shake it out

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

there are many fat gay women which is basically awesome

clap. clap for fat gay women

For clarity, when I said "don't push yourself", I didn't mean "don't ever test your physical and emotional limits"; I just meant maybe the Costco parking lot is not the place to conduct that particular experiment.

You think I'm just memeing here, but the Costco parking lot is in fact the perfect place to meet people who feel strongly that the only way to prove their manhood is to attempt to do The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift moves with a shopping cart containing two hundred kilos of Diet Coke.

someone accused me of feigning a sexual attraction to spiders for clout. there's easier ways to get clout, man.....

Someone once called my 22 minute hand sewn 18th century buttonhole tutorial video "Empty, clout driven content" so I think some people will just say anything.

[after starting a fistfight and losing] haha okay man let's all put this behind us and sign a peace treaty between you, me, and my slavering rabid dog. what? oh don't worry the treaty says he'll stop mauling passersby. has he agreed to the treaty? i don't see how that's relevant. i will never ever put him on a leash btw just throwing that out there. so yeah anyway, trucies?

wait wait are we representing israel as a rabid dog and iran as a perfectly reasonable stranger? is that were we are at?

well one of these governments is willing to sign a peace treaty after winning a war of aggression waged against it by a much larger power and one of them is repeatedly sabotaging even temporary ceasefires because it is politically untenable for it to stop massacring lebanese civilians with bombs. you can do the over the top Tired snarky above it all tone all you like but the facts of the situation are incredibly stark

We need to conquer space travel for the only reason that zero-g would allow for new never before seen pastries, you know how the top of the muffin is the best part? Well that is because it is exposed to air so it changes the chemistry, in normal earth gravity it is impossible to make a muffin that is all top part because it needs to be placed somewhere which would restrict air flow, however in zero g it would be possible to make a bubble out of muffin dough which gets optimal airflow and becomes an all-top part muffin... This is the dream...

One of the benefits of watching psych (2006) is that in most shows with a weird protagonist you find yourself asking why are you like this but in psych you don't do that because you just saw. You just saw 10 minutes ago at the start of the episode when Henry was putting him in a trunk

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

[image description: a hand holding up a jellycat onion plush in front of a roman bath. end image description]

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

1920s guy driving a model t with a "i bought this before ford went crazy" bumper sticker