Airi Moyasu

CUL ~ I'm Such An Idiot - Vocaloid (Miki Sayaka) ~Farewell, my dear, who I love. It's a tragic reality. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I can't turn back. I'm sinking into the hopeless sea. Tears keep flowing out. I can't stop my tears. I'm... I'm... such an idiot.~

You're Not Here - Silent Hill 3 ~Gladly gave me everything you had and more. You craved my happiness. When you made me feel joy it made you smile. But now I feel your stress~

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine ~And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back And given half the chance would I take any of it back It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone It's always darkest before the dawn~

Separate Ways(Worlds Apart) - Journey ~If you must go I wish you love You'll never walk alone~

The Killing Type - Amanda Palmer ~I wouldn't kill to get you back And I've officially been asked I couldn't kill to save a life I'd rather a die a peaceful piece of shit-bait Shame-filled coward Thanks~

Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde ~And now people talk to me, I’m slipping out of reach now People talk to me, and all their faces blur But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison And I’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me~

Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore ~So one day he found her crying Coiled up on the dirty ground Her prince finally came to save her And the rest you can figure out But it was a trick~

Clowns. Fucking. Clowns… I never told you that I’m afraid of clowns did I? It never came up thankfully but thinking back on things I guess I could add creepy masks to that list too… But I wont get into that, I already told you everything about that, Noboru-kun… But clowns have terrified me since I was a child. Imagine a younger Airi, maybe six or seven. My parents brought me a present from one of their recent trips - a clown. It had a porcelain head and hands with a puffy fabric body. It’s features were exaggerated with a large mouth with edges that stretched from ear to ear, large hands with spread out fingers, and these eyes that followed you when you would turn it from left to right, or even when you set it on a shelf and tried to ignore it.

My parents thought it was the cutest thing.

It was ACTUALLY the nightmare fuel of my childhood.

I’d wake up to find it on the shelf staring at me, and when I’d fall asleep it would plague my nightmares. I think the worst part was when my Dad set it beside my pillow while I was sleeping so that it was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. I think they may have caught on to how I felt about it when I let out a shrill scream of terror. I flung my limbs out and the clown crashed onto the floor, causing a huge crack to form down the center of his face.

I was pretty sure my parents threw it away afterward, but they didn’t. I found it in the attic a year later after trying to find the source of a mysterious sound. I took the clown out and threw it away. The mysterious sounds stopped after that.

“The game of mutual killing was extremely stressful. It’s extremely difficult not to think about the horrible things during every waking moment, and sometimes when you’re trying to sleep. Regardless, there were a few moments where I was able to escape feelings of worry and have some fun. I can’t help but smile when I think back on the day when I helped Hiyoko-chan find a dress to wear. It was great to see her face light up when she borrowed Chiharu-chan’s pretty dress - Hiyoko looked so cute in it!

“That wasn’t the only surprise in store either. Later, when Hiyoko decided to go change I left for the kitchen to grab something to eat. I never expected to bump into Mr. “I Hate My Room And No One Can Convince Me Otherwise”, and I never expected him to go into the ballroom, change into his ice cream tux and invite me to dance.

“I didn’t expect him to be good at it either, but that guy is pretty smooth on his feet. Did you know that apparently he was classically trained to dance? Seems pretty princely if you ask me!

My name is Subete. Or at least thats the name I’ll likely be remembered by. I’m an international spy working for the Japanese government. I specialize in espionage, I can speak four languages fluently, I can dismantle and reassemble any firearm with the utmost accuracy, and I know how to defend myself if the need arises. I’ve always been focussed, my eyes never stray from the goal. But there was one time where I faltered. I was caught off guard and before I knew it I was in love. It was more than just love, I was completely enamoured for this man. I never expected to be in this situation. I always lived for myself and for my country. I always thought that I would either die alone, or by the hand of one of my enemies. But now here I was, pregnant with a spot of morning sickness stuck to my shirt and the man I loved before me on one knee and smiling at me. The dimples on his cheeks and those bright blue eyes of his always stood out the most when he’d look at me like that. I couldn’t say no, I wanted to be with him. I would be living for myself anymore - I’d be living for Yokuna, and I’d be living for our unborn child. But, though I loved him, I couldn’t be entirely honest with him. He couldn’t know that I was a spy. I’d have to play up the part of a Navy attendant for as long as I stayed by him. That way I could protect him, my baby, and myself.

Her name was Airi, I fell in love with her as soon as I met her bright blue eyes and the tiny dimples on her cheeks. Any doubts in my mind vanished the moment little Airi laughed at her Father’s silly faces. This was where I meant to be.

I was so happy.

There were still challenges of course. Now I was leading two separate lives. One being Subete the spy - while the other was Subete the housewife, the mother, and the active member within the community. There were times when I’d need to go on a mission. Occasionally Yokuna would be home from a tour to take care of Airi. Other times I’d have no choice but to leave Airi in the care of someone I trusted. I had contacts, people who offered me favours who I felt worthy enough to watch over my little girl. Over time I didn’t even need to pull strings to get them to come. Apparently they enjoyed watching over Airi so much that they looked forward to the next opportunity to do so. Airi was always such a good kid, she’d get along with almost everyone she met. She hardly cried when her father or I would need to go for a while and always wore the brightest smile when I’d come back home. She was worth coming home to - my sweet little girl.

As the years went on and my lives continued I got to see Airi grow into a beautiful young woman. Of course there were a few bumps in the road. I tried my hardest to get her into dance. I wanted her to remain soft and graceful. I suppose part of me was selfish - I wanted her to have a life I didn’t have, something safe and easy. Her Dad would proudly proclaim that she was taking after him. Airi wanted to be a cadet, to learn self defense and how to handle a weapon. I was relieved to know that cadets weren’t allowed to handle firearms but that was besides the point. Airi wasn’t taking after her Dad, I knew she was taking after me, after the life I kept a secret from the both of them. Airi looked at me with her bright blue eyes and her wide smile with those dimples. I couldn’t tell her no, there was no way I could force her to take dance any longer. I knew I looked disappointed, but in truth I was scared. This wasn’t what I wanted for my daughter, I didn’t want her to end up like me.

Living two lives was exhausting, and eventually I had to choose only one to lead. But it wasn’t the life I wanted to lead. I had to return to how I was before I met Yokuno, before I had Airi. I guess when you choose to become a spy, you can’t ever quit. Not really. You can pretend, you can try, but like the tides of the ocean it will always come back to your shore. My agency turned in on itself, a dangerous group of people were killing people and covering it up. These people were ruthless, and they had information I didn’t want them to have. They knew about my second life, my safe life as a Mom. My worst fear was realized when Airi had been put in danger without even knowing why. Thankfully I had time, I had contacts, and I had a plan to keep her out of harms way while I drew the danger away. I knew the safest place for Airi would be in the public eye. She was a natural for it with her personality. And I knew I could keep tabs on her as well. I’d still be able to watch her grow but in a different way. I’d watch her grow up acting like someone else on TV. Airi was my priority so I had no time to say goodbye to Yokuna. I couldn’t though. Saying goodbye to him would be too painful.

I left everything about that life I loved. I left my family, I left my name, I left the memories and belongings. Subete died the day I left Airi, and I’ll wish things could have been different for the rest of my days. I ran away from the people who wanted to kill me. I ran for years. But occasionally I could catch my breath and check up on my daughter. CSI:TS was a popular show as it turned out, and Airi performed just as I expected she would. She even got accepted into a prestigious school. I couldn’t have been more proud. I knew eventually that she’d be an adult. And maybe… I could see her again. I took a calculated risk and sent her a letter. Something that would hopefully one day lead her to me. I hoped that one day we could, and hoping filled me with a familiar sense of joy that I thought I’d never feel again.

But things became even worse. Numerous students from that school went missing after the central wing exploded. It was all over the news. I was horrified to discover that Airi was among those who were missing. My only daughter… my sweet little girl. I never cried so hard in my entire life. As unrest grew in Japan, my aggressors stopped chasing me. Was it connected? I didn’t know. But I was able to return to Japan and try to find her. I had to find Airi, to find out what happened and why!Over time I found answers, but I couldn’t find Airi. Any lead I came across would always lead to a dead end. Every time. I failed her… I tried to protect her but I failed…

Airi’s Father is Yokuna Moyasu, a military man working for the Japanese Navy. It’s pretty normal for him to be away on tour for months at a time, leaving Airi with her Mom or various caretakers they’d hire. For Airi, that just made the time she’d spend together with her Dad that much more special. Of course anytime her Dad came back was a happy one, but every now and then Yokuna would take Airi on trips. Usually with just the two of them, but occasionally her Mom would join along too. No matter what, he’d always start them off the same way.

“Come on, we’re going to go somewhere special,” He’d begin.

“Where are we going to go, Dad?” a seven year old Airi would reply curiously.

“It’s a surprise.”

Airi would always moan in protest in response. Because this routine normally meant they were going somewhere boring. At first, it was a clever tactic to get Airi to obediently come along to complete basic chores. Things like grocery shopping, picking up or sending mail, or attending important meetings where Airi would have to find a way to amuse herself without disturbing anyone else. Airi learned pretty quickly that surprises weren’t always good, and the chances of being dragged into something incredibly boring was high. Her Dad would always laugh at the display and the two of them would get in the car and start their trip.

Cheerful music would lighten Airi’s grumpy mood as they drove. And if that wouldn’t work, Yokuna would sing to embarrass his daughter in front of all the other cars out there. Eventually the embarrassed feelings would pass and Airi couldn’t help but laugh at how silly her Dad was being. She’d even start singing with him! Yokuna and Airi have one thing for sure in common, and that’s how neither of them can hold a note for the life of them. But would that stop them from singing along to pop songs in the car? No way, they’d belt those songs out like they were on stage!

Except no one would be in that audience. No one with unbroken ear drums that is.

On this particular trip, Yokuna parked the car and told Airi that they’d be taking the train. This wasn’t typical of all the trips they’d gone on in the past! It intrigued Airi, but when she asked where they were going again, she got the same reply.

“It’s a surprise.”

There was no groan of protest, only a narrowed gaze at her Father and his knowing grin. This wasn’t a trip to the grocery store, or any other kind of boring place. Airi’s eye’s brightened with a hint of excitement as she took her Dad’s hand. The two of them got on the train and stared out the window. Yokuna would tap the beat of the pop song he butchered on his Daughter’s shoulders and Airi would hum along.

That day, Yokuna had taken Airi to a studio tour for one of her favourite children’s shows at the time. It was extremely fun day where Airi got to meet a bunch of other kids as well as the actors and crew of the show. It was a really fun interactive event which both Dad and Daughter thoroughly enjoyed.