Shawn Mendes

Billie: Shawn. This is a lot. And if you love me as much as you say you do, then we wouldn’t be where we are right now. I’m still upset at you. It felt like you didn’t even want to fight for us and you were just okay with us ending the way we did. I still don’t even get it. At least it didn’t happen, right? No need to worry about that. Look, I’m just at a loss for words right now wrapping my brain around all of this.

shawn: It is a lot but I do love you and never stopped loving you. we would be here because we didn't communicate properly and just ran. I did but it felt like you choose your career over us. i hated feeling what way but I hate worse being without you. it didn't happen but I still think about it and about you. could let me wrap you in a big hug and maybe you would feel better. you always did like being in my arms.

i always find it crazy, how some people react when one of my shoots gets released. i adored being able to do something with skims! any chance to work with kim is a must in my book! seriously, one of my favorite things that i've done recently and i'll toot my own horn, i looked pretty damn good. anyone else have that sort of reaction when something they've done has come out? or maybe i'm just riding this high? @hfrpstarters

Your shoots are always so good and there's always buzz when you or Kim are involved in any way. You looked amazing in it and I know a thing or two about looking amazing. Is this were I go toot, toot?

Billie: wait, right about what? oh. thankfully it was just a scare then, right? im really sorry the idea of having a kid with me is scary to you. or was it just the idea of having a kid because we were both so young? i guess I just didn’t see it in a negative light, personally. heck, I thought I’d have two kids by 27. yeah, I know. We should have spoken about it but honestly Shawn, after we broke up I couldn’t even look at you. I didn’t even want to see you because I had to force myself to fall out of love with you. It wasn’t like we broke up because i stopped loving you. Distance just fucked us. I needed that space from you to figure it out.

shawn: no one's going to love you like me. now i think maybe it would be fun to have a little you running around. but back then i was scared to death because we were young and everything was just starting to hit for us. now, we're both mature enough to have a kid or i am. you were always the mature one between us. I didn't want to look at you either because when i did, it hurt. it was like a knife was twisting into me, Billie Bear. I never stopped loving you. Hell, I still love you. I'm probably always going to love you and compare people to you. Not what you want to hear but it's the truth. Distance fucked us up and now we're just a memory that twists in the air.

Thank you! He is so much fun to work with and I just wanted something fun for the summer, you know? Drops on Friday and I hope you like the whole song.

I heard and I loved it. You're not wrong about it being something fun and that's what the summer should have. fun songs that people can sing and dance to and that's what it is.

Billie: we can’t unpack this over a text. I’ve been staring at what you said for too long, honestly. But you can’t put the blame on yourself. i played a part in us breaking up too. did i think me touring would have caused us to break up? honestly, no. we had shit planned out.

shawn: Because you know I'm right even though you don't want me to be. you did, we both did and thinking we might be having a kid was scary as shit. I handled that all wrong. we both know that and i won't let you beat yourself up over it. i know we both made mistakes but we can't go back and do it over. i wish we had talked it out back then.

Billie: I’m glad you did some soul searching there because no one loved you more than I did, Shawn. I’ll stand by that till the end of me. You had meant everything to me. I mean, you’re the reason behind birds of a feather. That didn’t happen because I cared more about my career over you.

shawn: No one can love you like i do...did. I was messed up and made a lot of bad decisions. Decisions that I would take back if I could but I can't. I listen songs and they literally tear me apart but that's what we do as songwriters. we write songs and get out emotions.

Oh? Did you get lucky at the baby shower? Haha I’m only kidding haha but seriously I’m glad you had a good time. You do! What’s been holding you back from going out?

No just talking in general due to my past. I haven't always been the best boyfriend or made the bests decisions with relationships. I like to think I have grown over the last few years thanks to therapy. I have been working in South America a lot and I'm trying not to rush things. The last thing I want is to fall back into bad habits or hurt anyone.

Billie: this is a problem if you thought I cared more about my career than you at the time.

Billie: that's what you seriously think?

shawnmendes: yes, it's what i think and why i have been so weird lately around you. it felt like you didn't care, billie. and that cut like a knife.

I didn't get the chance to ask yet, but how did you enjoy Cancun? I have to say that it was the perfect trip, and I feel like we didn't even cover the surface of what the place has to offer. @hfrpstarters

It was a lot of fun to hang out with people that I haven't seen in years or at all. I'm such a people person so I loved that about it.