your fav autistic writer

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

a/n: please feel free to comment or ask to be on the taglist!

Kat Diaz grapples with her life and the choices that have led to her working as an ED nurse at PTMC on the day of the PittFest shooting. Throughout the grueling shift, she begins to ask herself other questions. Did she choose the right profession? Is her affair with Dr Langdon slowly tainting her morality? Is Frank not who he claims to be? Is the new MS4 more her speed? Has her past made her better off alone? Is she destined for more?

Fic Playlist

Kat Diaz's Moodboard

Frank Langdon's Moodboard

Dennis Whitaker's Moodboard

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 6.1k

masterlist

a/n: a little longer of a chapter to commemorate the writing of the end of season one! (don’t worry about a delay until more episodes of s2 come out. i have quite a few chapters planned for the time in between! it’ll be slight format change but i hope yall like it)

September 5, 2024

7:00 pm

The shift continued in its blood-laced blur. I started more IV’s, bagged more patients, and administered CPR more times than I could count. The sound of my name being called caused the dazed smile to fall from my face. Maybe twenty feet away, Frank shouted, “Kat! Can I get some help over here?” I called back, without looking up from my patient, “I’m bagging someone. Find another nurse!” His voice dripped with newfound seriousness, “Kat, this patient needs you. I need you.” I shut my eyes, reveling in the sound. I let out a deep sigh, handed the bag to Princess, and ran to Frank. A large man rested on the gurney, a growing bloodstain on his stomach. “What do we have?” I asked. “Gunshot wound in the upper left quadrant. We’re going to need an IO but it wouldn’t reach the humerus. What do we do?” Samira piped up from beside him, “You called Kat for a consult?” Frank argued, “Robby is busy and–” “You can’t stick it in proximal tibia, it won’t be fast enough. You need to do a supraclavicular subclavian for a central line. Episode 56 of EM: RAP. Come on!” He turned to Samira, “And she can do that. Let’s strip him.” Just as we began to rip open his buttoned shirt and cut through his jeans, he began to thrash angrily in the gurney. Before I could recognize what he was doing, he reached for his ankle and pulled out a small handgun. In his sporradic, angered movements, the hand that held the gun collided with my face. The back of his hand collided with my nose and the barrel of the gun smacked against my temple. “He’s got a gun!” Samira shouted. Without thinking, I ignored the stars shining in my vision and wrapped my entire upper body around his arm. I pried open his fingers to steal the gun from his grasp. Thankfully, after a few seconds, his body went limp once more. I grabbed the gun and held it in the air, “Got it!” The SWAT team that had just arrived swarmed around the gurney and took the gun from my hand. 

They asked Frank and Samira a barrage of questions while I turned around blinked away the pain radiating from my face. The pain was familiar, nostalgic. Managing the pain felt like riding some fucked up bike. The taste of metallic blood entered my mouth. I felt the blood drip down my chin. “All clear,” one of the officers shouted. “Are you sure?” Cassie asked, somewhere in the crowd of crouched nurses and doctors. “Kat, you’re bleeding,” Abbott exclaimed. I took off my bloodied gloves and reached for some gauze on a cart. I used one hand to hold it to my face and the other up in the air. “I’m fine! He’s unconcious. Everybody back to work!” The room fell back into its former chaos. I used some more gauze to wipe up my chin and added it to the wad that covered my nose. I found a surgical mask and slipped it on, holding the bloodied gauze to my face and hiding any clear deformities that I would have to adjust myself later. I put on a fresh set of gloves and turned back to the patient, “How is he?” “How are you?” Frank quipped. “He has agonal breathing. He needs an airway and some blood fast,” Samira answered. I nodded, “Okay, you get that and I’ll help Langdon with the central line.” I stripped his shirt off and created a small sterile field around his neck. “How hard did he hit you? You have a small lac on your brow. Did he break your nose?” Frank questioned as his eyes attempted to peer under my surgical mask. I began to bag the man using the airway Mohan just secured. “You said you needed me. You have me. Do the damn central line, Langdon!” His eyes stared in shock for  a moment, but the crashing patient caught his attention. I watched as he inserted the large catheter into the man’s chest and secured access to a large vein. “Alright, squeeze blood,” he ordered. I peeled the second, now full, bag of blood off my leg and attached it to the line. Frank gawked at the sight, “What the fuck–” “I’m going back to pink,” I interrupted before storming off to remove the needle from my arm and find another patient.

The flow of incoming patients slowed in time, but the jumps from patient to patient were just as fast. I followed Ellis into a south room. It was a young man who’s entire body turned a rich blue. The moment my needle for his workup hit his vein, the sound of two voices chiming in unison caused my stomach to turn. “What do we got?” Frank and Santos both asked. “Jesus fucking christ,” I muttered under my breath. I drowned out the sound of  Ellis briefing the case so I could finish the blood panel as quickly as possible. I handed the tubes to Mateo the second the needle left his arm. “I’m not dealing with that. Good luck,” I whispered to him with a quick pat of his arm. I exited the room and looked around for an incoming patient in the red zone. Frank’s voice followed me out, “Kat, please–” I took off in a random direction, “I’m working!” During my walk around the ER, I bumped into Abbott. This time, I couldn’t stop myself from groaning as he began to worry. “Pull down your mask. Let me take a look at you really quick.” I brushed past him, “I’ll get checked out when it stops looking like The Shining in here.” As I left him in his spot near central, I finally became aware of the wetness in my hairline. I used the shining glass of one of the room windows to look at myself. Instead of the laceration on my temple dripping blood down the side of my face, it found itself attracted to the strands of my hair. Only a vague hue of red and a drip of blood on my hairline hinted at the injury. I rolled up the sleeve of my gown, wiped the small streak with my shirt sleeve, and pulled it back down. 

I was drawn back to central by the sound of Gloria  speaking, I slipped into the small crowd that had formed to listen along. Whitaker appeared beside me. “They found the shooter. Self-inflicted gunshot to the head. He had a dufflebag full of ammo. They found him in some bushes down by the river with his AR-15,” she explained, her voice solemn. Whitaker appeared beside me. I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t place any words worth uttering. “Are we expecting any more victims?” Robby asked. Gloria shook her head, “SWAT cleared the festival grounds. There shouldn’t be any more coming our way… What you all have done down here, all the lives you’ve saved, there aren’t adequate words. Robby nodded, “Thank you, Gloria... We have to prep to open back to the public.” Everyone fell back into their previous roles in a apathetic blur, but Dennis lingered beside me. “They’re trying to take Sarah up to Ped’s… and she’s been asking for you.” I slammed my palm against my forehead, “Shit, yeah. I’m coming.” I started to move, but my fingers brushed over my mask. “Wait, can you do me a favor?” He nodded eagerly with knitted brows, “Of course.” I peeled the mask off my face, soaked through gauze with it. “Does it look bad?” He leaned forward to look closer at my face. A strange insecurity settled in my stomach. His eyes narrowed as he examined it, “There’s a small displacement, but nothing she should notice. The brusing isn't too dark yet.” I gave a nod and a tight smile. My hands peeled off the gown, gloves, and goggles that I adorned. I was ready to go, physically, but I couldn’t move my feet. I sighed, “Could you go in with me? I need to ask her about her parents. I don’t think I can do it alone.” His lips formed a kind smile, “Sure, whatever you need. I’m here.”

When I pulled back the curtain of her enclosed room, she gave a bright smile, “You’re back!” Dried tear stains collected around her eyes. Her face quickly twisted in confusion, “What happened to your face?” I chuckled softly, pulling a stool from the corner of the room and sitting beside her. “I was helping somebody get better and I fell! I’m okay now. Don't you worry. My friend here,  Dr. Whitaker, helped me! Has he been helping you?” She nodded, her eyes glued to her lap, “Yeah, he did. When you left, I got really scared. I couldn’t see you.” Tears began to collect in her waterline and her lip trembled. I took one of her hands in mine, “ You don’t have to be scared anymore, okay? I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise.” She nodded and turned her head toward me, but her eyes still wandered. “That’s why I need to ask you a couple questions, alright?” Sarah’s brown eyes stared up at me, “About what?” I hummed and held her hand with both of mine, “Sarah, when I was a kid, I loved my parents, and they really loved me. But, sometimes, they would get really mad or I’d make a mistake and they hurt. Have your parents ever hurt you? Maybe, spank you, hit you with their hands, or maybe something else?” She thought for a moment and her head drooped. My heart sunk with her. “I’m not supposed to tell.” I skimmed through the memories of childhood in my mind. I wanted to tell her some sweet story, assure her everything would be alright, but I couldn’t. I had nothing. So, I lied. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But, when I was about your age, I went to the hospital just like you. My nurse asked me the same kind of questions, and after that, I got to stay with the coolest family ever!” Her eyes brightened, “Really?” I nodded with a smile, “They had a pool, we always had pizza on fridays, and nobody ever hurt me again. And, they loved me more than anything.” Cries overtook her small frame, “Nurse Kat, can you help me?” I held her small face in my hands, the way I wish someone had done to me, and smiled, “Of course, sweetheart.”

After a lengthy talk with the nurse from ped’s and a tearful goodbye, Dennis and I stood in the empty room. My chest was heavy. The tears that I had pushed back the past few hours threatened to spill. His voice was soft,  “Kat, do you wanna talk about–” I shook my head, “Not really. Um, thank you for watching her for me. I shouldn’t have forced you into that, I’m sorry.” His brows knitted together, “No, it's okay! Really, don’t worry about it. You did great.” I blinked rapidly, “Thanks, uh I’m going to go check in on everyone, make sure everyone is good. I’ll see you in a bit.” I left the room before he could think to form an answer. I was only a couple feet down the hall when I found Mel crying outside of a patient’s room. My hand rested on her bicep, “Hey, what’s wrong?” She shook her head, “It’s just… my patient hadn’t seen her daughter. It just made me–” A lightbulb clicked on in my brain, “When I gave you that little fidget this morning, you were going to tell me something about your sister. I never got to hear the end of it. Do you wanna talk about it?” Her face shifted. A small smile broke through the tears, “Oh! Yeah. When we were in school together, there was this rule about ‘toys’ in school. One day, she took every single fidget she had and handed them out to everyone in her class. She just wanted everyone in class to have as much fun as she had at home.” By the end of her words, her signature smile crossed her face. I envied the pure joy she exuded. “She sounds really cool. I hope I get to meet her some day.” Her face lit up once more, “Maybe we could hang out after work soon! Becca loves meeting new people.” I gave her arm a gentle squeeze, “Sounds like a plan.” I meant what I said, but my voice didn’t sound like mine. It sounded calm, hopeful. I was anything but. 

My feet dragged on the way to central. With every time I plastered a fake smile on my face, more exhaustion settled in my shoulders. I searched for my water bottle, but all of the desks had been wiped clean. I hummed, scratching the back of my neck and resting my head on the counter. I noticed two cops coming in to talk to Cassie, but I assumed it was about the cop that was wheeled in in the height of the chaos.  My head whipped to the other side of the desk when I heard a cop speak, “Put your hands behind your head.” I ran toward the scene, “Woah, woah woah! What’s going on?” Robby appeared beside me, “Why are you putting cuffs of my resident?” Cassie stammered, “I disabled my ankle monitor because it was going ooff and fucking with our ability to treat patients during the mass casualty." “Tell that to the judge.” I stood in front of he cop and put on the sweetest smile I could muster. I fluttered my eyes intentionally, “Listen, today was a fucking nightmare. We’ve all had our asses handed to us today, clearly.” I motioned to my face. “Without Cassie here and that monitor off, we wouldn’t have saved nearly as many people we would have today, especially that friend of yours…” I turned to Robby, “Officer Stefano.” On cue, the three cops that brough him in walked by. The head officer stood beside me, “What’s going on?” “She tampered with her ankle monitor,” the other cop explained. “It was malfunctioning!” Cassie exclaimed. Robby turned to him, “And like my nurse said, I’m not sure we could have saved Officer Stefano if she hadn’t disabled the damn thing.” He stood silently for a moment, taking in our words. He looked to Cassie, “Take care of this first thing tomorrow?” “I swear,” Cassie promised. He motioned for the other officers to take the cuffs off, and they complied begrudingly. I let out a relieved sigh as Cassie’s cuffs were opened and thanks were exchanged between everyone. Cassie walked toward me, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and led me in the opposite direction. She whispered in my ear, “You know I didn’t work on Stefano, right?” I whispered in hers, “You know I like lying to cops, right?” She stopped in her tracks and gasped, “Bee!” I peeled her arm off my shoulder so I could look at her sraight on, “I’m kidding! Well not exactly, but you’re my girl. Can’t let you get taken by the paddy wagon.” She rolled her eyes but a grin lined her lips, “Well, thank you, anyway.” I gave her hand a squeeze, “I’m going to find my water. See you in a bit.”

I found myself in the staff lounge. I decided to give up and settle on a bottled water from the fridge, but my bottle sat in the center of the small table that sat in the middle of the room. Instead of sitting on one of the uncomfortable folding chairs, I sat on the floor beside the kitchenette cabinets. My back rested against the wall and I took a long swig of my water. When I was done, I set it beside me and let my head fall back against the wall. My eyes shut, and I listened to the buzz of the air conditioning and shitty fridge. I didn’t bother to look up or even open my eyes at the screech of the opening door or the footsteps squeaking toward me. I only opened my eyes when Dana’s voice hummed beside me, “I guess we’re not going to Romano’s, huh?” She was sitting beside me on the floor, looking down at her watch. I could barely hum, “Yeah, I guess.” She turned to me. “Hey, kid. How are you doing?” “I’m still here. I guess that counts for something.” There was a pregnant silence as we studied eachother’s faces. “You did really good today, bee.” Finally, the tears that threatened to release fell down my cheeks. I shook my head, “I didn’t, Dana.” Her face twisted in concern, “What are you talking about?” I spoke through sobs, “I had a little girl. She had this ulnar fracture, but she had these bruises all over her back, said her parents left her. She was so fucking scared, and I left her. I fucking left her there and forgot about her all because she looked like me and her parents happened to also beat the shit out of her. I let her down. And with Frank? I let all my patients down.”  My gaze fell to my lap. I was ashamed. Dana had taught me so much, and I let her down too.

She scooted closer to me, “Hey, you better listen to me.” I looked up at Dana. Her face was soft, but deadly serious. “You had a really shitty day today. What happened with you and Frank today? Anyone would’ve given up after that, but you didn’t. You listen. You’re kind. You take charge. You know more about medicine than any nurse I’ve ever met. You love this place the way I do.” “Dana,”I sighed. “Listen to me. I’ve been a charge nurse for a long time, been at the Pitt even longer. I think I held on for so long because I needed someone that I trusted to take care of it. I held on for so long, because I was waiting for someone like you.” My voice broke, “What?” She took my hand in hers, “I’m done. I'm retiring, and I put your name in for the position, bee.” I shook my head, “You can’t leave. What am I going to do without you?” “Do what you always do. Kick ass,” Dana quipped. I laughed, but sobs broke through, “I’m really gonna miss you, boss lady.” A tear fell down her cheek, “Jesus, kid.” Dana put one arm around me and pulled me into her embrace. “We’ll do a slow transition period. I’ll show you the ropes for a couple months. And, when you’re finally ready, this place will be yours. Even then, I’ll still be one call away. I’ll come in whenever you need.” “Thanks, Dana.” Her chest shook wth a laugh, “I do it because you’re my favorite. You know that… We even have matching broken noses.” Soft chuckles exited my lips. I softened her grip around me so I could sit up and look at her, “Okay, I’ll do it.” She smirked through tears, “And that’s why you’re my favorite.” The sound of the door opening caused both of our heads to whip toward the noise. Frank stood in the doorway, his mouth opened and closed like a suffocating fish. He wordlessly gave a quick wave and left out the door. I groaned loudly and rubbed my eyes aggressively. Dana put a hand on my knee, “Look, kid, I don’t know what he said. But, I think you should talk to him.” I stared at the floor, “More like what he didn’t." Dana was silent. Thinking. “That day the incident happened with your brother, I didn’t know you were together yet, but I knew he was in love with you.” My eyes immediately found Dana, “Really?” “Men are stupid. Sometimes they need a little longer to realize what they feel, but they do. I’m not saying to take him back tonight, but listen to what he has to say after he’s had some time to think.” I picked at the skin surrounding my nails as I considered the idea. “Okay, I’m gonna have a quick smoke and then I’ll have a talk with him.” Dana smirked and patted my back, “There’s my brave girl.”

I stopped at my locker, grabbed my lighter, cigarettes, and jacket, and walked to the ambulance bay. In the universe’s infinite sick humor, Robby and Frank stood outside. A nostalge sense of doom settles in my stomach. They were so engrossed in their fight, I didn’t even need to hide. “You need help,” Robby insisted. Frank shouted, “What about you? I’m not the only one who’s a little fucked up here, Robby. Why don’t you look in the mirror?” For the first time, I saw the ugliest part of my family mirrored in Frank. The only thing I couldn’t let go. Speaking to hurt. Speaking to kill. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Robby asked. “I never had a complete meltdown,” he shot back. “No, you just caused them in other people.” “You’re blaming me for what happened to you?” Robby raised his brows, “What happened to me? You are so full of shit! You let me down!” There was a pause. “A night shift nurse saw you in ped’s, said it looked like–” “Looked like what?” Robby sighed, “This job will fuck you up if you let it. You let it.” Frank gave one last jab, “At least I wasn’t talking to cartoon animals in ped’s.” Robby screamed “fuck you” as he walked away. I couldn’t tell if he even noticed I was there. Frank did. “It’s not what it sounds like.” “It sounds like you were making fun of Robby having a fucking breakdown. Would you like me to tell you how I cried in the patient bathroom after you left? Or is that some lackluster source material?” Frank walked toward me, but I took a step back. He paused. My foot tapped against the concrete, “You told me that you were nothing like my family, but I don’t think that’s true. I think you just know how to bear it better.” He snapped back, “Now that’s not fucking fair.” I shouted, “You want to know what’s not ‘fucking fair?’ What’s not fair is I was willing to talk to you and decided, even after everything, that we could try things again after you got sober and you managed to make me look an idiot for the second time today!” His hands were clasped together desperately as he spoke, “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t say it. I should’ve. I just thought that… I should’ve just fucking said that I lo–” “No! You don’t get to do that!” My chest rose and fell with an anger that rivaled my father’s. “I don’t get to do what?” I scoffed, “You don’t get to know how you fucking ruined me because you couldn’t tell me you loved me and drop it mid conversation to make me forgive you! Fuck you. Lose my number. Forget I ever existed. Go play happy family with Abby. I don’t care. Just leave me alone.” I turned on my heel to go back inside. “Bee, wait! Please, let’s just–” “Go the hell home, Langdon!” 

I practically jogged back to my locker and threw all of my stuff back inside. Another lost smoke break. I was sure the nicotine withdrawal wasn’t helping the fuckfest of a situation. A voice spoke from behind my locker door, “Are you okay?” I slammed it shut, “If one more person asks me that, I’m going to–” Whitaker stood behind it, wide eyed and terrified. I leaned my head against the locker, “I’m sorry. That’s my bad, really.” “I just heard some shouting from the ambulance bay, saw you come in… Oh shit, your nose is bleeding.” Before I realized what was happening, Dennis put a hand under my chin, collecting the blood in his hand and protecting my scrubs. “Damnit, probably from the shouting. Spiked my BP,” I groaned with barely parted lips, keeping the blood out of my mouth. My hand naturally went to hold his, to move it away or hold it steady, I wasn’t sure. He stuttrered, “Uhh, I think South 17 is open.” We walked in tandem to the room. Once we entered, I reached inside a cabinet, found a piece of gauze, and pressed it to my nose. I hissed as it pressed into the sensitive skin. I let go of Whitaker’s hand to pick up another piece to wipe up the blood from my chin. Whitaker settled himself by the small sink in the room and washed his hands of the bright red blood. “I’m so sorry. That must be so disgusting.” He laughed and shook his head, “I’ve had worse bodily fluids splashed on my face today. This isn’t so bad.” I joked softly, “Way to make a girl feel special, Nebraska.”

With one arm, I hoisted myself on the bed. Dennis settled himself in front of me with his newly washed hands. “So, let’s do a head CT and a maxillofacial? Just to make sure you don’t have a concussion?” Whitaker suggested. “I don’t need a CT. Just adjust my nose and clean up the lac on my brow,” I argued. “What if it’s shattered and I make it worse? I really can’t–” “I’ve adjusted it myself before, it’s fine! If you don’t want to do it, I’ll just do it myself in the patient bathroom,” I rambled. Dennis raised his brows, but he didn’t speak yet. He seemed to digest the words as the silence prolonged. “What you told Sarah… it was real?” I gave a curt smile, “Everything but the pool and pizza.” He tried to give a smile back, but he could only manage to look at his feet, “Are you sure you want me to adjust your nose? I don’t want to hurt you.” Part of me silently thanked him for not asking me to explain. I nudged his leg with my foot, “I’m sure. You won’t hurt me. You couldn’t.” His bright blue eyes wandered to the cabinet, “Okay, I’ll clean your lac first.” He took a small antiseptic wipe and cleaned the area. It burned for a second, but more warmth radiated from the feel of his hands against my skin. I couldn’t help but stare. Large bags began to form under his eyes. His hair was only slightly tusseled. A microscopic fold had formed in the space between his brows. Even now, he exuded a kind peace I drank in. “Okay, that’s all cleaned up. For your nose, I am going to do a slight correction to the left. Are you ready?” My fingers peeled the gauze off that covered my nose and threw it in a nearby trash can. I nodded and sat under my hands to keep them still. Dennis put one of his hands under my chin to keep it stable and the other pinched the bridge of my nose. He looked down at me one last time, silently asking for permission. I mouthed, “do it,” and honed in on the warmth of his hand against my chin. My nose cracked aggressively as he pushed it back in place. We exclaimed in unison, “Oh shit!” His hands flew away from my face, “Are you okay?” I scrunched my nose and, to my surprise, the strange feeling was gone. Only a dull pain lingered. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’d be better if you bought me a drink,” I quipped. A blush painted his cheeks as he brain sputterted. “I’m kidding–” “I’d actually really like to get you a drink. I’m just kind of…” his eyes narrowed as his words trailed off. It dawned on me. He wasn’t embarrassed because he didn’t want to. He was embarrassed because he couldn’t. “Hey, there’s no pressure. But, if you ever need help studying before your final exams, I think I can take out my textbooks and scrounge up enough money for a bottle of wine and some takeout.” Excitement twinged in his tired eyes, “Really?”  “I made you snap my nose back in place. It’s the least I can do.”

We left the room with soft words and prolonged glances. Dana was walking by and threw her hands up when she saw Dennis. “Whitaker! Just the man I’ve been looking for. I need you to find someone. Cheu, elderly asian woman, head lac.” His shoulder’s deflated, “Me?” She put a hand on his shoulder, “I saw the way you caught that rat earlier. You’re the closest thing we have to a department bloodhound!” He glanced at me. “That one is definitely sticking, Nebraska,”I joked weakly. He mumbled incoherently as he walked away to search for the woman, but a hint of a smile formed on his lips. Dana turned to me, “Hey, kid. Did you talk to him?” I stared at the floor, “Yeah. No bueno, boss.” A sharp exhale left her lips, “Shit, bee. I’m sorry. We said no to Romano’s, but do you wanna grab a drink instead?” I chuckled dryly, but it sounded more like a sigh. “No, it’s alright. I’ll just grab a quick beer with the park people and go home. Do I need to check in on a patient before I leave?” She gave my bicep a squeeze, “No, kid. Go grab your things, maybe a snack, and just babysit the desk. Robby’s going to do his final speech and send you home in fifteen.”

 I guess she thought the silence would help. But, the longer I sat there, bag around my shoulder and leather jacket wrapped around my frame, the act of thinking became unbearable. Images of Frank, Sarah, my family, and the blood flashed in my mind like a demented projector. Dan's assurances slipped away and the ugly insecurities creeped back in. My eyes glazed over and I dissapeared into the warmth of my jacket. When a small crowd began to form around the desk and Robby stood in front of it, I moved into the crowd. I stuck myself between two night shift medical assistants. The idea of forming choherent words seemed inconceivable. Robby finally spoke, “Today should never have happened. It’s hard to imagine what possesses somebody to commit such a horrific act. It’s the worst of humanity, but it brought out the best in the rest of us.” My lashes fluttered with the moment replaying behind my eyes. Sarah’s tears. Sara’s fear. “Each of you rose to the occasion. And I can’t tell you how proud I am of all of you. This place will break your heart if you let it.” I could feel Dana and Abbott’s stare. I just focused on the pattern of Robby’s shoes. “But it is also full of miracles,  and that is a testament to all of you coming togehter and doing what we do best. Thank you for everything you did here today. We saw 112 mass casualty patients come through here in the last four hours today, and 106 of them are gonna live.” His voice cracked and a tear rolled down the side of his nose. “None of us are gonna forget today. Even if we really want to.” As if his tears gave mine permission, two hot streaks ran down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away with a quick swipe. “Go home. Let yourself cry. You’ll feel better. It’s just grief leaving the body.” I wondered what grief left mine. Was I greiving the Frank I knew? Or, even worse, was I greiving the only good part of me that I killed to be with him?  Everyone dispersed. I dragged my feet on the way out. I lingered in corridors and triple checked my charts, just long enough to prolong my departure without being talked to. If someone asked me was okay one more time, I didn’t know if I had the energy to lie. 

Only Princess and Donnie sat on the iconic bench, a cooler of beer by their feet. “Hey, bee,” greeted Princess. A small twinge of guilt  and pity laced her tone. “Drinking with us?” Donahue asked. “Mind if I grab one and head out?” He shook his head, “Course not. Here.” He handed me a cold beer from the ice chest. Just as I cracked open the tab, Princess joked, “Looks like the oldies decided to join us.” My head whipped around to see Abbott and Robby walking out of the Pitt doors and toward the park. It felt rude to run off with the can, but I couldn’t talk to Abbott. I took a deep breath before fully tilting the can and quickly pouring the contents into my mouth. I emptied the can in a few big gulps. The second the last drop touched my lips, I tossed the can into one of the park’s large trashbins. I gave a quick wave and curt goodbye to the two nurses. My legs practically ran toward the other side of the street to the sidewalk that connected the Pitt and my apartment. For some reason, the second my sneakers touched the grey concrete, they couldn’t move. It was as if two ton weights were tied to my ankles, cementing me in place. It took me a minute to understand why. The routine I had followed the last few years was utterly disrupted. A bitter taste settled on my tongue. It wasn’t the lingering taste of blood or the shitty beer. It was the realization that, for the first time in years, I had to walk home alone. 

I don’t know how long I stood that way, frozen and staring at the path ahead, but a voice appeared beside me. “Are you okay, kid?” Jack’s voice hit me like a train. My lip began to quiver and I began to sob. “No, I’m not, and it’s my fault.” His voice carried a newfound concern, “Hey, hey, hey, what are you talking about, kid?” God, he would hate me if he knew. He’d never look at me the same if he knew how weak I’d been, what I’ve done. The thought couldn’t leave my mind, but the words fought their way out anyway. “I was seeing–Frank and I were having an affair. We’ve been seeing eachother for years.” I paused. I could only hear Abbott’s breath from beside me. “Today, I found out he’s an addict and has been stealing benzos from his– our patients, and I didn’t know. He was stealing meds for years, lying to me, and I didn’t know. I should've fucking known. I was such an idiot that I thought someone who lied to his wife for years couldn’t lie to me. I let so many people down, because I was so desperate for someone to love me I couldn’t look at what was right in front of me. And, it was all for nothing! I let myself become the other woman for someone who couldn’t even…” A body-wracking cry broke through me. “I’m weak. I’m bad at my job. I’m a bad person. I’m… yeah, I’m not doing great.” The word vomit stopped. Abbott finally spoke, “Kid.” He put a firm hand on my shoulder and turned my body toward his. “Don’t say that. You’re a good nurse, the best one I’ve met in a long time. Even on days like today, you show up and you do what I can’t.” I sniffled, “What?” “You come into work. You let yourself feel it, let it hurt. And, you come in the next day anyway, ready to love, ready to feel again. You’re not weak for letting yourself love. You’re a good fucking nurse, Kat.”  I couldn’t hlep but cry harder. “And, about Frank. I don’t think you need me to tell you it was a mistake, but you’re still a kid. Your twenties are for making mistakes. Make them while you can, while you can still get away with it. I sure as hell did.” It was hard to tell if I was laughing or crying anymore. I took a second to catch my breath. My voice wavered, “You don’t hate me?” Shock filled his softened gaze, “Jeez, kid.” His strong arms engulfed me. My arms tightened around his waist and fingers grabbed at the fabric of his scrubs. “Of course not.” Those rang in my ears. How could something so obvious to him be completely lost on me? “Thank you,” I muttered into his shoulder. “Anytime.”

In that moment, the impending sense of doom that took home in the depths of my stomach dissipated. The pain from today would still remain tomorrow, but learning to live with it now felt worthwile.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

September 5, 2024

5:00 pm

I ran to the patient bathroom, praying there’d be no one inside. I pulled the door’s handle and itt swun open, so I locked myself inside. I fell to my knees before I could take two steps inside. I clutched my chest as sobs wracked my body. Was any of it real? I thought of all the moments I’d spent with Frank that I'd think of late at night, when the world and my mind went dark. The day he took me to that cafe. The day he stitched my hand up and baked with me all night. The day he held me as I cried. The day he told me he had never wanted anything more than he wanted me. I guess there was one thing. I thought of all the patients we treated together. Every benzo. Every prescription. How many patients had I let down due to my inability to be anything other than hopelessly in love with Frank Langdon? I’d never been one for hitting things, not after my dad, but I slammed my fists against the disgusting bathroom floor. The intrinsic part of my brain thought it would ease the panic constricting my chest, it didn’t. The pain just reminded me that this was real, that Frank wasn’t. I let myself fall fully to the floor. My head spun. I dragged my knees to my chest and let my head fall between. I inhaled, deep and slow. The buzz from outside the door reminded me of the truth. I let down my patients before, but I couldn’t do it again. Once my body stopped convulsing with sobs, I peeled myself off the floor and looked in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were pink and puffy, my face even more. My bun was practically detached from my head, hairs strewn across my face. I ripped the elastic from my hair, brushed my trembling fingers through it, and tied it once more. I turned on the faucet and splashed the cold water in my face in an attempt to calm my skin, maybe even shock my system from the panic attack that loomed over me. I took a cheap paper towel and wiped my face with it, silently thanking myself for the lack of mascara. I threw them in the trash and looked at my face once more. Theoretically, I looked fine. My skin was a less vibrant shade of pink and my hair looked passable. Yet, I still looked utterly destroyed. My eyes drooped, brows straight, and my lips formed a droopy grimace. I looked dead. I felt it. I tried to form a bright smile, but my face just twisted to exhale another sob. I looked at the ceiling, letting the few tears travel down the sides of my face rather than down my cheeks. I looked at myself again, putting on a fake, weak smile. It worked. I wiped down my face with my sleeves to ensure no droplets were left and walked out the door. 

With my luck, Robby was lurking right outside. I turned to avoid him, but he followed me anyway. I headed back toward the lockers. “We need to talk about what just happened,” Robby ordered. I practically jogged to my locker and punched in the buttons, “No, we don’t, Robby. He’s out. I’m here. I’m working. I’m good.” I rifled through my bag and pulled out the protein bar Princess had asked for. “Look, whatever was happening between you two is fine. You just need to tell me-” I turned to Robby, “I didn’t know about the drugs. It's over. That's just what I need to tell you.” His brows raised in shock, and he let them hover there, unwavering. I looked down to the floor, embarrassed. I noticed that damn scarf laying a couple inches from my worn sneakers. I picked it up, threw it in my locker, and slammed it shut. “I’m going to work. Do the same, don’t, not my problem.” As I approached the nurses station, I could see Perlah and Princess together, gossiping in Tagalog like always. “I think they were sleeping together. I have never seen him so desperate!” Perlah remarked. I cleared my throat and slid the protein bar across the desk. “I was just-” Perlah stuttered. “It’s fine. Got you a chocolate one, Princess.” I turned to see Santos watching from another desk. The guilt cascading over her face confirmed what I already knew. I ran my hands over my face as I walked away, “Jesus fucking christ.” I bumped into someone as my hands were leaving my eyes. I was going to mumble “sorry” and move on, but a familiar voice greeted me. “Sorry! Oh, hey, I haven’t seen you in a while… Are you okay?” Whitaker’s voice wavered and his eyes studied my face. “Yeah, I’m good… Um, how did Krakhozia’s case go? Everything work out with him?” I asked, part of me wanting to know and the other hoping it would distract him from the redness of my eyes and sniffling of my nose.  “Kiara told me about Street Team, we’re going to go out and give him the injection every month,” he explained, a proud smirk lining his lips. I gave a weak smile, “That’s really cool. I’m on Street Team too. I’m happy I’ll see you there.”  He smiled for a moment, but his brows furrowed, “Are you sure you’re doing alright?” I chuckled softly, “Yeah, just a weird day. Only have two hours left. Nothing a bottle of wine or two won’t fix.” “I’d love that... Not that I think you’re inviting me or anything, it just sounds nice! And, not that I wouldn’t say yes if it was an invite but–” Dana’s voice interrupted his ramble. “Whitaker, can I steal bee for a moment?” He hummed and sent a curt, defeated nod. 

Dana put a hand on my back and led me toward an empty corner of the floor. “Robby talked to me and I wanted to see if you were doing okay.” I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes, “Great. What did Robby tell you?” She grabbed my hand, “Hey, nothing about you that I didn’t already know.” Oh. My breath shook as I exhaled and my gaze fell to the floor. She grabbed my other hand, “We don’t have to talk about it all right now, but I need you to know that it’s okay. I don't think of you any differently.” My lip quivered, “When I asked you that question this morning, in the bathroom, you knew?” She smiled with a quick shrug, “I know you, kid. I see you. I love you.” In that moment, it didn’t matter that the words came out of her mouth and not Frank’s. I was loved and, this time, it was real. I pulled her into a tight hug, “I love you too, boss lady.” We embraced for a few seconds, taking in eachother’s exhaustion, sharing it, lightening the load. She pulled away and straightened out my scrub top. “We’re going to finish this shift, go to Romano’s, and eat and drink until we’re ready to come back tomorrow,” she assured. “If we do that, I think we’ll have to camp out for the night, maybe never come back.” She chuckled and rubbed my arm, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

The rest of the hour was a quick blur, trauma patients in, treated patients out. I was charting at central when the intercom began to sound, “Code Triage. Emergency department now. Code Triage. Emergency department now.” A chill ran down my spine. “Shit,” I muttered, logging out of the computer and jumping out of my seat. “What’s that?” Santos asked from her spot a couple feet beside me. Santos, Whitaker, Mel stood together by the desk. “Nothing good. Things are about to get really crazy really fast,” I remarked. Robby finished his hushed conversation with Gloria and faced the small crowd that gathered around central. “What’s going on?” Cassie asked. “Mass casualty at PittFest.” “How many victims?” questioned Samira. “We don’t know. Hope for the best, expect the worst,” Robby sighed.  I thought of this morning and a cold sweat collected on the back of my neck, “Shit. Isn’t Jake at Pittfest?”Robby pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to breathe. He raised his hand up, “Okay! Everybody listen up! There is an active shooter at PittFest. As the nearest trauma center, we are going to be getting the majority of the victims. We don’t know yet how many we are getting, but we are instituting hospital wide emergency protcols. We need to move every patient out of here. Call your loved ones now, I can assre you cell service will soon be overwhelmed.” I went to take my phone out of my pocket, but as soon as the cool metal screen touched my fingertips, I remembered. I shut it off completely and slipped it back in the pocket. “Eat something, stay hydrated, use the bathroom while there’s time, and meet back here for a full briefing in five minutes.”

I was pushing a disaster bin into the behavioral health room when Abbott found me. “Hey, kid, how are you doing?” I cackle escaped my throat, “Jesus, Robby is really intent on telling everyone my business today.” His brows furrowed, “Robby didn’t tell me anything. I was just checking in. What happened?” I ran my hands over my face, “Nothing happened, sorry. I’m good. Everything’s fine. I’m glad you’re here.” I gave him a pat on the arm before walking back to central for briefing. I gloved up and slipped a gown on beside Samira and Dennis. He asked,  “Have you been through something like this before?” I hummed, “My first year was during covid and I’ve had some multiple car collisions.” “How was it?” Dennis questioned. I bit my tongue, “It was… Just, come get me if you need help with anything.” Robby’s clap caught all of our attention. I listened intently, mentally making note of every order and tip. The tension in the room was electric. Everyone stood on edge, drinking in every one of Robby’s words. When Abbott chimed in, his eyes would wander over to my spot in the crowd every few words. I restrained myself from a frustrated groan and landed on a tight smile. “We will get through this together,” Robby assured. “Damn right we will,” Abbott added. Robby pointed to the small pod that had formed, consisting of me, Santos, Whitaker, and Javadi. “Okay, I want to talk to the four of you.” We gathered by central as the crowd of nurses and doctors dispersed. “I need you to raid central supply. Kat should know where that is. You’ll bring back all of the chest tubes, ET tubes, thoraseals, normal saline–""I thought that was all in behavioral health?” Santos asked. Robby explained, “We could go through all of that in the first hour.” I nodded, “Got it.” I jogged over to the behavioral health room. “I thought the elevator was the other way?” called Javadi. I snatched one of the bins and rolled it back toward them, “It is. We need this. We’re grabbing everything.” The elevator ride down to the basement was silent. We all mentally prepared for the fight ahead. Central supply was cleared out in less than a minute and we ran back up. With the opening of the elevator doors, the first few patients began to be rolled in. I turned to the doctors, “Whitaker, quickly help me get this unloaded. Javadi, head to pink zone. Santos, get settled in yellow zone.” The two women ran off their respective places as Whitaker and I zoomed past incoming gurneys into behavioral health. We unloaded the materials just as fast as we had packed them. I turned to Dennis and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder, “Let’s get this started, Nebraska. We got this.” As much as I hoped his nerves would calm, my words were mostly for me. I darted out of the room, looking for any struggling zones. I naturally gravitated to red zone, going from patient to patient, my gown was painted with more and more blood. I weaved in and out of trauma rooms, bagged patients, squeezed blood. Red zone had found its groove so I left the trauma rooms and looked for any struggle. My heart sunk into the depths of my stomach at the sight of Robby scolding Frank in pink zone. I bit the inside of my cheek as hard as I could without tearing the flesh. It couldn’t be real. Not this time. When the pain set in and Robby began to walk toward me, I knew I was wrong again. “What the fuck?” I hissed. “He’s helping and I don’t have time to kick him out. Feel free to try if you have the time,” Robby said, not caring to slowing his stride as he spoke. I grumbled, “Shit.” When I looked back, Frank was staring at me, his hands busy with a chest tube. My worn sneakers squeaked against the bloodied floor as I turned around and escaped to the yellow zone. Far away from Frank. Far away from that pathetic part of me that more than anything to give up.

 I drowned out the impending doom settling in my stomach with changed dressings and IV meds. My hands, feet, and brain moved at a pace I’d never experienced before. I lost myself in the carnage until a young girl was wheeled in. She was maybe seven years old, brown hair tied into two pigtails, a splitting image of me as a kid. I glued myself to her gurney as she was settled in the curtained room. “Hey, sweetheart, my name is nurse Kat. What’s yours?” She had a lost stare but seemed dazed by the pain meds administered in the ambulance. “I’m Sarah. Someone stepped on my arm.” I peaked under the thin piece of gauze that was taped to her forearm. Her ulna protruded through the skin, blood slowly leaked out from the wound, but thankfully not enough for a tourniquet. “That is a pretty big boo-boo you got there! But, luckily you’re a very big, brave girl, so everything is gonna be okay. I’m going to make sure it’s all wrapped up before the doctor sees you. Is that okay with you, Sarah?” She nodded with a small hum. Tears painted her cheeks, but she was eerily quiet. I quickly grabbed the dressings and held her hand in mine, “I’m going to take your old bandage off so I can put your new one on. It’s going to look a little scary, so I’m going to have you look up at the ceiling for me, okay?” As soon as her gaze shifted to the ceiling, I peeled off the dressing and began to clean. I tried to both comfort her and get as much information about herself as I could. “Once the doctors take a look at you, you’ll get the coolest cast ever! What color are you gonna pick?” “I like blue, but my mommy said blue is for boys,” she grumbled. “I love blue too! It doesn’t have to be just for boys. I can change her mind, just for you.” I paused for a moment. “Did you get lost and lose your mommy at the festival, sweetheart?” Her tiny brows furrowed as she shook her head, “No, mommy and daddy left me.” My brows furrowed. They couldn’t– they wouldn’t have. “They left you? How did they do that?” “When the loud noises started, I tried to hold on to Daddy, but he made me let go. He made me fall. Mommy saw me, but she didn’t come back. That’s when someone stepped on me.” My hands froze. I had finished the dressings. I needed to move on, but I couldn’t. I had a horrifying thought. She could just have misunderstood. Something mind-shatteringly awful must have happened for them to leave her there. Even then, the thought festered in my mind and flew out my mouth, “I’m going to check and make sure you don’t have booboos anywhere else, okay?” I put a hand on her back and leaned her forward, separating her from the bed. I lifted up the back of her shirt to see a collage of bruises. Some new, an angry purple. Some, fading, old yellow splotches. Bile rose in my throat. Memories of broken bottles, clenched fists, bloodied tile, and clumsy stitches flashed in my mind. With every second I looked, the more panic filled my lungs. I rested her back on the bed and held her uninjured hand, “I need to go talk to my doctor friend and help some other sick people, okay? But, I promise I’ll be back soon to check on you.” This seemed to finally wake her. Sarah shook her head and began to cry, “No! I don’t want you to leave!” I squeezed her hand tighter, “I don’t want to leave either, sweetheart, but people need my help. I know you’re going to do so good here waiting for me. Because, I can already tell, you’re the bravest little girl I’ve ever met! You’ve already so great! I know you’re going to be just fine.” Sarah’s tears slowed and her eyes looked up at me in wonder, “I’m doing good?” “You’re doing the best!” I assured. She paused, as if it was the first times those words had ever reached her ears. “Just promise to come back, ‘kay?” I gave her hand a squeeze and brushed the hair out of her face, “I promise, sweetheart.” 

I left her side, searching for Whitaker. Conveniently, he was just passing by and already stared at me with his brows furrowed in confusion. “What was that–” “Her name is Sarah. Open ulnar fracture but she’s calm and stable. I need you to look out for her. Don’t let anyone take her anywhere without telling me, alright? If her parents arrive and I’m not here, don’t let them take her, grab me.” His head tilted in confusion, “Why wouldn’t she go with her parents?” My face twisted in disdain. I couldn’t say it. But, he didn’t need me to. “Shit… Okay, I got her. Trust me.” I nodded, gave his shoulder a pat, and we both took off in different directions. I headed back into red. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t look back at the little girl who’s face looked a little too much like mine. If I looked at her for too long, I’d turn back into that broken, scared kid I hadn’t been in a long time. I could only walk into the flames and pray I wouldn’t burn out along the way. In the chaos, I fell into my rhythm once more. Dr. Shamsi cut an incision for a chest tube and held out her hand to receive the plastic. “We ran out of chest tubes,” I warned. Her eyes widened and she turned to Javadi, “What the hell! You could’ve told me that before we started.” She raised her hands in defense, “I didn’t know!” I closed my eyes to think for a moment, “Use an ET tube. We’re out of the thoraseals, but you can attach it to a urine bag with a christmas tree adapter.” Shamsi’s eyes stared for a moment, considering my suggestion. “This is is very unconventional... but I guess that will work,” she grumbled. “Thanks, MacGyver!” Javadi exclaimed. I scoffed as I moved onto another patient, “I’m not letting that nickname catch on.”

A few patients later, I could hear Dana’s voice boom around the ER. “Listen up! Central 7,8,9 is now our blood donor center. Anyone who’s O-Neg or O-Pos, we need you to donate now!” My ears perked up. I needed to donate, but the sight of incoming patients kept my feet to the confines of the red zone. “Shit,” I mumbled. My mind raced until I saw Abbott walk into Central 7, grab a blood draw kit, and walk out. I immediately knew what to do. I was able to run through, do the same, and put rest kit on the nurses station. I quickly degloved and wrapped a bloodbag around my thigh. I connected the blood draw kit, rolled up one of my sleeves, and stuck the first vein I could find. I taped the needle to my arm, pulled down my gown’s sleeve, put the extra bag in my pocket, and was back in the fray in under two minutes. I was helping McKay with a difficult intubation when Dana found me, “Bee! Are you donating right now?” Cassie looked down to finally notice the red tub that trailed under my gown, “Oh shit!” “Abbott is doing the same thing. I’m a frequent donor. The stick was clean. I got doctors to assist and blood to give. Is that alright, boss lady?” I spoke as I disconnected the full bag from my thigh and switched it out with the patient’s empty drip. I could tell she wanted to scold me, but her lips formed a proud smirk. “Alright, kid. Just be careful.” I added the new back to the empty space against my thigh and let it fill once more. The blood loss gave me a quick buzz, fueling the shuffling of my feet, electricity beneath my fingertips, and the hazed smile that overtook my face. For the first time in years, I remembered why they call me bee.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

September 5 2024

4:00 pm

Dana’s voice rang from the ambulance bay, “Don’t touch me!” I ran toward the sound, and fell into a sprint when I caught the sight of Dana clutching her bloody nose and stammering through the ED. “Dana! What the hell happened?” I exclaimed. One hand on her back, steadying her, the other brushing the hair out of her face. Robby was hot on my trail, making space beside me to tilt her head up to look inside her nose. “Jesus christ,” he murmured. “I’m fine. I’m fine,” Dana swore. I scoffed, “Yeah, right. You can’t see yourself. Come sit down.” Nurses and medical assistants began to notice and crowd around as I led her to a chair at central. “What happened?” Princess questioned frantically. “Just got punched. Took a fall,” Dana groaned. I knelt in front of her, “Who the hell punched you?” “Just an unhappy patient,” she remarked. Javadi piped up from the crowd, “A patient punched you?” I looked back at her, “Happens all the time.” Princess, Perlah, and Mateo all chimed in with stories of their own. “Javadi, go grab Ahmad. Perlah grab me an icepack, please,” I ordered, attempting to look up her nose to find any deviation or break. Robby grabbed her head to examine further, “Did you hit your head?” “Uh, yeah, probably,” answered Dana. Her eyes were practically shut as Robby continued his examination. I took her hand in mine, “No LOC?” She shook her head. “Just a bloody nose.” I took my free hand to grab some tissues and pressed them to her nose, “Gonna apply some pressure, alright?” She winced in pain and her hand tightened around mine. She used her free hand to take the tissues and hold it to her face. I turned to Kim, “Do me a favor and grab her some clean scrubs, please.” She gave a quick nod and ran to the scrubs machine. I looked to Robby, “Should we find a room for her?” “I don’t need a room!” Dana shouted, but Robby sent me a quick nod. “Do we know what's open?” Perlah asked. I closed my eyes for a second, thinking about the quick glances I had taken of the board. I hummed, “Move Dave, the UTI in North 1, and roll him to South hall. There’s already someone in North.” Perlah left the small crowd and made her way toward the room. While Robby did a EOM exam, I took wipes that someone left on the counter and started to clean the blood from her neck. “Who did this?” Ahmad questioned from behind me. “It was a pissed off patient but he split. Forget it!” Dana persisted. “I know you remember his name, Dana. Just tell Ahmad and let him handle it,” I scolded. She looked down at me, her eyes filled with a maternal annoyance. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s Doug. Doug Driscoll.” 

Ahmad left to call the cops while Samira, Princess, Mateo, and I waited for Robby to finish his examination. I had just finished cleaning up the blood when Robby ordered a head CT and maxillofacial. Samira walked off, “I’ll let them know she's coming.” Dana argued, but Robby persisted. “Okay, who can step up for Dana while she’s getting checked out?” Robby questioned. It was silent for a moment. I didn’t want to overstep, but after a few seconds of silence, I spoke up. “Dana was teaching me some things today. I got it.” “Better you than me,” Princess remarked in Tagalog. “If I’m biting the bullet, please do me a favor and make sure she sits her ass down for once,” I shot back, also in the language. Robby groaned and walked off, “Alright. That works. Everyone needs to step up!” I looked to Princess, “Okay, take her up to CT, when she’s done, park her in North 1 and make sure she gets something resembling rest?” She gave a curt nod. I looked up at Dana and picked the work phone out of her pocket, “You just need to have a good CT. Alright, boss lady?” She gave a gentle laugh, “Alright, Charge Nurse Kat.” I stood up as Princess wheeled her off, saying one last, “Love ya, Dana.” Despite the distance, I could hear her chuckle, “Love you too, kid.”

I made my way to the board and took a quick glance at all of the rooms and patients one last time. Dana’s phone began to ring. I picked it up, listened to EMS, and called out to Robby, “Code Stroke coming in!” Robby and Samira talked to the EMT while I helped the others wheel her into one of the empty trauma rooms. After I ensured she was settled and her family was called, I made my way back to the ambulance bay and found Cassie’s son, Harrison, walking through the doors. Cassie had reached him first, kneeling in front of him and asking if he was okay. “Woah, Harrison, bud, what happened?” I asked. “I’m here with Dad,” he explained, turning toward the bay. His dad, who I had only seen in pictures on drunken nights with Cassie, was rolled in with a splint on his leg. I snorted and whispered in the woman’s ear, “South 19 and the side of the street should be free. Good luck with that. Come get me if you or Harrison need something.” I walked back through the halls, doing quick checks on the patient that lined the walls and looked in most of the rooms in North and South. I went back to Central, hopped on the computer, and started to edit the board. Robby turned the corner and approached, “Kat, which of our patients can we send on their merry way.” I took a glance, “Barry, the Yoga split lip that’s in North hall, Walter with the road rash in Sout 20, and Vince with the elbow fracture in Central hall is good to go. If a med student can check in on the UTI in South 22, she can also go home and we can shift this board around?” A surprised expression overtook Robby's face for hardly a millisecond before he furrowed his brow and listed off an array of orders for the aforementioned patients. I turned around to Kim and Donnie who stood by the nurse's station, “Did you guys hear all that?” They both sighed and turned to leave. “Thank you! You both are rockstars!” I turned back to the computer, resting my elbow on the table and holding my cheek. “You doing okay with the workload? It’s a lot,” Robby asked. I nodded, “It’s a lot, but I got it. Dana’s little session earlier helped.” He furrowed his brows, “What exactly did Dana teach you?” I shrugged, “Really just this kind of stuff. The gargantuan task of running the ED. I guess she’s just trying to teach everyone a little something in case there’s a situation like today.”  Robby hummed, for some reason unsure of my answer. “Well, you’re doing great,” he remarked. I shot him a quick smile, “Thanks, boss.” 

Robby turned to Ahmad about some patient from earlier, so I turned back to the computer. I only shifted my attention when Robby asked about Doug Driscoll. “I assured an alert with PTMC security and called the cops with his home address from his chart. They want a statement from Dana,” Ahmad answered. Robby turned to me. “She hasn’t been brought down yet. She should still be in CT,” I informed. He nodded, “Let’s clear her medically and then she can decide when she wants to talk to them.” Perlah found a spot beside me, “What about other hospitals? Did you let them know?” “Everyone should be on the lookout for this guy right now,” Ahmad confirmed. We gave him a quick thanks and let him go. “Now what are you going to do to protect us?” Princess questioned Robby. “Violence in healthcare is a national issue. Roughly two nurses are assaulted each hour,” I added. “And it’s only getting worse,” Kim chimed in. Perlah remarked, “No wonder there’s a nursing shortage everywhere.”  Robby motioned to all of us, “I hear you and it is unacceptable.” Gloria emerged from behind us, “What kind of circus are you running down here?” Her and Robby discussed Dana's injuries, but she deemed it more important to worry about an incident report. “How did a guy from the waiting room get back here without anyone noticing?” Gloria pressed. Robby exclaimed, “Wow, our wonderful nurses here were just wondering what steps the hospital plans to take to ensure their safety in the future. Maybe you would like to explain to them why you’ve denied my requests for extra security measures?” She turned around to the small crowd of nurses that had formed and stuttered out some bullshit corporate line I was sure she had said a million times. I turned on my heel and let them let Gloria be thrown to the wolves. I could still hear threats of strikes and unions even as the distance increased. 

I spent the next couple minutes zooming around the ED, helping transfer patients, admit new ones, and edit everything on the board. I was sitting back at the computer once more when I noticed Frank talking to Santos in the corner of my eye. I could feel the tension flowing between the two, but no visual brow furrows or raised voices to indicate what I feared, another argument. Santos walked off and Frank’s gaze followed her, eventually wandering and landing on me. He walked over and leaned against the desk. “Did you apologize?” He feigned offense, “I did, actually. I was even kind when I gave her a note.” My face fell into my hands, “You criticized her right after you apologized? You’re hopeless, Ken.” When I looked up, I could sense a joke on the tip of his tongue, so I sent him a warning look. He held his hands up in defeat, “Alright, I know. You already have your hands full with Dana. I'll give you a break.” I hummed, “Hm, you never give me a break. Do I need to get a room so we can check you out too?”  He leaned over the desk and whispered, “You can check me out at any time.” I gave him a quick swat to the head and pushed his shoulders slightly. “What happened to giving me a break?” I exclaimed. He frowned in faux guilt, “You were right. I can’t give you a break.” Giggles escaped my lips as I rolled my eyes, “Go do your job. People are dying, Ken.” Robby and Collins appeared behind Frank. “Who’s dying?” Collins asked. “Frank, if he keeps playing his cards right,” I joked. Robby held up a tablet, “Dana’s CT results are back. No intracranial hemmorage or skull fracture. It's a nondisplaced nasal fracture but the rest of the facial bones look intact.” “No intracranial hemorrhaging?” I questioned. “Nothing,” Collins assured. I let out a deep sigh of relief, “That’s amazing.” “Yeah, we could really use her back on the floor,” Frank added. Without thinking, I smacked his stomach with the back of my hand. He doubled over slightly and Collins sent me a look. I shrugged, “I said if he plays his cards right…” She chuckled softly, “Mind if I give her the good news?” “Only if I get to go with you. 

Collins gave Dana the news while I sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand once more. Just as she finished up, a call rang out on Dana’s phone. I turned to Heather, “Broken arm just came in on ambulance. You want in on that?” She pondered for a moment before nodding, “Sure, what’s open?” “North 5 should be cleared out by now. If not, Central 7 can go into the hall.” She sent me a quick thumbs up and sneaked out the door. Dana sent me a proud smile, “Having fun as an acting charge nurse, kid?” I laughed, “Yeah, I guess I am. It’d be a lot more fun with you out there, boss lady.” She scooted over in bed and patted the spot beside her. I fully layed down next to her, slightly curling into her side. A comfortable silence filled the room, giving us just a moment to decompress and actually think for the first time in the long shift. “You ever think about actually doing this?” Dana asked. “Becoming a charge nurse?” She nodded, only one eye peeking out from me from under the large icepack she held on her nose.  “I think I’d really like it… in theory. I can’t exactly imagine the pitt without you in it,” I admitted. “You’d love it. I know you would.” I chuckled, “Why do you think so?” “You love this place the same way I do. I could see it the first day you came in, straight out of covid, bright-eyed and ready to go. You care. You like helping people, even the ones that don’t ‘deserve it.' That’s all you need to be a charge nurse. That love has to overpower the rest of the shit we do everyday.” I thought for a moment, eyes trained on the ceiling. “You really think I could do it?” Before she could respond, Princess’ voice sounded from the door. “Oh, shit. Am I interrupting something? It’s not important-” “No, you’re okay. I've had a long enough break. What’s up? Can I do something for you?” I asked, sitting up and getting out of the bed. “I need to transfer a patient right now, but my sugar is crashing and I was wondering if you had any of those good protein bars for grabs?” “Yeah, of course! Go deal with your patient. I’ll have one waiting at the nurse’s station for you when you get back,” I answered. She mumbled a quick thank you. I turned back to Dana, “Duty calls.” She chuckled, “Don’t I know it?”

Dana ended up deciding to get out of bed while I made my way to the lockers. Just as I began to approach the isolated hall, the sound of Frank and Robby talking caught my attention. I hid behind the closest corner to listen in, sandwiching myself between a cabinet and the wall. “Have you been helping yourself to benzos from the ER?” Robby asked. I had to stop myself from scoffing. Was he serious? My mind drifted to Santos and I wanted to scream. Even after our talks, she decided to accuse someone of malpractice on her first day? And accuse Frank? “Yeah, I’ve been stealing blood too,” Frank shot back. There was a heavy, prolonged silence. “I asked you a question,” Robby persisted. Frank scoffed, “Wait, are you serious? What are you doing?” My brows furrowed at his answer. I expected a soft outrage, a laugh, the sound of his locker opening, Robby apologizing. It couldn’t be. I’ve known addicts my entire life. I was born from one. I knew what the kind of ruin addiction created, and Frank wasn’t it. Despite the pit in my stomach, I refused. Addiction is broken bottles, smashed heads, trips to the emergency room. Frank is kind, apologetic, funny, mine. I tuned back in at the sound of Robby thrashing his fist against the lockers. “Open your locker or I will have security smash it open,” Robby demanded. In that moment, he sounded angrier than I had ever heard him. My knees instinctively began to shake and fists clench. The silence and beeps of the locker keypad was nauseating. I finally decided I couldn’t just listen anymore. I peeked around the corner to see Frank meekly unlock the locker and Robby slam it open. He ruffled through the items, moving them to side aggressively. Dark blue cloth, the scarf I had made Frank, abandoned on the floor. I could feel my chest convulse at the sight of Robby picking up a small ziploc of pills. Librium. Fucking Louie’s Librium. 

I couldn’t stop the word from exiting my lips, “What?” Both Frank and Robby turned to look at me. I rushed forward to look closer at the pills. “That’s not… it’s not your pills. Right? Tell him, Frank. Tell him those aren’t yours?” “Kat…” Robby warned. My head snapped to look at him, “Robby, don’t.” Confusion painted his face. But, with one glance between Frank and I, realization took over. I turned back to Frank. For the first time since Frank had found me bloodied on the floor at the hands of my brother, I saw that face. The face of pure, unadulterated fucking terror. “It’s not like that, I promise. I hurt my back, remember Robby? I was too cheap to pay for movers to help my parents. I told you about it. You teased me about it.” He turned to me, “I didn’t want to tell you make you think I couldn’t… that I was like your… Our own Dr. Hagan gave me the pills! I didn’t want you to worry and I just needed some help weaning myself off. I promise!” My chest fell and rose, deep, fast. I crouched down, head between my knees and my back against the cold metal of the lockers. As if that would save me, protect me from Frank’s words, Frank's truth. As if when I raised my head, I’d go back to that first day, when I followed Frank around like a puppy, when he was the first person to ever make me special. He continued to plead with Robby. “It’s not like you think! I’m not high! You’ve seen what I do. I spend practically every waking moment with Kat. She can tell you!” I looked up to see them both staring at my crouched frame. In that moment, looking at Frank, I knew that look. That anxious, angry, desperate look. I’d seen it in my brother, and now I’d seen it in him. I stood up, shaking slightly as I pushed myself to my feet. I rasped, “I’ll make sure he leaves, Robby. Just give us– give me a minute, please.” Frank’s face fell, his hands flew to his hair, defeated. Robby sent one last glare to Frank before looking at me, “Find me when you’re done and he’s gone.” He stormed off with another slam of his fist against the lockers and a frustrated “fuck!” 

The tears began to fall and I dug my nails into my biceps. A part of me hoped that with that pain, I’d wake up in Frank’s arms. All a stupid nightmare. But, the pain in my chest and sight of Frank in front of me told me otherwise. “How long?” Frank’s gaze fell to the floor, “December of 2020.” An exasperated gasp escaped my throat, “So, the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been high? Was dating me just some drugged out mistake” Frank knelt before me, knees to the disgusting hospital floor, and forced my hands into his. “No! Bee, I’ve spent every day of the past three years knowing you, choosing you. Some stupid pills could never change that.” I wanted to believe him so bad. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to hold his face in my hands and tell him it would be okay, but I couldn't. More sobs emitted from my throat.“Why didn’t you just fucking tell me?” I cried. “I wanted to tell you, trust me. I wanted to tell you so bad. I was going to tell you before you were all in, before we had a label, but-” “You were going to tell me the day my brother came?” “Yes! You were already going through so much, and then you told me about them being these abusive addicts. The last thing I wanted was you to think I was anything like your family, because I’m not. Kat, if one thing is true in this fucked up world, it's that I would never hurt you. I just didn’t want to lose you–” “No! That’s not fair, Frank. You don’t get to put that on me. You don’t get to make that decision for me! I’ve been all in since the day I met you. I would’ve lied to Robby, taken you to rehab, helped you figure out how to tell Abby. I would’ve helped you with all of it because…” I took a deep breath, centering myself. If there was a time for those scary, ugly truths to come out, this was it. “I would do anything for you because I fucking love you, alright? I love you.” I studied his gaze. I didn't know what I was looking for until his gaze lowered and sigh exited his lips. The one thing I had feared for as long as I had known him. He stammered, “Kat, I can’t–” I ripped my hands from his and whipped around. I had been beaten and broken down more times than I could remember, but I had never been so utterly humiliated, rejected, destroyed. Uncontrollable cries erupted from my throat, “Oh my god!” Frank appeared in front of me and attempted to pry my hands from my face, “Baby, please just let me explain.” I shook my head like a child, “No. I’m done. We’re done. You need to get your shit and get out.” He pleaded endlessely, but I took the contents of his locker and shoved in his hands. I spoke over him, “Maybe in time we can figure this out, but now I need you to go... please. Just go.” Defeat shone in his teary eyes. Despite the deeply immature part of me that wished he would scream, weep, feel a semblance of the agony I felt, he didn't. I don't think he could. Instead, Frank held his scattered possessions, my last shred of dignity and hope with them, and vanished under the glow of the exit sign. 

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

a/n: this is the last flashback chapter! :/ I loved writing them but I am also so excited to get into these next few drama filled chapters

December 18, 2025

7:00 pm

My hands nervously ran through my hair the entire subway ride to Dana’s home for the annual holiday party. As I walked, my hands picked at the wrapped present that sat in my hands. Either because of the sick humor of god or Dana’s antics, I picked Frank for secret santa. The box held a knitted, navy blue scarf and beanie. In an attempt to stock up on warm clothes without spending money I didn’t have, I picked up the skill between long shifts and rendezvous with Frank. Despite us spending the majority of most days together, I’d expertly hidden the two items for the past month or so. Sweat collected on the nape of my neck between my scarf and skin as I waited on Dana’s doorstep. A nauseating nostalgia overtook me when the sound of ice crinkled under my heels. I looked back at the driveway, a part of me hoping Frank would be there the way he was years before. I just began to notice an unfamiliar car in the driveway when the door swung open. My head whipped around to see Dana’s open arms, “My girl!” I laughed as we embraced, “The party barely started and you’re already tipsy?” She playfully whispered in my ear, “Shhh, don’t tell anyone!” She ushered me inside, taking my gift to the living room while I slipped off my coat. I combed through my hair with my fingers one last time. Excitement welled in my chest. Frank hadn’t come to greet me and his car was mysteriously missing from the driveway, so I assumed he was running late and planned how I’d tease him about it. I thought about Frank taking me home and a part of me wondered if we’d even make it out of the neighborhood before pulling over. I tugged the hem of my skirt against my trembling thighs. Dana’s voice called me from the living room, “Bee, there’s someone you need to meet!” 

I expected maybe a new girlfriend of Garcia’s or a hot date that Princess had dragged to the pary. Instead, a statuesque woman seemed to catch the attention of everyone in her gravitational pull. She was about my height, but towered over me in heels that seemed to cost more than my rent. Her hair was a gorgeous blonde and cascaded over her shoulders in a sickengly beautiful way. A deep red dress covered her perfect frame, following every curve expertly. She was the kind of beautiful that makes you wonder if you knew what the word meant before. My eyes flew to her model-esque face before finally falling to her hand. A giant diamond ring shined against her perfectly manicured hand with Frank’s fingers laced in between. I had to consciously swallow the bile that collected in my throat. Dana stood next to the two, her arm wrapped around the woman, “This is Abby, Frank’s wife! Abby, this is Kat.” I plastered the most genuine smile I could muster across my face before shaking her hand, “It’s so nice to meet you! Frank talks about you all the time.” It wasn’t a lie. In recent months, his departure from Abby had become a frequent topic of conversation. Yet, he omitted the fact she’d be here. I avoided Frank’s gaze. Whether he’d masterfully wiped any semblance of guilt off his face or was sweating bullets, I refused to know. “It’s great to meet you as well. My husband loves to tell me stories about all his coworkers.” Ouch. My hand flew back to my side, as if hers was hot to the touch. “Excuse me, please. I’m going to grab some of Dana’s famous sangria. Does anyone need a refill?” I looked around, giving a quick thumbs up to Collins who had raised her hand from the recliner. 

My hands trembled as I poured the dark red liquid into the holiday themed plastic cup. My eyes glanced at the vodka that sat next to the glass container. Without thinking, I quickly screwed open the cap and poured it until the cup was practically overflowing. I gulped down half of the cup before setting it down and pouring vodka in it once more. Warmth filled my empty stomach and collected in my cheeks. It was practically a cup of straight liquor, but I needed it to calm the tremble overtaking my body. I was filling a cup of sangria for Collins when Frank accompanied me in the empty kitchen. He whispered under the cover of holiday music humming from the living room, “I’m sorry.” “Some fucking warning would’ve been nice, Frank,” I hissed back, voice low enough to not leave the confines of kitchen. My gaze finally met Frank’s. A certain type of desperation filled his eyes that I’d never seen before. I wondered if, for the first time, he was confronted with what he’d done, what we’d done. He stuttered, “I didn’t know until I was about to leave. She found a babysitter, said it was a surprise.” “Definitely a surprise,” I murmured. My breath caught in my throat. My heart raced as I attempted to find my footing in my old, stupid boots. I instinctively turned around to hide my face as I clutched my sporadic chest intently. Feeling the frantic thumping of my pulse only seemed to make it go faster. Frank put a hand on my shoulder and manuevered around me to meet my eyes. “Bee, baby, you have to breathe,” he pleaded. He looked around frantically, unsure what to do. It wasn’t until he looked at my hand against my chest that he paused. He took my empty hand and put it against his chest. Even through the button-up shirt and sweater he wore over it, I could feel the steady thump of his heartbeat. I held onto his chest like a lifeline. I shut my eyes, drinking in the sounds of every inhale and the clean woodiness of his expensive cologne. This was new. I’d only felt his heartbeat when my face rested against his bare chest or in quick embraces. The feeling of his life’s blood thumping beneath my fingers was terrifyingly intimate. It was only when my breath slowed and his hands traveled to the sides of my neck that I opened my eyes. Frank’s gaze had emitted that familiar warmth I’d grown to know well. The pads of his thumbs brushed against my cheek, cooling the warmth that had pooled in my cheeks. “We just have to get through tonight. I promise. Once we’re out of here, I’ll come over, bring some wine. It’ll be just us, away from all this… shit,” he assured. I gave a deep sigh curt nod, holding his hands for a moment before peeling them off my face and placing them at his sides. I wanted to enjoy it, his touch, but a flesh-eating guilt had settled its way into my stomach, only satiated by the cup that began to warm on the counter. “Heather is waiting on this,” I excused before pushing past him, grabbing the cups, and heading back into the crowded living room.

Much to my dismay, the only open seat remained between Abby and Abbott. I’d spent most of the time talking to Jack, me letting him ramble about unorthodox medical procedures and him letting me ramble about whatever I could to keep my head nodding and back turned. I had mastered the rhythm of talking, listening, and drinking without grimacing at the vodka pouring down my throat. In the small lull between topics, she struck. “So, Kat, did you always want to be an ER nurse?” I stuttered, eyes unsure of where to land, “Emergency medicine, yes. Nursing was a choice though.” She questioned further, “How so?” I wanted to slam my palms into my eyes. How was one to drunkenly explain the ever complicated years of financial struggle and family issues that warranted that decision? “Just… financially. I, unfortunately, didn’t have an extra arm or leg to sell for med school tuition,” I joked weakly. I could hear Frank’s soft chuckle from behind her, and, for some reason, a part of me wanted to cry. It was as if a single glance or smile my way would show how he knew me. How do you hide the huge, ugly truth that you know someone better than you know yourself? How do you hide what’s been eating you alive since the first moment you heard he was married? “Wow, that must have been so hard. They have scholarships for that, you know?” she asked carelessly. My fingers dug into my tights. Months of baking at midnight and tutoring at the crack of dawn just to pay for school and my mom to stay afloat simplified by one simple question. She continued with a cackle, “I guess hindsight is 20/20, huh? I thought medicine was my thing for a while, got my bachelors in biology, but I wasn’t really enjoying it. So, I just decided to go back for business! It really was the best decision of my life, besides the baby of course. I’ve been a stay-at-home since Tanner was born, but I’m going back to work as soon as he’s off to school.” I did the mental math in my head. I calculated the cost of her tuition, books… every thousand sunk me deeper into the folds of the couch. I guess a question from Dana or Robby had caught her attention, as her blonde blowout was all I could see. All I could do was think and continue to pick the thin cloth of my tights. Were her words shooting to kill or did the guilt inside me metastisize and form an unknown monster, a monster that could hate a woman for no good reason? I was attempting to reason if the monster was a product of me or was me when Jack whispered in my ear, “You okay, kid?” I finally noticed I had picked a small hole in my leggings, just beside my knee.. “I’m fine,” I assured softly. I thought about saying it again, speaking it into existence, but Dana’s voice boomed through the living room. “Alright, I think we’ve had enough time to get hammered. Let’s open some gifts!” 

With every bath set, blanket, and mug, the pit in my stomach grew. Of course, this would be the year of impersonal “I didn’t know what to get you” gifts. Every gift but mine. I had just received a gorgeous set of artisanal kitchen towels from Collins when I got up to hand Frank his gift. I made sure our fingers never touched and eyes never met when I handed him the box. Everyone watched in anticipation as his fingers gently peeled off the wrapping paper. Everyone oo’ed and awed as he picked up the scarf and beanie in his hands. “Why couldn’t Bee have gotten me again?” Cassie complained playfully. “Put it on! Give us a show!” Dana teased. Frank was weirdly still, seeming to examine every stitch and thread. He gave Dana a quick smile as he tugged the beanie on and threw the scarf over his shoulders. The room awwed dramatically once more, different conversations creating a buzz in the room. He leaned forward in his seat, searching for my gaze. “Did you make this?” He asked. I couldn’t tell if it was the lighting, the color of his eyes, or the many drinks I had consumed, but there appeared to be wet sheen over his eyes.  I lied through my teeth, “No, I wish! I have a friend who knows how to knit. She does commissions.”  Abby brushed her fingers over the folds of the hat, “I’ll have to steal this from you, babe. We both know your head is about two sizes too big to look good in hats.” The room exploded into laughter, Garcia and Collins’ teasing sticking out the most. My eyes were glued to my shoes as I let out a fake laugh. She turned back to face me, “I hope you won’t mind! It’s gorgeous and I wouldn’t want it to go to waste. It can be so hard to buy for your coworkers.” I nodded, “Yeah, of course. As long as it’s getting use. You know him better than I do.”  With the game over, the room fell back in its familiar rhythm. This time, however, I felt outside of it all, watching from the living room window. I stood up and made my way toward the bathroom. My drunken feet clacked against the bathroom tile, coming to a halt at the mirror. I dissected the makeup I had put on just for him only hours before. My blush was too heavy. My lips were too dark. A small curl had formed on the back of my head, peaking through my straightened hair. Why did she have to be so perfect, so real? I thought I’d feel angry about what she said. Instead, shame just built behind my eyes and poured down my cheeks. She could say anything. She could spend the rest of the night kissing him on the couch if she wanted to, because he is her husband. The simple thought of being jealous was almost intangible. If she had found out about us and decided to rightfully kick my ass, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop her. I imagine I’d look the same way I did now, face flushed, crying, docile, useless while she killed me. 

I don’t know when, but I had fallen to the floor, back against the door as I attempted to cry out the guilt that was threatening to bubble from my stomach. My attempt was unsucessful. I crawled to the toilet before the deep red mix of sangria and vodka poured out my mouth and nose, tears and vomit mixing in the bowl. When I was finally done, I closed the lid and slumped on the lid in defeat, head resting on my folded arms. A small knock and whisper sounded from outside the door. “It’s me. Open the door, kid,” Abbott’s voice sounded from outside the door. I cleared my throat immediately to clear the newfound rasp, “I’ll be out in a second. I just got a little-” “I heard you throw up. It’s okay just let me in,” he interrupted. I let out a deep sigh, pushing my hair out of my face and crawling to unlock the door. I sat back against the sink, legs twisted beside me. “Come in,” I called. He opened the door and looked down at my dejected frame. “Don’t tell my boss,” I joked with a scoff. He entered quickly and shut the door. Instead of scolding me or making me stand, as I for some reason expected, he sat in front of me. “You don’t have to do that! Your leg! I’ll stand up,” I exclaimed. He sat with a soft huff, “I do what I want, kid.” Soft giggles forced their way through both our lips, filling the small bathroom. He crossed his arms, “So, do you want to talk about what’s been up all night?” “Jeez, subtle start, doctor. I see why you didn’t choose psych,” I joked. He chuckled, “Never had the time for it… Really, what’s wrong, kid?” I picked at the hole in my leggings, “Holidays are weird for me.” I wanted to lie, but I could only bear half truth. The room stilled, and just for a second, Jack seemed as nervous as I did. “Holidays are weird for me too,” he admitted. “Ever since Ronnie, my wife, Robby’s had to drag me to these things every year. Just doesn’t feel right.” I nodded, “I know what you mean.” I wasn’t sure I did. Holidays in my home were silence, empty bottles. I couldn’t place if it ever felt right. “She was a lot like you,” he added. My brows furrowed and eyes flew to his face, “Really?” He nodded, “She was kind, funny, strong, and didn't take bullshit from anyone. Especially from me. But, sometimes, it’d be a hard day, I’d come home, and wouldn’t be able to find her. Like clockwork, I’d always find her in the bathroom, just like this.” I let out a dry chuckle, “Does she know why? I sure as hell don’t.” His gaze fell slightly, “She told me, when you have a… complicated family, one of the only places you feel safe to decompress is the bathroom. It’s the only place she felt safe, alone.” I let go a long exhale, “She sounds a lot smarter than me.”  “Just older,” he joked. A gentle smile overtook my lips. I leaned my spinning head back against the counter, steadying my breath. “You wanna get out of here, kid? I can drive you home. If you don’t puke in my care, we can stop for food.” “Lets bounce, old man.”

I had convinced Abott to say my goodbyes while I waited outside and smoked a quick cigarette. I gave Abbott a gentle smile as he walked through the door, both our gifts in hand. My face fell when Frank stepped out behind him. Abbott motioned his head toward him, “Wanted to say bye. I’ll go warm up the car.” He walked down the driveway, disappearing behind the parked cars and leaving us alone. I put the small nub of my cigarette out on my boot and threw it into the bushes. “Where’s Abby? Shouldn’t  you be in there?” I asked pointedly. His brows furrowed with concern as he reached for my hand. “She’s in the bathroom and everyone else is playing some stupid game… Hey, bee, what’s wrong?” Just as his fingers brushed mine, glimpses of Abby’s smile crossed my mind.  I’d only seen him in pictures, but Tanner’s did too. I pulled my hand away. “I can’t do this anymore,” I blurted out. Both of my palms covered my face, as if to shield my face from the massive bomb I just dropped. I could hear his voice near to my face and felt his hands cup either side of my head. Frank stammered, “Hey, hey, hey. What are you talking about? Talk to me, baby. Please.” I took my hands off my face and rested them on his wrists, but I still couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. “I thought, before, it didn’t bother me. I thought I was okay with ‘soon,’ but I’m not. Not after seeing her, not anymore. She’s real now and I should’ve realized that before, but I do now. And, I can’t be the secret anymore. I can’t be the villain in her story anymore. It’s not fair,” I rambled, half sobbing. He crouched even further to meet my gaze, practically on his knees. His eyes watered desperately and his hands were practically shaking. Frank pleaded, “And that’s my fault. I know it is. I shouldn’t have ever put you in that position, but please Kat. Don’t give up on us, not yet. Tanner goes to school in the fall, I could make a plan to tell Abby then, okay?  Or, if it needs to be sooner I’ll figure it out! Just… please. I can’t think about a world where I’ve lost you like that. I can’t. I refuse to.” He paused, eyes scanning my face for something I couldn’t quite place. He inhaled deeply before the words I wanted to hear since I met him parted from his lips. “I can’t think about losing you, because I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. Ever. More than the success. More than the stupid notoriety. More than medicine. I’d let it all go if it meant having you here. If you were still here to make fun of me, tell me I’m stupid, show me up, look at me the way you are right now.” Laughs had broken through my gentle sobs as I held his hands in mine. I let my head lean against Frank’s and closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling of hair tickling my forehead and pinkies brushing against the cuffs of his sweater. My hands traveled from his hands to the nape of his neck. A childish, deep part of me was afraid he’d disappear, that it was all a dream, that I’d dreamt a grand love story the same way I did when I was a kid. But, my fingers ran through his hair and lungs inhaled his breath and he was in front of me and he was real. I rasped, “I want you too, idiot.” I could hear his smirk in his voice, “That’s my girl.” I pulled away to look at him, fixing his hair and pulling him fully to his feet. A comfortable silence grew around us as we took in the sight of eachother. It felt like that short moment after narrowly avoiding disaster, a car crash or fall down the stairs, where you need just a second to appreciate the peace, the silence. “So, autum?” I asked. Frank nodded firmly, “As soon as he gets in school. I promise.” I copied his nod before pulling him into a tight hug, my arms clasped around his neck and his around my waist. I whispered one last quip before pulling away, “You better not let anyone get near the hat alright? Spent a lot of time on it.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, “I know. Thank you. I’d never dream of it.”

The ride home with Abbott was filled with stories of his wife, well-timed quips, and the demolishing of some fast food we’d picked up. I couldn't tell if it was the shitty food, Abbott, or Frank, but for the first time in months I felt full.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 4.2k

masterlist

a/n: i'm back!!!! sorry for the small hiatus between posts. life has been so busy but i'm so excited for y'all to see these upcoming chapters!

September 5, 2024

3:00 pm

As Frank and I walked past the lockers and toward central, Whitaker turned the corner and set his eyes on us. As he approached, his gaze grew more concerned. “Hey, I was looking for you. Are you okay?” Dennis asked. Frank turned to me, an unsure look on his face. I gave a curt nod and he replied, “I’m going to see if I can get Tanner on the phone. I’ll see you in a sec.” I gave him a quick smile before turning back to Whitaker. We naturally gravitated to a corner of the ED. I began to ramble, “I’m sorry. I said I was gonna have your back in there, and I totally just dipped when shit got rough. That normally doesn’t happen. I wish I could explain it to you. I just… I dont-""No– it’s okay! I just wanted to see if you were alright. Before you left you seemed… I don’t know,” Dennis stuttered. I looked down at my feet, embarrassed at the thought of Dennis seeing a glimpse into that broken part of me I’d always managed to keep separate from work. “I know. Thanks for checking on me, but it won’t happen again.” “Of course, Kat. And, it’s okay if it happens again,” he assured. My gaze flew up to find his, “What?” My question caused his cheeks to flush and his brows to furrow. “I was just saying that– you know I probably have a good fuck up or two before the shift is over. So, if you need to leave for a second, take a breath, I’m not keeping score,” Dennis explained. A smile took over my lips, “Thank you. Really.” I wanted to say more but the sight of Mel down the hall, waving at the two of us caught my attention. “Robby needs us for something,” Mel called. Wordlessly, Dennis and I sent a curt nod to each other, one that said we’d talk again soon. 

An array of doctors and nurses stood around, still in the saddened heaviness that filled the room. Robby gave one of his signature speeches. I wanted to listen, but the idea of going back to that phone call, that look, those cries seemed impossible. I could only focus on the weight of Frank’s stare against the side of my head. He had been forced into a corner of the room and I stood between Dana and Dennis. I couldn’t tell if it was filled with jealousy or concern until I finally returned his stare. His brows were furrowed and eyes were serious. He mouthed, “You okay?” I nodded, sending him a quick smile and wave. But, a part of me wondered if I had lied, if that word could ever accurately describe what this feeling was. My eyes gravitated to the floor once more and my fingers picked at the skin surrounding my nails. Dana grabbed one of my hands, stopping my fidgeting. She was still turned forward, but her eyes scanned my face. I always thought Dana could sense what I felt better than anyone. Some would say it was her charge nurse status or her mother’s intuition, but it was pure, unadulterated Dana. I wanted to say “thank you” or “I love you,” but I just gave her hand a gentle squeeze instead. Robby was in the midst of mentioning a cemetery when a security guard entered, “We got patients throwing punches in chairs.” I scoffed slightly and playfully elbowed Dana, “We’ve been summoned, boss lady.” Robby cleared his throat and sighed, “Uh, okay! Let’s get back to it.”

The walk to chairs was quick. Dana’s hands were firm on my shoulders, as if hyping me up for a fight. Maybe she was. “So, you’re gonna take this one. I’m going to be right there with you, but you’re taking charge, alright?” Dana asked, ordered rather. My head whipped around, “I’m what?” “You were a superstar with Krakozia and you wrangle Langdon every day. You got this,” she assured. The security guard entered first and I was hot on his tail. The first thing I saw were two women screaming and lunging at each other, only halted by the grip of their husbands. My eyes quickly flew to Earl, who was sitting on the floor with a small laceration on his forehead. “Get me a chair,” I ordered the uniform clad man. He quickly pulled an empty chair a few feet from the chaos and I leaned down to pick up the unhoused man. “I got you, Earl. Come on,” I comforted, picking him up and setting him in the seat. By the time I turned around, the redhead had landed a punch on the other one, screaming something about allergies. As the two security guards separated the women, a loud, unfamiliar voice sounded through the waiting room. “Hey! That’s enough! What the hell was that? Where the hell do you think you are right now? This isn't the set of 'The Real Housewives of UFC'! This is a hospital, people are dying. There are kids here! Our staff is working tirelessly back there. And, you think it's time to fight like overgrown children? This is absolutely ridiculous! You should be ashamed of yourselves." I didn't realize that voice was my own until I felt the weight of all the eyes in the room. I took a second to catch my breath. The act of yelling was foreign to me, and it knocked all of the air out of my lungs. I turned to Olson, one of the security guards, "You alright? Catch any strays?" He shook his head, "Craziest shit I've seen since I started working here, but I'm good." I nodded, patting him on the shoulder. I murmered, "Good. Fucking people." Ahmad addressed the women, "Ladies, are we finished with the craziness?" The blonde woman lisped with her bloodied mouth, "This is ridiculous. All I did was offer to put a mask on her child who's been coughing for over an hour! And, now I'm missing half my goddamn tooth!" The redhead shot back, "First off, masks are bullshit-" "Jesus christ! I said enough! No more talking to each other. You're gonna talk to me, understand?" I shouted, cutting her off. The room fell into a familiar silence. Both of the women gave meek nods. I turned to the blonde woman, "You, what happened to the tooth? Did you swallow it?" I leaned down to look at her mouth. Her front tooth was jagged and bloodied, a sizeable chunk missing. She shook her head, "No, I don't think so." I turned around to the redhead, "Show me your hand." As I picked up her injured hand, I finally noticed Frank's presence beside me. He was peering down at her knuckles, "It's definitely in there. Hope you both have all your shots." The husband of the redhead chimed in, "Like vaccines." I groaned, "Please do not get them started. Let's get you two treated in the back, separately." Dana, who had been lurking in the corner of the room, stepped in and led the two women through the ED doors. As we walked back, I heard Frank's voice whisper in my ear, "Can you yell at me like that? That was hot!" I rolled my eyes and elbowed him in the side, laughs escaped my lips. "In your dreams, Ken."

I lurked outside the room of the redhead while Frank treated the other woman, waiting for Dana to walk by. I finally caught a glimpse of the woman as she walked Earl to a curtained room and handed him off to Princess. I sent her a quick wave, causing her to walk over, a smirk plastered on her face. “I had faith in you, but you blew my socks off, kid. Genuinely, my ears are still ringing,” Dana teased. I rolled my eyes and gave her a gentle shove. “I know. I never yell like that,” I said with a laugh. Her chuckles echoed mine, “Well, you better get used to it.” My brows furrowed, “What does that-” Frank emerged from the room next door and cut off my train of thought, “Ready to go treat the heavyweight champ?” I turned to say bye to Dana but she was already whisked away to another task. I wanted to make a mental note to ask her about that later, but I knew I’d forget. I gave Frank’s arm a squeeze before walking in, “Watch your mouth in there. I want you to walk out of here with all of your teeth.”

We joined Mel in the tension-filled room. “How are we doing in here?” Frank asked as he strolled in. The woman popped off again immediately, “You should write that bitch a script for calcium, because I didn’t even hit her that-” I sent her a shaming look, brows raised, lips pressed together, eyes narrowed. She gave an angered huff before seemingly shrinking three sizes. I clicked my tongue as Frank and I settled on either side of her, “Good choice.” While I set up a tray of equipment, the room was silent but her anger still simmered. She murmured to herself, “Too much almond milk in her soy lattes.” “You know, most commercial almond and soy milks are fortified with calcium, so they end up having a higher percentage of cow’s milk,” Mel interjected, her hands held together tensely. I cleared my throat, “Well, looks like she’s prepped and draped, if you want to go ahead, Dr. Langdon.” He gave a curt nod, “Let’s take a look then. Dr. King, could you please grab me a ten cc syringe, a twenty gauge needle, and some sterile saline.” She looked around, her eyes anxious and glossed over. “Got it right here for you, Dr. King,” I informed, eyes trained on her face. She looked at nothing as she handed off the syringe, the woman spewing off a stream of complaints to be sent home. Frank’s response faded in and out of my attention as my gaze trained on Mel’s face. Her hands were clasped together and eyes strained as she desperately attempted to listen to Frank’s words. The woman asked,  “How can you tell if it’s bad?” Frank turned to Mel, “Good question. Dr. King?” She seemed to shake away her thoughts as she stuttered, "I'm sorry?” “Dr. Langdon is going to inject some sterile saline into your knuckle joint. You won’t feel a thing because of the anesthetic,” I interjected. “If it comes spraying back out of the bite wound, it’s serious,” Frank added before injecting the large needle into her knuckle. Saline began to sputter out of the open wound. Frank exclaimed, “There she blows.” The woman’s voice began to raise, “Are you fucking kidding me?” She turned to scream toward the room next door and her legs began to shift out of the chair. I leaned forward in my chair to get her attention. “Now, ma’am, let’s be careful! We can’t do anything to help if your blood pressure gets too high. Screaming can tend to make it skyrocket,” I scolded with a fake smile and seriousness lacing my tone. She shifted in her seat like an embarrassed child, “Well, next time, she can keep her mask and opinions to her damn self.” Mel flinched in her seat, seemingly waiting for the lady to scream at any moment. Frank finally noticed, turning his head. He opened his mouth to speak, but I urged him to move on. “What would you like to do, Dr. Langdon?” His gaze shifted between me and Mel, “3 grams Unasyn IV. Call the OR, tell them we have a fight bite that needs to be washed out.” I turned to Mel, I’ll call the OR, you get the Unasyn, and I’ll be waiting outside so we can have a quick chat, okay?” Frank rested his gaze on mine, “You got it?” “You know I’m on it,” I remarked.

 I led Mel out the door, her leaving to the med drawer, but I lingered by the door. I punched the numbers in for the OR on my small work phone and quickly briefed them on the case. By the time I hung up, I just caught the last of Frank’s words. “But, I want to respect your beliefs, so what do you think?” I covered my mouth to hide my giggles and waited patiently. The second he emerged, I smirked, “Bad boy, Frank.” Chuckles escaped as he leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “First the yelling, then that stare, and now the degrading? You think we can run out to my car if we’re fast enough?” I rolled my eyes and pushed him away just before Mel walked past and back into the room. “Watch it, Frank. You’re gonna get us in trouble. Now, stop bothering me and go be a doctor, or whatever it is that you do,” I teased. He rested his hand on my elbow, thumb rubbing the protruding bone, before walking off with a quick wink. “I’ll try.” Like clockwork, Mel exited the room, eyes searching. She was still buzzing, her eyes flinching with every blink. “Hey, hi, what did you need me to do for you?” I gave her a gentle smile, putting both of my hands on her biceps, “I need you to go to the staff lounge and take twenty for me, alright? Frank will come get you if he needs you before then.” She shook her head, “No, I’m alright. I-” “Hey, there’s no shame in taking a break? I didn’t smoke before working here, but sometimes those five minutes make all the difference, alright?” I joked. She gave a curt nod and quick “thank you” before taking off to the break room.

The phone in my pocket began to buzz. Dana’s voice crackled through the shitty speaker, “I’m stuck on this overdose case with Frank, but the Kraken wants to talk to Whitaker, mind working your Kat magic for me?” “My Kat magic?” I asked, but the line had already hung up. I let out a deep sigh, looking around for any sign of Whitaker. My eyes landed on the black set of scrubs forgotten on the counter first. I walked over to central, and the moment my hands picked up the fabric, Whitaker’s short, blonde hair came into view. My body gravitated toward him. “Hey, Nebraska!” His head turned, a shy smile already plastered on his lips. He exhaled, a laugh trailing the breath, “I thought you-” “Forgot about the nickname? You kidding me? Can’t let creative genius like that go to waste.” We both giggled for a moment, our eyes soon resting on the contents of my hands. I held the scrubs out, “I just found you some scrubs that should fit. And, by just found I mean I grabbed them upstairs two hours ago and forgot them at the nurses station.” “Oh… jeez, thank you!” Whitaker stuttered, reaching toward the black cloth. I held on tightly as he tugged, “There’s a catch… According to the boss, Krakozhia is asking to see you.” His face fell, “The guy who peed on me? Why me?” I shrugged, “Dana didn’t say. But, if you’re really that nervous, I can go in with you.” His brows rose and bright eyes widened, “You would?” I gave a playful sigh and pushed the scrubs into his grasp, “Yeah, I got you. I’ve got a knack for making the patients like me.” He chuckled in disbelief, “Even when they’re in a drug induced psychosis?” I laughed incredulously, “Especially then. Now, I’m going to find and debrief with Perlah, you’re going to mentally prepare to go in there, and you’re going to meet me at his room in ten, alright?” Before he could respond, I gave him a pat on the shoulder and went to find Perlah.

By the time I reach Krakozhia’s room, Dennis is pacing in front of it, covered head to toe in a layer of protective gear. I couldn’t contain my laughs, “Oh, Nebraska, really suited up this time, huh?” Despite the mask and goggles covering half his face, I could still see the familiar blush cover his cheeks. “Just wanted to be on the safe side after last time. Is it too much?” Dennis asked. Part of me wanted to say yes, but the thought of keeping a potentially agitated Kraken waiting seemed like the lesser of two evils. “Let’s just see what we can do for Mr. Krakozhia,” I trailed off, opening the door and introducing us. Krakozhia sat on the edge of his bed, hands nervously fiddling in his lap. He asked nervously, “Is this the guy that I…” My brows raised, “Oh, yes, sir. This is him.” I gave him a gentle smile, hoping to ease the nervousness raising his shoulders to his ears. Krakozhia's eyes shifted nervously between me and Dennis. I took the hint and whispered into Whitaker’s ear, “I’ll wait outside. Be kind. Listen.”  I stood just outside of the door, back turned, but keeping my head turned to look at Dennis. I watched as his face slowly shifted, his stiff demeanor slowly drifting away, a concern taking its place. He slowly peeled off the cap, goggles, and mask that covered his face. To my surprise, Whitaker raised up his hand for a moment and joined me outside. “Hey, I was hoping I could get your thoughts on something,” Dennis wondered. I nodded, “Of course, what’s up?” “He’s willing to take his meds, but he can’t come back every month to get a refill. What do we do for him? Do we just let him go? Do we call in Kiara?” Whitaker spoke, words spewing out in a rushed jumble. I put a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, we can figure something out for him. Call Kiara, debrief her, and take a breath. You’re doing good.” His bright eyes fluttered, sky blue irises showing a newfound calm. Robby’s voice reached my ears before Whitaker’s could, “Kat, could you come help on an overdose case? Need an extra set of hands.” I glanced back to Dennis before speaking, “Sure, I got you, boss. Whitaker’s doing a good job here.” Robby gave him a curt nod of affirmation before walking off, my feet following close behind. I gave him one final smile before he left my view, slightly dizzy off the blush staining his cheeks.

As we approached closer to trauma one, Frank’s booming voice slowly made itself known. It was unfamiliar, unnerving, and the anger in his tone caused bile to collect in my throat. Robby hesitated but my hand immediately flew to the door and swung it open. He didn’t hear the door creak open, continuing his tirade. Frank shouted, “The only thing you’ve been successful at is proving repeatedly that you know nothing.” I couldn’t stop his name from escaping my throat. “Frank!” I exclaimed. It was disappointed, unprofessional, raw. His head whipped back to look at me and Robby. Frank’s eyes found Robby for a millisecond before resting on me. His eyes mirrored what I felt in the depths of my stomach. Terrified. I seemed to choke on the sound of silence and the beep of the cardiac monitor. I finally caught my breath when Robby spoke, “Is the patient stable?” Samira looked back at the monitor, “Temp is 102, was just about to take her off the ice.” Robby nodded, “Proceed. Langdon, a word.” Frank’s feet stuttered as he left the room. He stopped beside me for a moment, attempting to find the words. “Later, please,” I muttered. He resigned, following Robby like a kicked puppy. The silence returned in their absence. I cleared my throat and grabbed a pair of gloves. “Let me help you guys take her out of the ice.” Princess rolled a bed next to the metal tub that sat in the middle of the room. The transfer was quick, wordless aside from my quick count off. Samira spoke, “She just needs to be dressed before being sent off to ICU. Would you-” “Santos and I could get her settled, if she’s up to it.” Santos nodded, her eyes not truly finding anyone’s line of sight, “Yeah, we got it.”  The room emptied, leaving the two of us to dress the patient. “What just happened really wasn’t okay. I’m sorry he spoke to you that way,” I apologized. She seemed shocked for a moment, assuming I'd defend him the way I did before. She shook her head, “It’s fine, you didn’t see what-” “I don’t need to. You don’t speak to someone on your team like that” She mumbled a soft, “Yeah, sure.” When the woman was finally settled in her bed, I rested my hands on the guardrails and looked at Santos. “I don’t know if you plan to stay in emergency medicine, but I hope you do. It’s, truthfully, a lot of this. Mistakes. Apologies… Sometimes it’s hard to see someone work differently than the way you do, it doesn’t make blowups like that okay, but that’s exactly why we need you here.” Her brows furrowed, “What do you mean?” “We meet all walks of life on a daily basis here, it helps if you we have that same variety on our team… plus, it gets boring seeing the same old white dudes in here.” I finally got her to smile, a chuckle leaving her lips, “That’s for damn sure.” I laughed with her, our voices filling the empty room. I sighed, “So, you wanna take her up to ICU, take a moment for yourself, and get back in the action?” Santos nodded, unlocking the wheels of the bed and gripping the handles.  I held the door open as she exited. She gave me one last glance before we parted at the elevator, “Thanks.” A smile fell over my face as I nodded and gave a small wave. 

I walked around the ED, everyone had found their rhythm and every incoming gurney had a small crowd surrounding it. I found myself at my lockers, pulling out my lighter and box of Marbolo’s. The sound of Frank’s voice caused my head to droop, “Bee?” My chance at a break dissolved with the simple saying of my name. I threw the both back in my locker and shut it with a sigh. I turned to Frank. He was just as, if not even more, nervous. His hands were clasped and eyes studied my face. “Would you ever talk to me like that?” I asked, leaning against the lockers. He mirrored my movements, “No, of course not. I fucked up. It’s on me. I'll apologize the next time I see her.” Despite the relaxed pose, his face was still twisted in anxious anticipation and his hands were still glued together. I looked around for a moment before taking his hand in mine, “Jeez, baby. What’s up with you today?” The tension welling up in his frame melted against my fingers. His thumb brushed over my knuckles and played with the edges of my nails as he spoke. “With everything coming up so soon, with Abby, I’m just on edge, I think. I’m sorry.” I crouched slightly to meet his lowered gaze, “Hey, don’t apologize for that. You can talk to me about this alright? I’m not going anywhere.” Frank’s icy eyes found mine, an ironic warmth emanating. He gave a broken smile, his struggle to drink in my words shining through. That word. That dangerous, terrifying, amazingly awful word danced on the tip of my tongue. But, I continued anyway. “I promise. I’m here for all of it. The ugly parts. The complicated parts. I’m here for everything because I lo-” The sound of a high chirping and dog barking left the words to be forgotten in the empty space of my cheeks. We both rushed to the noise, finding a dog thrashing around one of Krakhozias’s rats and Dennis surrounding the animals with a blanket in his grasp. We watched in shock as he maneuvered around the two, throwing the blanket and separating them. My hands flew to my gasping mouth when he snapped the neck of the rat. For the first time in the shift, the ED fell quiet. Dennis looked around nervously, clearly embarrassed by the pure farmboy that had overtaken his body. I let out a small whoop as I clapped, “Way to go, Nebraska!” The rest of the floor slowly began to clap along. He sent me a grateful smile with his signature blush coloring his cheeks, mouthing, “Thank you.” All of the staff quickly found their groove again, returning to whatever arduous task they were doing before. Even Frank was pulled away by Mel to their roadrash case. But, it took me longer than the rest to move my feet. I was cemented in place, plagued by the thoughts of what was almost said and, more regrettably, what was to come of the odd feeling in my chest that happened every time I made Dennis blush. I didn’t get to ponder for long, as panicked murmers echoed from the ambulance bay led me back into the fray.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.3k

masterlist

warning: smut!! oral (f receiving), soft dom! frank

October 31, 2022

7:00 am

My worn shoes cracked against the icy pavement. For the first time in months, I was running late. Instead of my leather jacket protecting me from the cold, it was causing a sheen of sweat to form on my forehead and expanse of my back. Dana’s face was the first I saw when I passed the threshold of the ED doors. I held my hands up in defense, “I know! I know! I’m coming.” I beelined for my lockers as she called out, “You’re okay. Take a breath, bee!” I shouted back, “I’ll try!” I entered my code into my locker keypad, ripped off my jacket, and shoved my bag into my locker with unnecessary force. An unfamiliar voice broke my focus, “Excuse me, could I get your help with something?” I shut my locker to see a man beside me, a backpack and jacket in hand. His hair was long and curly, and I noticed the familiar name of Diaz on his badge. He was in nurse scrubs, but I’d never seen him before. He continued, “I’ve been trying to open my locker, but I didn’t want to pull anyone from their work to come help me. Could you take a stab at it?” For the first time this morning, I actually took a breath and let my brain process what was being said. I stammered, “Uh, yeah, I can take a look at it.” He gestured to the locker and I stood in front of it, investigating the keypad for any broken keys. I turned back to look at him, “What code did they give you? I promise I won’t plaster it all over the staff lounge white board.” He chuckled heartily, “Good, I was worried about that. It’s-” He picked a sticky note out of his pocket. “It’s 9-7-4-3.” I nodded and plugged it into the keypad, pressing twice on the lock button to unlock it. He let out an, “Ohhhh,” as the locker clicked open. “No one told you you have to press the button twice?” I asked. The man chuckled, “Nope. Thank you for helping me, though. I’m Mateo.” He shoved his belongings into the locker before outstretching his hand. I shook it, “It’s no problem. I’m Kat. Are you new?” He nodded with a shy smile. I scoffed in disbelief, “First day in the ED on Halloween? That’s rough.” 

Without realizing, we walked back to central in tandem. Mateo sighed, “At least I’m not working night shift.” “That’s for damn sure,” I cackled. “If you want, you can stick with me for some cases, get the hang of everything. I’m sure Dana wouldn’t mind,” I added. Mateo was about to answer before a voice cut him off. “Bee, who’s your new friend?” Frank was standing by central, a redbull and celsius in hand. I gasped in excitement, “Frank, I thought you had today off!” He handed me the drink, “I wanted to surprise you, but someone decided to be late today.” I scoffed and hit his arm with the back of my hand, “Don’t start. It’s too early.” Instead of the smile or soft laugh I expected, his eyes were trained on Mateo, sizing him up. There was something foreign, dangerous in his eyes. In the awkward silence, Mateo put out his hand. “I’m Mateo. It’s my first day. Kat helped me figure out my locker,” he explained cheerfully. Frank shook his hand, a fake smile on his face, “Cool. Frank Langdon. I have to go debrief with Abott, but I’ll see you around.” He turned on his heel and took off toward a patient’s room. I stuttered, “Um, I’m sorry about that, Mateo. I don’t know what’s up with him. He’s usually not like this.” Mateo laughed it off, “No, it's okay. Don’t worry about it. Should we get to seeing some patients?” I nodded and patted his shoulder, “Let’s go have some fun.”

The first case we tackled was a man, still adorned in werewolf costume, who was accidentally shot after scaring his wife. His journey from a curtained room to the surgical floor upstairs was a blur of bloodied gauze and rushed movement. The moment we came down to the ED after wheeling him up to surgery, Mateo began to chuckle. I began to laugh with him, “What?” He continued to laugh as we walked back to central, “I think I had some idea of what today would be like, but that was so fucking fast.” “That’s the pitt for you. It can be a lot, but once you fall in love with it, you can’t go back,” I said with a faux dreamy sigh. Mateo leaned against the counter when we made it back to central, “Well, that was love at first sight.” The clearing of a throat caught my attention. Frank was sitting down at central, redbull by his side as he charted. “What are you up to, grumps?” I teased. He attempted to keep a frown glued to his face, but a small smirk shone through. “Just patiently waiting for you to come back after hanging with your new friend,” Frank quipped. I playfully groaned, “Oh, shut up. Stop charting and get in on the Halloween chaos with me.” When he turned back to the computer, rested my chin on the counter and gushed, “You know you want to.” Frank sighed for a moment, feigning thought. He stood, “There’s a pumpkin carving incident with our name on it.” I practically jumped in excitement giving Mateo a pat on the back before exclaiming, “No place like home, loverboy.”

Central six was filled with an array of giggles as Mateo and I prepped the suture tray and handed materials to Frank. The patient, a college-aged woman, made Frank’s job harder with every cackle. She rambled as she recounted a story from a past Halloween, “So, I’m at this party, right? I’m dressed up as slutty Harry Potter, robe and everything, and this bitch comes out of nowhere and she swings on me!” Mateo quipped, “Let me guess, bald and no nose?” “Or did she have a god awful bob and a pink pansuit?” I added. She threw her head back in laughter, causing Frank to mutter something to himself as he stitched the long gash on her right arm. She cackled breathlessly, “You two are so hilarious!” After a couple seconds, the laughter softened to a dull roar. She raised her uninjured arm and slapped it on her thigh, “You guys are so fun! You bounce off each other so well. Are you two together?” I let out an awkward laugh, “No ma’am, we’re not.” “It’s my first day, so definitely not,” Mateo added with a chuckle. “Well, maybe you should try! I always love it when hot people date, it makes my day,” she droned. The woman turned her attention to Frank, “Sorry I didn’t ask you. You’re super handsome and you’re a doctor, so you have to be married.” As she continued to ramble about her “hot people theories,” I leaned over to Mateo. I whispered, “When I had to go out and grab that suture kit, how much anesthesia did Frank order?” “He didn’t order any, just topical numbing cream,” he whispered back. My hand flew to my mouth, attempting to stifle the laughter that threatened to escape my mouth. I inevitably failed, turning around to hide my giggles. Mateo succeeded better than I, only a tight smile formed on his lips. Frank’s voice caused my head to spin back, “You are all done! Mateo is actually going to apply some basic bandages while I grab your nurse Kat for a moment. I or another doctor will be back soon to discharge you.” He rose from the small stool he was sitting on and walked out the door. There was an unfamiliar fire in him that was both confusing and exciting. I mumbled, “You got this,” to Mateo before trailing after him. 

Instead of being down the hall like I’d expected, he was waiting by the door. He put a hand on my arm to stop my brisk movement. “Go get your cigarettes out of your locker and take your smoke break,” he ordered before storming off toward the ambulance bay. Goosebumps formed on the lengths of my arms and a smile consumed my face. I practically skipped to my locker and out the ambulance bay doors, my jacket wrapped around me and cigarette box in my pocket. My eyes scanned the empty bay, searching for Frank’s familiar black scrubs. Frank’s hands grabbing my shoulders cause a loud gasp to escape my lips. I spun around and hit him on the shoulder, “Did you drag me out here just to scare the shit out of me, asshole?” A familiar grin covered his face and the slight unease in my stomach finally settled. “Come on,” Frank said, taking my hand and pulling me to a corner of the building's exterior. He quickly changed direction, settling in a private nook of the hospital I’d never seen before. I let out a deep breath, “Okay, so what are we-” He cut me off with a desperate kiss, lips working tirelessly against mine. His hands were lost in my hair, firm without pulling a single strand. My hands were lost for a moment before falling into a familiar rhythm. They were twisted in his hair, before falling down to his chest and grabbing at his scrub shirt. His knee nudged between my legs, pressing against my core. One of his hands fell to my hip and pushed my center against his leg. My brows furrowed as I moaned into his mouth. At the sound, Frank retreated slightly, a grin plastered on his face. “Jesus fucking christ, what was that for?” I moaned breathlessly. He snickered and pressed kisses against my neck with every word, “That. Was. For. Flirting. With. The. New. Guy.” “I was not flirting with Mateo! But, I will if it’ll get you to do that again,” I giggled. Frank broke away and raised his brow, “You weren’t flirting?” I scoffed, “God forbid a very chatty patient thinks we’re both very attractive.” His disbelieving scoff mirrored my own, “Okay, say what you want. But, if you keep that up, I’m coming over after work.” “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I gushed before pulling him in for one final kiss. 

The walk back inside and the next few cases were filled with hidden touches and deliberate jabs.  The fire Frank lit within me was stoked by every intentional laugh and touch shared with Mateo. The teasing and tension only heightened in our final case of the day. A woman with a degloved leg had gathered a small crowd inside a trauma room. Surgeons, nurses, and doctors buzzed around the room as she was wheeled in. She was still slightly loopy from the anesthesia administered but was still looking around in a childish awe. Frank knelt slightly beside her, “We need to reset your leg so we have to sedate you, okay?” Instead of responding to his explanation, she gave him a wonder laced look. “Woah,” she exclaimed to herself. “We’re gonna take good care of you, ma’am. Dr. Langdon is an amazing doctor, you have nothing to worry about,” I assured. She shook her head as she slurred, “No, not that… You are so hot.” Frank stood immediately, turning to me and motioning to push the meds. Mateo and I had to quiet our snickers as we sedated the woman. The room was filled with deafening silence as she slipped into unconsciousness and Frank intubated her. I cleared my throat, “Well, you sure are popular today, Dr. Langdon.” Garcia was already at the foot of the bed, ready to reset the leg when she began to laugh,”What does that mean?” Frank groaned as he moved to assist Garcia, “Don’t, Kat.” Garcia gasped, “I’ve never heard Langdon call you Kat. It has to be good.” I could see a familiar heat well within him, so I continued. “We had a patient earlier ask me and Mateo if we were dating, because she 'loves when hot people date.' And, of course, she noticed Frank being offended by not being included the hot people dating discussion, she said that he had to be married because he was a doctor and super handsome.” Frank muttered, "She didn't say super handsome." Garcia snickered to herself, “Wow, Langdon, your pretty face must get you into so much trouble.” Small giggles and chuckles filled the room. Mateo spoke up, “Dude, if it makes you feel any better, it definitely was a compliment. You got the brains and the looks! Like… ER Ken!” The room went silent for a moment, until I exclaimed, “Holy shit. That is so good!” I cackled as I bumped my shoulder against his. Still with her hands full of viscera, Garcia laughed, “I think the new kid just gave you your new name, ER Ken.” Frank’s reaction caused a nervousness to well in my chest. His reaction was practically nonexistent. There was no well-timed quip or jab. Instead, he just sent me a small smirk that screamed, “Just wait.” 

When the clock struck seven, it was the fastest Frank or I had ever left work. We both departed with quick waves and fast feet toward the exit. Instead of leading me to the sidewalk to my apartment, he made a break for the parking lot. “Where are we going?” I giggled. He pulled me in front of him and muttered, “We’re going to get in the back of my car and I’m going to make you feel so good you’re gonna forget Mateo ever existed, alright?” A shit-eating grin covered my face, only departing after I was lifted into his backseat and Frank smashed his lips against mine. A sheen of condensation covered the car windows, protecting us from the cold October air and any onlookers. Our lips danced in a similar rhythm to before, but his hands now ventured the expanses of my body. He unzipped my jacket, balled it up, and placed it behind me. I didn’t have time to wonder why before he pressed his chest against mine and I laid flat against the backseat. On instinct, I reached for the drawstring of his scrubs. Frank reached down and stopped my hand. Before I could say anything, he leaned back and sat upright. “I told you if you kept that up, I’d come over after work. That is for your apartment. Right now, I am going to give you the best head of your damn life, alright?” Frank explained, now tearing off my shoes and untying my scrubs. “Cocky much?” I teased. He leaned down, pulled up my scrub top, and pressed kisses against my stomach. Frank looked up with darkened eyes, “Not cocky. Confident, baby.” I chuckled, “Jesus christ, do you ever shut-” The feeling of his fingers brushing against my clothed clit caused my breath to hitch and my words to trail off in a breathy moan. I leaned my head back against my jacket and closed my eyes, basking in the pleasure. “Is this okay?” Frank asked, a tinge of seriousness in his tone. I nodded with a quick, “Mh-hm.” Wetness welled between my legs as he slipped my scrubs down my legs. His warm lips trailed from my knees to my thighs, just stopping before… “Frank!” I whined. I looked down to see his signature smirk plastered on his lips, “Gotta hear you say it, bee. You always ask me so nicely.” Not wanting to prolong the feeling of his lips against my core, I begged, “Please, Frank. I need you so bad. Need to feel you. Need to be all yours.” Frank groaned audibly at my last words, rolling his hips into the leather seats. 

Instead of tearing away to slip my panties down my legs, he pulled them to the side and dove in. Frank placed one leg on each shoulder, one hand resting on my bare stomach, and the other made indents in the meat of my thigh. “Oh fuck!” I moaned breathlessly, gripping onto the headrest of the front seat. His tongue alternated from using his tongue to circle my clit to swiping it between my folds. Frank’s presence was heavy between my legs, emanating a gentle heat. The car was filled with my desperate pleas and his muffled moans. Frank meticulously teased my cunt, purposefully avoiding the spots I begged for. I clenched around nothing, desperate for his touch. “Please, Frank,” I begged. I arched my back in an attempt to push myself even further into his touch. His hand on my stomach pushed me down into the seat as he smirked, “Be good, stay still,  and maybe you’ll get my fingers, okay? After today, you’d be so lucky.” His head didn’t dip immediately. His blue orbs were focused on mine, awaiting my response. I furrowed my brows and made the most desperate face I could muster. I ran one of my hands through his hair and cried, “Please, baby, I need it so bad. I’ll be so good for you. I promise.” He was silent for a moment, eyes scanning across my face. Defeat shone in his stare. Frank let out a small scoff, “Fuck,” before losing himself between my thighs. His movements held a newfound fervor, his lips now making out with my clit and middle finger expertly pressing against my walls. My hand quickly departed from his hair and flew to his shoulder, gripping it for a semblance of stability. A string of curses slipped between my lips at the feeling of his moans vibrating against my clit. Countless “thank you’s” left my lips. “That’s my girl. Always so appreciative for me,” he moaned against my cunt, adding his pointer finger inside. Not bucking my hips against his touch felt more impossible with every second my orgasm neared. Frank could sense it, picking up his movements and murmuring soft praises in the valleys of my thighs. I moaned, “Frank, can I-” He nodded and stared at me through his lashes, “Let go for me, baby. You earned it, so fucking good for me.” The waves of pleasure wracked my body. My body convulsed, back departing and reconnecting with the seat below. Bright colors were painted on the insides of my tightly shut lids. The only words I could muster were Frank’s name and “thank you.” I caught my breath staring at the car’s cloth ceiling. 

Frank’s hands brushing against my thighs brought me down to earth. Frank’s gaze was steady on my face, a grin plastered on his glistening mouth. He teased, “That was a big one, huh?” I giggled, “Shut up.” I used my hand on his shoulder to pull myself up and him closer. My hands traveled to his hair as I pressed a kiss to his lips. As our lips fell into a familiar rhythm, I could taste my salty wetness on my tongue. He pulled away, “Do you like tasting yourself as much as I do?” A smile took over my face, “You are such a freak, Frank Langdon.” A similar smile shone back at me, “Only for you.” It was silent for a moment. Despite the countless times Frank’s lips found mine or his hands entangled in my hair, in moments like this, my heart couldn’t help but buckle under the weight of his words. In moments like these, the guilt and shame accompanying every glance at his wedding band was worth it. Every late night and stolen glances were worth the way he looked up at me. Something white in the car window interrupted my thoughts. I reached over Frank’s shoulder to wipe the condensation off the window, climbing into his lap in the process. The cleared window revealed snow beginning to fall and collecting on the cars next to us. I chuckled to myself, “Holy shit.” I turned around and wiped down the other window to show Frank. "Oh shit, is that the first snow of the season?" Frank asked. I nodded, eyes trained on the window behind Frank. His arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me close. "Wow... I made you finish so hard it started to snow. That's a new one, even for me." Our chests vibrated against eachother with laughter, the sound reverberating in the small space of the backseat. "Sure, baby. Whatever you say," I sighed contently.

The silence welcomingly returned. We both started out at the snow for a moment. His fingers brushed against my back and mine fiddled with the hair at the nape of his neck. Without thinking, I broke the silence. The thought had flooded my mind and forced its way through my lips. "I always think about you when it snows." His hand stalled against my back. His stagnant nature and my inability to see his face caused my heart to pound and my face to flush. He leaned back and loosened his grip, so I imitated his movements. Frank's icy blue eyes peered up at me, a shine of tears coating them. His palms connected softly with my cheeks, his fingers ghosting over the sides of my face. His brows were furrowed, but a gentle smile was still plastered on his lips. "I don't think anyone has ever made me feel the way you do, bee," Frank admitted, his voice laced with a foreign intimacy. I wanted to tell him I felt the same way, that a huge part of me knew that he was the only person that I felt something for, something that could be called love. Instead, I kissed him and hoped that with every movement of our lips he'd feel the warmth filled in my chest and the dense fog that clouded my thoughts. I hoped he'd know that every night for the past week I prayed for snow.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.2k

masterlist

a/n: sorry for the big delays in chapters! school is lowkey kicking my ass but i love y'all sm and thank you so much for reading!!

September 5, 2024

2:00 pm

I trudged back to central, both hands interlocked and resting atop of my head. Dana was flipping through a patient's chart before her eyes found mine. “You okay?” she asked, setting the tablet down. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes, “I’m fine. Just need a second to recenter.” The sound of Frank’s voice sounding from the ambulance bay caused my eyes to open. “Louie’s back!” Frank shouted. Dana shot me a look that screamed, “You got this?” I nodded, “I’m good. I promise.” I ran up to the ambulance bay and had to choke down an audible groan when I saw Frank and Santos wheeling Louie in. “Didn’t we just discharge him a couple hours ago?” Trinity questioned. I piped up as I helped push the gurney, “You had to come back cause you missed me this morning, Louie?” Louie chuckled deeply, “You know it, baby.” “How much did you have to drink?” Santos interjected. “Uh, just a couple shots of vodka,” Louie slurred. “Oh, so like a half a gallon?” I asked, feigning genuine curiousity. He shook his head, “Oh, hell no. Just a quart.” I could feel Santos confused glare drilling into the side of my head, but I tried to avoid her gaze. The lecture I had given her played on repeat in my mind, every repetition instilling more and more embarrassment. Frank explained, “If you exaggerate your questions, you usually get a truthful answer. We learn from the best.” He gestured to Robby as I and another nurse pushed Louie into a room. 

Santos trailed behind, holding a bottle of pills, “Uh, he’s got librium from this morning.” “That’s what I prescribed him,” Frank answered. Their conversation dulled in my ears as I worked. I helped the EMT’s transfer Louie to the bed, “We’re gonna mosey on down to the bed. Okay, Louie?” He mumbled, “You got it, boss.” The moment he hit the bed, the EMTs made their way toward the door, “See ya’.” Now alone with two doctors, I was met with the tension between Frank and Santos at full force. “Where did the ten pills go?” Santos questioned Louie. Confusion clouded my mind as Frank stumbled over his words, explaining all the ways Louie could’ve lost the meds he had only hours ago. But, the sight of a middle-aged woman outside the room searching frantically across the ED caught my attention. I muttered a quick assurance that I would be back before jogging to catch up with the woman. “Excuse me! Are you looking for someone? Can I help you?” I called. She whipped around and jogged toward me, matching my speed. She rambled, “Yes, please! My mom fell and she was getting taken care of. I had to go move my car and I fell asleep and I have ten missed calls from the hospital and I don’t know if she’s okay-” A lightbulb lit in my mind, “Yes! I think I heard about your mom. The last thing I heard was that she was ready to be discharged! I'm gonna helo you find her, okay?” She let out a huge sigh of relief, “Please.” I led her to central, where Mel was conveniently sitting at one of the computers. I shouted, “Mel! Can I grab you for a second?” Her face lit up immediately the second she saw the woman by my side. She shot out of her chair, “Rita! We were so worried!” As Rita explained the situation to Mel, I slipped away. I wasn’t sure where my feet were leading me until I spotted my water bottle sitting on the counter. I let out a deep breath before taking a long swig, eyes closed. A familiar voice quipped, “Smiling and drinking water? Are you feeling alright?” I opened my eyes to see Dana studying my face. I scoffed, “I’m drinking water and you’re getting mad at me?” She gave her signature smirk, “Not mad, just nosey.” I chuckled softly, “It’s nothing… I'm just having a weird day, something good happened, made me not feel overwhelming dread for five seconds.” Dana laughed and gave a firm squeeze to my arm, “Oh, kid, you have forty years of that overwhelming dread to go.” 

She picked the ringing, bulky phone out of her pocket and held it to her ear. Dana listened intently for a moment, her eye catching mine. I could see her face falter as her eyes looked toward the ambulance bay. I clicked my water bottle shut and mouthed, “I got it.” I quickly set the bottle on the station counter and listened as my tennis shoes squeaked toward the incoming gurney. Frank was already walking aside the gurney, Javadi and Mohan opposite him.  I attempted to listen to the EMT’s debrief, but Frank’s voice filled my ears. He crouched slightly behind me, “Where did you run off to, bee?” I tilted my head back to look at Frank, “I said I’d be back. I’m back.” He finally shifted his attention to the patient when we entered the trauma room, “How are we feeling Mr. Alexander?” The older man groaned, “Call me, Willie. Uh, I’m fine.” His soft voice sent a pang of worry to echo in my chest, “Alright, Willie, we’re gonna take real good care of you. Any chest pain?” Willie shook his head. “Taking any betablockers?” Javadi asked from behind me as we transferred him from the gurney. The room fell into a familiar rhythm, arrays of questions being sounded off and gloved hands dancing around the man. I was squirting a dollop of the ultrasound gel onto his chest when I noticed a still figure in the buzz of the room. Javadi stood beside me, nervously watching the mayhem in front of her. I utilized the buzz of Frank and Robby’s voices to cover up my whisper to Javadi, “You got this. Get in there.” 

When my eyes returned to the patient, I caught the end of Frank’s stare. A small smile was still plastered on his lips. I shook my head slightly as I turned toward the cardiac monitor, “Heart rate is thirty one.” “Dr. Javadi, what do you think of that heart rate?” Frank asked. Javadi took a deep breath before speaking up, “It’s not beta blockers so junctional escape rhythm?” A smile took over my face, “Good job, Javadi.” Frank nodded, “Exactly, it’s very common with a non functioning pacemaker.” I stared intently as he guided the two doctors. His blue orbs were set on the cardiac monitor with an intensity I had become addicted to. I desperately fought the urge to brush the two strands of hair that fell on his forehead out of his eyes. I cleared my throat, “Uh, systolic is up to ninety five with epi.” Willie groaned, “That’s too low.” A low buzz filled my ears as I focused on setting up the drip Frank ordered, my fingers and eyes searching for an available vein. The utterance of Dr. Adamson’s name broke my focus. “Oh, I know this place. This is Dr. Adamson’s place. Is he working today? An awkward silence filled the room, but the tension was quickly transferred outside as the x-ray technician cleared the room. I watched Frank loom over Javadi, discussing the patient's labs as we waited. A pair of hands gripped my shoulders, “Bee, I need to grab you for something.” Dana’s voice calmed the panicked alarms ringing triggered by her grip. Frank immediately turned to the two of us, “Hey! I just got her back like five minutes ago.” Dana wrapped an arm around me possessively, “You get her every day, Langdon. Learn how to share.” Before he could argue further, she whisked me away toward the nursing station once more. “Whatcha need, boss? Need me to play offensive coordinator for the Kraken again?” I asked. My brows twisted in confusion when she stopped us right in front of her desk. “If you keep whisking me away from work, everyone is gonna know I’m your favorite,” I joked as she sat me down in her chair. She laughed as she picked up a tablet and opened the board on her computer, “I think everyone already knows, kid. That's beside the point, you’re going to try and man the ED for me.” I stuttered, my mind lagging for a moment, “What? Why?” Despite her confident appearance, she took a second to consider her answer, “I have to leave early for an appointment on monday and I’m going to need you to take over for me for a bit. Unless you can’t handle it? I can ask Perlah instead.” Defensiveness immediately overcame my thoughts, “I know you're taking advantage of my desperate need of your approval, but I don't care. Give me the damn tablet.” I took it from her outreached hand and quickly scanned the screen, going back and forth between the smaller screen and the computer in front of me. I thought aloud, “Well, the UTI in central three is ready to go. We can get the sharp abdominal pain from chairs and get them in there. One of the med students can go do some quick sutures and get central five discharged. And, this incoming drowning victim can go in trauma four if the patient in there can get wheeled up to surgery in time.” I expected Dana to correct my choices as I spoke, but a heavy silence hung in the air. I looked up to see Dana smiling down at me. “Not bad, bee, not at all.” I beamed up at the nurse, “Learned it all from you, boss lady.” She scoffed playfully at the nickname, “Alright, put in those orders for me and you’re free to go back to your work husband.”

Just as I finished editing the board, the drowning victim was wheeled past. My heart sank to my stomach at the sight of a young girl blue and cold on a gurney. An EMT called out, “Amber Phillips, six years old, found at the bottom of a pool, unknown downtime.” Just as they passed the threshold of trauma four, Whitaker emerged from a hallway and headed for the door. I shot out of my chair and ran around the station. I put a hand on his arm to stop him from going in, “Whitaker, wait.” When his eyes met mine, his eyes were watery and face was flushed. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” I pulled him to the side of the door, “Look, it’s gonna be really intense in there. God forbid, but there’s a really good chance she’s not gonna make it out okay. You had a rough loss this morning, and I just... if you want to go in, I’ll go with you.” He took a breath, looking down at his feet and then at the scene inside, “I think I need to.” I nodded and pushed him inside, “Okay, let’s go.” The young girl was just transferred off the gurney as we walked in and Mel entered from the other door. “Whitaker, take over compressions,” Robby ordered. Dennis gave me a nervous glance before starting CPR. “You got this. Fast and deep,” I assured. I attempted to start an IV as Mel lingered beside me and listened with her stethoscope. Mel muttered, “She’s really cold.”  “Get a core temp,” Robby barked. I quickly finished the line I was setting up and rushed to a thermometer. I let out a deep sigh at the result, “Rectal temp is only eighty five.” “What does that mean, Mel?” Robby asked. Mel stuttered, “Um, she’s cold. She has moderate hypothermia.” Robby nodded, “We need to get her up to ninety before we have any chance of restarting her heart.” 

Collins ordered heated saline, the arctic sun, and epi. The room fell into a familiar rhythm, this time with a looming unease. The silent chaos broke when her grandmother walked in with Robby. I grabbed the chair that sat in the corner of the room and brought it to the bedside. I put a soft hand on her shoulder and led to the seat, “Here ya’ go, ma’am. You can hold her hand.” I could feel my thoughts begin to fuzz and a static fill my ears as she talked to Robby, tearfully recounting the story of how the little girl on the gurney tried to save her sister. A sob didn’t well in my throat and a gasp never sounded, but tears softened the corners of my vision. Dennis’ gentle voice interrupted my thoughts, “Hey, you okay?” His voice shook with every compression, but it held an unfamiliar steadiness. I cleared my throat, “Yeah, sorry. I’m good.” The moment her parents entered, I had to turn away. I busied my hands with anything I could find, anything to distract from the frustration welling in my chest. This one little girl had two parents, a grandma, and a sister that loved her more than anything. With cases like these, part of me wondered if the universe made some sort of cosmic mistake. Did I survive the cracked skulls and broken bones just for her to die? My gaze flew to the monitor at the sound of the familiar droning buzz of asystole. “Resume compressions,” Collins ordered. I looked down at my watch, “Uh, three minutes since the last epi.” Collins shot back, “Push another.” I nodded and administered the next dose. Her mother rambled, “Have you shocked the heart? Why haven’t you shocked the heart? We have to save her, we have to shock the heart!” I tried to listen along to Robby explaining why, but I couldn’t lose myself even further. Instead, I focused on Dennis. I watched as the sweat covered strands of hair covering his forehead bounced with every movement. The look on his face was anxious, desperate. He looked how I felt, and part of me was jealous of that, that he could let himself feel it and still persist.

The time waiting for her labs to come back was torturous. I had spent the time shifting on my feet and calling out her core temp every minute. “Core temp is eighty-eight,” I called. “Is that good?” the father asked. “It’s up from eighty-five when she was admitted,” I answered, deliberately avoiding getting their hopes up. Even then, the mother whispered in Amber’s ear, “You hear that? You’re getting better.” My chest tightened. I wanted to storm out of the room, cry, scream. But, I knew that wasn’t an option. It wasn't over. Robby left, we waited, I checked her temp, the cycle continued. Her temp was up to ninety, we held compressions, but the buzz of asystole persisted. The sound of the phone ringing on the trauma room wall caused my chest to tighten and my stomach to turn. My hand shook as I picked off the wall and listened. My eyes fluttered shut as I heard the response. It was over. “Her labs came back. Potassium level 12.2,” I stammered. The anxious energy of the room fell into a deep sorrow. The second Robby’s body turned to the mother, I muttered a quiet excuse and slipped out of the side door. 

The pitt in my stomach had traveled up to my chest and was constricting each breath. I rushed down the mostly empty hall and found myself at my locker. I quickly punched in the code and swung the door open. I gripped onto the cold metal and hid my head inside. With each breath came a new hurried thought. Why was her time done? Why did I deserve more time? Why didn't she? Would she have been a doctor? Would she be a good person? Am I? Did I waste the chance I didn’t deserve to begin with? I didn’t realize I was hyperventilating until I felt  a large hand on my back. Frank’s concerned, hushed voice filled my senses, “Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong, baby?” Even though he couldn’t see it, I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t do this. I need to-” I gasped out, my air escaping me. Frank led me to the corner, placing my back against the side of the freezing lockers. I looked around frantically when he laced his fingers with mine and put them against his chest. His head bobbed trying to catch my gaze, “Hey, bee, baby. Everyone’s busy with the honor walk for the college kid. Look at me. Breathe.” My head fell back with a small thud. My eyes scanned the hospital ceiling as I grounded myself with the feeling of the cool metal through my thin scrubs. The constant clatter of disembodied thoughts silenced when I felt Frank’s heartbeat under one palm and mine under the other. Instead of focusing on the rapid thumping of my own, I honed in on the steady beat of Frank’s. I looked down to see his hand holding mine to his chest, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand. By the time my eyes found Frank’s, a gentle smile had formed on his face. “Hey, there you are. There’s my girl,” he assured. He took in some exaggerated breaths and I matched them hopelessly. When I was finally able to match his tempo with ease, I let out a deep sigh and looked to the floor. “Sorry, for scaring you. I’m okay. Just lost a little girl, sent me into a thought spiral. I’ve lost patients like that before, it’s just… it’s been a weird day. I’ve been weird today.” Frank knelt slightly to catch my gaze once more, “Don’t apologize. We do this shit twelve hours a day, five days a week, fifty two weeks out of the year. You’re actually doing a lot better than most of us, considering.” I let out a weak laugh, “It doesn’t feel like it.” Frank’s face fell for a moment. He peeked his head around the lockers before taking my face in his hands and pulling me into a deep kiss. It wasn’t desperate, needy or hungry. It was one of those rare, truly sweet kisses that said what we were too scared to. My face was still held in his hands as he pulled away. His face was serious, but always kind. “You are the best damn nurse there is, okay? Please, give yourself a little credit,” he demanded. I couldn’t help but smile, “You had to kiss me to tell me that?” Frank chuckled, taking one hand from my face and leaning it against the lockers. Frank quipped, “It’s the only way I can get you to listen to me.” “Stop trying to kiss your coworker and get back to work, creep,” I joked with a giggle. Frank leaned his head back as he laughed, “Alright, come on.” He put a gentle hand on my back and led me back into the hall and into the chaotic dance of the pitt, every step now a little bit lighter.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 3.0k

masterlist

warning: descriptive mentions of domestic abuse and violence!!! (verbal and physical)

February 13, 2022

6:00 pm

I walked up to central station, Frank a step behind me. Some of the residents stood, congregating fervilously when I approached. Cassie came up to me first, crashing into me with a firm hug. She exclaimed, “Shit, Kat! Are you feeling okay? That son of a bitch-” “I’m okay, Cass,” I interrupted, my voice shaking slightly. I had collected myself just moments before, but her maternal energy engulfing me caused my breath to hitch. Along with Dana, Cassie always looked after me when a particularly awful patient or surgical intern came my way. When she pulled away, she held my face in her hands, “Okay, kid, if you say so. If you ever want to talk, or have me fix whatever bandage hack job Langdon did, let me know.” A singular tear escaped my eye as I let out a chuckle. She released me from her touch and left to head back to chairs. Robby and Dana stood side by side, arms crossed. I joked, “Why does it feel like I’m about to be sent to my room?” Robby let out a deep, fatherly sigh, “Why are you up, Kat?”  “Frank told me I could,” I responded quickly. Frank’s voice piped up from behind me, “You know I wouldn’t be able to stop her if I wanted to`12.” Robby sighed, taking his glasses off the bridge of his nose and pinching the spot. “Alright, go home, kid,” Robby ordered. I gave him a playful salute and turned to grab my waterbottle, stethoscope, and what was left in my pockets. It was all collected in a neat pile on the desk counter. “You taking her home, Langdon?” Dana asked. Frank stuttered for a moment, “Uh, yeah, I got her.” He approached me, taking all of the  belongings out of my hands and shooting me a concerned look. “You ready to go?” I laughed softly, “Yeah, I think so.”

After a few words goodbye and a short walk to the parking lot, Frank and I were alone. He had his backpack slung over one shoulder and my bag over the other. He opened the passenger side door for me to sit inside and opened the backseat to lay our bags in the back. Frank began to shut the door, but I held his arm. “Wait,” I muttered. His face twisted in concern once more, “What’s wrong?” In the enclosed space between the open doors, I pulled Frank into a tight hug, wrapping my arms around his neck. Frank immediately hunched to lessen my strain to reach his shoulders. One of his arms wrapped around my waist and his hand rubbed the expanse of my back. The sound of his breath against my ear and the warmth of his chest eased the tightness of my shoulders. “It’s okay, baby. We’re going home,” he comforted. I pulled away, but my hands still rested on his neck and played with the collar of his scrubs. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just needed…” I trailed off. He nodded, his fingers trailed to my hips, “Yeah, I know.” I leaned back into Frank, now pressing my lips against his. It was different from the other kisses we shared. Most were driven by lust, excitement, or desire. But, this was different. I kissed him, because at that moment, I needed to know he was here, and I was his. It was deep, treacherous. His hands traveled to my neck, meticulously avoiding my lacerations and bruises. When we separated, he pressed another kiss to my forehead. I winced dramatically. Frank pulled back immediately and scanned my forehead, “Shit, did I hurt you, bee?” I giggled softly, “Nope, just messing with you.” He leaned his head back and groaned, but a smile was still plastered on his lips. “Alright, get in the car,” Frank ordered playfully. After he shut my door and walked around the car to the driver's side, I looked in the backseat. I tried to ignore the luxurious newborn car seat strapped into the leather. I swallowed away the bitter taste coating my mouth as Frank entered the car once more and entered the key in the ignition.

The only sounds filling the car were the hum of the engine and car radio. My brow raised when I noticed Frank pass my apartment, “Where are we going? I didn’t think my black eye fell under the formal dress code.” Frank scoffed, “I should double check you for a concussion if you really think I’m not going to feed you tonight.” Instead of pulling into a fast food drive thru like I had expected, he parked at the local grocery store a couple blocks from my apartment. “You’re gonna cook for me?” I asked, surprise lacing my tone. Frank unbuckled his seatbelt and dug in his center console for his wallet, “You sound like you’re doubting my cooking skills.” I shook my head, “No, I just… I can’t remember the last time someone cooked for me.” Instead of saying anything, he stared at me for a moment, studying my face. He pulled me into a quick kiss before hopping out of the car, “I’ll be back.” I stopped him before he could shut the door, “Wait, can you grab a bottle or two of wine for me, please?” He sent me a disapproving look, “You hit your head, I’m not getting you-” “If I’m talking about today, I need one bottle, minimum,” I interrupted. Frank sighed and chuckled to himself, “Alright.”

The drive back to my apartment and venture up the stairs was quick. Despite his arms being full of bags, he made sure to support my back with every step. Frank walked into the kitchen and freed his hands from the mix of plastic and cloth bags. I sat down at the dining table, “So, what are you planning to make, Chef Langdon?” He turned and picked me up out of the chair, “I’m going to surprise you, and you will be taking a relaxing shower.” I squealed as he scooped me into his arms and walked me toward the bathroom, “Frank! I want to watch you cook.” He set me down on the bathroom counter, “I will cook for you again, bee. Over, and over, and over.” He pecked kisses all over my face in between words. Frank held my face between his hands, “I will cook for you so much that you’ll get sick of me. I promise.” I smiled, “Classic Frank to assume incorrectly with such confidence… Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, so you’re stuck with me.” He pulled me into another kiss, but instead of pulling away completely, he whispered into my mouth, “Oh, to be so lucky.” Frank slipped out the door, making sure to shut it on his way out. For a moment, I let myself forget what happened today, why we were in my apartment and not the lavish restraunt in Bedford. I was rudely reminded when I turned to watch him leave and caught a glimpse of my bruised face in the mirror. I made sure to face away from the mirror as I undressed.

I walked into the kitchen, hair still dripping, and wearing an oversized college tee and some shorts. Frank stood over the stove mixing something in a large pan, adorned in a white dress shirt and black slacks. I laughed in disbelief, “What’s all this, dork?” I laughed softly, “Well, I only packed clothes for the restaurant, so I figured I’d make use of them. I’m very romantic, if you haven’t noticed.” I parked myself beside him and looped a finger into one of his belt loops. I smirked, “Oh, I’ve definitely noticed.” He abandoned the spoon in the pan and turned to me. His presence was intoxicating. His hair was a little messy, most likely from him incessantly pushing it back as he cooked. I could smell freshly applied cologne that was noticeably more expensive than the one he wore at work. His sleeves were rolled back, highlighting the veins of his forearms. He cradled my face in his hands, boring his icy blue eyes into mine. “I feel slightly underdressed,” I admitted. Frank beamed, his dimples showing, “No, you’re perfect.” I shifted under his gaze, unease and insecurity settling within me. “Even now? Looking the way I do?” I asked, not actually wanting to hear the answer. Even in the small glimpse of myself I had the displeasure of catching, I knew I looked awful. He brought my face closer to his and ghosted his fingers across my battered face. “Even with a shiner or two, you’re still the most breathtaking person I’ve ever seen.” I wanted to say something profound, something that portrayed how eternally grateful I was for him, not what was really plaguing my mind. What I couldn’t say was that I was praying he’d still believe that after hearing the onslaught of shit that would forever take up space in my life. The sound of sizzling interrupted my thoughts. I teased, “I think your food is burning, babe.” His hands immediately left my face and flew to the pot, stirring aggressively, “Shit.” I couldn’t stifle my giggles, and Frank laughed at the sound. I sat at the table to watch him fuss over the food from afar. He laughed to himself, “God forbid I get distracted by my gorgeous girlfriend.” My brain short circuited, “Girlfriend?” He didn’t look back, but I could see his movements falter. Frank paused for a moment before turning back, “Sorry, I was going to bring it up later. I had been planning it and I-” I stood up and held his hand, “Hey, it’s okay. We can talk about it… but if we don’t eat in the next five minutes I'm gonna start eating that fake fruit centerpiece on the table.” I could see all of the anxiety release from his shoulders. He smiled softly, “Okay.”

The next few minutes were filled with stories and laughter muffled by the delicious food Frank had prepared. The conversation dulled as we both took sips of our wine, now each on our third glass. I cleared my throat, “Frank, what you said earlier… I’d really like that, but we need to- I need to talk to you about what happened today.” Frank’s face softened, but it was carefully still. He nodded, “Of course. What did you want to tell me?” I looked into my wine glass, “Um, my brother and my dad have been doing… what happened today for a long time. The earliest memory I have is cracking my head open on the kitchen tile. I climbed up on the counter, broke one of my dad’s shot glasses… He pushed me off the counter, so I was in the ED getting glass picked out of my arm and my head stitched up for the rest of the night.” Frank’s brows were now knitted together, but I could only see from my peripheral vision. Even half drunk, I couldn’t muster the strength to look at him. I continued, “My dad was a big drinker at first, then it was weed, and for a really long time it was heroin. My brother, I think he just wanted to be like him. My dad used to beat the absolute shit out of him before me, but when Daniel started hitting me, he stopped hurting him. Daniel started drinking in high school, never graduated, and he hated me for it. He always made sure I had a fresh bruise to cover up before every award ceremony. My mom started getting on him when he started doing heroin, so he hurt her too.” I was fighting tears, and by the shaky breaths leaving Frank’s mouth, I could tell he was too. 

“I think she always blamed me for that, them starting on her too. By the time I was in high school, I was stitching her up with a concussion and my eye swollen shut. I begged her soo many times to take me and just go. It didn’t matter if I promised to drop out of school and work or help her with the divorce papers, she’d slap me for even suggesting it,” I had to take a moment to sob into my hand. Frank took my other forearm into his hand, rubbing comforting circles into the skin. I swallowed and continued, “I knew I had to get out, so I graduated early. After patching myself up all the time and those ER visits, I wanted to be an emergency medicine doctor so fucking bad, but I just couldn’t live on my own for eight years with no stable income. So, I got a scholarship at this badass school in Pittsburg, moved out here, and made it work. But, I couldn’t just leave my mom there, so I’ve been mailing checks every month. That’s why my brother was here today. The allowance can't cover his heroin habit anymore.” The silence in the room was still, heavy. Frank’s voice broke, “Shit, Kat. How are you… you?” I finally looked at him, confusion and tears welling up in my eyes. “What do you mean?” I asked, a sob faltering in the back of my throat. He chuckled humorlessly, a tear running down the side of his nose, “I mean you’re the most considerate, kind, intelligent, responsible, and just truly beautiful person I know. You had so much against you, and you’re still the most amazing person I’ve ever known, Kat.” By the end of his words, I was wracked with sobs and his hands had found my face. “Even now, you’d still want to be with me?” I asked through sobs. “Oh, baby,” Frank’s voice cracked. His fingers brushed against my cheeks and pulled me in to kiss my forehead. My hands were shaking, resting on his. He pulled back and stared his eyes into mine, “I can’t imagine not wanting to be with you, everyday, for the rest of my life.” I broke into sobs and let my forehead fall against his. Wordlessly, Frank sat up and moved around the table, keeping me close. He pulled me into his arms, one arm scooping my legs into him. Frank carried me to the living room. As he carried me, I could feel his heartbeat from under his dress shirt. When we sat down, he held me in his lap, gentle but firm.

The only sounds that filled the room were my shaking breaths, Frank’s soothing murmurs, and the sound of his nails scratching up and down my bare back. A gut-wrenching thought filled my mind. Even as a child, I don't think I was ever held like this. I finally spoke, “Frank, I want to be with you so bad. But, if you really want me to be your girlfriend, you have to know it’s- I'm this, at least some of the time.” His movements paused, his hand rested under my shirt, palm flat and warm against my back. He spoke into my hair, “If I get to feed you dinner and hold like this, even half the time, I will be the happiest man everyday for the rest of my life. Hopefully those times will be without the traumatic workplace violence, at least most of the time, but I know that comes with the pitt territory.” I laughed into his chest, “Okay, then. I’m your girlfriend.” I leaned back to look at Frank, to see his gentle smile. The hand that rested on my thigh traveled to my cheek. “And, I’m your boyfriend. When handsome patients are asking for your number, try your best not to forget, okay?” he teased. I leaned in, “How could I ever?” The kiss was slow, but noticeably intentional. There was space taken with every touch. It wasn't rushed or desperate, the inevitability of it happening again hanging in the air. The hand that rested on my back tightened around my waist, bringing my impossibly closer to him. My hands traveled mindlessly, making laps from his hair to his shoulders. I shifted in his lap, moving my legs to either side of his. With the wine and Frank’s body below me, a sheen of sweat had formed and glued my baby hairs to my forehead. Frank’s lips paused, his hands planted on either side of my face and gently pulled me away. Insecurity settled in my stomach. I studied Frank’s face, but the only thing I could detect was contentment as his eyes scanned my face. I laughed nervously, “What?” He shook his head slightly, “No, it's not… I just wanted to look at you.” I wanted to cower away, hide my bruised form, but I was drunk on his touch. He just continued to stare, an unknown twinkle in his bright eyes. I scoffed quietly, “Now you’re really milking it-” “I’m so in awe of you. You know that?” Frank cut in. I was silenced, my words dying in my throat. He continued, “You’re genuinely the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, but I think a big part of you refuses to believe it.. And, I think, that makes my cocky, insistent ass want to spend the rest of my life fixing that.” I drank in his words. I studied his face. I was looking for any sign he was lying or exaggerating, but I couldn’t. There was something in his eyes I’d never seen before. Maybe it was kindness, adoration, or… something dangerous I didn't dare to name. My smile mirrored his as I teased, “You’ve gone so soft, Frank.” He inched his face closer to mine, his lips ghosting over mine, “We’ll see about soft.” I let out a squeal in surprise when he picked me up and laid me on the couch, attacking my neck with an array of kisses. 

Those sounds filled the rest of the night. My giggles. His bellowed laughter. Lips pressed against each other. Gentle whispers. Soft praises. Everything only halted when I drifted off to sleep in his arms, a movie playing in the background. When I woke up with bated breath at four in the morning, fleeting panic encompassed me, I was in my bed. My hair was braided, my shorts were gone, and my fan was turned on. I looked to my nightstand to see a note written on the grocery store receipt from earlier. ‘I’m sorry I had to go. I held you as long as I could. Also, sorry if the shorts thing was weird. I know you said you always toss and turn if you sleep with them on. I’m already itching to come back and I haven’t even left yet. See you at work, my love. - Your boyfriend’ was scribbled on the crumpled paper in messy cursive. It was cheesy, but I would be lying if I said a deep pride didn’t bloom in my chest at the fact he was choosing to be cheesy with me. I folded the note and nestled it into my nightstand. I slept heavily that night, finally knowing that he’d be back.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 2.9k

masterlist

September 5, 2024

1:00 pm

The staff lounge cleared out, only my and Whitaker’s voices filling the room. I cackled, “No, I’m serious! This guy comes in with a crystal lodged in his anal cavity, for recreational and spiritual purposes obviously, and is admitted for lead poisoning! It felt like an episode of House, I swear.” Dennis was struggling to swallow his bite as he laughed. In the heat of our conversation, the bulk of our sandwiches rested in our hands. “Wow, that’s very… interesting. That story really confirmed my specialty bias.” My giggles quieted for a moment, “Confirmed you want to stay in emergency med or keep a two floor distance between you and the ED at all times?” He took a couple seconds to chew and ponder, “I don’t think I’d laugh like this on any other floor.” I smirked as I picked at my sandwich, “Unfortunately, I think that may be a Kat thing, not an emergency med one, unless you decide to stay in the Pitt.” “Like I’d consider anywhere else now,” he admitted with a chuckle. The room silenced, making room us to wonder what that truly meant.

Dana peered her head in the door, “You kids want to head back to work or stay in here doing a lunchtime special?” After taking a quick glance at my watch, I shot up out of my seat in embarrassment. “Sorry, Dana, coming.” I rewrapped my sandwich, threw it in the fridge, and exited the room with a quick wave goodbye. I didn’t Dana's feet trailiing behind me toward the nurses station. I tried to ignore Dana’s presence behind me as I typed in my credentials and charted one of my last patients. Dana leaned against the counter, her eyes trained on my face. I groaned, “I’m working, Dana. What else do you want from me? I’m already working on Halloween, do you want my soul?” She smirked, “I don’t need anything. Just want to ask and see when you and the med student are going out?” I let out a guttural moan and ran my hands over my face, “Dana! You were the one who told me to watch after the med students!” “Who’s Javadi’s mom?” Dana asked. Her question caused my hands to leave my face, “What? How would I know that, Dana?” She clicked her tongue in satisfaction, “While you’ve been too busy following Whitaker around, you’ve missed the hottest gossip of the day. She’s Shamsi’s daughter.” “First off, I haven’t been following Dennis around. Secondly, I couldn’t imagine Javadi inhereting that overachiever spirit anywhere else.” She laughed to herself for a moment, finally shifting her gaze. “What now?” I asked begrudgingly. She teased as she walked away, “You called him Dennis.”

I left my spot at the station when I noticed Frank peering into one of the rooms in central. The look in his eyes was kind, gentle. A pit in my stomach formed when I finally noticed what, or who, he was looking at. Mel sat inside, talking to male patient. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, “Whatcha looking at, Dr. Langdon?” He seemed startled at first, but calmed when his eyes met mine. His body fully turned, now mirroring my pose. Frank smirked, “Where have you been?” I gave a faux dreamy sigh, “Just a quick lunch break with the MS4 everyone swears I’m in love with.” He chuckled darkly, both jealousy and cockiness permeating the sound. “Are you going to keep slacking off or are you gonna follow me inside?” Frank quipped. I rolled my eyes, “Come on, you know I’ll follow you anywhere.” As I pushed the door open, I could’ve sworn I could hear Frank’s breath hitch in his throat. I introduced myself and watched closely as he winced at something behind me. The moment I noticed the dimmed lights and silent room, I let out a small gasp. I removed the doorstop Frank wedged in the corner and apologized, “I am so sorry. Are the lights from the hall bothering you?” He nodded sternly, “They were, thank you.” I nodded and turned to Mel, “No problem. Please continue, Dr. King.” She nodded curtly and turned back to the man, “Terrence, would you walk around the room for me, please?” He obliged, standing up and limping around slightly on his shoeless foot. I saw Terrence’s mouth open to speak, but all I could hear was the sound of blood rushing in my ears. I could feel fingers pulling softly at the back of my scrub bottoms. My heartbeat accelerated rapidly as goosebumps raised over the entirety of my body. Taking advantage of Mel’s concentration, Frank’s hands brushed against the small of my back, ghosting against the fabric of my underwear. I tried my best to hide the gasp that was forming in my throat and the blush that had risen to my cheeks. Sweat had begun to swell on my brow. I glared at Frank discretely. His eyes were trained on the patient, but the slight smirk on his lips and the red tinting the tips of his ears hinted at his lack of concentration. Frank’s words broke my trance, “Would you like to ask him about his pain level, Kat?” I stuttered, “Yes, sorry. On a scale from one to ten, ten being the worst, how would you rate your pain?” His brows furrowed, “The worst I’ve ever experienced or the worst a human being can possibly experience?” I attempted to focus, but the feeling of Frank’s hands pressing against my bare skin left me stuttering again, “I apologize for the confusion, Terrence. How would you choose to describe your pain?” He thought for a moment, “Well, on a scale from no pain, slight pain, moderate pain, and extreme pain, slight, manageable pain.” Mel patted the bed, signaling for the patient to sit down, “That’s a great answer, Terrence.” As Mel gave the prognosis, I slipped my hand behind my back and pried his fingers out of the waistband of my pants. His fingers latched with mine for a moment, but I quickly flicked his hand away. Mel turned to me, “Do you know where we keep the skeletal foot diorama?” “Yes! Let me go show you where it is,” I exclaimed, shooting Frank one last glare before walking out the door. 

When we reached the isolated ‘teaching closet’, I searched through one of the large cardboard boxes and pulled out the faux skeleton. I handed the small structure to Mel. I was about to walk her back out when I noticed a far away look in her eyes. “Everything alright, Mel?” I asked. She nodded, but continued to think for a while longer. She began to ramble, “I wanted to ask you about Dr. Langdon, what you think of him. Dr. Santos asked me earlier what I thought about him and I couldn’t think of anything strange. I told her he sweats a lot, but that could be genetic. Sometimes you guys seem really close, but I can tell you get nervous around him. Like, just now. So, I just wanted to know how you felt about your professional relationship with him.” I tried my best to comprehend all of her words, but I could only stammer, “Yeah, Frank is great. All senior residents can be an ass sometimes, it just comes with the territory, but he’s one of the best doctors I know… Wait, Santos was asking about Frank?” She nodded, “Yeah, she came up to me in between patients. I don’t think anything happened. It sounded like she was just curious.” The cogs in my mind attempted to turn, but slowed with a startling screech. Despite the hours I had spent obsessing over medical textbooks and studies, I had never read how to decipher interpersonal workplace drama, particularly involving my secret boyfriend and the new intern. I stuttered, “Um, I’ll talk to Santos, make sure everything is alright. You should head back to Terrence.” 

After sending Mel off with the disembodied foot, I lingered by central, scanning the area for Santos. I found Robby looming over Samira, Dennis, and Javadi. I watched as Robby drilled them, probably about some hidden diagnosis, and Whitaker shot off answers. His brows were furrowed, serious, and eyes far away, as if his studies lined the inside of his eyes. The group soon dispersed and Whitaker’s blue eyes latched onto mine. He smiled softly as he approached, “Do the scrubs seriously look that bad?” I laughed, “Jeez, no. I understand you’ve had a very scrub-centric day, but not everything is about the scrubs. You just look… busy. Really working to earn that sandwich break.” He blushed and rub at the nape of his neck, “I don’t think I’m eating during work ever again. I made a mess all over Robby’s work station. It was humiliating.” I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Oh no! If it makes you feel any better, Robby ventures to the seventh circle of hell and back every shift, he’ll forget about your crumb crime before the day is even over.” His brows knitted together with hope, “Do you really think so?” I scoffed playfully, “Oh, I know so. I take pride in knowing everyone’s habits at the Pitt. Samira is going to run a random test on that case you were just discussing, Robby is going to find out and yell at her, he’ll feel bad and apologize, and then he’ll completely reset and go back to calling her Slo-Mo by tomorrow.” An impressed expression covered his face, “Wow, well, I’ll definitely let you know if that happens.” I snickered and leaned against the counter, “Not if, Nebraska, when.”  The PA system began to blare, “Code STEMI, trauma two, now.” Frank flew past the station toward the incoming gurney, “Whitaker, Bee, you’re with me.”

We all flooded into the trauma room, Frank and Dennis talked to the older man while I stuck EKG patches to his chest and drew the arsenal of meds they ordered. “Is there anyone I can call for you, Mr. Chang?” I asked. He shook his head, “No, my wife died a year ago. Guess today is the day I’ll be joining her.” I handed defibrillator pads to Robby and scoffed, “While that sentiment is incredibly romantic, that’s not happening on our watch.” “No murmurs. Radio pulses are symmetric,” stuttered Dennis. The man slumped back on the gurney in tandem with the blaring cardiac monitor. Frank watched the monitor closely, “V-fib, Whitaker, chest compressions.” Dennis gave a worried look before approaching the side of the bed. “You got this, Dennis. Different patient, different outcome,” I advised, eyes trained on his anxious form. “Best way to face your fears,” Frank added while I charged the defibrillator. “I can think of better ways,” Dennis argued, now administering compressions. “This is Mr. Chang, Whitaker. Don’t think about your other patient. Think about him,” I interjected. “Let’s bag him on 200%, set him up for intubation,” Frank ordered. “Charged, clear,” Mateo called. We all took a step back and watched carefully as the man’s body jerked. Once he stalled, the monitor began to beep sporadically once more. Frank sighed, “Still V-fib, resume compressions, we’ll get him on the LUCAS.” 

“Whitaker on LifePak. You need to learn this,” Frank ordered. The LUCAS had been going for a couple minutes now and I was explaining the LifePak to Dennis. When my sight left the machine and landed on Whitaker, his eyes were glued to mine. I teased, “Look at the machine, Nebraska,” before I called to clear the patient. Everyone was stagnant, now a step back from the gurney. “That’s your cue,” I whispered. Dennis muttered as he administered the shock, “Shit.” The man convulsed once more, a long beep now emitting from the cardiac monitor. Frank piped up, “No change, epi and amino, please.” “Got you,” I answered, making my way to the IV. “He’s not coming back, is he?” Dennis asked. “We still got a long ways to go. Double sequential defibrillation next,” Robby interjected. The movement of the room changed its pattern. Frank was setting up to do an A-line, I handed Dennis another set of pads, and Perlah wheeled in another defibrillator machine. Everyone watched intently as the two machines shocked either side of the Mr. Chang’s chest. The flatline persisted. “That was our Hail Mary,” Frank commented. Whitaker’s face twisted in disappointment. “We haven’t done ECMO yet,” I blurted out to Robby, desperation evident in my words. Some part of me, just for today, wanted to protect Dennis. I also knew that, for some reason, seeing that heartbroken expression on his face was something I couldn’t stomach again. Robby stared at me for a moment, “Yeah, we got one more. Activate ECMO.” Frank’s head whipped around to send me a look of confusion. He didn’t let it linger for long, “Alright, draw up an ABG. Prep the Fems. Cord introducer." 

The room transformed once more. We all moved around the room in sterile gowns, masks, and caps. The surgical team entered with the huge ECMO machine in tow. The four of us stood at the foot of his bed, watching as the sea of deep blue scrubs surrounded the gurney. I listened intently to Frank while he explained the procedure to Whitaker. A sense of embarrassment filled my chest as I wondered if Robby would’ve called it if I didn’t speak up. Was I putting an old man under unnecessary stress to selfishly save my own feelings? My eyes left the surgical procedure in front of me to the men beside me. Robby had already slipped out of the room, and both Dennis and Frank gawked together over the ECMO in front of them. My discomfort was amplified by a bitter guilt. Were Frank and Dana right? Do I have a crush on Whitaker? Would that be a betrayal to Frank? Would I dissapoint my patients? Frank’s voice broke the static filling my ears, “Hey, bee, where’d you go just now?” I physically shook the discomfort off, “Nowhere, sorry. Just dozed off.” He shortened the distance between us, seemingly leaning in to ask me how I truly felt. To my disfortune, it sometimes felt like Frank had a better grasp of my emotions than I did. I noticed the surgical team beginning to wheel out Mr. Chang to the ICU. “I can help!” I volunteered enthusiastically, securing a place beside the gurney and exiting the door. I made sure not to look back at either of the doctor’s prying eyes.

When I made my way back down to the ED, I was finally stripped of my plethora of protective gear. I found myself wandering around the floor, looking for something I couldn’t identify. A lightbulb flickered on in my mind the second my sight landed on Santos in a trauma room. She stood over an intubated man, speaking to him furiously. The venom practically slipping from her lips was noticeable yards away. I noticed Ahmad, one of the security guards, standing in front of the doors. I walked up to him from the side, staying out of her line of sight. “Hey, Ahmad, what are you doing back here in trauma?” I asked, feigning light curiosity. He shrugged slightly, “I’m not entirely sure. Dr. Santos asked me to come back here.” Just as he spoke her name, she emerged from the trauma room doors. Her gaze found Ahmad first, “That was it, thanks.” When she finally acknowledged me, I could see the panic overcome her demeanor. “Dr. Santos, a word, please,” I demanded, ushering her to a quiet part of the ED. Before I even had to ask, she began to ramble, “It’s not what it looks like. He’s a pedophile. He’s sexually abusing his daughter. Came in for a fall and I found oversized mammary tissue. We tested his levels and found out his wife has been putting progesterone in his coffee. I was just-” “Has the daughter confirmed the abuse?” I questioned. Her face twisted as she stuttered, “No, not yet. But the mom-” “Then what exactly were you ‘just doing’ Dr. Santos? I hope not verbally abusing and accusing a man who we have no proof is a criminal. I am not opposed to treating abusers with a certain tact, but by accusing him now, you are potentially interfering with a case or worsening the abuse of this child! As an intern, you have absolutely no place attempting to handle a criminal case by your lonesome without any aid from a senior resident,” I scolded. She seemed shocked by the sharp contrast in my words from my insistent comfort earlier. If I was less aghast, I would've laughed how similar my voice sounded to Dana's. “Speaking of seniority, you have been an intern at PTMC for seven hours, Dr. Santos. Your residents have been here for hundreds. In what world is it professional to search for bad opinions about your senior resident from your fellow doctors?” She choked on her words, “I wasn’t… I was just-” I sighed, “I’m not going to get you in trouble, Santos. Just, please, take a moment, look around, recenter. Remember why you're here.” She nodded with her eyes glued to her feet, “Heard. I’m gonna go talk with Kiara, see how talking with the mom is going.” I winced slightly at her gloom, her submission. I nodded, “Okay. If it ends a little rough, you can still come talk to me, or whoever you're comfortable with.” She left with another curt nod and a wave. As her form disappeared, that bitter taste reappeared on my tongue. Had the anger and frustration festering in my stomach exorcized itself and sharpened my words? There was a creeping sense that my feelings for the senior resident and new med student would leave me dissapointing more than just my patients.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 2.9k

masterlist

warning: mentions of domestic abuse, violence, physical and verbal familial abuse, heavy language

February 13, 2022

 7:00 am

I shoved my bag into my locker. The contents felt heavy, forbidden. Frank lied to Abby, told her he was working a double today, so we could go on a real date after work. No more rushed hookups in my apartment living room or in the backseat of his Volvo. The satin dress that sat in my bag weighed heavy on my mind, a physical representation of the imminent seriousness. After every kiss goodbye, we would utter promises that we would talk about what this was soon. As this was the only night we would spend longer than fifteen minutes alone together in weeks, I knew that infamous discussion was tonight. “Whatcha got hiding in that bag, bee? Anything special?” Frank’s voice teased from behind me. I turned around, pressing my back into the lockers, “You’ll see tonight, if you’re good enough.” He leaned down, lips dangerously close to my ear, “If I’m extra good, will I get to see what’s under it?” “Frank!” I gasped, punching his chest softly. He laughed at the contact, “Alright, alright, I’ll save it for tonight. I got a wicked candlestick incident in central 6 that has your name all over it.” I walked past him and smirked, “Now you’re talking dirty to me, Dr. Langdon.”

I snapped my gloves off and groaned at the feeling of my phone buzzing in my pocket when I walked out of the room. Frank followed close behind, “What’s up?” I pulled my phone out of my scrubs and stared down at it. The same south Texas area code. “Shit,” I muttered. Noticing my seriousness, he pulled me to a calm corner of the ED. “Hey, seriously, what’s wrong? I feel like I just witnessed a wrinkle forming with the face you're making right now,” he attempted to joke, concern overtaking his tone. I groaned, “I don’t know. This number from home is calling me. I don’t know who it is.” “Well, if you don’t have the number saved, it’s just spam, right?” Frank reasoned. I shook my head, “I don’t have a lot of numbers from home saved.” Frank’s brow raised, “Why?” I ran a hand over my face, “I don’t save numbers if I shouldn’t be picking up a call from them.” “Shit. Is it…” he trailed off. “Yeah, it’s kind of serious. I can tell you about it another time,” I promised emptily. He rested a hand on my elbow, “Don’t worry about it today, okay? Just think, we got twelve hours of absolute chaos. But, after, I am going to take you for the best dinner ever. Alright?” I hummed and shut my eyes, “I can practically taste the overexpensive wine and feel the pasta bloat.” He chuckled and pushed me toward central, “Come on. Let’s work for it.”

The next couple hours were a blur. I was thriving off the high of being in the height of a trauma, working in tandem with Frank and the rest of the trauma team, when Dana barged in the door. When the door swung open, I could hear raised voices from the hall. “Kat, I need you for something, sweetheart,” Dana declared. Her usual calmness was present, but there was a nervousness lingering under the surface. “We’re kind of in the middle of something, Dana,” Frank argued. When he turned to see Dana’s urgency, he sent me a worried glance. I ripped my gown off, “I’m coming.” My eyes searched for the obvious commotion the second I left the room. The moment my eyes found the cause of the sound, my ears were practically deaf to Dana’s voice. “He said he was family. Do you know him? He’s been trying really hard to get back here. Security is ready to kick him out,” Dana explained. I stuttered, “Yes, I know him. Sorry… I’ll… I can deal with him. Is the trauma room next to the one I was just in still open?” “Yeah, it is. I’ll save it for you now,” Dana assured. I approached the sight slowly, unsure what I was going to say or do the second we made eye contact. My brother shouted at the security guard, “I’m telling you! She works here! Her name is Kat Davis and she-” “Daniel! Come with me, please,” I pleaded, attempting to remove him from the eyes of the pitt as soon as possible. “Are you sure?” Officer Olsen asked. “Yeah, he’s fine, Mike,” I assured, putting a hand on my brother’s shoulder and leading him to the trauma room. Daniel attempted to turn around and make his last jabs at Olsen, but I pushed him faster. 

When the trauma room door finally clicked shut, I let out a deep sigh. “Daniel, what the hell are you doing here? How did you even find where I work?” I flinched aggressively when he threw his arms around me. “That’s how you greet your brother? Mom raised you better than that,” he remarked. I finally took in his presence, his appearance, the smell. The acidic smell that radiated from his skin and the puncture scars that littered his arms reminded me of the reality I had the pleasure of ignoring for so long. I persisted when he pulled away, “How did you find where I work, Daniel?” His eyes bounced around the room, “Just looked at the return address on the checks you’ve been sending Mom. Figured it’d be the closest hospital. You’re not the only smart one, you know?” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “What do you need? I’ve been sending more than enough for rent and groceries, and with Mom’s security checks-” “I need– we need more. It ran out. It’s not enough. You’ve been ignoring my calls, and Mom didn’t want to ask, so I asked one of my truck driver buddies for a lift. But, I do need to pay him back, so if you could give an extra hundred for me that’d be great.” he rambled. I couldn’t help but laugh at the insanity of the situation. “Let me get this straight. You stole one of the checks I sent, stole my address from it, traveled a thousand miles, just to ask me for fucking cash? Are you fucking kidding me?” I exclaimed. His face twisted in anger, a stark contrast from the forceful smile that was plastered on his face moments earlier. “It’s not enough, Kat! It’s inflation and shit. You have the money with your fancy fucking degree!” Daniel argued. I argued back, “I actually don't, Daniel. You wanna know why? Because, I’m already busy trying to pay for Mom’s medical bills, Dad’s beers, and your heroine habit. That seems to eat up my paycheck pretty fucking fast. If you think I’m giving you even more money to blow on drugs, you’re out of your damn mind!” 

A familiar fear filled my chest when I noticed his fist begin to clench. He shoved his finger in my face, “You think all because you got out of Texas and went to a dumb fucking college that you’re some hot shit. You think you’re so fucking smart, but you’re just a bitch who was too useless and pathetic to stay in her home town. You know nobody even misses you? All they care about is the little check signed with your name coming in every month, but I made all this effort to come see you. So, you’re giving me the damn money.” I was backed into the wall, the doorhandle digging into my back. For the first time, I planted my feet on the tile floor and refused. “No,” I declared. “No?” Daniel questioned, fury burning in his eyes. I spoke calmly, “No, I will not fuel your heroin addiction or enable your tantrums the way Mom does. I’m done. If you want help, I can get you into a rehab here. I will keep sending money for Mom’s sake, but I refuse to give you a penny more. Now, I suggest you get the hell out of my hospital you sad fucking failure of a man.” My breath hitched in my throat at the sight of him cocking his fist back. I ducked and grabbed onto the door handle before he could deliver his blow. Daniel’s hand collided with the metal doorframe with a clang and string of curses. I was able to open the door slightly, screaming, “Frank! Security!” As I was distracted with yelling for help, he took a fistfull of my hair and slammed my head against the wall, “Fucking bitch!” With my head still in his grasp, Daniel delivered a harsh blow to my face. He released my hair from his hold, just to deliver a punch with his free hand. I fell to the floor, my head bouncing off the tile. I could only hear ringing in my ears when the door flew open. Frank, still with his gown on, stood at the door. I fought to keep my eyes fully open, watching as Frank delivered a swift shove to my brother and knelt down next to me. Security was close behind, securing Daniel in cuffs with ease. Frank’s voice broke the shrill buzz that filled my ears, “Shit, I got you, bee.” His hands pushed the stray hairs out of my face as he thoroughly examined it. He covered my ears as he yelled out for a gurney. I attempted to sit up, “I don’t need a gurney. I’m fine.” Frank supported my back with one hand and held the back of my neck with the other. “You at least have head trauma from hitting the floor, not to mention whatever else that junkie did to you.” When the gurney was finally pushed through the door, Frank scooped me into his arms and placed me gently atop the mattress. As the team evaluated me and shot a myriad of questions my way, Frank spat at Dana, “Who the hell decided it would be a good idea to leave Kat alone with an aggravated addict? Huh?” Before losing my fight for consciousness, I managed to mutter, “He’s my brother.”

I went in and out of consciousness in my trip to CT and an examination room. The only sense I could hold onto was the sound of Frank’s voice. But, I quickly became unable to tell what was real and what was a product of my head hitting the linoleum. I could’ve sworn he said something about needing me. I came back down to earth in a curtained room to the feeling of fingers pressing against a sore spot on my forehead. I groaned, “Ouch, I got punched in the head, didn’t you hear? I’m a little sensitive.” The only voice I could recognize rang in my ears, “Shit, sorry. I’m checking your dressing.” I looked up at Frank. He hovered over me, hands busy fidgeting with my gauze, eyes deadly serious. His mouth was twisted in a tight frown. It was strangely unfamiliar. “Jeez, who died?” I joked. He let out a deep sigh, removed his hands from my face, and sat down on the stool nestled next to the bed. Even though his touch was sore, tender, I found myself missing it. He stared down at his hands for a moment, before having the courage to look at me. The look in his eyes was foreign. It took me a second to realize what it was. Anger. “Based on your reaction, I assume this isn’t the first time something like this has happened,” he noted. I squirmed under his heavy gaze. I attempted to diffuse the sob that was building in my throat with a chuckle. “It’s never been that bad,” I swore. “It’s never been that bad? As in he’s never hit you before or he’s never hit you like that before?” Frank questioned, leaning forward in his stool. Memories flashed in my mind. There was the time he pushed into the brick fireplace, and the time I woke up, knocked out cold in the kitchen. “He’s never hit me in public before,” I admitted, tears threatening to leave my eyes. “Christ, Kat,” Frank muttered. In the privacy of the curtained room, he took my left hand in his. “Frank, please. I’m okay,” I promised. “You don’t know that!” Frank snapped. He sighed, “I mean, thank god, you're gonna be. Just a minor facial fracture that should heal by itself over time, but it could’ve been so much worse. You could’ve had a collapsed airway, concussion, brain bleed-""But, I don’t!” I argued. He rested his face on the back of my hand, “You just… you scared the shit out of me, bee. Hearing you scream for me, I’d never heard you yell like that before. Why the hell did you go in there by yourself, knowing he’s the way he is, what he can do?” “I thought I could take care of it myself the way I always did. And… I was embarrassed. I’d gone so long without anyone knowing how he and my dad… I just wanted to be me, not the girl everyone needs to pity,” I admitted, tears now spilling over my cheeks. One of his hands left mine to wipe them away, “I don’t think anyone could ever pity you, Kat.”

 The sound of the curtain being slid open caused Frank to jump back, now standing by the bed. Dana rushed in and pulled me into a hug, “How are you, my girl? How are you feeling?” I used her hug to sit up in my bed. “Besides a little headache, I’m alright, boss,” I laughed softly. She pulled away, “That’s really good. Is there anything I can get for you? Water? More pain meds?” I grimaced, “Where is he?” Her face hardened subtly, “He’s sedated and handcuffed in central 3. He has a busted up hand and is gonna need stitches. He hasn’t been seen yet. No one is exactly thrilled to go in and treat him.” I nodded curtly, “Thanks, Dana.” With a wordless nod, Dana left the room, shutting the curtain behind her. I looked to Frank, desperation in my eyes. He seemed defeated, “What are you about to ask me? You know I can’t say no to you, especially right now.” I grabbed his hand, “You’re gonna take me to his room, I’m gonna stitch him up, and you’re gonna chart that you did it.” He groaned and brought my held hand to his face, “You know I’d break the rules for you a million times over, but why do you want to help him?” I exhaled, “Because he’s my brother, and I need the last thing I ever do for him to be kind.” The silence filled the room, it suffocated me, but it was broken by one word. “Okay.”

Frank managed to sneak me into Daniel’s room without anyone noticing. We made quick work of gathering the materials and setting up a suture tray. As I injected anesthetic into his hand, Frank peered over my shoulder. “I’ll stand back, you know I trust you, but do you need my help? I know you said you’ve been practicing your sutures since the pumpkin incident,” asked Frank. I nodded as I picked up the needle, “I’ve got this.” The second the needle entered his skin, he began to stir. “What the hell?” Daniel murmured, shifting in his seat. “It’s me. Don’t move,” I ordered. His movement ceased and he laid back in the gurney. His unaffected hand tugged the cuff. I spoke without moving my focus from the wound, “I’m not pressing charges, so they’ll probably release you after I’m done." I avoided his gaze, but I could sense his confusion. "When I leave this room, someone’s probably gonna come in and try to convince you to go to rehab, and you should say yes. Because, I’m willing to put you through treatment, pay for the whole damn thing. And that will be the last thing I will ever do for you, understand?” He pouted like a child, “I’m not going to no stupid rehab.” I nodded curtly as I finished the last suture, “Alright, that’s your choice. You’re not my problem anymore. Feel free to lose my number, by the way. I don’t plan on talking to you again.” I quickly discarded the contents of the tray and left the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, the calm facade I’d forced faltered. My hands shook violently as I ran a hand through my hair.

Frank followed me out the door soon after. He turned my shoulder toward him, “Hey, I’m proud of you. You did really good. Suture work and everything else I guess.” Laughter echoed in my chest. My hand instinctively went to my face, causing me to wince. “Shit,” I groaned. “How awful do I look right now?” I pulled my phone out of my scrub pocket and swiped to the camera. A large purple bruise monopolized one side of my face. “There goes our plans for the night,” I sighed. Pure disappointment and frustration filled my chest. Frank interjected, “Hey, who said they were canceled? If you want to be alone tonight, I understand. But, if you’ll have me, I’d love to pick up the finest Pittsburgh pizza and eat it with you on your living room floor.” I chuckled, “You want to be with me even when I look like this?” He flashed his signature smile as his eyes bore into mine, “I don't know if there's something that could ever make me not want to be with you.”

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 2.9k

masterlist

September 5, 2024

12:00 pm

I helped Whitaker wheel off the tonsillectomy patient and returned downstairs. I rubbed my temple in an attempt to soothe the headache that built in the elevator ride down. Dana spotted me on my return to central, “Hey, kid, when’s the last time you got a little break?” I thought for a moment, pinching the bridge of my nose, “I sat down to talk to Santos like twenty minutes ago.” She scoffed and began herding me toward the ambulance bay, “Some kids stole and crashed an ambulance, they’re incoming in ten. Until then, go take your smoke break. I already took mine.” I wanted to argue, but the sound of smoking a cigarette in the crisp Pittsburgh air was too tempting. I nodded and rubbed her arm, “Alright, I’m gonna get my cigs out of my locker. I’ll see you in a sec.” Satisfied with my cooperation, she turned on her heel and found someone else to put in place. I grabbed the pack from my bag and walked out to the surprisingly calm ambulance bay. Just as my lighter lit the cigarette that rested in between my lips, the sound of shoes hitting the concrete echoed behind me. “I’ve told you a million times, you need to kick that habit,” Frank quipped. I rolled my eyes and joked, “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not Dana.” He chuckled softly as he cemented himself beside me, looking on at the busy street beside us. Frank broke the silence, “Talked to your buddy, Whitaker. I get why you have a crush on him.” I stuck my cigarette in between my teeth and hit his shoulder with a laugh, “Shut the fuck up, Frank. Why do you think I like him?” “Because you’ve been babysitting the kid all day, bee. You’ve been on half of my cases, if that,” Frank complained. I took a long drag, “Don’t tell me, you’re getting jealous again.” I waited patiently for his response, but his eyes conveniently drifted away. I cackled at his embarrassment, “You are! It’s the Mateo situation all over again.” He scoffed, “There was no ‘Mateo situation’, and you really think I would be jealous of Whitaker? He looks like a terrified orphan.” I gave him a warning glare, and his eyes fell to the floor. His attempt to hide his envy was laughable. I leaned into his shoulder, voice serious, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. You know that.” Frank turned to me and snickered, “I do.” His bright blue eyes bore into mine, full of desire as they scanned across my face. “Don’t remind me why I forbid you from coming out on my smoke breaks,” I warned. The sound of Frank’s work phone buzzing broke our eye contact. He answered it swiftly, listening intently. I could hear laughter rise in his throat as he hung up, “Dana said to tell you we have two minutes before the ambulance gets here… How does she always know when I’m with you?” I giggled as I crushed my half-smoked cigarette against my shoe and returned it to its box. I sighed, “Dana knows all, Frank. Let me run inside to put these away and then we’ll get to work.”

EMT’s wheeled in the first college kid, wide eyed and looking around the ED. Frank examined him for a moment, but my eyes focused on the kid coming in after him. He was wheeled in on a gurney, head secured to the board with a neck brace. Frank, Robby, and Collins followed me to the patient, all examining him in different ways. We pushed him into a trauma room. Frank called out for ketamine to intubate the boy, but Robby pointed out his collarbone that pushed into his chest. “Let’s reduce it, see if it helps his breathing,” he ordered. I counted down from three, everyone picking up the board below the patient and transitioning him to the bed on one. I called out vitals as I pushed meds and drew a couple vials of blood. I fought to pay attention to the task at hand, but my sight lingered on Frank hovering over the boy. “Alright, Miles, your collarbone is pushing against your windpipe. We’re gonna pull it back up. I’m going to inject an anesthetic. You’re gonna feel a pinprick and big burn,” he explained. I couldn’t help but gush slightly at the softness in his tone. I watched as he took a pair of forceps and pulled on the sunken bone. Frank’s face contorted in determination and his biceps clenched as he pulled. The patient screamed as the bone crackled and extended to its normal position, “Motherfucker!” “Screaming is good,” I commented with a subtle laugh. Garcia entered, “Who are you torturing now?” Collins grimaced, “Reduced a sternoclavicular dislocation.” I covered the bruised and bleeding collarbone with gauze, “How’s your breathing, bud?” “Better,” he muttered, “who is she?” “Right?” Frank quipped, mouth twisted in a playful smirk. “Don’t start,” I warned. He immediately returned to his gentle tone,”This is Dr Garcia. We’re gonna get your leg straightened out.” “After a CT,” Garcia corrected. Robby exited and we all crowded at the edge of the bed. “Did you know you guys were on the news?” Frank asked. My mouth fell open in shock, in the chaos of the morning, I’d had little time to pay attention to the quiet tv’s or the sticky notes on the breakroom wall. Collins leaned over the boy, “You stole an ambulance. What were you thinking?” “It wasn’t my idea,” he defended. Frank muttered to Garcia, “Does he look like a methhead to you?” Instead of looking at him, Garcia turned to me, “What the hell is wrong with him?”  I raised my hands in surrender, “I can only do so much, YoYo.”

After we dispersed, Dana’s voice boomed over the speakers, calling for everyone to go to central. I passed Whitaker to go sit at the nurses station. I noticed the way his shirt tightened over his shoulders, now squeezing the meat of his bicep firmly. I couldn’t contain my smile when I saw the way his pants rose above his ankles. I whispered to him as I passed by, “You’re rocking those ankles, Nebraska.” I didn’t allow myself to turn around and catch a glimpse of his, most likely, blushing face, but I noted to stop by the storage closet upstairs and grab him a proper set of scrubs. I walked past the forming line of doctors and settled in behind a desk. Robby lectured the group, only giving quick glances to the nurses behind him. As he raved about charting and scores, I shifted under the weight of Langdon’s gaze. My eyes left Robby to see Frank’s eyes heavy and lips firmly pressed together. I sent him a warning glare. The displacement of that look, the one usually reserved for the confines of my apartment, caused a layer of sweat to cover my neck. When Robby’s speech ended and everyone disbanded, I waited for him to approach my station. I talked before he could. “You’re being bad today, Dr. Langdon. Don’t make me tell Robby on you,” I teased. He playfully glanced down at his bracelet covered wrist, “Well, it’s almost time for my daily Michael Monologue.” I laughed for a moment before looking around the ED. Even though the department always maintained a steady buzz, it was calmer than usual. “Do me a favor? Call me if anything interesting comes in? I need to run upstairs for something,” I asked, batting my eyelashes. He cocked his brow, “What are you going upstairs for? Want to upgrade and flirt with ortho?” I rolled my eyes dramatically, “Behave, Ken. I need to grab a pair of scrubs that don’t fit Whitaker like a pair of capris.” Frank’s face hardened, “Did he ask you to run errands for him? I can put that little asshole in his place. I swear, med students-” “He didn’t! Christ. Cool it, tiger. It’s his like… third scrubs change today. I wanted to be nice and do him a favor,” I interrupted. I made my way toward the elevator, “Be good while I’m gone.”

When I found myself back in the ED, Whitaker was gone, most likely whisked away to a case. Instead of searching for Dennis, I stashed the set of scrubs in a secluded corner of the nurses station. Frank’s voice rang throughout the ED, “Bee, I was just about to call you. Got a killer hip displacement.” I rubbed my hands together in excitement, “Ooo, I haven’t seen one of those in a while. Let’s go.” We entered the trauma room in tandem with Robby. I watched as Javadi stood halfway on top of the gurney and used her bent leg to relocate the patient’s. Even though the Captain Morgan technique was always one of my favorites, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Frank. The way he taught, firm yet soothing, always brought me to my knees. My ears hung on to every word that exited his lips, the deep sound reverberating throughout my skull. When Javadi snapped the bone back into place with a loud crack, the tension in the room depleted and most exited with murmured praises. Like always, Frank hung back as I adjusted the padding on the patient’s bed and pushed some light pain meds. “What was that?” he asked with a cocked brow. My expression mirrored his, “What was what?” Frank snickered softly, “You know, the staring. You’ve been at that all day. I’m not complaining, just curious.” I sighed and shook my head, attempting to focus on the IV I was fiddling with. “You’re this… entity when you work. I don’t know. You’re a little mesmerizing if you haven’t noticed,” I admitted. Frank moved next to me, his presence heavy. “Mesmerizing? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before… You’re a little mesmerizing too,” he whispered. I laughed slightly, “Oh, shush. You’re really milking it now.” He furrowed his brow, “I’m serious, bee. The way you are with King and the med students… When you help people, you make them feel like they’re doing you a favor. You’re confident without ever being cocky, which is something I admittedly need to work on.” I looked up at his serious, blue eyes. “Wow, admitting your faults? I really have changed you, Frank,” I joked, attempting to blow off the bashfulness and warmth that had collected in my cheeks. His fingers brushed against mine as he smiled, “I don’t think I could ever complain about that.” We jumped apart at the sound of the door opening. Robby peered in, “Dr. Langdon, can I grab you for something?” Frank nodded curtly, “Of course.” He looked back at me for a moment before following Robby out the door. 

When I found myself back at central, Mel was nervously bouncing her leg and picking at the skin of her lip. She glanced around the ED nervously, clearly waiting for someone. “Hey, Mel, you looking for something?” I asked, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. Mel rambled, “No, I’m fine. I just… I had an elderly patient come in today with her daughter. We were about to discharge her, but then her daughter left and we can’t reach her and Kiara is supposed to-” “Hey,” I interrupted. I took a deep breath and replayed Frank's praises in my head before speaking. “I’m glad you feel this much for your patients. That’s important here. But, there’s a point where that concern just translates to anxiety. You have other patients that are counting on you being your best self, Mel. Worrying yourself sick won't help you or your patients. Come with me?” She nodded wordlessly and followed me to my locker. I pressed my code into the pin pad and dug around in my bag pockets. I pulled out a small fidget cube and put it in Mel’s hand. She looked down in confusion, “What’s this?” “I know it looks stupid, but it genuinely helps. I’d rather you fidget with that than pick your face raw,” I explained.  She studied the small toy for a moment, her fingers dancing over the buttons and ridges. Mel smiled, “Thank you, Kat. That's really cool. There was actually this one time with my sister-” As she spoke, I noticed Santos approaching Frank and Robby. I shut my locker and gave Mel a curt rub on her shoulder, “Hold that thought, Mel.”

I followed the two outside of a patient’s curtained room, “What are you two up to?” Frank flashed me the picture of his brain scan, “It’s our seizure patient. Neurocysticercosis.” I hissed, “Shit, that’s a bad one to explain.” “Wanna help me pad my diagnosis? You’re always better than me at comforting patients,” he asked. “I’m better than you at a lot of things,” I teased before entering the room and introducing myself. Frank and I sat on either side of the bed while Santos stood at the foot of it. After introducing himself and Santos, he explained, “You have Neurocysticercosis, a parasite in your brain.” “I thought I just had a migraine, but I have bugs in my head?” he exclaimed. Frank continued, “You had larva from a pork tapeworm that made multiple cysts.” “But, they’re all dead now, sir,” I added. “A worm? In my head? Are you fucking kidding me?” the patient shouted. “Sir, I promise there are no worms in your head. It is just dead larvae. I understand how scary this can be. But, if you think about it, the average human is made up of 53% of foreign organisms. You can still live a long, amazing life with a slightly larger percentage,” I comforted, resting a hand on the side of his bed. “She’s right,” Langdon added, “The cysts are tiny and calcified over. There’ll be no further damage.” The man seemed to calm, taking deeper and slower breaths. “So, there’s gonna be a worm graveyard in my brain forever?” he asked. I opened my mouth to speak but Frank beat me, “Yeah, but they’ll be resting in peace.” I shot him the coldest look I could muster before slipping into a frantic ramble to comfort the man, whose chest began to rise and fall in a hurried pace.

I shut the curtain as I left the room and was met with Frank standing outside of the room. I sighed, “I was so close-” “I know! I’m sorry,” he interrupted. I couldn’t help but laugh, “Why do you ask for my help and then consequently fuck my attempt to help up?” He shrugged before leaning in to whisper, “What can I say? I act a little stupid when I’m around you.” I immediately shoved a finger into the middle of his forehead and pushed him away. I was about to walk away but his words stopped me, “Dana was lurking and watching you again.” I ran a hand over my hair, “Fuck, am I getting fired?” Frank put a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Jesus, no, bee. The day you get fired is the day we all are, because the pitt is getting shut down.” Her voice called over Frank’s shoulder, “Kat, can I steal you for a second?” Frank muttered something about checking on a patient, sent me a soft glance, and walked away. “Did you talk to Mel earlier?” Dana asked. I picked at the skin surrounding my nails, “Yeah, she was torn up about this patient’s family. Is everything okay? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt her feelings? I tried to acknowledge and validate her feelings and redirect without dismissing-""I wanted to tell you, you did a good job,” she interrupted. I let out a sigh of relief, “Oh… thanks, boss.” She let out a small snicker at the nickname, “Alright, kid. Whitaker is lurking by central, think he’s looking for you.” I tried to ignore the teasing tone that laced her voice. “Don’t start, Dana,” I warned before walking off.

Whitaker leaned against the counter of the station, locked in on one of the tablets. “Hey, Nebraska. How’s it going?” I asked, settling beside him. “Are the pants really that bad?” Dennis spat out, fully turning to me. I stifled a laugh and rested my hand on his shoulder, “No, they’re not that bad. You have lovely ankles. I’m serious.” It was his turn to laugh, a pink blush dusting his cheeks. The topic of his ankles caused the image of the clean scrubs sitting at the nurses station to appear in my mind. However, the thought was quickly erased in my mind when Mohan approached us, carrying two large bags. “Follow me to the staff lounge, now,” she ordered with playful urgency. The moments between grabbing Whitaker’s arm and laughing over sandwiches were short. The room was filled with doctors and nurses scavenging the bags full of food. There was a strange intimacy in the laughter shared in the bustling lounge. Just for a second, as Dennis caused a cackle and a piece of turkey to slip from my lips and I desperately grabbed onto his leg for stability, I forgot who that softness, that laughter usually belonged to. Even the strong vinaigrette soaked into the sandwich couldn’t erase the unique bitterness of guilt from my tongue.

pairing: Frank Langdon x f!nurse!OC x Dennis Whitaker

word count: 5.7k

masterlist

author's note: warning!! smut!! (soft dom!frank, oral (f receiving), piv, unprotected sex) i will add an extra space between the paragraphs containing the explicit content just in case anyone wants to skip. this is my first time writing smut so please be kind lol. definitely a long chapter so i hope y'all enjoy!

December 20, 2021

7:30 pm

I shifted in my heeled boots nervously, the snow and pristine welcome mat crunched under my feet. Somehow, Dana discovered that the Monday before Christmas was the slowest day in the ED all year. So, she subsequently sent out a slurry of invitations to most of the people in the department. Even Garcia got an invite. But, according to Dana, only twelve names were entered in the secret santa draw and put down in the list of rsvp’s. My fingers ran along the edges of the box I held in my hands. My gift was for Cassie, so my nervousness was slightly eased. I’d been hyperfocusing on every small want and need expressed in quick moments between patients, so I was confident I made a gift she’d love. I heard the sound of snow crunching behind me, “You ever plan on knocking?” I recognized the voice immediately, “Give me a break I’ve never been to a work party-” My voice halted immediately after turning back to look at Frank. His hair was expertly pushed to the side, a brown suede coat covered his frame, and two boxes were held in his strong arms. Wrapped in tree-covered paper, a small box on top of the huge package sat in his grasp. “Jesus,” I exclaimed, “Are you trying to buy out Collins for the #1 resident spot?” He walked up the porch steps and stood next to me, “Nope, I didn’t get Robby.” My head tilted in confusion and a slight pang of jealousy echoed in my chest, “Oh, who did you get?” He scoffed as his knuckles connected with the door in front of us, “I've told you the same thing for the past month. It kind of defeats the purpose of secret santa, doesn’t it?” 

Dana practically flung the door open, “Hey, sweet girl! I’m so happy to see you.” She pulled me into a hug and led me inside. Frank quipped, “I’m here too, Dana.” She rolled her eyes and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder, “Come on, you know I love you, kid.”  I glanced around as I took off my coat and hung it on a coatrack. The living room screamed Dana, it was cozy but clean and filled to the brim with Christmas decorations. Everyone except Frank and I seemed to be sitting in the living room already. I took special note of the night shift, watching Shen and Ellis playfully tease Robby and Abbott. “I’m running around getting the last bits of food out, but make yourself at home! I have some sangria and other drinks on the table with some snacks,” Dana explained before whizzing off to the kitchen. I looked back to Frank, now able to admire the way his muscles contracted and worked at carrying the heavy box that sat in his arms. I giggled softly, “Let’s go find somewhere to put these first.” He grinned, “Good idea. I was considering making you feed me drinks so I could carry this all night.” “You wish,” I teased, walking into the living room. 

The next few minutes were a blur of greetings and small talk. I was somehow pulled into a passionate political discussion with Jack and Samira. “I’m just saying, if some asshole in an office gets to decide how much government funding healthcare gets, I think he should have to work in the ED for a day!” Samira exclaimed. Abbott hummed in agreement, “I don’t know how else those overpaid nutjobs would understand medicine. God knows politicians and civilians need a better understanding of healthcare. Don’t even get me started on that mask bullshit.” I couldn’t help but giggle when Samira exploded into another rant. I felt the couch dip beside me. I turned my head to see Frank sitting down with two cups in hand. He held out one cup for me to take, “I saw the face you made when Dana mentioned sangria, so I got you a cup.” I took the drink, but raised my brow in confusion. “What face?” I asked before taking a sip of the wine. His confusion mirrored mine, “You don’t know you do that?” I began to giggle self-consciously, “Do what?” His eyes trained on mine for a moment before scanning across my face. A genuine smile formed on his lips. “You raise your brows and get this little crease between them. Then, you press your lips together really hard, and you blink really fast… It’s just something I notice when I bring you energy drinks,” he rambled. I looked down at my drink in an attempt to hide the warmth that flooded my cheeks. 

My embarrassed silence was cut short by Dana’s voice, “Alright, everybody, I’m sorry, but I’m going to cut cocktail hour short. We need to exchange gifts before everyone is too wasted to remember who they bought their gift for.” She stood by the tree and picked up a perfectly wrapped box. “I’m going first so I can take pictures,” she turned to Langdon, “Here you go, kid.” He grinned, “Wow, Dana, you really do love me.” She took a seat in the armchair in the corner of the room. “Hurry up and open the gift, Frank,” Dana joked. Frank carefully peeled off the paper and revealed a patterned box underneath. He removed the lid and pulled out three knitted beanies, all varying in size and color. “There’s another gift for you inside, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to knit a hat for baby Tanner… and the rest of the Langdon family, I guess,” Dana explained. He thanked her profusely, but I could see embarrassment collect in his cheeks. Instead of the warmth that was in it moments earlier, regret lined his smile instead. His grimace was only deepened by the small, white noise machine that was pulled out next. “So, you and Abby can get some good sleep,” Dana said. He thanked Dana again, but I could only focus on his eyes and furrowed brows. My gaze only left Frank when McKay stood up, “I drew Dana, so I’ll go next.” She picked up a wrapped basket from under the tree and handed it to Dana. I attempted to focus on the array of knitting needles and yarn that Dana pulled out of the bag, but my mind was occupied by Frank’s presence beside me. I could only think of the way his clothed thigh felt against my pantyhose-clad leg. 

Dana’s hands slapped against her thighs, “So, who drew Cassie?” I shot up in my seat and made my way toward the tree, “I did, sorry!” I knelt down carefully, making sure my skirt sat mid thigh as I bent over. I picked up the heavy box, mason jars inside clanking together softly.  McKay let out a small huff when she took on the full weight of the box. She fell back in her seat, “Jeez, Kat, what did you get me? Beautifully colored rocks?” I laughed as I sat back in my seat, “I thought about it, but I decided against it.” I watched her carefully as she pulled out one of the many filled, decorated jars. I could hear her excitement building as she began to read the different recipe names to herself, “Chocolate chip cookies, red velvet cake, peppermint cookies!” “I know you said you’ve been waiting to bake with Harrison, but he always wants to skip to the decorating part. So, I premade you a bunch of recipes! Minus the water or oil, of course. And, I attached the full recipe and directions if you ever want to make them again.” Her mouth was agape as she exclaimed, “Kat! That is so sweet. Harrison is gonna love this. Thank you so much.” I beamed at her, “It’s no problem. I’m so glad you like it.” She smiled and nodded, “It’s the best.” 

Frank clicked his tongue and stood up, “Well, I don’t know about the best.” I gasped in realization, “You picked me! No wonder you refused to tell me who you drew.” He lifted the giant box, the small package still resting on top, and placed it at my feet. I decided to open the small one first. My hands tore at the surprisingly neat wrapping, revealing a box of knife resistant gloves. I hit his shoulder with the box, “You asshole! You think you’re so funny, huh?” He dramatically winced in pain, “Ow! Hit me again and you’re not getting your main present.” Ellis stared in confusion, “What are those?” Her night shift status shielded her from the relentless teasing I faced when I showed up to work with a wrapped hand. I retold the tale of me versus the large pumpkin, but made sure to replace Frank’s role with Presby hospital. I turned to Frank after finishing the story, “If there’s a pumpkin in this huge box, I’m going back to night shift.” Instead of quipping back, Frank sat back in his seat and crossed his arms smugly. His silence concerned me slightly, but I still moved the gloves to the side and began to tear the paper off the top of the box. The name ‘Bosch stand mixer’ was plastered across the top of the box. I could feel my eyes begin to well up with tears, “No, Frank, where did you get the box? Come on, this is mean.” I tore off more of the paper and ripped the box open. I expected a pumpkin wrapped in paper or even a cheaper mixer, but I was wrong. Inside sat the gorgeous green mixer I’d dreamed of buying for years. My hand covered my mouth and I sat up straight in my seat. The once evident chatter completely silenced the sound of my sniffling. Garcia sat up in her seat and attempted to look at the gift, “Christ, Langdon, did you really fuck up her gift so much you made her cry?” Jack, who sat beside me, put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You okay, kid?”  I took a moment to steady my breath. “Yeah, I’m okay. Frank just decided to be an upstaging asshole and get me the best mixer ever,” I joked, my voice still shaking slightly. Everyone in the room gawked at my emotion, staring at me and whispering softly to each other. My happy tears slowly transitioned into quiet discomfort. Frank dramatically put his arm around me and joked, “It wasn’t that nice of me. You guys know me. You think I got her a tool for baking for non-selfish reasons?” The room exploded into drunken laughter, the conversation quickly transitioning into everyone’s favorite recipe of mine and derailing off into some inside joke. Frank’s arm still rested around my shoulder, his thumb now softly caressing my arm. I turned my head and whispered into his ear, “Thank you, for that… and for everything. Thank you.” When I pulled back to look him in the eye, I became increasingly aware that I was close enough to feel his breath on my cheek. Just as my eyes focused on his lips, he leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Anytime, bee.”  

The rest of the gift exchange went in a blur. Now, we all gawked at Mohan and Garcia fighting to unravel their respective tangled ball of lights first. With all eyes focused on the frenzied competition, I slipped away to get myself another drink. I wasn’t drunk yet, but the warmth that collected in my stomach hinted that I could be there soon. In the soft glow of the stove light, I poured the dark liquid into my cup. Frank’s voice emerged from behind me, “Mind pouring me a glass?” I gave him a sheepish smile and reached out for the cup. His thumb brushed against mine as he handed me the glass. “I’d give you my own drink if you wanted it. I don’t know how many of those it would take to make up for that gift, though,” I joked. Frank leaned down to level our faces, “Hey, I really don’t want you to think you owe me anything for that. I gave it to you because I wanted to, not because I wanted anything in return.” I avoided eye contact, staring down at the picture I held in my hand. “So, you didn’t just buy it so I could bake for you?” I asked before finally getting the courage to look up at him. His gaze was intense, heavy, and teetering on dangerous. “Maybe a batch of cupcakes or something, then we’ll be equal,” he snickered. I slipped his, now full, cup in his hand and took a sip of my own. My eyes fell on his throat as he drank from it. I watched it contract as he swallowed, noticing the small bits of stubble that covered it. When he lifted his cup from his mouth, I was entranced by the way his tongue swept across his lips to collect the leftover liquid. My face began to flush when I felt wine dribble down my chin. “Shit,” I muttered. Before I could wipe it from my cheek, Frank’s hand flew to my face, wiping it away with his thumb. Instead of pulling away, he rested his hand on my cheek. My breath hitched in my throat as I nervously scanned his face, searching for a hint of emotion in his eyes.

I was brought back to reality by the feeling of his wedding band pressing against my cheek. I grabbed his hand and held it out in front of me. “I’m sorry. I think I should go.” Despite my retreat, his hand firmly held mine. “Did you take the T here?” he asked. I nodded, “Yeah, but my apartment is only a stop away. I’ll be fine.” His brows furrowed, “You’re not carrying a thirty pound box for a couple blocks in the snow. Come on, I’ll drive you home.” I wanted to argue, but the seriousness in his eyes advised against it. I nodded begrudgingly, “Alright, but you’re the one explaining to Dana why we’re leaving early.” Frank chuckled, “Okay, I’ll be back in a second.” He dropped my hand, put his drink down, and ventured off into the bustling living room. I listened attentively, making sure the volume in the room never faltered. At the sight of Frank entering the kitchen, boxes tucked under each arm, I let out a sigh of relief. “Good news, I made it out without anyone noticing. Bad news, Dana said you’re a coward for not telling her yourself,” Frank jeered. I scoffed and made my way toward the door, “I’ll deal with her tomorrow. Let’s get out of here.” 

The ride to my apartment was comfortably silent, filled by the sound of soft Christmas music and the hum of his Volvo's engine. Just as we pulled in to park on my apartment’s street, snow began to fall and collect on the car window. I smiled to myself, “This never gets old.” “Really?” he laughed. “Give me a break. It never rains in Texas, at least where I lived,” I defended. I lurched forward slightly as we parked on the street, only a few feet away from the building door. I watched the small snowflakes cluster together on the rearview mirror, “I know you northerners liked to complain about shoveling the driveway or scraping your windshield, but you have to admit it’s fucking gorgeous.” He hummed, “Yeah, it is.” When I turned my head to look at Frank, his eyes were already trained on my face. “Let me help you take your present down,” he demanded softly. I nodded wordlessly and exited the car. My cheeks flushed at the cold. Snowflakes wetted my cheeks. Nostalgia flooded my senses as we stood at the entrance stairs. Frank’s icy eyes bore into mine, “I’m really glad you liked your gift. Remember to use those gloves too. As much as I enjoyed baking with you, I’d prefer it if it were under different circumstances.” I chuckled at his words. I couldn’t place why, but I was quickly overwhelmed with emotion. My laughter slowly turned into quiet sobs. My hand flew to my mouth and my head turned in a feeble attempt to hide my tears. He quickly placed my present on the floor and held my head in his hands. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something stupid? You know I have proclivity for being an asshole,” he rambled. 

I thought for a moment, before deciding it was as great of a time as any to come clean. I shook my head, “I lied to you.” He stared on in confusion, “About what?” I inhaled a gulp of cold air before stuttering, “My birthday. I told you I couldn’t remember anything. But, in reality, I think about that night every time I look at your face, or feel your hands on my cheeks. You told me you could give me better than drunkenly fucking me that night. Every single time you look at me, it takes every ounce of my being not to say that I would give anything to have had that, to have you, even just for a night. But, I know we were both drunk, and I can’t hold you to that, but I have to tell you now-” “I’ve been praying you’d say that for the past six months,” he interrupted. “I never wanted to make you uncomfortable, go too far, but I’ve wanted you– no, needed you ever since I saw you fall on your face in front of the pitt.” Our eyes were magnetized to each other. His breath was the only thing warming my freezing face. My hands ventured from my sides to his hair, “If you need me, you have me.” When his lips finally made contact with mine, I was overcome with euphoria. I could taste the drinks from earlier on my tongue, along with a sweetness that was distinctly Frank. He pushed me against the cold brick of the building, one hand resting on the back of my neck and the other trailing down to my hip. We both grabbed at each other restlessly, hoping the next touch would make the entire situation feel real. I grabbed at the fabric that covered his shoulders and found my leg hiking up to wrap around him, pulling him closer. Frank’s lips trailed from my mouth down to my neck. I let my head tilt back, welcoming the warmth of his lips against my cold skin. When I felt his teeth gently bite down on the throat, I let a small moan escape my mouth. At the noise, his hips collided with mine. The pressure of his length against my heat was too much. “Fuck, Frank, if we don’t go inside right now, we’re going to get charged with public indecency,” I whined. He removed my leg from around his hips and straightened out my skirt, “Let’s get inside then.”

The time between us entering the building and passing the threshold of my apartment was a blur. The large box Frank held was abandoned on the floor, along with our coats and shoes. Between kisses, Frank asked, “Where’s your bedroom?” The moment the answer left my lips, he grabbed the back of my hips and carried me in his arms. As he entered my bedroom, his fingers pressed against my plush thighs. “Fuck,” he muttered, “This skirt is ruining me. You know that, right?” He set me down on the edge of the bed and began tearing at my tights, quickly removing them. “Of course you know that. You’re so smart, so fucking gorgeous,” Frank praised, kissing my ankles and migrating up. “Always so good for me. Make me want to be a better doctor, better man, for you. All for you.” His lips now rested inches away from my underwear. “Fuck, Frank,” I moaned. I whined childishly when his mouth separated from my skin. “Is this okay? I really want this, but if you want to change your mind and take this slow, we can,” he asked, eyes serious but gentle. “Please, Frank,” I ran my hand through his hair, “I’ve waited so long. I need you to touch me, make me feel good. I need you.” In the blink of an eye, he spread apart my thighs and began pressing open-mouthed kisses on my clothed heat. I mumbled a string of curses. I was sure he could feel my wetness through the thin, black fabric. My hips had a mind of their own, jerking up against his mouth. Frank’s hands pushed my hips down and his fingers tugged at the band of my panties. He slowly dragged them down my legs, “Tell me how bad you want it, baby. Beg for it.” I sat up on my elbows, “Please, Frank, I need it so bad. Need to feel your tongue, your fingers inside of me. I’ve had to make myself cum to the thought of you for so long. Please don’t make me do something you’re probably soo much better at.”  I took my hand and caressed his face as I spoke, running my thumb across his lips as I teased him. 

I only caught a glimpse of his eyes rolling back in his head before he disappeared in the expanses of my thighs. His tongue licked a long, deep stripe in between my folds. My back arched instinctively, so he wrapped his arms around my legs and pushed down on my hips. His wet muscle quickly moved in and out of my weeping pussy. I clawed at the hands that held my hips in place. I wanted to writhe in pleasure, get a moment of relief from the waves of euphoria that wracked my body. When his tongue began to circle my clit, I couldn’t stop the moans that left my lips. Noting my reaction, Frank decided to wrap his lips around the gentle bud and suck. My hands flew to one of the pillows that sat at the head of my bed and brought it to my face. I practically screamed into the plush of the pillow, but it did little to muffle the sound. One of Frank’s arms unwrapped around my hips. He grabbed the pillow and threw it against my headboard, “I don’t give a fuck who hears us. I want to know how good I’m making you feel, okay?” His blue eyes hypnotized me, so I chose to forget about the outside world and nodded enthusiastically. A deep moan reverbed in his throat, “Atta’ girl.” Instead of returning to his former position, he rested his left forearm across my stomach and let his right hand drift down to my pussy. He mumbled as he kissed my clit, “You’re so fucking wet for me, baby.” I couldn’t contain my gasp when his index finger slid into my heat. I could feel him moan against my folds, “Fuck, bee, you’re so tight for me. You’re gonna stretch so perfectly around my cock.” My head was swimming at his words. I could hear responses exiting my mouth, but at some point I stopped being able to decipher them myself. Yet, Frank could, or at least I think he could. Because, every movement and motion pushed me closer to the edge. Every touch was intoxicatingly perfect. My head perked up to look back at him when his lips returned to my clit and his middle finger was added to the fray. My eyes watered at the sight. He was still in black sweater, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Despite the obvious sensuality of the situation, the dichotomy of his clothed figure flush against my naked thighs was leg-shaking. I cursed, “Fuck, Frank, I’m gonna cum. Can I cum for you?” His gaze found mine and his arm pressed down harder on my stomach, “Of course, baby. Let it out. You’ve been so good for me.” The instant his mouth reconnected with my clit, I exploded with pleasure. My vision went white, and the only sense that flooded my brain was the feeling of my heels against his back and the sound of him moaning against my skin.

When my eyes finally fluttered open, I was sitting upright and Frank was kneeling in front of me. His hands flattened my hair and rubbed against my cheeks, “Hey, you still with me, bee?” I chuckled softly, “Yeah.. yeah I’m here, sorry. No one’s ever made me finish like that before.” Frank grinned and stood up in front of me, his hands fiddling with his belt. “Well, if this is still what you want, I can make you feel like that over,” his lips scattered kisses all over my face, “ and over, and over.” Wanting to make him feel just as good, I held his hips and pushed him away slightly. He straightened from his hunched position and stared down at me, confusion in his eyes. I untucked his shirt from his belt and lifted it up slightly. He stuttered, “What are you-” Frank’s words dissipated into a moan as I pressed my lips against the curves of his abs. I unbuttoned his slacks, undid the zipper, and lowered the waistband to his knees. Frank hissed as I kissed his clothed clock. I made my way down his length, attempting to gauge his size. When I finally reached the base, I couldn’t help but giggle in disbelief. That seemed to break Frank out of his ecstasy induced haze. He snickered nervously, “Please don’t tell me you’re laughing at my dick.” I smiled up at him, “No, of course not. Just a little nervous. You’re huge, Frank.” He tilted his head back and chuckled, “Come on, you haven’t even-” His voice silenced the moment my hands pulled his briefs down. I gawked as his cock sprang free from its confines. I snickered, “Now I have, and I’m definitely right.” Frank’s mouth opened to quip back, but he was silenced once more when my tongue circled the pink tip. He let out a string of curses and ran his fingers through my hair. My lips wrapped around him, but Frank’s hands pushed me back softly. A pit fell in my stomach, “Shit, sorry. Did I do something wrong?” Frank frantically shook his head and held my face in his hands, “No, baby, of course not.” He took a moment to laugh at himself, “I just… If you do that, I’m going finish in five seconds like an overexcited teenager.” I beamed, “Oh… okay.” My hands fiddled with the hem of his sweater. “Want to help me take this off?” he asked, sitting down beside me. I smiled ear-to-ear, “You really had to ask?”

The following minutes were filled with frenzied kisses and clothes being abandoned across the room. I laid against the pillows and Frank hovered above me. My hands explored the expanses of shoulders. I squeezed desperately at the bare skin, “You’re so perfect.” “You’d know all about perfection, wouldn’t you? Carrying this pretty pussy around?” he teased, his fingers collecting my slick. He took his, now slippery, hand and ran it up and down his length. He moaned a string of curses into my mouth, “I think you’re relaxed enough for me. I’m gonna slip it in, baby. That okay?” I nodded, but his hips remained stationary. “I need to hear you, bee. You’re a smart girl, use your words,” he teased. “Yes, Frank. I want it so bad. I need to feel you inside me so bad,” I begged. Frank took his length and rubbed it against my slit before pushing the tip inside. We moaned in unison, our chests colliding against each other. His forehead rested against mine, “Shit, baby, so fucking tight for me. I’m gonna push the rest in. You okay?” Desperate pleas and assurances left my lips. I attempted to form a cohesive sentence, but the feeling of him bottoming out inside of me wiped all thoughts from my brain. My hands roamed from the nape of his neck, to his slightly damp back, all the way down to the curves of his ass. They traveled back to his hair, wanting to gauge his reaction, I tugged slightly. Frank’s head ducked into my neck with a deep groan and soft praises. "God, you were fucking made for me," he mumbled to himself. Taking advantage of the closeness, I wrapped my arms around him and held him flush against my chest. A part of me was terrified that, if I let him go, he would slip away into the night as a gentle dream. 

My desperation was mirrored in the slam of Frank’s hips against mine, every thrust slowly erasing the months of guilt and doubt. I could feel his hands raise from the bed below us. Frank peeled my legs from around his waist and pushed them into the plush sheets, allowing himself even deeper inside me. I begged, “Frank, please.” I was unsure what I was asking for, but Frank did. He did say we could read each other’s minds at times. “I know, baby. You wanna cum for me again?” he asked, soft condescension lacing his tone. I loosened my arms from around him, desperately wanting to see his face. I pleaded, “I want to so bad. Want to be so good for you. Been wanting this, wanting you for so long.” He whimpered softly above me, letting his cocky facade fade for a moment, pure yearning slipping through his swollen lips. I studied the folds of his furrowed brow, his fluttering lashes, and open mouth. My fingers danced across the dimple nestled in his chin. “I’m not gonna last much longer. Can you hold it for me so we can finish together? Wanna be my good girl?” Frank asked. I nodded desperately, rambling, “Always. Always wanna be your good girl… yours. Please cum inside me. I need it so bad.” The rhythm of his hips faltering slightly, he moaned, “Fuck, bee. You sure?” One of my hands grabbed the meat of his ass, urging him to keep going. I stuttered, “I’m on birth control… so close. I need it. I need you.” His length entered me with a newfound fervor, tip rubbing against my g-spot and mound slamming against my clit. I moaned out, “Frank, I can’t-” “Let it go, baby. I’m right there with you,” he interrupted. The moment the words left his lips, white hot bliss clouded my vision. I chanted Frank’s name like a prayer as pleasure wracked my body. The only sensations grounding me to reality were the weight of his body on top of mine and the warmth of his breath on my ear.

I don’t know how long we laid there together. We’d switched positions. His hands brushed against my spine, leaving goosebumps in his wake. I combed through the sparse hair that covered his chest. I don’t know what possessed me, but I couldn’t help but whisper the phrase that had been repeating in my head in a sickening loop. “Tell me it’s not gonna go back to the way it was before,” I muttered. I could feel his heartbeat accelerate against my ear. “Us dancing around the fact that we’re a lot more than coworkers?” Frank asked. “Yeah,” I affirmed, nuzzling into his chest to prepare myself for the possibility of something life altering exiting his lips. “I don’t think I could ignore the way I feel about you if I tried. Even if you changed to night shift permanently or stopped working with me, I’d still look for you in the halls between shifts or linger by the coffee shop by your apartment like some lovestruck stalker. I’m a really good fucking doctor, but I don’t think even I could fill the gigantic space that’d be left in my chest, where you belong… Shit, sorry, I really didn’t mean to get all lovey-dovey-” I looked up and slammed his lips onto mine. My hands tousled his hair and his arms pulled me closer. Something about the kiss felt different, maybe because it was the first time I truly knew what it meant. I knew that it wasn’t a fleeting pleasure that would be brushed off by the next shift. I knew it was intentional, desperate, and undeniably recurring. A familiar ringtone cleared the haze that filled the room; my stomach turned. Frank let out an annoyed groan and string of curses at the sound, begrudgingly leaving the bed and searching for his pants on my bedroom floor. He fished his phone out of his pant pocket. Frank took a seat at the edge of the bed before answering the call, one hand holding the phone and the other resting on my thigh. “Hey, I just stepped out, what’s up?” I could hear muttering on the other line, but I tried to only focus on the feeling of his thumb brushing against my knee. Frank’s tone was drastically different as he hissed into the phone, “Tanner won’t go to sleep? Did you try the– you did, okay. Fuck, I’ll wrap it up. Be there soon.” My body tensed under his touch, preparing to hide my disappointment at those two words I heard him mutter months before. 'Love you.' My face twisted in confusion when Frank set down his phone and pulled me into a kiss. Frank rested his forehead against mine when he finally pulled away. “I can’t remember the last time I wanted someone so bad I hated the idea of going home,” he admitted. I giggled softly as a prideful smile spread across my face. I brushed his hair back, feebly attempting to get it back to its original form. I clicked my tongue, “Be careful, Dr Langdon, it's starting to sound like you're going soft on me.” He retreated a couple inches to look me in the eye, and I could hear a chuckle forming in his throat. Frank teased, “Oh yeah? We’ll see about me going soft on you.” He attacked my neck with a myriad of kisses, leaving a stream of laughter to fill the room. I let myself enjoy the last few moments of bliss before he’d venture back into the snowy streets and enter the even colder confines of his home. I committed the feeling of his lips on my skin to memory. I etched Frank’s smile on the inside of my eyelids, the smile that only formed with me, the ecstasy that only existed when he was mine.