Subaru Kurokawa dropped dead on the first day, and even if he knew better, even if he knew that crying in the middle of a constant heat wave when you were robbed of water was a horrible idea, Tsukuyomi holed himself up in his room and he cried and cried andĀ cried.
Sure, it wasnāt like a murder wasnāt going to happen eventually because of a motive he had a hand in choosing, Thatās how it was with all of these cycles (it made him sick to think about the fact that maybe just maybeĀ he was gettingĀ used to all this), a murder would drive someone to kill. But this was different, vastly different, this was a fellow student succumbing to the hunger and heat death that Tsukuyomi Sato had brought upon the castleās residents.
And sure, it wasnāt like he and he alone voted for the thing. But he was still responsible for it, and try as he may, try as he might, to convince himself that he wasnāt alone in this, he couldnāt quite get it out of his head that this was his fault, his fault,Ā his fault.
(but heād just go on and cry anyway because it wasnāt like he was good for much else)
Deborah Daze perished the second day, and the only thing stopping Tsukuyomi from crying was that he literally, genuinely, physically could not do so. That was half of Byakko down, if Tsukuyomi remembered correctly, and another for the deep pit of guilt and shame welling in his stomach, another for the bitter taste of regret left in his mouth.
Maybe that other motive they in Suzaku had talked about wouldnāt have been so bad. What did he have that he wanted to hold on to outside of the castle, anyway? It wasnāt like his life wasnāt just a huge joke, it wasnāt like he was anything more than some loser whoād go on to (REDACTED) all because of some book he read because he had so little going for him otherwise.
(he knew exactly why he didnāt go for it, but the more he lay in his room, the more he got to know his own mortality as he felt his life slip from him more and more by the second, he wondered if it was even worth it)
(you canāt rememberĀ anyoneĀ when youāre dead)
(at some point on that second day, shinobu - kanamori, for the record - had stopped by and checked in, a conversation that resulted in the other taking residency in the moon boyās room. as comforted as tsukuyomi was by the presence of a friend in such dark times he couldnāt help but feel the heaviest of guilt, the consequences of what heād chosen coming to meet him face to face)
(heād said āwhat if it was our friends and family suffering insteadā, but what did you do when all the friends youāve ever known were already suffering in the castle with you?)
The greater majority of the third and final day passed by in a haze, Tsukuyomi fading in and out of consciousness - or at least thatās how it felt, as far as his memory was concerned, though to be fair it wasnāt like he did much of anything but lie around.Ā At some point, heād convinced himself that the next time he fell asleep would be his last, and after some fruitless attempts to distract himself from the ācomfortā of his room, he slipped out for a walk.
It was then that the image of (REDACTED) came and seared itself into Tsukuyomiās otherwise spotty memory, filled him with a fear just too much for him to bear. He returned to his room as quickly as his horribly weakened body would allow him to, and against his wishes, he blacked out just as soon as he shut the door behind him .
(as he lost conciousness, as he was so so sure that death had finally come to collect, he thought, for one of many times since heād arrived at mahoutokoro, that he never should have accepted that hopeās peak invitation)
(this never never never happened to ordinary people)
ā¦until he woke up and learned that death had decided to show him mercy.
It took a while to reach the body. Of course it did, there was replenishment to be done, refreshment. They had their food and water back and frankly, if he didnāt get on that soon, there was going to be another corpse to deal with and Tsukuyomi wasĀ pretty sure no one wanted that.
As for the body itself, well, Tsukuyomi couldnāt look for long. Real gruesome sight, poor fellow was never any good dealing with that sort of thing, and h was worried that that kind of fear,combined with the state his body was in, would affect himĀ horribly. Still, it did nothing for the guilt that shook him to his core,only adding on as time ha passed up to that moment. Maybe thatās where all his energy had gone, converting itself into raw guilt and shame.Ā
(and speaking of raw guilt and shame tsukuyomi, for once, couldnāt bring himself to cry, and as much as he was aware it was most likely an aftereffect of the motive he felt so so so horrible about it)
Mio wasā¦ someone Tsukuyomi liked just fine. Admired, arguably. Even if his opinion shifted into a more fearful one from the aftermath of the previous trial onward, there was a part of him couldnāt help but admire them. Someone so strong, so brave in the face of dangerā¦ to see someone like that lying in a heap as Mio did that evening wasā¦Ā
ā¦but that just went to show that anything goes in a place like Mahoutokoro. Anyone could go down at any time, and there wasnāt a thing Tsukuyomi Sato could do about it.
All he could do, now, was investigate, and hope that the following trial wouldnāt end up as chaotic as its predecessor.Ā
