not requested but there's something about a text thread, isn't there? anyway, these are a mixed bucket, i'll deffo post more of these, but for now, here you go, bon appetit, and if you wanna make them texts to a wrong number?? all the better! just make it clear for the person receiving it!

( sms ) : hey! is this [WRONG NAME] from the club last night?

( sms ) : wait right there, i'm on my way

( sms ) : sorry, who is this?

( sms ) : so... last night was fun.

( sms ) : can i come over?

( sms ) : did i leave my underwear at your place last night?

( sms ) : i am having the WORST / BEST day!!

( sms ) : we need to talk.

( sms ) : i'm in. whatever it is you're planning, i'm in.

( sms ) : you awake?

( sms ) : i miss you.

( sms ) : i'm sorry.

( sms ) : wanna hang out later?

( sms ) : it's honestly insane how much i love you.

( sms ) : i'm worried about you.

( sms ) : please don't say i told you so...

( sms ) : you know how you totally adore me?

( sms ) : got any plans tonight?

( sms ) : i know it's three am but i got donuts and i'm outside.

( sms ) : i'm outside. come on. we're going out.

( sms ) : i'm boooooooooored.

( sms ) : i can't sleep.

( sms ) : i know it's late, but... would you like to go for a walk with me?

( sms ) : where are you?

( sms ) : i love you.

( sms ) : are you really okay?

( sms ) : please don't shut me out. i can tell when something's bothering you.

( sms ) : can you come pick me up please?

( sms ) : this date is a total disaster. can you call me with a fake emergency?

( sms ) : why have you been acting so weird lately?

( sms ) : you know you can tell me anything, right?

( sms ) : not to sound like a tv trope, but i need a plus one for a wedding this weekend. you in?

( sms ) : wanna do fake proposals at fancy restaurants for free food?

( sms ) : wanna go on vacation together?

( sms ) : i got arrested and it's a hilarious story but i really need you to come bail me out first.

( sms ) : what the hell happened last night?

( sms ) : i don't wanna be alone tonight. can i stay at your place?

( sms ) : i got a code red situation.

( sms ) : what's shakin, bacon?

( sms ) : what should i have for dinner tonight?

( sms ) : it's so boring when you're not around.

( sms ) : so... the drunk voicemails i left you last night... you totally listened to them, didn't you.

( sms ) : i love you but if you ever eat my bagel bites again...

feel free to change words and pronouns as needed.

“Why don’t you want to talk to me?”

“So, you got a boyfriend?”

“Why? You wanna ask me out on a date?”

“I told you not to hang up on me.”

“Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?”

“You should never say ‘who’s there?’ Don’t you watch scary movies? It’s a death wish!”

“Please don’t hurt him.”

“Scary night, isn’t it? With the murders and all, it’s like something right out of a horror movie.”

“I like that thing you’re doing with your voice, [Name]. It’s sexy.”

“Where’d you learn to punch like that?”

“I’ll be right next door. Try to get some sleep.”

“I’m sorry if my traumatized life is an inconvenience to your perfect existence.”

“Now that [Name] tried to mutilate her, do you think [Name] would go out with me?”

“When do we see breasts? I wanna see [Name]’s breasts.”

“[Name]’s flipped out! He’s gone mad!”

“We all go a little mad sometimes.”

“What the matter, [Name]? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“You’re crazy, both of you!”

“Actually, we prefer the term ‘psychotic’.”

“How’s that for motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behavior.”

“It’s all part of the game, [Name]. It’s called ‘Guess How I’m Gonna Die’?”

“You take a knife and slit ‘em from groin to sternum.”

“Um, Houston, we have a problem!”

“I think I’m dying here, man.”

“Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive.”