Alfred bonding over being old family men who are also very tired about not being taken for the insane creatures that they are. Guy and Stephanie bonding over movies, and trade stories about work beef. Duke and Hal, of course, being 🤞 with each other.
And Bruce just being fond... and tired.
----
Bruce, coming home: Hello, people who don't live here.
John, Jessica, Jo, Simon, Guy, Kyle, Hal, drinking and playing cards on the stairway in the foyer, of all places: Yoww.
Bruce: I gave you all keys for emergencies.
Jessica: This is an emergency. We couldn't find the bottle opener in Jo's kitchen.
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