SHIELD Human Resources Department

Agent Barton is no longer permitted to lean back in his chair, lace his fingers behind his head, and announce “ahhhh, job security!” when a new adversary is discovered or reveals their existence.

The IT/AI department is reminded that recommending the Bridge Crew to “turn it off and then turn it back on” is to be recommended only in the most dire of circumstances, such as when we’re already falling out of the sky.

Loki is reminded that no snakes are allowed on the Helicarrier, and placing one on the main stair down to the lower hanger bay was in poor taste.

Even if it was an illusion.

Even if Director Fury saw it first and asked  what “that motherfucking snake was doing” on his “motherfucking Helicarrier,” and made everyone laugh.

Including me.

Agent Romanoff is prohibited from attempting to shame fellow agents, especially male ones, by declaring that “a girl shouldn't be able to drink more vodka than” them. This is especially the case if the other agent is on duty or will be soon, and needs to be sober.

S.H.I.E.L.D. will not be participating in anyway with any “Undercover boss”-style T.V. Shows, as we are professional spies and already know what you think of your bosses.

Agent Brompton has likewise forbid recreations or challenges similar to “Iron Chef,” and especially forbidden “Cutthroat Kitchen,” as that is likely to be taken entirely too literally by our employees.

All employees are reminded the SHIELD’s Mission Statement is “To protect the Earth and its population from all threats, be they terrestrial or not.” It is not “To see them driven before us, and to hear the lamentation of their widows.”

All employees are (again) reminded that items of any nature recovered during or after raids on enemy bases and depots are not to be referred to as “bling,” “loot,” and especially not “booty.”

All employees are reminded that either Mr. Stark nor Agent Coulso are to be called “MacGyver.”

//I do not make the forms. Most were made for me, and the blogs involved are mostly inactive or not in this ‘verse any longer.

Asgard handles it’s own.

Unless it doesn’t.