Oneiros

me, who got no time for this passive aggressive bullshit:

My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old.  Here’s my impressions so far:

Birth - 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal.  Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.

Age 1 - 2: Hates you.  Hates you so much.  You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them.  There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.

Age 3 - 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe.  Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them.  Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.

Age 6 - 10: Really cool, actually.  I did not realize kids were this cool.  Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn.  Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”

Age 11 - 14: Extremely variable.  Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other.  At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult.  Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers.  (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)

So today we were lunching on the patio and a couple of bees were very interested in my Pepsi. Since it was diet and therefore Not Good For Bees, I was preventing them from getting into the can. So they landed on my hand and head-butted my knuckles, exactly like the cats do when they think I have treats. We went inside and made wee dish of sugar water and I carefully deposited the ladies on the side of the dish, whereupon they daintily chugged that shit down like frat boys at a kegger. Well, being bees, those ladies went back to tell their friends. So soon there were more bees. And they were HUNGRY. Soon the first dish was drained. Then the second. I think the warm weather means the bees can’t really bed down for winter yet, but very few flowers are blooming in mid-November. I remember seeing a post over the summer about making a bee waterer by putting “stepping stones” in the liquid to keep them from bumbling in and getting their wings wet. And by the time I found something to use for that, they’d drained another two dishes. So now, um, here we are. I present: THE BEEZENING.

Amber Rose has the best response for why women should NEVER feel ashamed of demanding safe sex 

Amber Rose is simply not interested in your slut-shaming. The unapologetic social-media star doesn’t mince words when it comes to a woman’s right to own her sexuality. And you have to hear how passionately she defends the women in the audience.

Stunning Travel Photography