Im not sure if your saying fucking what becouse its crazy wild for someone to do or if your saying it becouse its confusing but i figure i should give you more context.
I had a boyfriend. We dated for 4 years and broke up early this year. I broke up with him because hes honestly not very nice. I have a tendency to post personal things during a break down because it feels like talking into the void. And something about that feels safer then actually texting someone. I think ive posted on here before about him.
I stayed as long as i did for alot of reasons. When i broke up with him i wasnt really ready. I love him, he made me feel wonderful. Ive never allowed myself to fall in love but it was easy with him. he is/was the only person ive ever felt truly exceptionally safe with. I clung to that. His anger made me afraid and he was often angry. Somehow i still felt safe with him.
His anger was loud and alot of my things got broken but somehow and i dont understand how i still feel safe with him. He asked to stay monogamous at least while we lived together. The day we stopped living together he told me not to cheat on him. I wasnt ready to stop being us yet so i clung to that. He got really cold and distant and angry.
I probably should have realized he'd decided we were done done but i honestly didn't. I thought people had to talk about it before it was official. And i really didnt want to let go yet. Being the first person to ever love me before ment a lot to me. I've never been loved romantically and he was so important to me.
He ignored me on my birthday and the day after i had multiple coworkers telling me hes been seeing our coworker who was a mutual friend. I honestly had multiple break downs and spent alot of time sobbing.
I've talked to him since and he swears up and down shes just a friend but hes done. He says we agreed that being monogamous was only till we stopped living together. I brought up that he told me not to cheat on him so i thought we were still monogamous. He says he doent remember saying that.
he says he doent love me anymore. He doent want to be with me and he doesn't give a fuck if i see other people. I guess its not as bad as i thought it was. Hes free to see other people now and he swears he didnt sleep with our coworker so he didnt actually "cheat". She did cry when he said they were just friends so idk if he was being super honest