new blog, old tumblr bitch

I've calmed the child upon my knees.

My inner child- no longer lost,

I paid the quiet, gentle cost

With crayons bright and the softest toys,

to soothe her simple aches and noise.

She smiles, she colors, she is whole,

a peaceful corner in my soul.

But a shadow waits within the bone,

a figure who has never known

the luxury of quiet peace-

the teenager whose rage won't cease.

She spits at the reflection's glass,

a storm of fury that won't pass.

Still hateful for the world's cold slight,

the constant pressure to be "right."

They forced her to doubt every thought,

the passionate ideas she fiercely sought.

Her punk rock heart, her darkened style,

were judged and shamed for a weary while.

"Your taste is wrong, your face is plain,

not thin enough to hide the pain."

A constant whisper in her head:

"Too much, too much," is what they said.

Too smart to just politely nod,

too bold to fear their petty god.

They clipped the wings that longed to fly,

and left a burning question: Why?

Now, with my adult hands, I reach

to heal the wounds beyond all speech.

I tell that fierce, unyielding ghost,

"The parts they hated mattered most.

That anger is the fire we need,

to plant a truer, stronger seed."

I take her hands, stained black and red,

and teach the wild one to be fed

not on the world's diminished view,

but on the fearless, rightful you.

but oh my god why did i cry so much in the first few episodes?

there’s something about sawako that hit way too close to home. as a shy, slightly “creepy” girl back in school, i saw myself in her in ways i wasn’t prepared for. the loneliness, the misunderstandings, the way people decide who you are before even talking to you… it brought back feelings i didn’t even realize i still carried.

people always talk about healing your inner child, but honestly? healing your inner teen matters just as much. and the friendship between sawako and the girls and her innocent heartfelt romance… all of it felt like a kind of softness and acceptance i wish i had back then.

15 years old: i was so cringe when i was twelve, i'm super mature now though. i'm a totally different person. i'm basically an adult

18 years old: i was so. (trying to be nicer to myself) fifteen. when i was fifteen. i wasn't an adult even a little back then. i'm an adult now though of course

21 years old: i was so newborn fawn taking its first steps when i was 18. i wasn't an adult at 18 i'm barely even an adult now tbh

23 years old: i was so. hey wait the others have all gone up in increments of three why'd it change

23 years old: because i'm still 23 so i can't speak to that experience yet

23 years old: do you think anything will magically change in the next few months to the point where you can't possibly imagine how you'll feel at 24

23 years old: i mean you never know. anything can happen. they're letting people born in 2002 turn 24, for instance