Shit Parente Says.

Is that for me? (points to coffee) I assumed it had liquor in it... maybe next time.

PARENTE-GRAM

Now that Obama says its ok, you don't have to be afraid.

Sikhs carry a dagger because it is hard to get on a plane with a sword these days.

Why hassle with the Democrats and Republicans when you can just move to Cuba and have the best healthcare in the world

I have to show my photo ID every time I get a DUI... what is wrong here? 

"Maybe Occupy Wall Street will take up the Gherao movement"

I was so mad that I stabbed Father Sweeney to death with a ballpoint pen. 

There is so much strange gendering going on now.

I guess I just started early today... What am I doing wrong?

"Little Creep"

"Its the alcohol that keeps me going"

"TRY NOT TO UPSET MY PACEMAKER!"

"I risked my life xeroxing this! Gemma was standing there with a shotgun!"

(Answers Text Message in Class) "Its Michelle, she says Barack is beating her again"

You know how some people count sheep and they jump over fences?... I count French presidential candidates as they jump to the second round