Shiro's Scribble Hell

at some point during high school i drew a centaur girl with large breasts because i wanted to draw a character that looked like me, and my biofamily got real upset about it. "why are they so large" because mine are that large. "wouldn't that make it hard for her to run" interesting that you think that but keep trying to make me run. "don't draw things like this, it's morally bad" ok i and my apparently inherently pornographic body will just be over here trying to avoid being looked at

this is not to say porn is bad, tbc. i just wasn't a fan as a teenager of being treated like it was impossible to look at bodies like mine non-sexually. frankly i'm not a fan of it now either lmao. i keep kind of thinking about how so many female protagonists are canonically flat or small-chested girls/women who textually wish they had larger breasts, but i can't remember the last time i encountered a protagonist with large breasts where that fact wasn't meant to be sexual. what is up with that dynamic and how do i destroy it

it's like... in order to be accepted as a woman, the character has to desire the idealized form of The Perfect Woman (or if she's a #feminist, reject and detest that same idealized form, but the focus on it is often still there). but in order to be a non-pornographic protagonist, she can't attain it. the moment you have a large enough chest you don't really get to be a normal character anymore, you have to go to sex world. idk. probably someone better read than me has written some sort of papers on this. idk what search terms to use though