tired & terrified

the thing about dermatillomania is how repetitive the whole cycle gets. like something sets it off and you're left with a wound. might be painful or burning or bloody. and you just go through the stages of like. it's going too far now. when can i finally stop. look what a mess you made. and the blame you get from other people for doing the same thing over and over again even though they told you not to. and you know you shouldn't be doing it either. but it only feels like you have control back after the fact and you just have to quietly dress your wounds and pretend it's not going to happen again. which it will.

personally I am of the opinion that vegans who are like “the way our food system currently works under capitalism on a large scale is exceptionally cruel to all animals including humans and is not sustainable, so I’m doing what I can to make the most ethical choices available to me about what I eat and encourage others to do the same” are generally very reasonable people who I agree with in spades. but vegans who seem to think human beings are not themselves animals who are ultimately also part of the food chain but instead some kind of other paternalistic higher entity that can never engage in ethical and sustainable hunting practices (and especially the fringe I’ve seen who think other carnivorous animal predators are also evil and need to be eliminated) are people I regard as foolish at best if not actively anti-indigenous and racist