It's a clusterfuck here

This time he very much intended to be part of the celebration. Ever since confessing his feelings to Jack shortly after returning from his sabbatical, he knew for sure he wasn’t as straight as he’d thought for the last fifty years.

The thought of being bisexual was still a strange one. Not because he was ashamed of it. He wasn’t. He loved Jack. That part was easy. The difficult part was wrapping his head around the fact that apparently he had managed to miss a fairly significant detail about himself for more than fifty years.

Robby stood in front of his closet that Sunday morning, a familiar knot of anxiety tightening in his stomach. What the fuck did one wear to something like this? His wardrobe consisted of scrubs, worn-in jeans, black shirts and hoodies in grey and black. Well and one in a dark shade of green. Nothing seemed right for an occasion like that. And he didn’t want to embarrass Jack.

So eventually he settled on a plain black shirt and jeans, feeling utterly and completely underdressed. He walked back into the kitchen, where Jack waited for him, coffee in hand - and looking effortlessly cool and just so very right.

He wore a white tank top that showed off his muscular arms, a pair of camo pants and a rainbow bandana tied around his wrist. He also wore a hell of a lot bracelets in every color imaginable and some colorful temporary tattoos on his cheek and his arms.

“Ready to go, hot stuff?”

Jack looked Robby up and down and immediately clocked the expression on his face. He put his coffee down and wrapped his arms around him. Robby buried his face in Jack’s neck.

“No” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong? Did you change your mind? Do you want to stay home?” Jack asked gently, holding him tightly.

Robby shook his head. “No, it’s just… I don’t have an outfit.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. “You do wear an outfit, Mike.”

“Yeah.” Robby sighed heavily and straightened. “But not a Pride outfit.”

Jack tried to hide the smirk creeping up on him, then reached out and cupped his chin. “Listen Mike - you don’t need a certain outfit, okay? You can go in whatever clothes you feel like. It’s Pride, not the court.”

Robby smiled a little despite himself. “I know” he said before hesitating. “It’s just… I want to belong” he added, barely audible.

For a moment Jack just looked at him. Twenty-five years of friendship. Months of dating. Countless conversations. And somehow Robby still thought he had to earn his place.

Jacks heart started to ached a little. 

He leaned over to kiss him gently before turning around, grabbing a makeup palette sitting on the table. “Okay, come on, we’re fixing this. Hold still.”

Robby blinked. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you feel you belong there” Jack said, while painting a rainbow flag onto Robby's cheek.

When he was done he grabbed some temporary tattoos from the table. “So, boyfriend, let’s get you Pride-ified, huh?”

“That’s not even a word” Robby muttered under his breath, but secretly delighted how easy Jack made this for him.

Jack shrugged. “It is now. And I’ll be condemned if I let my sexy boyfriend think he doesn’t belong into his own community just because he doesn’t have color on his body.”

He paused when he saw the look on Robby’s face.

“You know you belong there, right?” he asked with a gentle voice, while he pressed the tattoo on his arm.

Robby shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like… everyone’s going to know I'm... an imposter.”

"You're not an imposter." Jack’s eyes narrowed, then he shook his head once, dabbing on the tattoo with a wet cloth. “You belong there, Michael. You’re as much part of this community as I am. So please, get this thought out of this pretty head of yours, huh?”

Robby smiled reluctantly, watching Jack peeling off the protective layer of the tattoo. A rainbow-colored heart appeared on his forearm.

Jack lifted his arm, pressing a soft kiss onto it. “I love you” he whispered before kissing him properly.

Robby’s response was a soft moan.

As they walked towards the parade route the sheer scale of it hit Robby. The streets were packed with people. There were drag queens in towering, elaborate wigs, leather-clad men leading their partners on leashes, families with rainbow-painted faces and groups of teenagers laughing and shouting. The air was filled with the thumping bass of a dozen different sound systems, the smell of street food and a palpable overwhelming sense of joy.

Robby felt a wave of panic bubbling up in his stomach.

It was too much.

The noise, the crowds, the sheer unapologetic flamboyance of it all. He felt a hundred years old and painfully straight, like a plain desert plant suddenly thrust into the middle of a tropical rainforest. He stuck close to Jack, his hand gripping his a little too tightly.

Jack on the other hand seemed like he had the time of his life - and he apparently knew everyone. He was stopped every few feet by people who hugged him or kissed his cheek. Robby stood by, a silent awkward shadow, a tight polite smile plastered on his face.

He felt like an accessory, Jack’s “plus one”.

“JACKIE ABBOT!” A drag queen in six-inch heels appeared out of nowhere and pulled Jack into a tight hug. “You old bastard - where have you been?”

“Working, my love.”

“You’re a terrible liar. Good thing you’re still hot as fuck, baby.” The drag queen noticed Robby. “And who’s that handsome fellow you’re dragging along? Never saw him before. Your toyboy?”

Jack smiled. “That’s Michael, my boyfriend.”

That word still hit Robby square in the chest - and he loved to hear it.

The drag queen tilted her head, eyeing Robby up and down, then also pulling him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek with a loud smacking sound. “So nice to meet you, Michael. I’m Emily Dick-inson and I can’t blame Jack for hiding you. You’re adorable.”

Robby blushed instantly and mumbled something back. Emily stepped back again, grinning. “I love him” he announced toward Jack. “I love a big shy guy.” He paused. “I need to run now but let’s have drinks later, okay? Need to know all about how you guys met.”

He waved and hurried away, his dress swinging behind him.

Robby blinked. “Okay.”

Jack laughed. “Welcome to the community, baby.”

They were barely able to walk a hundred feet before a man with a magnificent full beard and a kilt made of rainbow tartan stopped Jack. “Jack! My god, it’s been ages” he exclaimed, pulling him into a rib-crushing hug.

“Declan, you look amazing” Jack laughed, clapping him on the back before turning toward Robby. “This is my boyfriend, Robby. Robby, that’s Declan. He does the best drag in the city.”

“Don’t tell that to Emily, huh?” Declan said with a grin. “That old bitch is acting crazy today.” Then he turned his piercing kohl-lined eyes on Robby, a warm smile spreading across his face. “So, you’re the one who’s been keeping our boy so busy he can’t even come out for a drink.” Then he held out a hand. “Nice to meet you. And I can’t blame Jack to be honest. If you were my boyfriend you wouldn’t leave the bed until I say so.”

Jack started laughing while Robby felt a flush of warmth creeping up his neck.” Um.” he managed, his voice a little shaky. “It’s um… nice to meet you too.”

Declan winked. “The pleasure is all mine, handsome. You’ve got a good one here. Don’t ever let him go. And if you want to, just hide this prosthetic leg of his.”

“Declan!” Jack exhaled, still laughing. “Fuck you.”

Declan shrugged unapologetic. “Need a trick or two up your sleeve as a gay man, right?”

He winked toward Robby again, then gave a small wave and disappeared into the crowd again.

They found a spot near the barricades to watch the parade. Robby looked around, still feeling a little overwhelmed, his hand grabbing the cold metal while Jacks hand rested warmly on his back.

Then - “Jack!”

They turned around. A woman with short red hair was standing behind them, carrying a toddler. Another woman stood behind her, holding a stroller.

Jack immediately lit up. “Sara! Oh my God!”

He stepped toward her and pulled her into a tight hug - or as tight as it was manageable with a tiny person sitting on her arm.

“And that’s Michael, I assume?” he asked, nodding toward the toddler with the curly hair.

She nodded. “Yeah. Two years old now with very big opinions.”

“I can’t believe I’m seeing you with a child. Not after meeting you in that bar where you let strangers do shots from your body. “Jack grinned, then reached behind him, dragging Robby closer. “So, that’s a fun one then. Sara, this is my Michael.”

Sara’s eyebrows shot up. “Your Michael like in boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Like in boyfriend boyfriend?”

Jack laughed. “Yeah, Sara. Boyfriend boyfriend.”

“Holy shit!”

The woman behind her started laughing. “You owe me twenty bucks, sweetheart.”

“I absolutely do” she shot back, before pointing at Jack. “I told her you’d never settle down.”

“That’s just plain rude” Jack replied dryly.

Sara shrugged. “I can’t believe I’m seeing Dr. Jack Abbot in a committed relationship. You’ve been a real slu-oh.” She stopped, suddenly remembering she carried a very awake and very listening toddler on her arms. “Um, you’ve been wild in the past. Jack. I’m so glad you found your person then.”

Robby blushed.

“Nice to meet you, Michael. You guys need to come over for dinner soon, okay?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah sure.”

Sara smiled. “Great. We need to run now, but lets meet up soon, okay?”

They hugged again. 

Robby watched Sara disappear into the crowd. “Huh.”

Jack immediately looked over. “Uh-oh.”

“What?”

“I don’t like the sound of this ‘huh’.”

Robby shook his head once, a tight feeling in his stomach. “So, you’ve been wild in the past?” 

Jack rolled his eyes. “She’s exaggerating.” Then he noticed the weird look on Robby's face. His face softened immediately. He slid an arm around Robby’s waist. “Hey.”

Robby looked away, pretending to watch the parade that began to move slowly.

“Mike.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re such a shit liar, Robinavitch” Jack said with a smile, before leaning over, kissing his temple. “You’re the only one I’m wild with now.”

“Good.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Very possessive for a guy who didn’t know he liked men ten months ago.”

Robby started to laugh. “Shut up.”

A group of older men and women walked by, their arms linked carrying a banner that read “Pittsburgh’s Pioneers”. Robby felt a lump form in his throat. These were the people who had fought the fights, who had endured so much hatred and fear, so that the rest could stand here today. So that Robby could stand here today, holding the hand of the man he loved, out in the open.

Jack squeezed his hand, his gaze following Robby’s. “I’m so fucking thankful for them” he said softly.

Robby nodded softly, his throat too tight to speak. He looked around him - really looked for the first time. He saw the love and the laughter, the defiance and the pride. He saw the young lesbian couple kissing without a care in the world, the gay couple lifting their child onto their shoulders, the transgender woman waving joyfully from a convertible.

And for the first time - he saw himself.

And slowly, piece by piece, the discomfort and the insecurity began to melt away, replaced by something else. Too small to really pay attention to, but lingering. A sense of belonging.

A sense of coming home.

The thought lingered quietly in the back of his mind as another float rolled past them, music blasting so loudly he could feel the bass vibrating through the barricade beneath his hands. The people dancing on top of it were dressed in bright neon colors, throwing handfuls of merchandise into the crowd.

Something flew directly toward him.

Years of emergency medicine kicked in before his brain had a chance to process it. His hand shot and he caught it cleanly without even looking.

“Nice catch sexy!” somebody yelled.

Robby blushed and looked down. He blinked, then looked again.

Jack followed his gaze and immediately doubled over laughing.

It was a condom. A rainbow-colored condom. A very large rainbow-colored condom.

Robby held it out while the crowd around him started cheering.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he asked flatly.

Jack was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “As far as I’m concerned you know exactly what to do with condoms.”

Robby blushed and turned the packet over. Read the label. Turned it over again. “Might be a little tight.”

Jack started laughing again, smacking his arm. “Subtle.”

Robby grinned, then tucked it carefully into his pocket. Jack noticed immediately.

“You’re keeping it?”

Robby shrugged. “It’s free.”

Jack still chuckled. “You’re a doctor with a reasonable income.”

“Do you know how expensive med school was?” Robby replied with a deadpan expression before smiling.

A real smile. A smile that came easy and comfortable.

Jack’s laughter gradually faded. His eyes softened as he looked at Robby. There was something unbearably fond in his expression.

“You okay?” Robby asked, his brows furrowed.

Jack nodded. “Yeah. It’s just…” He squeezed his hand. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

And even though the noise of the parade continued around them the world felt quieter for a moment. Robby squeezed his hand back. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Me too.”

Jack’s face broke into a wide smile. He leaned in and kissed him, a deep passionate kiss that was so full of love it was almost painful.

For once it didn’t feel reckless. It didn’t feel forbidden. It felt like a celebration.

The crowd around them started cheering and  whistling. Robby felt a blush creep up his face but this time it wasn’t from embarrassment. It was from pure unadulterated happiness. Jack’s hand slipped up his neck, holding him there while the kiss deepened.

“Get a room!” someone shouted amused.

“No way, I want to watch” someone shouted back, earning some laughter.

Robby wrapped his arms around Jack, pulling him close. “I love you” he whispered.