Bi Nka Bi

filled with anxiety, self-doubts, extreme jealousy

a one-way thing

never stepping out of your comfort zone

blantantly forces you to do something you don’t want to do

hostile atmosphere is ever-present

lack of autonomy

uncomfortable, stagnant, undermining, empty

forgetting that you have a life outside of your relationship

make you feel limited, inferior, confined, always exhausted, insufficient

compromise your mental health and growth

what relationships should be:

promotes your welfare

filled with trust, honesty, and a stable communication

freedom to choose and speak

mental health is considered a priority

two-way thing

a safe, supportive space for both of you

empowers and fulfils you

might be filled with both the good stuff and sometimes bad stuff

^ but only because it helps you grow

- the community being way smaller and having less historical claims, symbols, idols etc

- feeling like their attraction, relationships etc have to be gay in order to be beautiful

- feeling like anything outside of gay is straight and they would be read as straight

- feeling like they “betray” gay people in some way

- fear of being “left out” of lgbt/queer culture

- attachment to labels that are treated as wlw or mlm only

there are a ton of wlw nb’s who are sometimes men there are a ton of mlm nb’s who are sometimes women there are plenty of nb’s who are both mlm AND wlw either interchangeable, fluidly, or at the same time.

Fatness, Race, Class and Gender.

Content note: Swearing. And when I start swearing, you know shit’s bad.

So which one comes first?  Are you black or fat first?  Are you LGBT+ or fat first?  These are questions that need to piss off and die immediately.  I cannot seperate myself into palatable components for your digestion.  I could draw a Venn diagram of how they all overlap, but sadly the people who ask these sort of things don’t want to learn - they want you prove yourself.  Spoiler alert: you will never be worthy to them.

If you discuss fatphobia, but never mention how race affects how you are treated, then what the everlasting fuck are you doing?  Fat liberation is blindingly white, cisgender and heterosexual.  These are the voices who get heard, whose articles appear in popular media.  These are the people who can afford to attend Fat/Body positivity conferences and know they will receive a warm welcome.  They will never be the only one of their ethnicity in a group of fat folks.

If you discuss fatphobia, but never mention how fat LGBT+ people (with a few Bear-shaped exceptions) are subject to punishing drives of fat hate; how poverty affects fat LGBT+ people of colour differently than their white counterparts, then take the first exit out of here, you useless cumstain.

I am thoroughly sick of the white, able-bodied cisfemale gaze being the only thing I see in fat liberation.  I am tired of their voices as the only ones amplified. And I could happily live the rest of my life without reading another piece on fatphobia that only concentrates of American white women who are at the smaller end of the fatness scale.

I want to read about experiences of disabled fats, LGBT+ fats who are black or brown, fat folks who are elderly and/or poor.  Because we are the ones who face multiple oppressions, who can’t afford to shop the latest fat celebrity lines (I’m looking at you, Beth Ditto) to look incredible.  We are the ones who get written out of conversations time and again, even though we have been speaking out for decades.