✩𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐫𝐨-𝐊𝐮𝐧✩

suddenly enjin reached for your hand whenever you sat down next to him. in return you leaned against him. then the ridiculous golden shine in his eyes whenever he looked at you. and them forehead kisses. all the fucking time.

disgusting behavior honestly. you two should be ashamed for that constant pda.

riyo threatened to throw up at least twice a day. follo awww’ed awfully often and zanka approved a lot of your relationship.

however. oh. now it comes.

the biggest difference was terrifyingly small for you, because you suddenly cared what enjin thought of you. as a woman.

that was so fucking stupid. actually really stupid because this was enjin. your enjin.

the very same enjin who once held your hair back while you threw up behind headquarters after bad alcohol.

enjin who knew exactly how disgusting your period cravings got. and who had heard you complain about period shits with the passion of a dying soldier.

you once yelled “I THINK MY UTERUS IS DETACHING” while lying face down on his bed and he’d answered, “damn. can i have your boots if you die?”

huh? your feet were small and delicate. the fuck did he want with your boots? absolute weirdo question.

what you wanted to say was that there was never shame between you. until now.

because now he kissed you and fucked you and ate you out daily. now he looked at you like you were so damn beautiful and with so much love.

so, for now fucking reason your brain decided that meant your period was suddenly horrifying.

that led to your current situation. you were curled in your bed with a heating pad while contemplating death. your cramps felt demonic and your asshole hurt and you had bled through your pad.

“stupid fucking uterus,” you muttered miserably. “come out and fight me, you little bitch.”

a sudden knock echoed through the room and you froze. of course it was enjin. duh.

“alive in there?”

normally you’d yell something dramatic back, but today. you just couldn’t. shame crept up your neck.

“hey, you ignoring me?”

“no.”

“you sound weird.”

“i’m dying.”

“that’s not specific enough.”

you groaned into your pillow and felt very unfortunate for how well your wonderful boyfriend knew you. because the door opened and there he was. carrying food in one hand and immediately narrowed his eyes at you sprawled dramatically across the bed.

“whoa,” he said. “you look terrible.”

“thank you.”

“you smell like pain.”

“that’s because i am pain.”

enjin snorted softly and sat beside you. you liked how the mattress dipped and his warmth and familiar scent wafted to you.

it was comforting. also made it worse.

suddenly you became hyper aware of everything. the blood. oh fuck, did you smell? the cramps. your hair that clutched for dear life on one side of your skull and stood in every direction possible on the other side.

enjin reached over automatically to press his palm against your forehead. no fever - that relieved him.

“what’s wrong?” he asked.

you hesitated. and nope. you didn’t hesitate. even when you just blurted out bullshit you didn’t hesitate.

“you okay?”

“yeah.”

“you’re being weird,” he told you for the hundredth time.

“i’m not.”

“you are. haven’t insulted me once which is pretty insulting.”

pouting you pulled the blanket higher over yourself. “it’s just my period.”

“that’s it?”

“what do you mean that’s it?” you frowned.

“i thought you were dying.”

“i’m dying.”

“you say that every month.”

“because every month my organs attempt mutiny.”

your man relaxed instantly now that he understood. usually this would’ve been the part where you launched into graphic descriptions about cramps and blood clots while he listened with horrifying calm.

now you were pretty quiet and pouting.

“something’s off here,” he huffed.

“no.”

“yes.”

“nothing’s off.”

“you haven’t talked about period farts once.”

you looked offended. “why would you even notice that?”

“because usually you announce them like natural disasters.”

“thats slander.”

“you once called yourself ‘the crimson shotgun.’”

“okay, but that one was hilarious.”

enjin grinned, but it faded when he saw that you still looked so uncomfortable. emotionally. yeah, and he thought he might understood.

“oh.” he blurted out and you looked away. “oh fuck seriously?”

“don’t.”

“you think i’m gonna find you gross now?”

“i don’t know!”

the words exploded out of you before you could stop them. your face burned immediately afterward.

“i mean it’s different now.”

“how?”

“because we’re together.”

“okay?”

“and what if you suddenly realize i’m disgusting?”

enjin stared at you in pure disbelief. then he additionally laughed in pure confusion about what’s going on inside your head.

“baby,” he cooed and you shot him a glare. “i’ve seen you puke in an alley.”

“that was before.”

“you once farted on my leg and blamed the bed.”

“that was ONE TIME.”

“you clogged my toilet twice.”

“you promised never to bring that up again!”

once you feel better you’ll beat the ever loving shit out of him. what the fuck?

enjin was fully grinning now. all while you hoped another pit would open and you could jump in head first.

“you literally drooled on my chest this morning. again.”

“stop talking.”

“and now period blood is where you think i’ll draw the line?”

you covered your face with your hands and he gently grabbed your wrists to pull them down. his expression softened - SOFTENED - when he saw your embarrassment.

“ohhh. you’re serious.”

yeah, no shit dude. your eyes stung and your lower lip wobbled dangerously.

“i just…” you muttered weakly. “i know it’s stupid.”

“it is pretty stupid.”

“thanks.”

“but not because of you.” his thumb brushed your cheek lovingly. “you think i started loving you after we got together?”

oh man, he was so cute. and now he leaned in like he was about to tell you a little secret.

“i loved you when you were gross too.”

a giggle bubbled from your throat despite yourself. “that’s not romantic.”

“it’s true though,” he hummed, happy with himself. “you think some blood’s gonna scare me away after surviving your cooking?”

“okay, fuck you.”

“there she is.”

you shoved his shoulder weakly and he caught your hand. he even kissed your knuckles. he was so sweet.

“you wanna know the real difference between us being friends and dating?” he asked.

you mumbled, “what?”

“back then i had to pretend not to stare at your ass.”

you gasped loudly. enjin laughed right as you smacked him with your pillow.

“there she is!” he wheezed again while dodging another hit. “that’s my girl!”

the full realization hit him two days later. the problem with dating your best friend was that suddenly you became aware of things that never mattered before.

for you it had been periods.

for enjin it was the horrifying realization that he might actually be a disgusting man.

like said, the thought hit him two days later while pulling on socks with holes big enough for three toes to escape through.

he stared at them. his toes stared back.

then slowly looked around his room. clothes pile in the corner. three empty bottles near the wall. a shirt hung from the lamp because apparently the drawers were too civilized.

and what was up with the plate over there? hmm?

“OH NO!” he yelled into the empty room

your words replayed in his head. again and again. he loved your voice, alright? but that was just fucked.

‘what if you suddenly realize i’m disgusting?’

at the time he’d laughed because the idea of you grossing him out was ridiculous. but now his brain had cruelly turned the mirror around.

what if he was the gross one?

what the fuck brain? what was your problem?

with growing horror enjin realized that your friendship had erased every normal boundary between you years ago. another horrified scream erupted from his throat as memories filled his head.

he’d walked into the bathroom while you showered to piss because “you’ve seen me half dead before, this ain’t intimate.”

you once brushed your teeth while he sat on the toilet arguing with you.

he burped directly in your face at least twice a week.

one time he woke you from a dead sleep by accidentally ripping ass loud enough to shake the mattress. you’d thrown a pillow at his head without even opening your eyes.

“NO!”

he thought about… showering. to be fair he showered, technically speaking. maybe not with the frequency expected by civilized society.

the pit wasn’t exactly full of luxury hygiene standards, okay?

sometimes missions ran long and then the exhaustion hit harder. other days he washed the important parts and called it a successful day.

to be fair, you never cared before. hell, half the time you smelled equally awful after missions.

but now you were his girlfriend. his actual girlfriend. woah.

suddenly enjin became deeply aware that you were also insanely pretty. like… distractingly pretty. the kind of pretty that made his chest ache unexpectedly when sunlight hit your face.

which raised one devastating question: why the hell were you dating him?

“damn,” he muttered, staring at himself in a cracked mirror later that evening. “she could do way better.”

“talking to yourself now?”

enjin let out the most embarrassing shriek known to mankind and jumped at the ceiling. all while you stood in the doorway holding snacks, looking pleased with yourself.

and so gorgeous which was unhelpful. he quickly wiped his mouth.

“your room smells horrible,” you added.

his soul briefly left his body. this was it. you’d leave him for someone clean like… gris.

“what smells horrible?”

you sniffed dramatically. “smells like wet socks and regret.”

“wow. okay.”

you grinned and wandered inside anyway, immediately climbing onto his bed like you belonged there. okay, okay. you did belong there.

that should’ve comforted him. instead he became hyperaware of every single thing around him.

there was a boxershorts on the floor. why was there a boxershorts on the floor?

and another sock - fuck no.

“don’t look around too hard,” he said quickly.

you blinked. “why?”

“no reason.”

“enjin.”

“nothing.”

your eyes narrowed instantly. your face inched closer as you inspect his expression. then you gasped. “oh my— are you embarrassed?”

“no.”

“you are!”

“i’m literally not.”

“you just kicked something under the bed.”

“was a spider.”

the fuck?

you burst into laughter and snorted right into his ear. usually enjin loved your laugh. right now it made him want to evaporate, because you kept looking around his room with visible amusement.

“you live like a divorced raccoon,” you informed him.

“that’s harsh.”

“there’s a spoon in your toolbox.”

“yeah.”

“why?”

“emergency soup.”

you stared at him before you laughed even harder. enjin groaned dramatically and flopped face-first onto the bed beside you.

“stop judging me.”

“i’ve known you for years.”

“exactly. so mind your business.”

“you used motor oil as hair product once.”

“that was one time.”

“you own one towel.”

“one good towel.”

“it’s crunchy.”

“that means it’s experienced.”

you wheezed laughing while enjin grabbed a pillow to hide his face. and suddenly he remembered exactly why he fell in love with you. because even now, even while roasting him alive, you looked at him with so much affection it hurt in his chest.

it didn’t change the insecurity in him tho. especially later that night.

you stayed over, curled against his chest while half asleep. one of your legs tangled with his under the blanket. hmm, he loved that. was so comfy and warm.

you were his home.

his brain meanwhile couldn’t stop yapping about every gross habit he had.

for example yesterday. he had walked into your room and thrown himself on your bed without asking, because “our relationship status didn’t magically make me polite.”

he also had burped a couple of times earlier.

his arms tightened around you. please don’t leave me.

since you got a sixth sense apparently your voice filled the silence. “what’s wrong?

“nothing.”

“you sound thoughtful.”

“that’s insulting.”

“it’s accurate.”

enjin sighed then muttered into the darkness, “what if you realize i’m gross?”

you went completely still against him. your head snapped around and your neck cracked a bit. “huh?!”

he immediately regretted speaking.

“nothing.”

“no, repeat that.”

enjin stared at the ceiling with deep suffering.

“you got weird about period stuff,” he grumbled. “now i’m thinking maybe you had a point.”

you blinked at him. it took you a few seconds to connect the dots. then you stared at him horrified.

“umbra,” you whispered.

oh no. no no no no.

you only used that nickname and voice when emotionally devastating honesty was incoming.

“i watched you pull glass out of your own arm with kitchen tongs once.”

“yeah?”

“you ate noodles off my stomach after i spilled them.”

“in my defense—”

“you literally walked into my shower to pee because you said and i quote, ‘steam helps me piss.’”

“that was scientifically sound.”

“you own socks that look legally deceased.”

enjin groaned loudly while you started laughing into his chest. you robbed closer and kissed his chin. fuck, you were so adorable.

“you know what changed after we got together?” you asked quietly.

“what?”

“nothing important.”

his chest tightened. you poked his cheek gently.

“you’re still my gross weird little raccoon man.”

“little?”

“don’t ruin the moment.”

“and you’re still disgusting too.”

you gasped dramatically. “i’m beautiful.”

“you clogged my sink with food once.”

“that was a plumbing issue.”

“you threatened your uterus with violence three days ago.”

“it started it.”

enjin laughed helplessly. do you had any idea how much he loved you? or did you just waddle around thinking you’re only a little loved by him?

oh. he also got a sleepy kiss.

when you settled back against him afterward, mumbling, “you’re the prettiest boy ever actually,” enjin genuinely thought he might combust on the spot.

he learned a valuable lesson this night: love wasn’t becoming cleaner or softer or more presentable. it was just finding someone who looked at all your ugly little human parts and stayed anyway.

to be fair you were never and never would be a normal couple. after the two incidents your relationship somehow made both of you worse.

one of your friends wanted to speak to you individually? not a chance.

somehow you managed to even annoy zanka. zanka! who looked up to enjin so much.

the most unbearable moments was when the two of you fought. because shouldn’t you be still in the honeymoon phase??

“move,” you snapped.

“no.”

“you’re crushing me.”

“you’re dramatic.”

“your elbow’s in my rib.”

“build character.”

at the moment enjin was sprawled fully across you on the couch in headquarters while you attempted - and failed - to shove his heavy body off. he only grinned wider, cheek squished against your shoulder.

“you smell nice,” he hummed happily.

“that’s because unlike you i bathe.”

“cruel.”

“you literally used my shampoo and then said, ‘our scents should unify.’”

“that was romantic.”

“that was psychotic.”

from across the room riyo looked genuinely exhausted. “you two were easier to deal with before dating.”

“no we weren’t,” both of you answered immediately.

you paused and looked at each other at the same damn time.

“actually true,” enjin admitted.

“yeah,” you nodded thoughtfully.

the tension you had carried before had exploded into the open constantly.

enjin needed to touch you all the time. his hand on your knee. an arm around your waist. his thumb brushing over your wrist. his body had finally stopped pretending not to reach for you.

you were just as bad.

you stole his clothes constantly, because they smelled like smoke and enjin. and when enjin was on a mission without you you sniffed them.

also, you sat in his lap automatically during meetings because there weren’t enough chairs (sure, sure). your lips were fucking unstoppable when it came to smooching your man left and right.

disgusting behavior. soulmate behavior.

everyone suffered, because you were so awfully cute with each other. especially semiu. when was it her turn?

“you’re smiling at her again,” she huffed one afternoon.

enjin blinked. “huh?”

“you’re doing the thing.”

“what thing?”

“the stupid thing where she talks and you look at her like you’re gonna lick the ground she walks on.”

you nearly choked laughing. meanwhile enjin looked offended.

“i don’t.”

“you absolutely do,” you wheezed.

“no, i don’t.”

“you’re doing it right now,” semiu pointed out.

riyo and rudo made gagging noises in the background, like some haters. enjin flipped them off without looking away from you which only made everyone groan louder.

it wasn’t even your fault. you refused to take accountability.

cards on the table. there was something terrifyingly natural about loving each other. your bodies had figured it out long before your brains did.

you fit together so easily. so beautifully.

sleeping especially became dangerous. before dating sleeping together meant tangled limbs and accidental violence.

now it was still violence, but also those soft moments.

let’s get back to the first night after you two got together. enjin woke up the next morning and yes, you were next to him. not unusual. but you were kissing his shoulder and neck sleepily. man almost had a heart attack.

you didn’t even remember doing it.

“you kissed me while being unconscious,” he accused over breakfast.

you blinked. “what?”

“tiny little kisses.”

“shut up.”

“i’m serious.”

“you’re lying.”

“i’ve witnesses.”

“you absolutely do not.”

“so fucking cute,” enjin threw up his arms.

but then you saw the little smile on his face, the way the tips of his ears tinged pink. it was so adorable.

enjin had been always beautiful. enjin in love stole your breath away.

you threw bread at him instantly for making you feel so fuzzy and having your stomach full of butterflies.

enjin looked unbearably smug the rest of the day.

the real problem was that both of you kept forgetting you were allowed to act like a couple now. years of friendship didn’t disappear magically overnight.

so sometimes your brains short circuited. one night you were relaxing on his bed when he casually stripped naked in front of you to change. dick out and everything.

you glanced over. you gasped. then you suddenly realized: oh no. he’s naked. he’s hot. why is he so hot? does he know he’s hot?

enjin noticed your staring. “why’re you looking at me like that?”

you looked away violently. “no reason.”

“baby.”

“shut up.” ugh. the nickname. you started to like it.

“oh shiiit,” he laughed. “you’re flustered.”

“you’ve muscles unexpectedly!” you gestured wildly. “and other things.”

“unexpectedly?!”

“you usually look homeless!”

“that’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

he looked ridiculously pleased about it which was unfortunate. because then he started flexing on purpose and his dick did that thing. the twitch.

“wow,” you deadpanned. “now you look homeless and stupid.”

enjin tackled you onto the mattress immediately. you screamed laughing while he trapped you underneath him. no fucking care for his nudity.

“take it back!” he shouted.

“never.”

“you wound me.”

“you’ll survive.”

he grinned down at you and that playful moment turned into something completely different. his forehead rested against yours automatically and your smile turned softly.

for seconds you just stared at each as this feeling - this special feeling - filled you. the awful, beautiful realization that somehow the person you laughed with hardest was also the person you loved most.

enjin’s thumb brushed your cheek. “you know what’s weird?”

“what?”

“i thought getting together would change us more.”

“me too.”

“but it’s kinda like…” he huffed a laugh softly. “like we were already doing this.”

your chest hurt immediately, because he was so right. the love you had for each other always been there - buried underneath bruises and jokes and late night conversations. underneath shared cigarettes and bloody missions and sleeping shoulder to shoulder because the world felt less cruel that way.

you’d already built a life around each other long before kissing and sex got involved. now you just got to say it out loud.

unfortunately emotional moments never lasted long between you. right after enjin kissed you sweetly his stomach growled loud enough to shake the room.

you burst out laughing instantly. “hello to you too!”

“i’m being vulnerable here.”

“you sound possessed.”

“feed me.”

“you’re huge. why are you always hungry?”

“growing boy.”

“you’re almost thirty.”

“and still growing.”

you laughed so hard your stomach hurt while enjin buried his face dramatically into your neck. he tried then to eat you as he bit your neck and pulled on it.

let’s be honest. this was love too.

it wasn’t just pretty honeymoon moments and sweet gestures. it wasn’t just kisses and holding hands and whispered promises at 3am.

it was moment like this. ridiculousness and the comfort behind it. that you could sit together in silence without it feeling heavy or awkward.

home wasn’t the cleaners headquarters. home was enjin now.

later that night rain hammered softly against the windows while the two of you lay tangled together in bed. your head rested on enjin’s chest while you soothingly caressed his tattooed skin.

rain was still bad. but it was better for him now. at least a little bit.

after a moment you spoke up, “do you think we were always gonna end up like this?”

enjin didn’t answer immediately and you had to look up to him. because maybe… no. absolutely not.

“yeah,” he said simply.

that answer felt bigger than anything else. the gravity of this single word was so intense that you hid the tears in his neck. your throat tightened embarrassingly fast.

“you sap,” you muttered weakly.

“you’re literally crying.”

“no i’m not.”

“there are tears on my neck.”

“that’s your problem.”

he laughed quietly, before he pulled you closer until there wasn’t an inch of space left between you. loving him was naturally like breathing and you had to crawl completely on top of him. something he approved of so much.

after all, everything finally made sense. every fight and laugh. every almost. every stupid little moment that led here to this very moment.

soulmates weren’t always soft. sometimes they were loud and messy and smelled vaguely like smoke and bad decisions. they argued over everything and nothing and emergency soups.

sometimes they burped in each other’s faces.

they fell in love so slowly neither of them noticed until it was already stitched into their bones, and that was the most beautiful part.

bonus: