i am so tired

you would think growing bone deep exhausted of the way you are would be enough to change it

watching true detective is crazy because you see this guy commit police brutality and murder and use his status as a cop to harass and intimidate his wife and hit his child and be a violent alcoholic and pull guns on people in anger and beat people out of a sense of entitlement to his daughter's sexuality and threaten women he's sleeping with with physical violence and specifically the kind they'll have no recourse for because he's a cop and then everyone around him is like. man it's REALLY messed up that you were unfaithful to your wife :/

let's all get into happy healthy long-lasting relationships with people that we are comfortable to be ourselves with

The most interesting question you can ask about any character is not what do they want. it's what do they believe they deserve. because those two things are almost never the same and the gap between them is where your entire story lives. a person can want love completely and believe they don't deserve it and that belief will destroy every good thing that comes toward them in ways they won't even notice they're doing. write the gap. the gap is the character.