Game of Thrones Daily
trying on a metaphor
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titsay
EXPECTATIONS
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NASA
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
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@shattered-heart7
Exist
I don’t exist loudly and maybe it scares a lot of people when I pop up out of seemingly Nowhere but maybe a lot of people should try to pay attention more deeply to those of us who have grown tired of yelling at the top of our lungs.
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Growth
Maybe growing is realizing that
You boys will always be my friends
But that I cannot throw my life
Away to make sure that you are
Maybe growing is texting you
To invite you to my birthday
But not crying when you say
You can’t come. Maybe growth is
Crying anyways because it does
Hurt that your friends are grown
Up and can make their own choices
And that even though it isn’t that
Simple that somehow it feels like
Saying no is choosing not you
Growing Pains
I know growing pains like
Shooting wires up my shins
And static in my calves and
Rocks heaving on my shoulders
But I also know growing pains
Like living thirty minutes away
Instead of ten and even knowing
That another friend is states away
Growing pains like “I can’t this
Weekend” and “maybe next time”
I know growing pains like the
Hole in my heart that doesn’t
Grow it just throbs at the mention
Of your name
Seasons Change
Sometimes in the time before the seasons' change
Not when the sun is hot and blaring and sweat drips
Down my back just from going outside to turn on my car
But when the sun hangs low on the horizon
Glaring in my face like an angry queen mother
I think of all the loves I have lost
And I wonder if they think of me
I don’t know if it scares me worse to think they still do
Or to think they never have
~ ELM
“I can’t wait to roll over in the middle of the night and be met with you instead of a wall.”
- Counting down the days til I’m in your arms
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“It’s so fucking painful, the thought of them together. I have never been a possessive person but the idea of him being with her just makes me feel a kind of pain I haven’t felt before.”
— why her and not me
I think you wanted to love me. You just didn’t know how.
“Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful, because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but oneself, a private pain that is as bitter-sweet as it is self-induced. But as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply being hurt and take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself.”
—
“She cries less often now, usually in the evening. She will learn to control her tears and despair, because she doesn’t indulge her distress. She tells no one that she’s afraid to close her eyes.”
— Christa Wolf, tr. by Luise von Flotow, from “They Divided The Sky: A Novel,”
I’m tired of winning the I love you more game
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“He’s treating me the way that you did when he was the one who hated you for the way you treated me.”
We might’ve been thirteen when we met. I might’ve been thirteen when I fell in love with you. But you. You were it for me. I can’t think of anyone else the way that I think of you. Not even close. You infiltrate every relationship I get in because of who you are to me. You sneak into my mind when I should be thinking of the person I’m with. Every love song every quote every poem, they all ring your name no matter who I’m in a relationship with. I tried to deny it. I tried to shut it down. But you were it for me. I’m never going to be able to love anyone else like this. And quite frankly I don’t want to.
I just want an untainted returned love. I just want to have my efforts matched in a relationship. I just want something that is pure and healthy. Not anymore of this bullshit unrequited love. I’m so sick of it.
“I’m done with guys and dating” I told him one day. He frowned. “Is it because of me?” I laughed. “No,” I said. Because no. It’s not because of him. It’s not because of anyone. It’s because of me loving you for so long and it never meaning anything. It was almost silly of him to think that it could be because of anything he’d done. Silly of him to think he was even important in comparison to you.
He’s right. I would say yes if you asked me to be yours. No matter who I belonged to or what was going on. But it doesn’t matter because you never will. So I’ll continue to enter pointless relationships that always end in heartache. Not because I’m sad that I lost that person. But because it wouldn’t have happened if it was you.
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Hate grew in my heart from all the unreturned love.
I hate the way that I love you.
I am an extremely broken person and because of that I try not to put my heart into other peoples hands because I don’t think they can handle it and it’s not their fault. I can barely handle it myself. But this time it felt safe to and I was wrong. I was so so wrong.
