the girl who lives in delusion

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ .

★ 1990

being a roadie was fun. it was hard work, sure. you felt like your back would give out at the mere age of 20. but traveling with mates and having a laugh while carrying instruments was a lot better than working at an office, you thought.

even though you were more on the quieter side, you had gotten along with the crew and the band. they took you in, stood by you. some more than others, noel, for example. quiet, and yet his presence fills up every room he’s in. witty, sharp like a knife, so funny it makes your belly hurt, gentle and caring in his own way – never too explicit, making it even more significant, somehow.

the current city you all were in was amsterdam. the gig went smoothly, and when that happens, a beer is required as celebration. that’s just a rule. you were sitting on the pub just on the other side of the street of the low budget hotel that was booked for the crew. sitting down on a booth with noel’s arm behind you, already in your fourth beer, the two of you with eyes glassy as you laughed at even the wind blowing by, being the two people left in the cushioned seats – the whole crew calling it a night an hour ago.

he dries a small tear that has formed on the corner of his eye, still laughing softly as he takes his beer, shaking his head amused at what you just said. he takes a sip and looks to the side, analyzing the atmosphere of the pub, and as he puts his glass down on the table again, he says: “pubs back in manchester are way nicer than this”, that gets a laugh out of you. it’s typical noel – at the same time he says he couldn’t wait to get out of manchester, the city was always better than the place you were currently in.

“i don’t think that’s true, noel. this place is nice”, you say softly, looking at him, smile still on your face as you mindlessly mirror him, taking another sip of your own. he grins, looking back at you – you can’t help but notice the way his eyes flicker to your lips for just a second, must be the alcohol, you think. he shakes his head, “nah, manchester’s much nicer. the food. the drinks. fuck me, even the birds”. that gets an amused laugh out of you, raising your brows at him and tilting your head, “so that’s what this is about then, huh? not fond of the dutch babes?”

he laughs, “not really. i mean, think you’re prettier than any other bird here”, saying like it’s the normal thing in the world and even like that, makes your cheeks feel warmer. you chuckle, “oh, really now?”

he grins, nodding. “yeah. y’look really nice. ‘s a pretty skirt you’re wearing” – he takes another sip before continuing, raising his brows playfully – “trying to snag a dutch boyfriend or summat?”, and he laughs as he sees you chuckling and shaking your head, mirroring you as he shakes his too. “what? not interested?”, he slightly slurs, accent stronger than usual and cheeks flushed from the alcohol, a grin permanent on his face.

you smile, teasing back: “too patriotic to snog these dutch blokes”, and you hope he didn’t notice the way your eyes flicked briefly to his lips. but he did. and his grin widened, leaning in a bit closer, his breath warm on your face, smelling like beer and the mint gum he was chewing just now. his eyes dart to your lips, before looking back up at your eyes. “yeah? what ‘bout a mancunian lad, then?”.

the following events are a bit blurry, something along the lines of: you blushed and said he was an idiot. he smirked and said you were gorgeous. his lips so close to yours you’re not even sure who kissed who first, tongue sliding inside his mouth slowly, both smiling against the kiss, gentle and a little clumsy from the nerves and the alcohol – but still needy. wanting. bound to happen for far too long. the two thinking ‘maybe i wasn’t the only one that wanted this for a while’.

the hotel was on the other side of the road, you both stumbled and laughed while making your way through the empty lobby, he kissed you again in the elevator – his two hands on your cheeks as he pressed his body against yours, your back against the wall, tongues needier now, breaths a little heavier. he presses himself against you more when he hears your soft moans vibrating inside his mouth, allowing you to feel the warm outline of his cock strained against his jeans. the ding of the elevator coming to a stop felt like a breath of fresh air, both stumbling through the hallway, noel glued to your back, hands on your waist and kissing your neck while laughing with you, you’re not even bothered by him accidentally stepping on the back of your feet. and as soon as the door opens, you go back to kissing him, hands on the side of his neck, guiding him to the bed.

straddling him, laying on top of him – chest against his as you don’t break the kiss even for air, tongues a little slower now, with more intent, not rushing it. his hands grab your ass, making you grind your hips foward and getting a soft moan out of you. “you’re so hard, noel…”, you say breathily, quietly, lips still against his, resuming the kiss and feeling him hum softly inside your mouth. not even giving him time to answer back, just a muffled and breathy “fuck” that you’re not even sure if it was your head making it up as you bucked your hips against him once again.

little by little, the clothes get peeled off. first your shirt, then your bra, the skin around your chest now glistening from him giving you open mouth kisses there. then his shirt, making him shiver as your hands caressed down his arms, the curve of his neck and his chest.

his lips were already swollen when he took the condom out of his wallet – pants and underwear long gone by now. hoping you wouldn’t notice his hands shivering slightly as he tore the package. sat down on his thighs, licking your lips as watched, trying to burn the image inside your brain. the moment he rolled the rubber all the way down his eyes went back to your face, chest heavy, thinking you looked unreal as you lift your hips, hand delicately holding his cock to sink down on him, slowly. both mouths agape as he stretched you out. you felt a soft breath on your lips as you pressed your mouth on his, grinding against him slowly, moaning during the kiss from how good it felt, like he was made for you.

you couldn’t help but pull away a little, hand resting beside his head and lips merely touching his, the tip of your nose bumping against his every time you’d rock your hips, feeling a soft breath mixed with a muttered ‘ah… g-god…’ against your mouth. you sat up even more – hands on his chest as you rode him, already missing the feeling of his lips so close to yours, but the view was worth it. your nails softly digging on his skin, the soft chest hair between your fingers making you clench around him and move against him just a little faster, closing your eyes and licking your lips.

he grabs your hips a little harder, slowing you down. “shi- ah…wait… stop a second.”, he lets out, voice shaky.

“what?…” you ask softly, eyebrows slightly raised at the sudden stop.

he’s a bit breathless, lips swollen and red from snogging. he looks at you with pupils blown wide. he clears his throat, thumb caressing the skin on your hip. “gonna… cum too fucking fast… if y’keep that up”, his cheeks slightly flushed as he admits it, a sheepish drunk smile forming on his face while his hands softly squeezed the flesh of your thighs, chest going up and down a little harder than usual.

you laugh shyly, breathing a little heavier too, tilting your head while looking at him, amused, fond. he laughs too, breathy, genuine. his hands traveling back and fourth between your upper thighs and the side of your ass “don’t look at me like that. m’serious”

you can’t help but laugh softly, admiring the view of him under you, hair messy just like the times he’d wake up late and rush down to the van, eyes glassy like a few minutes ago down at the bar. “that good?”, you ask quietly, not even with the intention of teasing.

he lets out a sincere huff, shaking his head with a small smirk, looking at you in complete awe. “yeah, and… just… fucking hell, look like a wet dream like this”. it makes you chuckle, eyebrows slightly raised as you look down at him, while your nails drag through his lower belly, not to properly scratch, just touching, trailing over his pale skin. you can feel him twitching inside you as you do so.

“yeah?…”, you whisper, still looking at his eyes, though they’re not looking back at yours, just traveling all over you. taking you in: your chest, your stomach, the way the curve of your thighs crease as your legs are on his sides, the way his cock disappears inside you.

“yeah… mad, this.”, he says, almost reverently, his palms now on the curve of your waist, sliding up and down, fingers against your sides and thumb just under your breasts. he lets out a shaky breath as you buck your hips foward again, slowly. he licks his lips, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, hands still on you as you start riding him again, slowly, trying to ground himself, or convince himself that this isn’t actually a dream, “fucking perfect”.

you smile, rocking them slowly, saying breathily and quietly “you’re lucky my legs are giving out… i’d be riding you into oblivion”. not addressing what he just said, or the way he’s looking at you, touching you, afraid your heart might explode if you do. hoping he doesn’t notice the way you blush. he doesn’t, the warm lights of the cheap hotel room disguising it, though he doesn’t miss the way you clench around him.

he lets out a small chuckle – lazy and fond. how can you be so cute even like this? cock buried deep inside you, and yet, making him feel like a school boy with a crush. looking at him so sweetly, hair slightly messy and body all soft over him. he takes all the strength he has in him to sit up a little – he doesn’t want to stop this, but also doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself, leave you unsatisfied – hand on the side of your neck as he kisses you slowly, guiding you to lay down and settling on top of you, between your legs. he breaks the kiss just to watch your reaction as he gives you one slow and deep thrust. “this better, then?…”, smirking as he sees your mouth fall agape just a little more, a smile forming on your lips as you moan softly and reply, breathy: ‘y-yeah…’

he smiles, giving you another slow thrust, he kissed you – open-mouthed and soft – before asking once more “yeah?… like this?…”, in a hushed voice that made you physically control yourself to not say ‘i love you’ from how good he was fucking you. gentle, loving, and so, so deep. you nod, looking into his eyes, and you see him close his, barely holding it together, his mouth making it’s way to your forehead, leaving a small kiss there as he picks up the pace so very slightly, getting a moany gasp out of you. “been fucking dreaming about this… too long”, he whispers, as his hand goes down to your clit, rubbing it – trying to tip you over, because he knows that he will fall apart at any given moment now. the alcohol, your moans and the wet sounds of him sliding in and out of you filling the room becoming too much for him to bare. “better than i imagined… y-fuck… look so pretty… so fucking gorgeous like this…”

you can feel it building up, slowly, not tearing your eyes away from his face – flushed, lips parted and panting softly, the thick eyebrows you’ve caught yourself staring a few times furrowing in pleasure. “f-fuck… tell me you’re close. please tell me you’re close”. you nod, eagerly, hard to hold it any longer when his cock is hitting the spot that makes your eyes water and his fingers rubbing your clit with the perfect amount of pressure and rhythm.

you cum moaning his name, so sweetly he feels like he could die right now and not even be bothered. his eyes scrunch tight, mouth against your cheek and hips thrusting into you sloppily as he fills up the rubber around him. he pants, not kissing your cheek, just sliding his lips over it, feeling your warmth.

“sorry”, he says, after a beat. so timidly it makes your heart ache, you pull your face away so you can see your hand brushing the hair out of his face, voice small as you ask “what for?”, a shy smile on your lips, and he mirrors it – closing his eyes and laughing, he says breathily: “usually last… longer than that”

you smile, still trying to get the air back into your lungs, shaking your head and pulling him into a slow kiss, gentle, so intimate it almost scared you. “don’t have to be sorry… was perfect”, you say sweetly, reassuring. he rubs the tip of his nose against yours, smiling so giddy he’s almost embarrassed at the thought of being so sappy, asking lowly “yeah?”, and you confirm – nodding just as softly. he lets out a content little huff from his nose, nodding and giving the corner of your mouth a kiss.

“might have to do it again to prove it to you, eh?”, he says – cheeky as ever, the tip of his nose and his lips shaped in a smile against your cheek, kissing it once more as he feels you shake softly from chuckling. you hum softly in agreement, feeling your heart skip a beat just at the thought of repeating this night. and so does he. but neither of you feel the need to mention it just yet. so, the two of you just stay there, legs and arms intertwined, chests and eyes heavy.