Artist, Gamer, Modder, Moron

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

we need to lower the retirement age to 27

it’s been said before and it will be said again but i’m begging you all nicely to restrain yourselves from being so casually aggressive and rude and obnoxious in the tags & reblogs of a complete stranger’s posts. no one wants to know that you hate [tv show that op giffed]. no one wants to know that you hate [character that op drew]. no one wants to hear you being ugly and negative for no reason. say what you want to say in your own post. don’t hit the reblog button. blacklist relevant tags. unfollow or block relevant accounts. log out. shut down. get help.

LOUDER FOR EVERYONE IN THE BACK!!!!

A customer contacted our team with questions, and then finished their email with: "I am daunted by the complexities and unknowns." I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

Reblog if you are daunted by the complexities and unknowns

this is something that I think a lot of people don't understand abt adhd. and like. this shit can get scary, especially if it happens often. I hate that I can't remember what I'm doing for the entire time it takes me to do it. I hate having to pause in the middle of conversations to desperately attempt to re-trace my train of thought because I don't remember what we're talking about. like. if you don't have adhd. just try to imagine what it's like to be unable to carry out a full conversation. try to imagine your memory resetting at random intervals. what are you doing right now? do you know? because often times, I fucking Forget. in the middle of doing things. and then I'm just standing there like an idiot desperately trying to wave away the thick fog that exists in my brain 24/7. and sometimes that shit just doesn't work. and I forget for good. it's terrifying. to me, at least.

Stress having physical effects is so stupid your body's just like "you've been having a real shit time and I'm about to make it worse" I hope you die I hope we both die

just put laundry in the washer. there better not be any wet laundry after this

bad news

just put laundry in the dryer. there better not be unfolded laundry after this

what the hell..

putting some clothes on. there better not be any dirty laundry after this

you guys are not gonna believe this