Taking it a day at a time!

So, a while back I decided to get sober. (Wait for it… it comes back around.) I went to the meetings and joined the clubs and all that… and, it worked. No more drinking. The best piece of advice I got?… 

“Stick with the old-timers. They got it figured out.”

A while before that I did a stint in prison. I was a kid. Just old enough to get drafted not old enough to get drunk. None of it seemed real. Did real time, though. Best advice I got?… “Stick with the old timers. They got it figured out.”

That piece of wisdom has served me well in my years as a contributing member of society. So, when MG @wolfpack-princesskitty and I first turned to Tumblr and a few other sites in search of any info or insights into our newly-confessed shared fantasies… one of my first thoughts was 

“Stick with the fucking old timers.” 

And, after several months of watching many blogs I had determined who those people were and I began to make connections. And I’m very thankful for the connections we have made, and for those who have agreed to mentor MG and me along the way. All providing a sobering and real life perspective on various aspects of a 24/7 D/s relationship; in our case, a marriage. So glad to be grounded here right now.

Because from where I stand 90% of the rest of the time this shit looks like Vegas, baby. Wooo!

 Welcome to D/s relationships for millennials.  

What it looks like: It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome! Expensive suits and Bitches in black lingerie kneeling and crawling… the leashes and spankings and the gagging on cocks… timid, meek, all trusting subs and stoic, powerful, all knowing doms. Paradise for the slightly-to-moderately twisted peoples of a certain ilk… I mean, it can’t be that perfect in real life, but still… come on.

You can hate it all you like, but those books and movies are the extent of John Q. Public’s grasp on your chosen lifestyle, and at worst, it has turned out to be a great ‘evangelical tool’ as it were…

But someone has to sort out the abusers and the narcissists and the standard model douche bags from the good guys with good intentions. Somebody has to inject truth and reason and wisdom into the conversation. Someone has to show us where the ground ends and the clouds begin so we can self-moderate. Because…

What it is:

It’s hard work, dedication, devotion, integrity, grit, determination, kindness in the hardest of times… honesty, communication… Just like any functioning relationship, really…

It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome!

It’s boundaries and security and exploring sexual interests together… it’s a little bit of doubt (Ok, maybe a lot of doubt at times), a little bit of fear, enough love to carry two sometimes three, four, five souls forward into a new real life, where everything is a decision… a choice… even for those who make no choices. A life in which lust is a limitless hunger… an insatiable wolf… and your hunger is so focused you want to entirely destroy and devour this pretty little thing wearing your collar…

Sometimes it’s body issues, and insecurities about cock size, and irrational conversations into the early morning hours… often, the stronger of the two quietly trying to decide just how much truth the other person can actually handle… sometimes it’s greatly overestimating that amount of truth…

Sometimes it’s a spark of hope… and sometimes it’s a last resort…

Sometimes it’s ropes and cuffs and collars and bruises… and sometimes it’s blankets and snacks and kisses and cuddles…

It’s an empowerment achieved in a point of singularity where both the powerful and powerless are each perfectly balanced one with the other… mutually satisfied. A feeling like no other.

 For some of us, it’s what we’ve come seeking… for some of us it’s just who we are…

For every idiot ‘Tubmlr Daddy’, there’s a good man with a great dom inside, watching you blast the new generation from the comfort of your well-earned status, and doubting himself… afraid that he’s not a real dominant. Too afraid his ask will get him ridiculed. I know because that was me before I finally manned up and reached out. 

Please keep in mind that we’re not all a part of the tide of idiots and abusers… please continue to be an island for those of us who were simply swept up in their wake…

So, a shout out to those blogs and bloggers that have informed us, included us, inspired us…

@instructor144, @thetriskeliondiaries, @dinodaddy, @verse50, @theruleset, @submissive-seeking, @the-faculty, @i-could-be-the-walrus, @amysubmits, @itsshinycollectordestinyworld, @sincardinality, @quietlyconscious, @techiejedi, @tooprettytolive, @theropegeek, @crusoesampersand, @maddigans, @westcoastgentleman, @yessiraustralia-again

and a ton more I’m leaving out… For those of you who know who the hell we are, and those who don’t… For those who are personally investing their time into our success… for those who don’t even realize how real an impact you have… 

I’m not sucking up (maybe a little)… I’m not posturing…

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

I want to be teased until I’m whimpering and groaning even though you haven’t laid a finger on me.

I want to be teased until my face is bright red and my head is spinning.

I want to be teased until I couldn’t stand normally if I tried.

I want to be teased until that warm, almost painfully pleasurable feeling in my gut won’t go away.

I want to be teased until I’m a stammering mess trying to hide my face.

I want to be teased until it haunts me, until it has me thinking about it obsessively days after and still getting needy.

I want you. But I'm afraid of wanting you too much. I'm afraid of falling in love with your voice. With your eyes. With your touch.

I'm afraid of the burning knot I get in my stomach when you call me a good little girl. I'm afraid of the way I crave you so badly that I writhe when your gone.

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini: 

Karkat:

Leo:

Virgo: 

Libra: 

VASKA: