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being in the mcyt community never gets any easier does it(everytime this happens i get more and more comfortable with and yet the emptiness I feel gets more and more painful every new person that rips my heart and i wonder how I can't trust I actually know personally at all despite their kindness and yet I chase after someone to trust online I'm truly lucky it hasn't gone past a simple betrayal I'm honestly surprised I haven't gotten taken advantage of its not like id know to begin with I joined the mcyt community at a age where I should have been playing in kiddie pools or making friends but of course my mind that sought one thing to cherish would latch onto a group of twitch streamers i sought out a family from some of them it was Twthat bad this was a perfect time for me to feel this way as during this time I was locked inside due to a worldwide sickness and consistently sought out content love something anything but being alone as the years went on many of those streamers were brought out to be awful people and I almost couldn't take it I suffered and blamed myself at an age where I should've been studying for my spelling test i was trapped in that dying Fandom because I could not stand to leave the characters I made out of my imagination of who these real life people were recently I had finally escaped around a year or two ago and tried to find healthier environments but I find myself unable to watch anything long term besides Minecraft based content and at first bounced between hermitcraft and life series's which felt too professional for me despite being safe and stumbled upon Scott smajors vampires smp episodes and discovered this person through them I felt overjoyed at their ability to talk on such important topics and followed them throughout their servers they played on and yet here I am) /vent