stuff

(other than the reunion I suppose which I was completely excluded from and nobody bothered to send me pictures or anything, and even when my cousin pointed out it was just like the reunions from when we were little - 2 cousins, parents, aunt and uncle (my father's brother), and my sister - nobody bothered to mention "oh but without Shaina", like I literally didn't even exist lol)

Anyway.

As everyone may or may not know, my mother has been taking courses to get her bachelor's degree. In theology. She's also 74 this year and is not involved in her local churches at all. Also, they separately mentioned they have less money to send to us in their yearly gift of a couple hundred, and they never talk to us, or call, or send us anything, they even stopped the 2 postcards a year with 2 stickers in them. And they also couldn't sponsor my PhD for me when I ran into funding difficulties. Which would have cost less than this bachelors. After I went to the cheapest undergrad and I was completely self sufficient for my master's. And my sister went to the most expensive options and they paid for all her schooling. And again, they are not poor.

Okay, with that out of the way, she's graduating this year, and she has a choice of locations. Last time she visited, she said she'd go to London because her "friends" would be there. Now she's announced that she changed her mind and wants to do it here, so we can "celebrate with her". 🙃🙃🙃 Also she wants to invite my aunt and uncle, and my sister invited herself too. Which is all kinds of...... Yeeeaaahhh............

Z made a new friend at the chassunah because of course. She's so outgoing lol. She's upset she probably won't see her again because the girl lives in NY.

There was a funny mistake with the seating at the dinner, some of the men had been left off (including my friend's husband and my own husband lmao) and they were wandering around. They had to put in an extra table in the end. My husband wasn't there yet cus we switched halfway through.

Anyway, after I was approached once again by someone (who even tried to call me about it last night at 10pm!!!), I just went ahead and removed one of the ladies in question who was causing the most """confusion""", and after that I quit the group because many people made it clear they don't want anyone on there who doesn't come to shul. Since I don't come to shul regularly, as I have a baby BH and don't use the eiruv. I also just despise how this was done and I'm not really wanting to be a part of this.

I actually had a similar issue when I first moved here, there was a WhatsApp group for lubavitch ladies, but I wasn't allowed to be part of it because it was only for women with school age kids. After that the rules were made less strict, but I didn't know about that and nobody bothered to add me until quite a while later. I guess this community is horribly cliquey 😪 less bad than London but still just way too much for me.

And we can't even get pregnant until it's safe, which is still about a year off. I've been trying to decide if I want hormonal birth control or not because it hopefully means no periods, but I looked at all the side effects and I was just like... that sounds scary.

I'm struggling so much with this situation and I'm currently completely overwhelmed. I don't have the tools I need and I can't figure out how to access them. For reference, my husband is inattentive AuDHD, my current boss is completely unmanaged hyperactive ADHD, and my daughter appears to be inattentive ADHD, so I have a lot of stuff going on.

Everything feels very gatekeep-y, with support only available to people with diagnosis. But on the other hand, I can't actually get to the diagnosis? Because apparently the UK is on a "overdiagnosis myth" bender...

My first point of contact has been the school. They sent me on to the mental health help team that helped Z with her emotional regulation (and can we just acknowledge that I've asked them for tips, advice, and support many times without getting anythinggggg). I've messaged them, I have the direct number of the woman who worked with her, but she's ignored or didn't receive my message. My next point of contact has been the GP, because every single website and UK ADHD or ASD charity says to contact the GP. GP said it sounds like it, but that GPs no longer do referrals and that it needs to be done by parents and SENDCos (school special ed team basically). Z's school is tiny but she does have a SENDCo, so I'll need to go back to them. I went on to the CAMHs website (children's mental health team) because I wanted to see what the referral process is like since Z attends school in one council area but we live right across the border in a different council. This matters because to be referred to the local CAMHs, the council we live in requires you to be registered with a GP in that council, which we are not, we're still with our old GP in the other one. In the other council, the CAMHs sounds like they're actively trying to prevent assessments taking place? In order to get an assessment, we need to first try other things specifically for the symptoms, have an educational plan in place, before they'd put us on the waitlist, and at every opportunity the website reminds us that there doesn't need to be a diagnosis for us to access help. Which is all fine and dandy except that I can't access support for myself (and by extension my child because my parenting affects her strongly)! On top of that I'm managing my husband's interactions with her because the whole reason she's overwhelmed and feels she hates herself is because he seems to think he can just tell her to stop forgetting things or avoiding things and that will fix everything....... Reminder that it's my husband with the neurodivergence so helllooooo a bit more patience and understanding would be great..........