I often wonder if other people knew
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@shitmyexwrote
I often wonder if other people knew

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I have an imense love for the girl I was
I can't really feel my feelings because of dissociation and i feel like my body is having anxiety but not my mind
When you have a nightmare but is too emotionally numb to feel anything about what's happening in it

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My sister can be a very reactive person, I don't know how to handle her getting angry at me for what seems like nothing. I don't know how to deal with people getting angry at me and not explain why and not seem like om overreacting because it gives me such anxiety. Most of the time I'm not a very expressive person, I don't have anxiety or cry very often.
I should have known I was a lesbian when I was desperate to stay with my abusive boyfriend because I knew deep down that I would never have feelings for any other man and not because I loved him lol
Ever since that relationship happened I've had dreams where someone is angry with me for no reason and I still can't decide in the dreams of I should feel guilty or not
A comic about the spectrum of responses to stress - we talk alot about the more extreme ends of this and trauma, but the more subtle and every day responses can be harder to spot. if we can understand our own and otherâs responses better, problems Are easier to confront and blaming is less likely to happen :) hope itâs helpful!!

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gaslighting does not always involve them calling you âcrazyâ
sometimes gaslighting is you protesting over and over, and them saying âyou donât have to make such a big deal out of itâ
sometimes itâs âi really tried my best with you, but clearly i couldnât do itâ
sometimes itâs âi would never do that to youâ, âif you really asked me to stop, wouldnât i have stopped?â, âi donât know what iâd do if i ever hurt youâ
âdenying and rewriting your realityâ is not a one-time conversation, either. it is a sneak attack, flying under the radar and taking you out, one communication at a time, never drawing all the attention at once.
it is not your fault that you never saw it coming.
What abusers believe.
If youâve ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - youâve probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop.Â
So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?
Nope.Â
Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, youâll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:
You are responsible for my emotions. It is never my responsibility to reflect on my emotional reactions or learn better coping skills - itâs your responsibility to stop doing things that make me angry or upset.
I must act on my emotions. If I am angry, I am going to lash out. You have no right to criticize me for that, and itâs not my responsibility to learn to manage my  emotions - you have to stop making me lash out at you. Asking me not to act on my emotions is controlling and wrong.
You will always be responsible for my emotions. Even if the relationship ends, you will continue to be responsible for my emotions, and I will expect you to continue to prioritize my feelings.
If I have feelings about something, itâs my business. If something you do or think causes an emotional reaction in me, then I have a right to get involved or tell you what to do. My feelings must be the priority. You donât have the right to tell me that itâs none of my business.Â
You must judge me on my intentions, not my actions. If I didnât mean to hurt you or scare you, then you donât have the right to be hurt or scared. No one has the right to try to hold me accountable unless I meant to hurt someone.
I get to decide what your intentions were. If you hurt me, you meant to hurt me. If you make me jealous, you meant to make me jealous. Nothing you do is ever accidental or unintended - everything you do is intentional and malicious, even if it was a response to something I did.
My feelings are genuine; your feelings are manipulation. If Iâm upset, my feelings are real and important. If you are upset, you have an ulterior motive - youâre just trying to be manipulative and get attention or sympathy for yourself.
You have freedoms because I allow you to. Every freedom you have in your life - like wearing what you want - itâs because I generously allow it. I expect you to be grateful to me for that. I have the right to take those freedoms away whenever I want, and I expect you to obey.
If you set boundaries with me, you are mistreating me. If you really loved me, you wouldnât set boundaries with me. You are doing this to intentionally hurt me, which means I donât have to respect those boundaries.
You holding me accountable for hurting you is worse than me hurting you. My pain at being called out is worse than your pain at being mistreated. If I feel bad about something I did, I have already been punished enough. You trying to discuss the issue or hold me accountable is just your way of abusing me.
If I apologized for something, you have to forgive me. If the relationship has ended, you have to reconcile with me. You donât get to ask for more time apart or more discussion of the issue - once Iâve apologized, the matter is closed for good.
The relationship is not over until I say it is over. So long as I want a relationship with you, you must have a relationship with me. Your feelings are irrelevant. Even if we have broken up, you must remain available to me so we can get back together in the future. Not wanting a relationship with me means you are mistreating me or being immature.Â
I am the authority in this relationship. I am smarter and more perceptive than you. I know what is best for both of us. My version of events is always the correct one. I have superior judgement, taste and opinions. If you question me or disagree with me after Iâve given you the correct answer, you are disrespecting and mistreating me, or you are simply immature and incapable of knowing whatâs good for you.
I have the right to control you. It is my absolute right to decide what you do and who you associate with. You have no right to disobey me. I am owed obedience and control; if you donât give me those things, you are wronging me and cheating me out of the relationship I deserve.Â
If you resist my control, I am allowed to do whatever I think is necessary to get it back. Once youâve resisted me, I am justified in whatever I do to regain control of you. I am not responsible for my actions when you resist my control; you forced me to do it, and itâs your own fault.Â
I should be your main focus. Everything else in your life comes secondary to me. When you make decisions, my feelings should be your first consideration. You are expected to make sacrifices for me and put me at the center of your life; I am not obligated to do the same for you.Â
If I spend money on you or do something for you, you are in debt to me. You spending money on me or doing things for me does not erase your debt to me, and I am never in debt to you. You are indebted to me for as long as I decide. I may decide that your belongings and earnings also belong to me, since I allow you to have them. I may also decide at any time that you owe me for gifts I gave you, even if they were meant to be gifts.
I am not abusive, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise. I know what abuse is, and real abusers are significantly worse than me. If our relationship has ever had any good times or positive moments, it canât possibly be abusive. If you accuse me of being abusive, you are the one abusing me, or you have been led astray by bad influences.Â
Relationships should be effortless (for me). I am owed a relationship that is peaceful and requires no real effort from me. It is your job to make sure we have that kind of relationship. If there is any tension or conflict in the relationship, it is your fault, and you are depriving me of the relationship I deserve to have.Â
Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isnât true. Abusers arenât abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive.Â
A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesnât feel any rage in those situations. An abuserâs rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably donât get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse.Â
Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe itâs possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But itâs not your job to hang around and find out. If youâre in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who donât hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them.Â
We had a little prom/party thing in school for everyone in my grade and I was too scared to dance with my friends because he would be angry with me. He was running around with his friends and having fun and I was alone watching my friends dance and have fun the entire time.
Reminder to people who were told by their abuser that nobody else would ever love them:
Your abuser was lying to you.
You are lovable.
You are not damaged goods.
You will find people who you love and who will love you in all kinds of unique and beautiful ways
You will find people whose love for you is gentle and caring and selfless and reciprocal
The selfish, controlling, manipulative way youâve been treated wasnât love.
Abusers effectively teach you that you are hard to love, and it's not easy to unlearn that

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So proud of everyone who has left abusive, toxic, or unhealthy relationships. Itâs not easy to do at all, and if you did that, you should feel so proud of yourself, instead of blaming yourself for how long it took you to. Itâs an incredibly strong, brave and resilient thing to do.