Tired of being silenced

preface: I shall start by saying 6B4T is a lifestyle choice. no one, no lesbian especially, has the power required to separate you from your males, we do not have the power to ban, or restrict, or kill you for continuing to date, idolize, and birth males while having no female solidarity and prioritizing no women. the most "backlash" you shall receive is online words on a screen. compared to real life as women are raped, beaten, assaulted by men repeatedly over and over; we are not wrong to demand feminist action and hold women up to a certain standard. 

6B4T: a South Korean & Chinese feminist movements that calls for radical action & provides the most practical and sensible way of ending the patriarchy. the tenets are:

"radical feminism"; there is a disconnect here, but not by much. western radical feminism is the one that originated during the 3rd wave feminist movement. the meaning of it was to 'get to the root' of the problem and dismantle the patriarchy. the word radical here also applies in a literal sense, meaning radical action. then there is the South Korean / Chinese radical feminism or the 6B4T group which is essentially the same, but with clear cut goals and lifestyle. a direct approach on how to best, and swiftly end patriarchal oppression; at the root. while they both refer to different sects, the end solution is always the same: separatism. which is why it is important that online radfems learn the difference between the radical feminist label, and gender critical. not centering & catering to males is an essential necessity of the movement. you cannot pick and choose when to call yourself a radical feminist while actively contradicting the fundamentals of the movement itself simply because you do not want to take radical action, in a radical feminist movement.

Separatism: I outright refuse to believe separatism constitutes as a 'radical' action, rather it should be considered the most natural solution. the obvious choice. the only power we have is to not serve men. let's break this down; for the sake of convenience let's just ignore male family members at this point, despite the fact that they're the ones who are most likely to benefit out of your subjugation. for now let's focus on romantic male partners. 

to start, I've heard many say that I, as a lesbian, have no right to give my input on this topic, and during my earlier r*dblr days I'll admit I thought that too as I was being silenced by every osa woman around me. still, that did not stop me from thinking and forming opinions; seeing things clearly. some lesphobic way's I've been shut down includes saying things like "lesbians just don't get osa oppression, t's easy for you to advocate for celibacy when you aren't the one being involved with or being affected by men", or "you get to say that & date, yet we cannot find love? how unfair is that" 

—— to a degree this is correct, I'll never understand what you as a osa go through, but that does not mean we do not face misogyny. we are women, and we are traumatized constantly by being forced to be in the presence of males, usually brought around by osa women. the axis of homophobia and misogyny here overlap. that aside 6B4T radical feminist movement isn't made solely by lesbians. it's a movement started by women of all sexuality in South Korean & china. many women abstain from sex & marriage whether for religious reasons, or protest; it is not a new concept.

—— sorry but you won't receive any sympathy from me on the second point; lesbians are well resigned to the fact that we will never date, never find loved and will likely be sold or raped by our family members. and guess what? that isolation is unique to us, but it is also our norm. in every single tv show, play, books, media, conversation, history; every part of creation on the planet has been saturated in your favor; you were promised love from the start, you were given it in tv shows, in books, in historical stories, in songs, in poems — the world is made for you. everywhere you go. we never had that, we still don't. to me this sounds like the cries of the privileged. so sorry if I do not care much about how being celibate is a very difficult choice for you. I'm devoid of compassion here. I'm sure it's hard, but you will find someone else to hold your hand instead; the entire world always gives you what you want, so please bear my lack of sympathy. 

moving on, I don't think I need to expressly say it, but I will anyway: dating men is self harm. it's foolish; you endanger yourself and everyone around you. no, I am not infantilizing you when I say this. it is just a fact. I know it, and you know it, must I really pull out the beautiful words and string it all together lyrically? we both know the end result and the truth is this; men don't respect you, they do not care for you, and they do not love you beyond how one love's it's property. although I am well aware that when faced with uncomfortable facts women tend to double down often on their beliefs. it's a defense mechanism, so I have nothing to say to that. shut your ears, avert your eyes & scream about how wrong I am, I shall continue to speak to the ones who will listen then.  

I think the reason women on radblr find it so hard to be anti male centric is because of western privilege. due to the fact that the patriarchy you reside in is comfortable enough for you, you lack the empathy required to use your privilege to take radical feminist action & make a solid stance. western countries like America, Uk, etc have a lot of influence, the effects of colonization still ripple across many different countries; it is why popular fads like gender identity and pro-sexual abuse movements blaze through other countries. alternatively we can use this tide in the favor of all women; if western women take up such a bold feminist stance they shall cause a ripple effect and their actions will reflect the struggles of all women. 

However they refuse to do so because they are lazy and lack empathy for women in other countries because they aren't the ones being beaten, raped and sold by their family members into sexual slavery, because they aren't the ones being payed by governments to birth babies like cattle, because they aren't the ones who's parents kill them upon being born, because they aren't child brides (or at least pretend that it's not an issue in their countries), because they are not pawns; they have rights. and they lack empathy for us outside of reblogging posts to reaffirm their beliefs "oh look at those poor dirty countries, how those women suffer" while still being extremely individualistic and male centric. 

women do not need sex, to argue that having PIV / het sex is essential to your life as a woman is not only misogynistic, but homophobic as well. you are a multifaceted individual, your entire being is not tied to sexual acts you commit with men; it is not a need to have sex, you will not die if you do not have sex with men, insinuating so is very incel-like behavior. pleasing men sexually will not grant you liberation, no matter what gratification you claim to get out of it.

centering males is unfeminist. reproducing, marrying and birthing males is an unfeminist action. no amount of revolutionary online 'think' posts will aid in women's liberation unless you, yourself, take action. which brings me to the next point; some reasons & arguments that anti-separatists give: 

—— "it's too extreme": misogyny is extreme. feminism is extreme. you will not be liberated nor contribute to the liberation of anyone else as you drag your feet & hold any entire movement back by co-opting the 'radfem' label as a gender identity while taking no action. then calling everyone who rightfully follows and advocates for the principles of radical feminist 'deranged' and harassing them out of the spaces where they rightfully belong; lesbians & woc especially are a victim to such overwhelming target of harassment by bi/het privileged women as they continue to repeatedly prioritize men and themselves over marginalized minority women.

—— "how dare you say I don't deserve love" love has nothing to do with being deserving or worthy; I think you're too emotionally involved at this point where you cannot give up the privileges you acquire from bedding men, so instead you think yourself a victim of online hate crime. please go back to the preface at the start of this post, I don't want to retype it.

—— "if we stop reproducing with males, they will rape us". is that not more reason to separate from males? distance yourself so that they may never reach you again. being pressured to sleep with males; saying 'no' and getting raped: that is the true face of all males, these creatures will not 'love' you, no matter how much you try to romanticize it. for every 'good' male there is a girl he's harassed, a rapist friend he's defended, a porn watcher he's ignored, a woman he didn't help out, a comment he liked about misogyny. prioritize other women first, not males.

—— "osa women are the majority, they will never stop partnering with males, it's unrealistic to demand so & exclude them from feminism" you see.. here's the thing; separatists, lesbians, actual radfems: we have no systematic power to exclude or oppress osa's from feminism. there is no way to stop these women from benefiting of the labour of lesbians / woc radfems. however they, being part of the oppressor class, largely do have the power to come into radical feminist spaces and co-opt it, dismantle it and reconstruct it to 'function' within the frame work of their comfort (dating men, wearing makeup, watching porn, being hateful to lesbians and woc all the while simply being anti sex slavery and gender critical is enough for them to garner all the attention and positive reaffirmation they require about their male reformist feminism). 

    —— as for the first point; women in china, south korea, women in conservative households or even nuns; these are real women who practice celibacy, they are doing it as we speak, it is possible. have some courage. this is not a new concept and you are certainly not alone in this. 

    —— lastly, separatism not only helps you, but lesbians as well. continuing to force lesbians to be near, and interact with males means continuing a society where we are preyed on by men. I bring this up not because I expect anything of any of you, but rather because you are so quick to bring up words like "solidarity" & "sisterhood" in regards to male reformist osa women. well. I am throwing this back there; solidarity and sisterhood means taking actions that save lesbians from a lesphobic society. (don't worry, I know none of you take lesphobia seriously, this was more a comment on principle than expecting genuine results)

Criticism of radical feminism: lesphobia; as I was alluding to in my fourth point, osa women have a lot of structural power, especially when it comes to oppressing lesbians. and the entirety of radical feminist movement has been infested with political lesbianism; women who believe lesbianism is a choice, that simply not dating males makes you a lesbian, that exclusive same sex attraction is not real — all of this lesphobia has been prevalent since the start of radical feminism. lesbians were a big help to the advancement of women in terms of feminism, yet we were abused for it repeatedly. our voices were silence, we were stripped of our labels as a woman, and as a actual lesbian. even still, to this day so many lesbians continue to be brave and fight for the rights of all women, all we have been given in return is repeated abuse; we are treated like how male-lites and predators and that is proven time and time again on 'r*dblr'. if you are going to start having solidarity with all women ('the majority of the women are osa's') how about prioritizing vulnerable groups? lesbians and women of colour. groups who's labour you've continued to reap from.

hypocrisy of Tumblr radfems: my last critique is the hypocrisy of self-proclaimed Tumblr radfems; spineless. half of you are far too spineless due to your own comfort and privilege; (you excuse imperialism, racist jokes, birthing children and bedding males, why? because these issues don't affect you. did you know there are countries where women are paid to give birth to a minimum of 2-3 children? did you know that child brides, & arrange marriages are still a thing? do you even care? I think not, because you have the choice to not care and only focus on male reformation or defending your favorite r*dblr idols),  you have a disgusting clique mentality and shy away from holding people accountable for their actions, you are focused too much on trans issues and expend so very little energy or time to actually helping all women, you do not prioritize girls but instead groom and encourage them to sleep with men and be abused, you enable the worst inaction between each other all the while deluding yourself that you're achieving something big. you extend your compassion to worst people alive; anyone but a lesbian. women who are racist, women who are lesphobic, who bed men, women who birth men's children, women who cheat, women who sabotage — all of them are given 10000 excuses by self proclaimed radfems, they are never held accountable because perhaps it's your favorite popular blogger, or your mutual, or your friend — radical feminism is a feminist movement, do not derail it by letting your judgement be clouded. focus on what the objective is. 

(and because I know I will be told 'it's just tumblr', the original 6B4T movement was one that was started online too. you have no excuse). I have witnessed countless lesbians be run off radblr because simply asking certain women to be held accountable is apparently "drama/infighting/causing division" & oh — isn't it painfully, laughably funny? that only lesbians, women of colour and separatists are ever accused of 'causing a rift in feminism', isn't it funny that asking you to hold racists and lesphobes accountable is what gets us harassed and chased off a movement of our own creation? isn't it funny how you have more solidarity with osa white women then you will ever have with us? and isn't it funny that only we are told to "let go of a mistake / choice from x & y years ago, don't be mad over it anymore" by people who have no right to give any input? it's hilarious.

There are tons of examples of animals to choose from here, but there’s a pretty famous study on rats that really highlights this (it’s by Leslie Rogers but I can’t remember the year, Google it if you need to know). From a straightforward angle, here’s what happened: female rat pups were injected with testosterone at birth and grew up to be aggressive like male rats. It’s easy to see that and think, sure, hightened circulating testosterone levels are what must cause male rats to be more aggressive. HOWEVER. Researchers also observed that rat mothers had a ritual genital licking of their male pups that they also performed on their females only when they were injected with testosterone and smelled like their brothers. In another trial, female pups were not given the testosterone but were made to smell like they were- rat mothers also performed the genital licking on them, and those female rat pups grew up to be aggressive as well, despite the lack of testosterone. Aggression wasn’t from testosterone, but from gendered treatment.

We know even more about human gendered socialization than we do about animals. It starts when we’re very young, and we participate without even knowing it. Infants are treated differently depending on their sex. There’s another famous study where people were observed caring for a baby whose sex was actually the opposite of what they were told- when it was male they were told it was female, and vice versa. When subjects believed they were holding a male baby, they held the child further away from their body and engaged in more active play, handing them toys, etc.; when subjects believed they were holding a female baby, they spoke more gently, cuddled, and did not play with toys. There are hundreds of studies showing similar things: we treat and are treated according to gender. It shapes us from the very beginning in deeper ways than are obvious.

Gender is continually emphasized pretty much everywhere. Though what it entails varies somewhat from culture to culture, the fact that it is important to us does not. Babies can universally identify their own gender between 15-21 months old, and as they become self-aware of this they have been shown in study after study to copy the behaviors of others of their own gender (Bussy and Bandura 1984 is a big example but again, there are tons more). Aside from the obvious “boys don’t cry” and “sit like a lady” treatments, a lot of it isn’t even verbal. When girls are asked if their parents would approve of them playing with “boy toys” ¾ will say no despite their parents separately evaluating themselves as not having a problem with it, meaning kids can tell when something is socially not okay even if you directly tell them it is (this example is from a study in Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine, would seriously reccomend to anyone interested in this subject).

All of this information is leading up to this: males are not innately less empathetic and women are not innately less violent. Social motivation to fit into the cultural gender roles accounts for these most extreme differences in behavior. Men are not incapable of empathy- when given a monetary incentive to correctly guess the thoughts and feelings of another person, their lack of ability to empathize suddenly disappears (Klein and Hodges 1998). Women are not less aggressive- when observed anonymously with their gender hidden they express more violent and aggressive tendencies than when they know they’re being watched and social motivation to conform is present (Prentice 1994). We are rewarded for conforming, we are punished for not conforming. If our gender differences were innate there would be no need to police each other’s behavior, or our own. Gender wouldn’t be this painful.

MFR wasnt even perfect I'll admit. We did have problems with lack of volunteers and trash everywhere and even some women going into places they shouldnt have or say something they shouldnt have. But they are working to change that and thats the beauty of making spaces like that.

The last century or so is just a blip on the radar of human history, and for most of history, the biggest threat to our survival has been starvation. Our bodies evolved accordingly. That’s why we store fat.

It’s only now, when we live comfortable lives with no risk of famine, that we identify this as a problem, and moreover as some sort of moral and personal failing.

Like, “oh your body stores fat, which is what it’s designed to do? You should be ashamed and hate yourself for it.”

I continued over the course of the class to only use ‘she’ in example sentences. Towards the end of the semester, I assigned a piece of writing, and used ‘she’ in the example piece.  I announced that it was just the example, but the boys (who never listened to instructions) kept coming up to ask me privately if they could also use ‘he’ in the stories.   

In the last month or so I have seen multiple self-identified “feminists” equate any acknowledgement of (or heaven forbid, criticism of) patriarchy with gender essentialism.

Gender essentialism means essentializing gendered traits - treating them as inborn, inherent, biological. For instance, “Men’s brains just aren’t built to handle tasks like cooking and daily cleaning” is gender essentialism. It locates the cause of social forces within the body and treats them as inherent and unchangeable. 

It does not mean generalizing about gender - “Men do not do their fair share of housework” is not gender essentialism. It is acknowledgement of a real phenomenon in which men statistically do way, way less housework than women regardless of employment status.

Do some men do their share, or more, of housework? Yes! There are always exceptions to broad patterns within society. But we’re generalizing, because to talk about societal issues it’s important to zoom out and look at a culture as a whole, not just individuals but the broad patterns of what is statistically common.

If you derail every conversation about patriarchy, and the statistically common behaviors of men as a class, with “not all men!” you are actively inhibiting feminist discussion.

Gender essentialism is bullshit. Gender is imposed on the body by social forces, a human being does not inherently have gender or gendered behaviors. Generalizing about gender and how it functions and is enforced, on the other hand, is absolutely essential for any kind of understanding of patriarchy.

Also, venting about a social class that oppresses you isn’t bioessentialist either. If I say “fuck straight people” – or even structure my life to limit exposure to homophobia, that’s not me thinking straight people are inherently (or all!) assholes, that’s me acknowledging that they have social power over me and I’m fucking tired of it being used against me.

A woman saying “I hate men” is not automatically some fucking gender essentialist idiot who thinks men are biologically wired to be misogynist. She might just be venting about an oppressor class and you’re a fucking asshole if you tell her it’s like, unprogressive of her to generalize.

Plastic surgery — another common playground for young South Koreans — has declined by 64.4 billion won."

Cosmetic sales have gone down by 53.5 billion Korean won in that period.