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"nothing's fucking happened, okay?" josette was far too quick to raise her voice and go on the defence. in the grand scheme of things, nothing had happened to her but she'd been brought up with that mindset and she would have been fine... but she just wasn't. she'd offered an out and he'd not taken that, wanting to stand by her - a confession wasn't what she'd expected. josette thought that she could tell, that she had a good judge of character to see a lie but she'd deduced that they were both busy people; she'd respected his space and he'd respected her space... thinking about the question made her feel emotional and she could feel her eyes mist slightly. "well, i'd tell him to not bother with me." she couldn't stop her face dropping more than it already did. it hadn't been something she gravitated towards but with him, she wanted to have a family with him. her own view had been warped - never seeing herself as a maternal figure - and now she could when it was all wrong. the pressure in her chest and throat caused tears to flow. "sorry." she still loved him and that was a quarter of her issues.

“then you probably need to remind yourself that you deserve better than him…” there was no intention to be reprimanding, down play her reaction; it was not his place to judge her, and he wouldn’t. he was not the best to offer advice at such matters either, but if she wouldn’t want to bother with whatever it was again, then what was it worth? funny, how people function knowing when something is not worth it in the end, but at the same time they are still unable to process and move forward.

now what was she going to do? people did find love after forty, she knew that. josette was one that liked her own company but now she had too much of it and it was negatively affecting her health. "it's not like that. what does that even mean? define better." it was clear she hadn't moved on. josette had been betrayed and she still wanted him back, even still when he was with someone else and would have a baby by now from that very relationship that he had traded in for theirs. she would have forgiven him, ignored it just to keep him and to stop things from changing but he hadn't wanted that.

"My father did a bit of conducting before he retired. He always liked being just a musician better." When the woman said she was also a composer, Fiona raised a brow curiously. "Let me just say, I have a lot of respect for you. That can't be easy, and you must really have a knack for it." Fiona had a musical background herself, so she knew how challenging things could be. She struggled writing her own stuff. "Don't apologize! I know exactly what you mean, and I don't think that sounded egocentric at all. I work on Broadway, so I understand. What's your name? Perhaps I've heard of you."

"oh, really? i only really took it up because all the other music classes were full and i was a 'bit old'." of course, the air quotes accompanied her, looking back on it, she found it a bit ridiculous. josette was having a crisis and she fully felt it. she knew that he shouldn't have made her doubt her self worth and all the self-help bloggers agreed with that statement but it didn't feel as easy as that. "um, josette." she scratched behind her ear. "allen lynn."

honey: okay, serious question honey: on a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me?

As Kian went through the motions of setting up to do her hair, they let a smile cross their features. "Oh, I've been fine," they answered with a laugh. "My son's been keeping me busy, as usual." Nothing ever really changed as far as Henry was concerned and they didn't really expect it to either. "This month we've decided to pick up the violin apparently." A pause and they shook their head, teeth cutting into their lower lip for a moment. "He's not too bad, I suppose, but then I have to say that, don't I?"

"oh, wow." josette blew out. "i'm so sorry, that's tough. i mean, it's a beautiful instrument but i've heard when they're find starting out, it's tough." the woman chuckled. "oh, no. if just starting out, it sounds bad. i personally couldn't do it. it would drive me insane." when music was mentioned, it was like it brought her back into the room because her level of engagement sky-rocketed. "do you think he just picked it up because he likes the idea of it or if he really wants to learn it. there's a big difference."

Fiona was glad to hear that what she seemed to help. However, she couldn't help but be curious about what this woman did for work. Being the social butterfly that she was, she loved to get to know people. "And what is it that you do, if you don't mind me asking?" She felt like maybe she had seen her somewhere before but she couldn't quite place it. "You don't have to give me details, I'm far too nosey for my own good sometimes," the Englishwoman said with a smile. "Deciding to get on with something is the scariest part. Once you take that jump, things get easier."

her eyes widened at the other's question. "oh - a bit of everything, really." josette had been on a leave of absence from her music director role. "i suppose i'm a conductor by trade, because the music school i went to didn't have any openings for any instruments." she couldn't help but chuckle - she was a conductor, a music director that couldn't even play an instrument. people had focused on it in the past but more from an inquisitive eye; josette was a lot harsher on herself. "got into composing by messing around with some friends and, uh, kind of made something out of it i guess. i mean, i could just link you to my wiki page, if you like. i'm pretty sure most of the stuff on there is correct, in relation to occupations, anyway." after she said that, her face dropped. "god, i'm sorry. that sounded really egocentric. just that a detailed breakdown is on there."

"oh-" josette had come out of her daze near the bar and turned to the bar, eyes dipping down as her brow furrowed. "i mean, i'm not really sure. i don't come out much." the woman admitted. "but i do love the vodka martini here, a classic, though sometimes i feel like it needs to be a little stronger." she chuckled. "i mean, i really don't know much about the other recipes but the dry gin one is good as well if you're a gin fan." at this point, she really didn't even know what point she was trying to make - it was obvious that she wasn't a professional. someone had made sure to make plans with her so she at least got out of bed and josette had made an effort by doing her hair and donning a matching satin suit; she was never a fan of heavy makeup so had slapped on some bb cream, mascara and lipstick and called it a day. "sorry i didn't even ask your favourites.

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 time in weeks, Neva was feeling a bit happier. Perhaps the reason for it was because finally, her mother's birthday passed, and things worked out more or less as she had planned, and the work trip, despite shortened the days, she managed to visit her own homeland restoring the energies she needed, and the love support of her best friend. She put her tray on the table, joining Josette. Neva was glowing a little that day, but once her eyes laid on her friend, she got a little worried about her but decided not to show the concern just yet. ❛ I'm feeling ok. I had bad days this past week, I was stressed over my mother's birthday. But now it is over, I feel great. I just came from a work trip, and I had an opportunity to visit my homeland, which made me happier.❜ She admitted. Neva noticed that Josie was not responding to her message when texted her the past few days. ❛ It's okay, next time I'll call you instead. ❜ Despite her playful tone, it was a promise. ❛ What are you up to, lately? ❜ The Swedish blonde didn't want to make Josie uncomfortable, she was respecting her privacy.

"i'm glad you got to do that. i always find it quite strange going back to, say, london." she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere. "not much. a little setback on the work side-" it had had her in tears when she was let go from a project "-but perhaps i need to be getting back into work work." josette had always been a conductor and her music director role would go to someone else if she wasn't there to make any decisions. however, perhaps being at the top just wasn't meant for her at this time of her life. "i don't know." she sighed. "i'm in sort of a weird spot, if i'm being honest,"

“—I mean, setting goals is a never ending circle,” he elaborated, “you achieve something, but then find something bigger to go after…” or stop altogether when taking it one day at a time makes more sense. or give up entirely. there was a sense of familiarity in the way she spoke. one didn’t have to know what was that troubled the female to understand that whatever was she had been through it had left her broken. not just the way a break up does; the kind that cause a freaking full blown existential crisis, everything seems meaningless, and you just start to question every thing. it very much reminded him of himself in two separate instances. life had nearly lost all meaning, especially more the first time. “whatever happened, happened, you can’t change that.” words don’t help to make things better, they don’t heal. “let me ask you this; if you could go back, do it again knowing things will end up the same way, would you?” it had been something Killian had said to him when he lost a tournament, literally tumbling down a hill, fucked everything up. it had not been deep like what probably got her like this, but it had been important to him, he had been so mad about it, until his brother stopped him and said if you would go back and do it again, then you pick yourself up and go after it again, and do it better. and after he passed, he didn’t know what he wanted to do any more, he didn’t want to go back and do any of it again. in fact, he didn’t want to go about doing anything.

"nothing's fucking happened, okay?" josette was far too quick to raise her voice and go on the defence. in the grand scheme of things, nothing had happened to her but she'd been brought up with that mindset and she would have been fine... but she just wasn't. she'd offered an out and he'd not taken that, wanting to stand by her - a confession wasn't what she'd expected. josette thought that she could tell, that she had a good judge of character to see a lie but she'd deduced that they were both busy people; she'd respected his space and he'd respected her space... thinking about the question made her feel emotional and she could feel her eyes mist slightly. "well, i'd tell him to not bother with me." she couldn't stop her face dropping more than it already did. it hadn't been something she gravitated towards but with him, she wanted to have a family with him. her own view had been warped - never seeing herself as a maternal figure - and now she could when it was all wrong. the pressure in her chest and throat caused tears to flow. "sorry." she still loved him and that was a quarter of her issues.

𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 like she stepped out from a Vogue magazine photoshoot, but in reality, she came from a private event that occurred in the MET Museum where she works. The art curator felt that she needed some tea to carry on with her daily duties, despite finished almost all of them for the time being. ⏤ She hates coffee and only takes tea, once she got her chai latte, she heard a familiar voice, and she turned to see Josette. ❛ Hey Josie! What's up? ❜ She went to her table and went to compliment her properly and… ❛ Can I sit with you? It's just this place is a tad crowded. ❜ She asked her permission to sit across from her. Neva does not want to feel like invading a personal space, if the brunette did not want her presence she would get outside and walk, if she is okay with her then it would be nice, and they could catch up since it is not often she sees her lately.

it was a relief to josette when the blonde had asked to sit with her. "of course." she herself wasn't looking her most glamorous, hair curling out at strange points because she hadn't dried it and a slight vacant look behind her eyes as she hadn't slept well. there was a sense of emotional numbness going on but there was a fine line between that and wanting to cry. "of course, please sit down." the brunette gestured and moved her tray towards her to create more space for neva. "yeah. it was quiet a few hours ago and then the influx of people came." this was new york city, it was bound to happen and josette couldn't decide if she liked or hated it. "so, how've you been? it's been a while. sorry, i'm not the best at texting-" she shut down and read messages yet didn't respond. it wasn't like she had been busy but her mind was preoccupied.

"what do you mean, have i really?" she'd put the same stressors right back at him. josette couldn't even remember what she wanted anymore. she'd not been bothered about children, that was something he had wanted but perhaps she'd left it too late because as soon as she was sold on the idea of it happening, her wants had shifted. the more she'd thought about it, the more she wanted it to be a reality but that felt like a rather blind decision considering how things went. a scary situation where her health was on the line caused her to retreat, rightfully so - it was his deceit of accepting her for how she was that did the real damage. "you're right." her words agreed with him but her manner was quite opposing. "i'm not the same as i was at twenty and maybe that's the problem." had she even wanted a child? she wasn't entirely sure but she had with him. he was an affluent part of upper east side society, rich enough to pass her his penthouse that he didn't even want as well as money but he knew it wasn't what she needed or wanted - none of it is. josette could have easily found herself another place but that was on the backburner for now. "a lot of things have broken down."

it was clear by her reaction that she wasn't expecting it. her time whilst she wasn't at the company was put into this score and now it was for nothing and that made her worried. her bottom lip had started to tremble as that lump in her throat grew and tears in her eyes built. it would have been fine at any other time in her life just not now. "he's dropped me!" josette's eyes tightened shut and the tears fell. "i was nearly finished with it and he's dropped the whole score. what is it with people who think they can just drop me?" the well known director was not her ex and comparing him to such a person wasn't entirely fair - she had it come directly from him and not one of this assistants, at least. josette was quick to escalate between composed and completely falling apart. a crisis of self-worth didn't even begin to cover it. "i'm untouchable and not in a good way." she couldn't stop her crying, her genuine upset. losing out on a work opportunity had never hit her this hard but she'd also not been in this mental space when she dealt with it. you will be paid for your time, she could tell that he regarded her as a friend but it wasn't feeling that way. if josette could go back to how relaxed she'd been, minus a few intrusive thoughts over the evening, then she would.

Gabriel was nothing without his morning coffee, so here he was getting just that before he'd go about and enjoy his day. Holding the heated foam cup firmly in his grasp when he heard the voice near him at a table across. Standing up to walk over and join her so she didn't have to speak too loud. "What?" he said looking at her with confusion at first until she spoke more then he gave a slow nod of his head. "Oh. Um - I think so? Why are we asking this question though?"

"you know? when-" the woman had begun to explain again but came to the realisation that he had heard her the first time - there was no reason to attempt to ask the question again. in that moment, josette knew she should have probably said nothing. "sorry." shaking her head, the woman sighed. "it's alright. it seems i'm having somewhat of an existential crisis but i think it's too early in the morning for that, don't you?"

thinking too much often upset josette and tonight would be no different. frowning slightly at evie as she began to speak, she would disagree with the other - if fame meant nothing to her - it couldn't be classified as a personal peak, though she'd keep it to herself. if you feel like you're going down hill - that was the line that did it for her because it was exactly how she felt. everything was going wrong and she couldn't stop herself from falling. josette was a private person, she tended to keep her interactions with people as professional as possible as that was the persona she wanted out in the world but that left her feeling incredibly isolated with all these feelings that wore her down. tears were in her eyes and then fell as she nodded towards the older woman. "i'm going down hill." the admittance was in a repetition format but it felt like all she could muster up in the moment. now that she was crying, she didn't know where to look as she was embarrassed that she had broken down in tears to begin with but couldn't determine if in front of strangers was worse.

the question was all too relatable, taking a sip from his own drink before answering the question, " i peaked at seven. " and no, he wasn't joking. he was a piano prodigy from even younger and by the time he reached seven, he'd done appearances on numerous tv shows and sold out solo concerts. while jude had grown in his talents, the world was seemingly less impressed than they were when he was younger. warm blues eye her for a moment, trying to get a read on WHERE it was coming from. " let me guess. you're an artist? we're notoriously anxious thinkers. CEOs and other business people don't worry the way we do. " he said with a chuckle, " come on then. hit me with your thinking. "

josette's eyes instantly widened when she realised who she'd asked the question to - jude watson. she was more familiar with his work and background, both having being in the industry for a long time. "not the way that you are, really." the first comment proving that her confidence had taken a hit. the word prodigy had been used too loosely when it came to her, that's how she felt. "i just have a good ear and attention to rhythm, that's all." the way she'd got into conducting at twelve because it was the only course that wasn't filled and was now here, an academy award winning composer and music director, was nothing short of a miracle. however, she'd lost that sense of achievement and that imposter feeling had returned. why else would a big director drop her when she was three quarters of her way through the score? why didn't the other recognise her? or perhaps keeping herself private and quiet had done wonders. "things just aren't going quite right for me, right now." she would still keep her emotions close to her chest as she saw the other as competition.

work had always invigorated the woman but she'd fallen out of routine when everything had crumbled around her. the initial blunt response came as a shock to her - eyes widened and her face dropped. josette had been there for quite a while, she'd had a few and she was suddenly feeling it when the other's words didn't make any sense to her. "wait-" it felt like she was attempting to solve a riddle. "do i need more goals or less?" did she even have them to begin with? she'd been somewhat hiding from it, was still hiding from it by not being back doing the 'day job' as she'd been granted a leave of absence to get her head straightened out. that courtesy would not last for forever - she needed to go back "start with the basics? is that what i need to do?"

took everything in her not to ball up a napkin and toss it clean at the stilled’s head. would it have been the most ideal way to gauge for a sign of life ? probably not. it wouldn’t have been the first time she’d seen someone nearly croak though. keyword: nearly. the most recent incident ? a newly twenty-one year old ready to grab the world by the balls. all it took was a bit of mariah carey to breath life back into the patron, perhaps it’d been the angelic whistle tones beckoning them to stay on earth. don't get her wrong, romi knew she had a heavy pour, but she didn’t think it’d be enough for rigor mortis to set in. despite the inevitable anticipation, the voice still startled her; but she’d been relieved if anything — saved her from having to scour her playlist in search of the perfect revival track. far too much pressure. “ gonna be honest, thought you were a statue. figured madame tussauds was promoting some new exhibit ... wax in the wild. ” quip fled upturned lips as she moseyed her way over, “ if you classify working at the same bar since college, still living with a roommate, and hoppin’ the rail to avoid subway fees as peaking then i’m mount fuckin’ everest. ” elbows dropped to rest on the bartop, still slick with residue despite her constant efforts to wipe it down. “ feels like you need somethin' stronger. tell you what, i'll let you pick from the top self. on the house. ”

thinking too much was not necessarily good for josette. she was conscientious, tried to keep most things private and she'd be alone with her thoughts for most of her time and, if negative, they'd grate away at her pretty quickly. she'd always get back up but this time around, it felt like she wasn't entirely standing on her own. eyes widened as the other jumped at her words. "sorry." it wasn't long before she was chuckling at the other's commentary on her sitting there for a while. "wax in the wild." she nodded and let out another chuckle before it diminished so she could listen to what the other was saying - yet another chuckle escaped her at the bartender's animated ways. "everest isn't a bad place to be, metaphorically speaking. not bad at all." josette felt like she'd fallen down and was trying to limp back to the start to gather herself. that wasn't the furthest thing from the truth but until she let go over what she'd lost, she couldn't possible go back to the high flyer she was. she was her greatest enemy as she was so quick to criticise and then that criticism would trigger something else in her - she'd end up upset. "oh, you don't know to do that. i can pay for it." she nodded.