my blog, my diary

you deserve someone who looks at you at your mid-laugh and feels like the luckiest person on earth

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

genuinely hate how flashbacks are written. its always a complete full body experience where you talk or walk around as if youre living the trauma and have to be jerked back to reality. often its more like one sense from the trauma that you remember distinctly. or, especially in the cases of complex ptsd from repeated trauma, they’re entirely emotional, and youre feeling what you felt during the trauma. that can be shame, hopelessness, or just an overwhelming panic. flashbacks arent always a perfect movie retelling of your trauma and im tired of the idea that they are.

It's really hard when you think you're healed from something and it affects you all over again. Like an old trigger still has an effect on you, or an old self-destructive habit comes back, or you still have panic attacks or nightmares over something you thought you were over. I know it really sucks, but it doesn't mean that you haven't made progress. It's okay if healing isn't a straight line.

it’s honestly so weird trying to explain trauma to people without ptsd. like yes i’m fine, yes i have panic attacks constantly and feel like im reliving it, yes i’m just going about my day as usual, no i’m not going to break down and cry all the time even when it’s the worst thing that ever happened to me and i remember like it was yesterday. what’s hard to get?

its okay if your trauma made you angry

idk if it’s the mental illness but sharing literally any information feels like oversharing. i’ll be like “i skipped breakfast this morning” and immediately im like “i might as well have told them where i buried the money”

Nothing you do is an invitation to being sexually assaulted.

literally no situation ever will ever justify the rape or sexual assault of any woman anywhere on earth