ruby

another thing that bugs me is how shame especially excessive and imposed shapes a human. as far as ik shame was a giant part of eddies life and it shaped his entire personality and thinking processes. it pains me how he never "grew out" of seeing himself as dirty and unworthy or out of place in the society, how he never got to understand and experience the beauty of intimacy, whether its self love or making love to smb, how he hated himself for having basic human reflexes. a lot of his defense mechanisms including unexplainable frustration and urges to destroy seem to stem from constant shame, bashfulness, lack of self esteem whatever you wanna call it. i recall him often "exploding" at the questions he didnt like, he became upset or even cried at questions or topics he wasnt fond of n then a moment later he put himself together and again; felt shame and guilt, and that makes me think oh my god just how much has he held back that drained his brain so much. i am pretty sure he wasnt slow or whatevs, like the media often paint him as handicapped, i think him being so unstable and childish were the consequences of pernament brain damage due to untreated illness. people DO NOT REALIZE how neglecting mental issues can change a person i will never shut up about how the world failed him and many other people who only needed proper help

imagining a lover like ed gein

oh no.