Sometimes reading Arthuriana feels like reading Alice in Wonderland.
āWell,ā said Alice, āthese are a dreadfully strange assortment of objects!ā
āThey all symbolize different aspects of Our Lordās martyrdom,ā said the Fisher King, casting a line into his teacup.
āIndeed. I am sure everything symbolizes something else, for if everything was only itself I should be very confused. Might I ask what the point of the bleeding lance is?ā
Alice regretted asking the question as soon as she had done so, for she saw the pun that would likely be made about the word point. Instead, however, the room erupted in applause and shouts of āThe Grail! She has achieved the Grail!ā
The next castle she visited, Alice resolved to herself as the inhabitants of this one danced for joy, would be more sensible.
Or I could do this with The Knight of the Cart.
āWhich shall you choose?ā asked the guardian. āThe underwater bridge or the sword bridge?ā
āBoth sound dreadful,ā said Alice. āI think Iāll just float the cart across.ā
The guardian sputtered so hard his helmet broke.
āYou cannot ride in a cart to rescue a queen!ā
āI donāt see why not,ā said Alice, growing cross. āIt canāt be worse than abducting a queen.ā
āOh, much worse! For to abduct a Queen is wicked but heard of, while to save he on a cart is virtuous and unheard of.ā
āOh, tosh!ā said Alice, floating the cart.
āIf you cut my head off,ā said the Green Knight,Ā āthen in a year and a day, I shall cut off yours.ā
āCertainly not!ā said Alice.Ā Ā āFor if you can survive such a blow, it would be quite unfair to me, and if you cannot, then I will have killed a man over a silly game!ā
āSilly games are the most important thing in the world,ā said the Green Knight,Ā āfor it is after them that we judge honor.ā
Alice thought to herself that if this was honor, adults could keep it.
In honor of a thing that keeps popping up in Arthurian novels I readā¦
āYou have nothing to fear,ā said the robber knight, āfor you are traveling alone. Everyone knows a knight may not attack a maiden alone, but only a maiden traveling with a knightly protector!ā
āThat canāt possibly be a law,ā said Alice. āCamelot is absurd, but not that absurd.ā
āIt is not a law, but a custom.ā The robber knight sounded as if he were lecturing a fool, which Alice felt was very unfair of him. āCustoms are far more important than laws, for laws may change, but customs never do.ā
Alice didnāt think that was true, but she would not argue the point.
āWhat about attacking a knight?ā she asked. āCan someone attack a lone knight, or only a knight traveling with a maiden?ā
āOne may attack a knight any time and under any circumstance. That is the meaning of the word āknightā- he can be attacked by day or by knight!ā
With the understanding that, as a maiden traveling alone, she might attack the knight and he could not return the attack, Alice picked up a handful of rocks from the ground and began to throw them at him. She was not generally an unruly child, but everyone has their limits.


























