🍆 online dating headcanons: supernovas
[part 1 w/ Whitebeard pirates]
a/n: i have too much fun roasting your favorite little crime men, so here's part 2! and don't worry, there probably will be a sequel to that, too...
this boy has the dating profile of a 67 year old man
it's mostly photos of cool bugs
or him holding the cool bugs, covering half of his face with them (some look a bit arty by accident because they're so blurry bc this boi is fast af when he is excited for something)
i feel like he is someone who overuses emojis A LOT and out of context too. they almost sound cryptic
you can keep the conversation going by mentioning that you're a foodie and like some good meat
but don't complain if he takes you out to an all you can eat restaurant and the thing getting eaten is everything except you
all of his pictures are just mirror selfies from the gym wtf
granted, he knows his good angles
start the conversation maybe with a good recipe for a protein shake? idk i have not once in my life matched a fitness bro so don't take my advice maybe
if you start texting, expect a lot of thirst traps straight from the gym, lots of sweat, a shirt pulled up a bit to show off his 16-pack or whatever (if he even bothers to wear a shirt), a photo from behind to show that his back is very beefy too
but don't be fooled because he will sent them to his whole contact list and his fitness account with 500k followers
you just know he has "no PAINZ no GAINZ 💯" in his bio
so take that to your heart and text him anyway even though it's a pain in the ass, it will be rewarding in the end
if you're looking for a fuck buddy this is your mans
his photos just scream dark academia. they also scream "i'm your thoughtful mystery lover with the sexy finger tattoos" and also "please heal my broken heart while we listen to Evanescence together"
but in reality he is just very tired and people mistake it for a lifestyle
Bepo takes all of his photos and edits them, he has a really good eye
one photo is the doctor posing naked in front of a chimney fire on a bear rug (it's not a regular bear rug but Bepo who is very good at photoshop)
it wasn't even Law himself who created his online dating profile but Penguin & Shachi because they agreed their captain needed a bit of support in those things, Law was just too tired to object (and maybe they were right after all...)
he's a busy man and you need a really good hook up line to make him text you back
"i think you've stolen my heart, give it back" isn't one of them
talk to him about gross medical things maybe or how much you hate bread (even if it's a lie)
just don't try sexting with him because you will get a lot of anatomical terms and a very long paragraph that sounded sexy in his head but reads like an user manual
overall a very nice match if you're into emo boys with tragic backstories that just have written "fix me if you can" all over their face
ahh yes, the little kinky man
of course you can find him on the naughty online dating sites where you can look for your next fuck buddy, pet or a sugar mommy/daddy/questionable parental figure
his photos are thirst traps of course, half of them mirror selfies with flash on
doesn't care about censoring, his junk is OUT, why hide it
will text you "wyd?" and "send nudes" within two seconds
foolish of you to think that one nude with a tiddie out would satisfy him, this little racoon is greedy af
just know that at one point he accidentally created a group chat with all of his matches, believing he would message them "i'm so hard for u" individually
he never recovered from that
Kid gets matched by mean lesbians A LOT (no wonder, he looks like one too)
it happens so often that he pulls Killer to the side, asking with a stern look on his face: "be honest. is there anything about my appearance that screams 'i want to get pegged' because apparently people feel that way about me"
Killer thinks a little bit too long and almost gets thrown overboard
the mysterious masked man
usually one would barely get matches without their face revealed, but it's probably his luscious long blonde hair and all the shirtless photos that give him countless matches anyway
who doesn't love a faceless ideal fantasy to project their deepest desires on, isn't that what dating apps were created in the first place
just never jokingly ask what's underneath the mask or else you'll get unmatched immediately
maybe ask him about his hair routine or favorite pasta place in town instead
or his favorite youtube channel Pasta Grannies
he would be the best to have long, meaningful conversations with on the dating apps
until he deletes his profile out of the blue, leaving you wondering forever 'what if...'
that is until you match him again
romaincrisis
janainaart
origamiaround
gummygunk
areudirty
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
jbbartram-illu
andulkaphoto
